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ladyachika

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  1. So tempted to check out his blog, but I know better than to do that. So I'm posting here instead. Bleh. :sentimental:
  2. It's been 2 months since I broke up with you, 40 days since I emailed you last, 32 days since you last wrote me, and 11 days since I decided to stop checking your blog and social media profiles. Your mom has even stopped checking up on me. I've been hitting the gym and throwing myself into my work. Keeping busy. But when the weekends come around, I feel like I'm back to square one. I still miss you. I still love you. I want to be with you again. But I know I made the right decision. As long as you can't be upfront with me, and open up to me, and create that intimacy with me, it can't work between us. You have too many secrets and you're hiding behind too many walls. You have so much to figure out for yourself, and so much work to do. I hope you're doing it.
  3. Day 14 I remember seeing the Wong-Baker pain scale in the hospital, and I thought it would be a neat way to rate the way my NC day is going, alongside the scale: image removed Today, I'd say I'm a 3. Had several instances of some pretty intense pangs of heartache... you know, where your chest feels heavy and it's hard to breathe. I don't miss him...I saw a picture of him and I can't even say I recognize him anymore. He's beginning to look like a stranger now. I just can't shake off the feeling of being hurt after the way he treated me during the break up. That's what's been killing me the most. No one has ever treated me so badly in my entire life. That's why it's so puzzling to me, and that's why I can't stop thinking about it. I just don't understand it.
  4. Yesterday (Day 12) was really, really difficult. I was really tempted to break NC, but I stopped myself. What could I possibly have to say to him after all that he'd done? I'd come accross as pathetic, and that's the last thing he needs to see from me. I'm glad I didn't break it. Feeling better today, though (Day 13).
  5. 11th day of no contact I'm surprised at how much better I'm feeling, even though it's only been 11 days. The mood swings are less intense now, and this morning I was in a great mood (although I kinda crashed and felt pretty terrible this afternoon). I'm taking yoga classes and planning to do some other fun classes...went out for dinner with some friends tonight, and planning upcoming dinners as well. Also considering getting back on the dating saddle, but it's still too soon. I was looking through a jewelry catalog today at work, and looking at the engagement rings made me feel really sad...the ex gave me a promise/engagement ring last Christmas, but I returned it with all the jewelry he ever gave me.
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