Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Anguilla]

Right now I am so angry with you for everything you have done to me. You have taken over my brain where I feel like I need you to make the pain go away. Every time I let you back in all you do it tear me down even more. Why do you call me cause you need a cell phone. You have someone else that you with and trying to be with me because I have the material things you need. The only reason you keep me around is because no one else will pay for you. You are 33 years old and you have no job, no phone, no money and no support system anymore. You need to take some responsibility for yourself. You use people over and over. I hope that this girls wises up to your tricks before its too late for her. I have stood by you for 5 years when no one else wouldn't. I have been here through you amusing me and going to jail, you going to a half way house, you getting into fights, you going to prison, and you coming home and continuing on your downward spiral of drinking and lying. Everyone has heard your stories. You were never a sponsored skier, you were never in a motorcycle gang and you have absolutely no means of becoming a diver. You get these ideas in your head and you research things so much that you make people believe you know what your talking about. You made me believe, I was suckered in by your vampire charm every time. I believed you every time you promised me to change. You did for a while then you would just go back to choosing your beer over your kids, my kid and me. I am tired of being your bank account, I am tired of being your go-to girl, I am tired of you always thinking I will be there to pick up the pieces. You have cheated on me more times then I should have put up with. I just wish I could stop checking my phone wishing that you would just call. I am so done with every inch of you. We can never be friends and we can more than likely never be together again. I will not be your savior and I will not be your punching bag anymore. You are now on your own and I am now free to be the best person I know how to. I will find someone who doesn't make me cry and deserves the love in my heart and the smile on my face. You are nothing and you will never be nothing.

 

Goodbye jase you are now a ghost to me.

 

Marie

[Alone Now]

this just isn't working for me. what am I going to do about it? well, talk to someone actually. see what solutions I can make.

 

maybe I will find a way.

 

Talk about your job or about B? Could they be intertwined in some way?

[periwinkle00]

I feel like such a fool. I got angry with you on facebook. I called and you didn't pick up. I told you "You must not have the same priority for me as I have for you". It's true though. We think in different ways, and I don't understand why you are the way you are. I had to say what I said, but I guess you don't respond well to anger.

 

I have so much anger inside me though..it's not just from you, it's from the world.

 

 

I don't know what to do...the thought of you looking for someone else makes me sick, and the thought of you being angry with me doesn't sit right either. I am so lost.

[figmentations]

M, I wish you all the best. I feel foolish for still loving you after the way you treated me during our BU. I realize my desire for you to reach out to me may never come true and it's ok.

[Alone Now]

this just isn't working for me. what am I going to do about it? well, talk to someone actually. see what solutions I can make.

 

maybe I will find a way.

 

ITIC, I see a therapist and she is wonderful! Have you considered talking to someone professional? We started talking exclusively about my medical problem, but the more talked the greater her help. We talk about work, my child and my relationships. She was the one who suggested taking a season of. I wish I could have taken credit for the idea when I mentioned it to you.

 

Take time, feel your music within (you know exactly what I'm talking about Baby Love! You know there is peace in their words! Be with your girl and find the wonderment she can offer you. Having so many things going on at the same time can be confusing and overwhelming sometimes, you know it, I'm not saying anything you haven't already thought of. Find your GF, maybe your R?

 

Learn, Listen and Laugh!

[Alone Now]

I have so much anger inside me though..it's not just from you, it's from the world.

 

 

I don't know what to do...the thought of you looking for someone else makes me sick, and the thought of you being angry with me doesn't sit right either. I am so lost.

 

Acknowledge the anger and then let it free! It can only hold you back from what you want! I am quite familiar with that sickening feeling and it never goes away and my Mr. Wrong is in a committed relationship with someone other than me!

 

Take time to rediscover or reinvent yourself. There is no rush.

[blukate]

i hate myself for loving you this much.. I hope your new gf worth the years (10 years and 6 months) we've been together that you just threw away.. While you two are happy now, Im here still hurting..still doing my best to move on.. I hope our paths never cross again..

[IAmFCA]

ITIC, I see a therapist and she is wonderful! Have you considered talking to someone professional? We started talking exclusively about my medical problem, but the more talked the greater her help. We talk about work, my child and my relationships. She was the one who suggested taking a season of. I wish I could have taken credit for the idea when I mentioned it to you.

 

Take time, feel your music within (you know exactly what I'm talking about Baby Love! You know there is peace in their words! Be with your girl and find the wonderment she can offer you. Having so many things going on at the same time can be confusing and overwhelming sometimes, you know it, I'm not saying anything you haven't already thought of. Find your GF, maybe your R?

 

Learn, Listen and Laugh!

Going in this week, and none too soon!

[IAmFCA]

B

your bday kinda stunk, except for the part when I had a car load of soccer players and was outdoors. so, having a mind funk birthday is TOTALLY fitting for you and I am glad I celebrated appropriately.

 

Back to See Ya. Day 16 is next.

[Alone Now]

Going in this week, and none too soon!

 

Good for you! My GF talked me into seeing mine because he saw the depressive state I was headed in. He was the only person I knew who could have talked me into see a therapist, but he did it with such concern and love, it was easy to do. I think that is part of the hostility between MW and GF. MW said he would support my seeking treatment but never did anything to help. GF actually hunted around for a professional!

 

And I still treated GF poorly. I wish my legs were longer so I could kick myself

[beaton]

Sorry for not replying, but, no, we can't "catch up".

Want to hear why?

WE HAVE NOTHING TO "catch up" on!!!

Why would anyone with a shred of self respect subject themselves to "catching up" with someone who hurt them so badly?

We haven't spoken in a month, and you are still talking to that other girl.

I know this for a fact.

 

I don't want to know any more than that.

 

I get it, you're over me. You have no idea that this is what goes on in my head. For you, maybe you legitimately are just thinking "hey I'd like to know what she's up to now and I'm so over her that I dont even care if she tells me she is married."

That's cool. Good for you. I'm not there yet, so no, I do not want to see you this weekend. I will not contact you this weekend. Maybe it would be nice for you, but it would cause unnecessary heartache for me.

 

I'm better off without you in my life. I can't just be friends.

Sorry. But,

I deserve better.

[Alone Now]

MW: I am winding down for the night after listening to a song called I can't believe. You never thought much of this band, probably because they didn't play Bach or the Sex Pistols which were the only two genre's you thought worthy of appreciating.

 

The song touched me in a way that you never could. It spoke of not being over you and that climbing every star, your love is much too far away. It is though it was written by me for you.

 

Who was the writer talking to? Was he in that much pain? People who write songs and lyrics have a deeper appreciation for love and life I think. How else can they share such joy and pain? This song could have been written by me MW and it could have been written to you. "You told me lies, cause you didn't want to face me boy, you didn't want to face up to your lies" All you ever did was lie to me MW.

 

You said you loved me more than anyone else and I bought into it. You told me that you would take care of me. How was that possible when you have a WIFE and a DAUGHTER?

 

"I can't believe, I'm in love with you. I try not to decide that you're the only one for me" And sadly MW, I think you are the only one for me. I do love you for all the wrong reason because I thought I could change you. I thought being with me would calm your soul. But you played me.

 

Poor NG. He has no idea that when he takes me out, he is simply creating a fog for a little while. A way not to think about you. I will see him again and may even sleep with him for the companionship that intimacy provides. Yes, it's wrong and who knows, I might be doing it out of spite, just like how you are intimate with your wife. In the same way, does NG know that when I kiss him I am thinking about GF?

 

Poor GF. If only he knew what this song means to me. He hummed it when he was over earlier to see me and my son. We relived the moment we met at this groups concert four or five years ago and he has agreed to go to Athens with me to see them again in May. Maybe by then I will have NG out of my system and I will only have MW and GF to decide from. At least I hope that will be the case.

 

"I'm gonna keep on holding on, I'm gonna keep on holding on, the pain in my heart tells me I'm not over you" And I'm not and that is very hard for me. I may have NC with you MW, but I think of you all too often.

 

Why can't GF step up and tell me he wants to start dating me because GF is the only one I think can break the spell that you have over me. GF loves music, GF understands and appreciates the band. GF is someone I can go to any concert anywhere and know that I will have a good time. GF is the ultimate cuddler. Why did I discount GF as a possible date when I had the chance. I am certain that I would give him the chance if he would only ask. But first I need to concentrate on AN and find a happy place where I can listen to this band and not find every song, every last word has a meaning to me. And then there is the new song they played in Birmingham talking thinking about you. I wish I had the nerve to bootleg that show. That song sums me and GF up to a tee.

 

I need sleep, I need to cry, I need to be about me for a couple of months. I am a mess.

[Ne Moe]

I kind of want you to contact me even though I won't reply. It pains me that you don't seem to miss me at all. You've settled back into your lonely old bachelor life. I find it hard to accept that it's better than what we shared.

[periwinkle00]

So I talked to you yesterday, and finally you told me I was the problem. This whole time you blamed it on yourself. I wish you would have just told me in the first place. I am pretty uptight, generally, and that's why you pushed me away. It makes me feel a bit helpless.

You're not waiting for me. You're the one who pushed me away. You probably still have that plentyoffish profile up saying you're single. It makes me sick.

I thought the anxiety was something I could work through while being with you. I tried so hard to focus on loving things..but you saw through it.

When did this become an issue? Right at the beginning? There was a month after we first saw one another, way back when, where you didn't want to see me. You were depressed, and still are, and you blamed it on that. Now I see that that was only part of the issue.

 

I hurt so bad to know that there's nothing I can do..

Finally, you told me...so I'm not crazy. You always said all the good things about me, and never the bad...it hurts.

[stalumfi]

If you're trying to draw me out with the smoke signals - don't. You know where I am if you want to talk. If I contact you, I'll be the crazy one who won't leave you alone. Don't play games because I'm not playing along anymore.

[stalumfi]

P.S. I miss you, but you knew that already.

[Alone Now]

This was an interesting day. I was playing chess with another teacher and I found that you MW consider yourself the King. NG makes for a lovely Knight, there to protect me from you in my own mind. GF is a pawn. I feel horrible about this. But right now I really don't give a sh*t about any of you. MW, you have fancied yourself as the one who can always return to me and I will be there to welcome you with open arms and you know what? You are correct because I will never ever get over you. NG is trying to protect me not only from you but probably from myself. I will probably sleep with him this weekend to make me feel good about myself because I am a woman who likes to have that power over men. GF, you are a pawn. I turn to you when I need someone to go out and have fun with and you expect nothing in return. Why can't you man up and tell me what you want?

 

Like chess, my life in terms of relationships is really quite a complex game. And I hate myself for this.

[JZ909]

Here I am, Wednesday night, fighting my emotions again. I don't cry everyday, but I cry most days. I broke up with the girl I love. I had my reasons; it was probably bound to happen, no real avoiding it, but that doesn't make this easier. I love her. She's with another guy now, getting help with him for some problems in her life that I couldn't help her with. She's getting better, I think both her and her new boyfriend feel sorry for me. I asked him how she was doing and he sent me a picture of her smiling with his daughter. I wish I could have made her smile more. Why couldn't I make her smile more? I failed her so badly. I'm just listening to Mr. Lonely on repeat. Every day I'm just waiting, wishing it would be 6 months from now when I might be over her, but I have to survive today. Just get to the end of the day, work late, cook dinner, brush my teeth, try to sleep quickly, repeat. At the moment, I have no ambition, I have no confidence, I don't have much of an appetite; I just have way too much time and the little pieces of my heart I'm sweeping up. I know I'm slowly going back to the time before her: back to the numbness, back to the dull ache of being alone, back to my quiet apartment, back to everything her presence let me forget. “Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely, I have nobody, to call my own...”

[beaton]

Ugh.

 

OUr mutual friend, who you unfortuantely work with, asked me if you knew I was coming. I think she told you. She told me that you're going on a crazy month long hiking/biking/national park trip for a month with your siblings.

 

Family is always first and that's fine. But when we were together you took it to a level that made me feel so insecure and insignificant. We never got to go on fun trips together. Any trip you planned in future, or mused about, was always "my brother and I this, sister and I that" never "you and I should do this!".

 

You really were just in the single mindset the whole time. Nothing about your life since we broke up has changed- you would have done all of this without me anyway and that makes me glad that I'm not with you because I don't have to bother to fight for your attention anymore.

[monbebe]

Je t'aime mon bebe. Can't get you out of my mind. Look up the sky it's full moon

[IAmFCA]

my sweet wingman said everywhere you go is a sign of my employer. ha ha he is right! I never thought of it.

 

this will be especially true when you travel to your favorite city in the states. he is confident that you are managing some sort of separation emotion, some sort of loss. I only half believe him.

 

it pleases me.

 

I don't think we will ever forget. but I will be glad when I have fully cleansed myself of you, and I will be- thoughtful?- when you discover one day that I am affirmatively taken by someone else. this will cause you, finally,a sense of loss, as with your ex whom presumably you don't even want anymore. as if all that matters is how the new man compares to you.

 

whatever. it's your sad little life. ha! and not mine. it feels like dodging the claws of addiction.

[IAmFCA]

you know what's kind of funny? I am doing something about it. what are you doing? making sex jokes on other people's fb posts? having cocktails with a, watching the telly? you can leave this city now, of course. "I realized you're the only reason I would stay." that's rich. easier to recede than to have commit to any one city? any one job? any one woman? you create one chaos after another. again and again I return to the addiction analogy.

 

reading an article about attachment theory. thought to send it to you. but then I would have to communicate with you. and what do you care anyhow. you will think it means I want to fix you. nope. that's your job.

[Alone Now]

I saw MW and NG today. I don't think MW was aware that we were in the same Dillards shopping. My heart stopped cold when I saw you and I wanted to run the other way. I saw NG at the gym and my goodness gracious what an amazing body you have! But it made me want to run away. I didn't see GF today at all and it was troubling to me. Thursday is one of the days when we would always run into each other somewhere in town and it didn't happen and I missed that. MW and NG both could fall off the face of the earth and I would be able to function just fine. Not finding GF makes me worry. Could I survive and have as much fun in life if I never saw GF again? I'm afraid I couldn't or wouldn't.

[RougeQueen]

I'm dreading sending you the text telling you that all the stuff you left at our place is in a storage unit. There's one of two ways you will reply: (1)"ok" or (2) You will get mad because you told me not to touch your stuff because you don't want to leave anything. I think I'm dreading option 1 the most.

 

However, you don't get to call the shots now. YOU left ME for someone else. YOU left our home and didn't take as much as you could when you did. I don't want your shadow darkening what used to be our door. I don't want to see you again. I'm doing this for ME. I want this to be over so I can completely move on from this experience. So if all I get is an "ok" I will hurt, but I will move past it.

 

I miss the companionship and how we knew each other so well, but I don't miss YOU. I don't miss your lies, you stealing from me, or your disrespect. I miss some of the conversations we had, but you and I were never on the same intellectual level. We did not share the same interests. I miss the intimacy we used to share (both physical and mental). But that has been gone for a long time. There was never any honesty from you, even from the start. I need honesty. I need loyalty. I need trust. I want a relationship where there isn't a power struggle. I want a partner. You have texted me a few times since you dumped me a couple weeks ago asking how I'm doing. I'm fine. I know we're over. I accept that and I agree with it. But the thought of you laughing and talking with this other woman sneaks into my thoughts and tortures me sometimes. Thinking that you don't miss me or think about me kills me as well. Every day that goes by where I don't hear from you is painful. But I also know this is for the best.

 

I really wanted to contact you yesterday. But I didn't. I thought about how I would feel after I texted you. If you didn't text me back I would be crushed. If you did and it wasn't satisfactory (which it inevitably would be) I would be devastated.

 

The only way to move on from you is to wash you out of my life completely. You are mud that was ground into my skin over the years. It won't take one wash to get you out totally, it will take a few, and some scrubbing. But one day I'll look and see beautiful, fresh new skin that is stronger than it was before I met you. I will once again see the beauty that was there all along.

[mdavidohoh]

I release you. I will do it with dignity and grace even if I'm hurting inside because I know this, too, shall pass. Thank you for breaking my heart...a lesson learned hard is a lesson learned well.