Vimtuous

I'm just so tired you know? There was a time that I would be excited beyond all belief yo see you tomorrow. Now I'm just sick to my stomach with anxiety and fear. I'm probably going to take something for my nerves before you come over, because I don't want to cry this time. I wont tell you that. I want you to see that im getting along okay without you. Not that i spend more time crying these days than anything else. Do you still like me? I don't know what you're doing anymore. Why don't you act like you care about me anymore? I meant it when I say I want to run away. I just want to disappear. I want everything to go away for a long time. Come with me?

I hope I'm you're biggest regret. I hope I'm the thing that makes your stomach lurch when you think about things you did wrong. I hope you go down in flames and she leaves you and you're just as alone as I am right now.

It's not fair. Because she's okay with waiting for you. Because you don't keep lying to her. Because you ruined me to be with her and you tell me you still want things to work. And I can't be in your life if she is. So that means I can't have you at all. I know it won't me to never see you again bUT I feel like the worst person on earth for doing this. But you're the one who picked her over me. You're the one who told me she was your biggest regret and no relationship was was worth ruining a friendship. Youre such an ass. Why did I think you really cared about me. Why are you doing this and still telling me you care about me. I didn't think you were one for emotional manipulation but you've sure proved me wrong. (the worst thing part is that 8 I told you all this I know exactly what you'd say. You'd say "Im confused. I don't know if it would work out anymore. Things wouldn't be the same. I don't know. I don't know I don't know.) How about You can talk to me again when you do know. I might even be interested in listening at that point. . it's never gonna happen though. I need to get over you. I need to never see you again and let you fade from memory. I'm sorry. But also not really anymore. I'm sorry that I have to pay for your mistakes.

I know you're better than this. I know you're going to regret how this all played out. Just please figure yourself out soon. Because I'm not going to wait around. I don't think you get that. I cant put my life on hold for you. I keep trying to make you understand but you don't get it. You just do not get it. I'm not just gonna move on. I'm going to cut you out of my life. I can't be friends with you. It would be too much. So it's now or never punk. Please. Just please listen.