Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[SeattleSigh]

Be happy, kiddo. I wish you the best, even if it's not with me and it hurts to be apart from you. Take care, my friend.

[ClarityCoast]

Day 15....

 

I thought I would feel victorious getting to this point. But I don't.

I knew we could never move forward without getting a clean slate...and I knew that that couldn't happen without some serious time to heal.

So I got what I wanted...and you have disappeared. So why do I just feel a tremendous sense of loss?

Why can do I feel that all this has accomplished is proving to me...that I never really meant that much to you?

At this point, I doubt now that I will ever hear from or see you again and quite frankly, after everything we've been through...that boggles my mind.

I was expecting this whole "no contact" thing to be MUCH easier by this point...wish it was.

[Musical77]

6 months now. An old (male) friend said to me today it's ridiculous to take that long to fully get over someone. I was a little stung by his insensitivity.

 

It's funny how the world is made up of such vastly different people!

 

It's my birthday tomorrow. I'll be 35. I think that's a woman's prime (-:

 

I feel so much better. I hope how I'm feeling lasts. I really do. I feel like this past week I've just turned a whopping great corner. It's weird. I wonder what shifted things for me?

 

I was stuck for so long. I expect there will be some downs to come. But I know I feel strong again. I feel more at peace.

 

I just pray that this continues.....

[gardnergirl2]

I hate it when people are like that too, musical. I hate to hear you just need to move on. As if I am purposefully holding myself back from that. geez.....

[lolgirl]

Happy early birthday. I was going to make this weekend one of the best times of your life...until you threw me out like yesterday's garbage. Oh boy, I'm glad you did...I would have hated doing something nice for you, now knowing what I know about you. Glad you're alone and single this weekend, you d-bag.

[LSgirl]

Thought I was feeling way better 2 days ago, but today is just miserable. I haven't cried the past couple days so there's some progress there but I still think about what you're up to. I'm glad I deactivated my Facebook. You must wonder if I hate you or I am really moving since I never replied back to your 2 emails the day after we broke up. It's only day 5 of NC and I dunno why I'm watching Jersey Shore online, but this show makes me more depressed. These kids are dumb and hook up everynight, and wondering if you have hooked up with a girl already, ugh.....I know you're not that type but I do remember you telling me you had a one night stand after your 8 year relationship. You must be sad but relieved I'm not your girlfriend anymore, now you have to mourn over our relationship and still the relationship of your 8 year ex-fiancee, who CHEATED on you and I know you still love her, even after over a year. I hope you look back on our relationship and regret it. However, I know this will be one of those relationships you look back on and just feel bad that you couldn't give me what I wanted and know it was for the best, sigh...

[Melting]

Don't know really what to say here.

 

I just post here, so I don't ever say anything at work. I wonder how I would be feeling now if I hadn't seen your face in the last 6mths, instead of every day like I do now.

 

Would I be completely over you? Would you just be a fleeting memory?

[Melting]

I am doing good without you!

[Musical77]

I hate it when people are like that too, musical. I hate to hear you just need to move on. As if I am purposefully holding myself back from that. geez.....

 

Exactly. Would someone say that if someone close to you that you love has passed away? No. You cannot switch your feelings off over night. It takes time, and more time for some than others. It really annoyed me today! I'm doing quite well at the moment and honestly when I told this friend and his wife an abbreviated version of what had happened (I haven't seen them in a year so they didn't know about it) they both said that they had never in their lives taken that long to get over someone (they are both now in their 40s). They said it should take a month at most. They looked at me like I have two heads or something! Grrr!

 

 

 

I'm coming to the realisation that everyone is so different when it comes to relationships and dealing with break-ups.

[secondchance67]

It will be 2 months this week that i last saw your pretty face.

I can't believe i gave you all the chances i did, for you to just use me, cheat on me FOR THE SECOND TIME, and leave me after all we had been thru.

 

Are you happy now? Happy because you don't have to look into my eyes and the the hurt i tried to hide? Happy that you don't have to live the guilt of cheating on me? Happy that you get to hit the "reset button" on your past, so that the guy you f'd me over for knows nothing?

 

I cried today, I heard the new Theory of a Deadman song " Hurt Hurricane" and it made me think of us - i cried for the first time since last month....and I got really angry. Not at you...but at ME, for even allowing someone like you to even still touch that vulnerable part of me, and to get that type of reaction.

 

You don't deserve my tears...my heart...my anything.

 

i will forever be amazed at the way you walked away after saying your piece about us, and how you have moved on, and how i you said " why would you want to be with someone like me anyway" as you walked out the door forever.

 

 

 

"Hurt Hurricane"

by Theory of a Deadman

 

I should have know these walls would cave in

 

I should have never left my heart there on the line

 

Cause when the * * * * hit the fan

 

All we ever had ended up lost in the fire

 

And now nothing's saved nothing's caged

 

Was it all in vain?

 

Cause I'm standing in the eye of the storm

 

And everything I've known is blowing away

 

I'm caught in a hurricane

 

I'm leaving here dead or alive

 

And I know that I'd be willing to feel the pain

 

If it got me to the other side

 

Cause I know it hurts

 

Oh hurricane

 

I can feel it hurt

 

Oh hurricane

 

Remember how we were we really were

 

Before this disaster came and tour us apart

 

It was the two of us that was enough

 

The two of us so in love

 

Til the wind blew high

 

The wind of cry and lightning strikes

 

And now we're standing in the eye of the storm

 

And everything is gone nothing remains

 

I'm caught in a hurricane

 

I'm leaving here dead or alive

 

And I know that I'd be willing to feel the pain

 

If it got me to the other side

 

Cause I know it hurts

 

Oh hurricane

 

I can feel it hurt

 

Oh hurricane

 

I never thought it would end

 

You'll never understand

 

How we learn in the end

 

Like this

 

I'm caught in a hurricane

 

I'm leaving here dead or alive

 

And I know that I'd be willing to feel the pain

 

If it got me to the other side

 

Cause I know it hurts

 

Oh hurricane

 

I can feel it hurt

 

Oh hurricane

 

Hurts

 

Oh hurricane

 

Hurts

 

Oh hurricane

[soybeans]

I don't think of you as much during the day now. I come crashing down as soon as I get home for the night. My stomach sinks when I realize I'll be spending another night alone. Notice how I didn't say 'without you'...I think I'm just lonely at this point. I still think if you were to come back I would fall for it. The best part about that is...you won't. So I don't have to worry about it.

 

But on a positive note, I've been getting more attention from guys. I don't know what it is, maybe I'm just sending off certain vibes. Before I know I was VERY closed off because I was with you- I was perfectly content just having you, I hope you know that. I never even took a second glance at guys around me when we were together. I hate how I was so loyal to you when you didn't deserve it and you weren't the same to me.

 

And I did cry a bit before because I looked at some old photos of us. Sometimes I think I actually want to do this to myself. Just to keep that "connection" alive. It's so twisted and sad. I'd love to just meet someone new, who is genuinely interested in me, but it's not happening right now...so in the meantime my thoughts will be on you...the ghost of you...

[LSgirl]

Tonight I know you'll be going to your roommate's show at the favorite bar you always go to. I always liked that you're very loyal to friends. There I'm sure you'll talk to everybody, including girls, bleh, and here I am like last night, at home on a Saturday on a message board. I did go out for a little bit to catch up with two friends, but nothing exciting. I had a dream of you last night, you were with another girl, buildings were falling down because of a hurricane, it was weird, but I was alone. Weekends I really really hate now. I wonder if you've told yourself that you're okay because it wouldn't have worked down the road and moved on. Since you said you never saw me long term or was in love with me, then this must be a piece of cake for you. This is our 2nd break-up, but this time I finally had the self-respect to walk away. I should have listened to you from the first time we broke up 3 months ago when you said 'stop chasing something you're never going to get from me'. You also said there's a line of men waiting to take his place and to go find that right person, if I was so easy to give up, you probably don't hurt as much as I do this time around.

[NANNYSTUDENT]

Idk where you are anymore. Or who you are anymore. But you really hurt me, in a way that I never thought you would. I really really loved you. I wonder if you will ever apologize for the way you left. It was bull sh*t. And I know you know it. So I hope you sleep well with your pride and that 17 year old high school joke of a girl you are interested in. You are 7 years older than her, just in case you forgot. And that is disgusting. I loved you with all I had, let down all my guards, and you did too. You got scared and ran. I hope someday that pride keeps you warm, has water fights in the kitchen with you, cooks you dinner, comforts you, supports you, encourages you, etc. Just remember when you lay down at night alone someday what you did to someone who loved you more than you will ever know. And I hope someday your can feel half the pain I have felt for the past two months you selfish piece of sh*t. You have really gotten under my skin... running like you did. Lying to me. Making me change my whole life again. I hope you are happy. Try not to black out tonight as you regress to the youth you feel you missed out on. Tell all your immature low life friends hi from the girl that actually loved you for you and not for something you do or because you're funny. I'm sure they are much more happy with you now that you are interested in someone on their lowlife trashy going no where level. I hope someday I get to a point where I want NOTHING to do with you. And it's coming... so just stay away from me if you want me to hate you for the rest of our lives... please just keep doing what you're doing.

[Jaded Too]

I had another dream about you last night, these are starting to irritate me.

 

We were in a building together, there was a thick glass wall between us and you were telling me to go out of the door behind me and around the building to get to the side you were on. Your volume was muffled, but I strained to hear you and followed the instructions. I walked out of the door, walked forever around this building. It seemed like it took forever. There were doors everywhere and I was confused as to which one you were in. Some of them had signs on them that said "do not enter".

 

I finally found the right door and you told me that your parents were so glad that I came to their house afterall. (My subconscious knows that you're there this weekend, and I sooo wanted to go.) Then I told you how I had the most horrible dream that we were broken up and that I was glad it was just a dream. We were close, hugging and spending time together. Then I woke up. Ugh, we're broken up.

 

The dream was weird, and I've analyzed it to death. Maybe we have to go through a few more doors before we get 'us' back? Maybe you're just too hard to get to? Maybe I'm just fooling myself? Who knows.

 

I miss you and hope you had a great weekend with the family and that they asked about me at least. Maybe they're telling you what a fool you are for screwing this up; I can only hope so and that it knocks some sense into you. The time apart is definitely needed and I know that it can only serve to better us both. Drive safely home.

[mines]

Again, nothing in my in-box. I'm not surprised, but still, I had to check. Ack, I hate that about myself. You're going blithely about your day, I'm sure you don't miss being in touch with me, whatsoever. I should really hate you, because you're really an inconsiderate jerk, deciding to cut contact out of the blue, for your supposed 'reasons' (you know what they are).

 

If I could hate you, this would be so much easier.

 

What makes things worse also, is the fact that this is the SECOND time you've done this to me. I have to say that this is where I messed up, letting you do it to me again. It didn't get so far last time, yet it took a long while for me to get over you, and when I finally did, I really thought it was for good. Despite working with you I didn't miss talking to you at all, I avoided calling you but when I had to, it was all business, and I kept contact as brief as possible. The few times you had to be in my building, I truly hated seeing you, resented you for coming in through my area, it would have been SO easy for you to avoid me, using the other entrance. I should have realized, what you later told me as true, that you'd never stopped wanting me, and you actually thought I ENJOYED seeing you. What a dope. Couldn't you see that I was angry at you for the way you'd treated me?

 

Months later, out of the middle of nowhere, you just start talking to me on work IM. Within an hour you had emailed me, I've saved every one since. Thousands of them, daily contact, and you know the rest of that story. But the pattern here, do you see it? You decide on a whim what you want to say to me and when you say it, never mind that I'd moved on and was happy, and that us talking wasn't going to be good for either of us, but you did it and I let you do it.

 

I'm an idiot for letting you have this power over me. I am fully to blame, for letting the wrong people into my life.

 

Now here I go again, having to start ALL OVER again getting over you. I hate you, and I like you so much. I miss you, but that doesn't change the fact that you're a jerk!!

 

You're a jerk and I'm stupid. What a pair! Screw you.

[blueplanet22]

{{nothing}}

[gardnergirl2]

I reactivated my facebook page yesterday to look at some pictures that my friend linda had posted. And I did look at your page. Nothing bad on it or anything, but I noticed that your buddy had made a remark about being friends with an ex is like going back to jail or something like that. And he noted that he put it on there especially for a friend. Of course, you indicated that you liked it.

I was puzzled by this because I have never known you are a two faced person. When we first broke up , it was you that suggested friendship. Yet, on a public type forum in order to bash me, that is not the indication that is given off. You know what I mean? I imagine that none of your friends know that. And you promised me that you would never again allow me to be besmirched like that . But, its just me, who cares. That is wrong.

So, if that is how you really feel, then I am out the door. Out of your life forever. No friendship no nothing. You may now celebrate. Be sure and tell your friends so they fan join in the fanfare. Also, I won’t be looking at your page anymore, so any further attempts to embarrass or belittle me will not reach their intended target.,

[Melting]

I have watched the most beautiful man fade away infront of my eyes.

 

I don't know who you are anymore.

 

Stay away from me.

[Melting]

I really, really wish I could hate you!

 

To hear from others that you have only been sweet to me at work to tease me, killed me. As if I wasn't heart broken enough!

 

What kind of man are you? and now you want me to be your friend.... go mess with someone else head!

[justaglimmer]

I swear, this anger that has come over me is driving me up the wall. I want to cause you so much pain. Anger is the absolute worst to deal with because, hell, if I'm just "sad", I can cry it out and it eventually lessens. What will make this anger go away? Punching something? I can only punch a pillow so many times. I want to make out with some random guy just to break this connection to you. I want to do something that would blow your mind and have it get back to you. But of course I have that little voice in my head saying "Now now, don't do anything crazy that you'll regret later." * * * * you, "little voice". *sigh*, you had a girl who STILL can't bring herself to hurt you, at least not intentionally. You took a good heart, and crushed it. I've never EVER met someone so selfish.

 

You drive around town in your fancy vehicle (which you put more time and effort into than me). Next time I pass you, I seriously want to give you two big middle fingers, if I can manage while still hanging onto the steering wheel. Just who the hell do you think you are? You came into my life and told me every little thing I did was wrong, you judged me and you didn't know WHAT THE HELL YOU HAD. I would have spent my life with you, I would have rubbed your back after a long day, told you every chance I get how handsome you are, I would have started a family with you. Why couldn't you keep your word? You promised you'd change your ways and understand that I'm more of a sensitive soul, while you have the aggression of a pitbull. You didn't even remember my birthday, did you? Let's be honest here.

 

Yeah I still miss you, and I hate it. I finally know what its like to love and hate someone at the same time. You always picked on me over the stupidest * * * * ... You know that, right? You know you could have just left me the hell alone. You think you're so crafty and smart and think its funny to play hurtful tricks on me. You HURT me, in more ways than one. You are a cowardly man but you think everyone should bow down to you just because of what you once did with your life you think you're some kind of hero... well, hero, you lost my respect. Every little ounce of it. I see you for what you really are, and you're probably fooling some other girl right now but thats ok, I was onto you a long time ago, I know there are things you haven't told me. Tisk tisk, mr. perfect, you are slipping!

[soybeans]

You're a horrible person. That's all I can think about right now...what you did to me and how I basically let it happen by being so submissive to you the whole time we were together. Letting you yell at me all the time. Taking you back in a heartbeat after the first BU, allowing you to say hurtful things to me all the time, never standing up for myself enough about things that bothered me.

 

I've had several people in my life tell me recently how beautiful I am, how I'm such a great person, that you're an idiot for letting me go. Why couldn't you see this? I feel like I was nothing to you. Like I was just some worthless tattered rag you kept around. No one should ever feel this way. I totally let you destroy my self-worth and it has taken everything in me to hold my head up high day in and day out, pretending I'm just fine when inside I feel ripped to shreds.

 

I miss having you around to cuddle with and to keep me company after a long day at work. I miss having you to look forward to, or walking in to your arms after a few days apart. It was the best feeling. I guess I just miss having a boyfriend in general and now...that false feeling of being loved. It was a great illusion you created for me. Guess you got tired of putting on the act for so long. My family all told me they could see right through you, and I was always mad at how you acted around them. So fake and never really put an effort to talk to them when I brought you around them.

 

Anyway, I think about how next week we could have been vacationing to the city we wanted to move to like we had planned, celebrating our one year anniversary. I know one year is nothing to most people, but for me it would have been special. For you, probably just any other day while in the background you were on your phone texting god knows who.

 

Another thing that I keep thinking about is how you said when we broke up that you didn't want to be 30 and divorced one day. You don't even realize how much that crushed me. And it stuck with me for a while because I truly thought you wanted to be with me in the long run like you said so many times. Why did you say those things when you KNEW how you really felt inside? And you knew how much I wanted to hear that from you.

 

Uh, so much for thinking I was letting go....

[TheEndComplete]

I'm really ready to be done thinking about you and processing all this. I loved you once, and deeply at that, but can't afford to expend either emotion or thought on you anymore. I've got to let this broken clock wind down.

[Melting]

I don't know how you can even hold your head up and be proud of who you are.

[gardnergirl2]

You act like you don't even know who I am now, and that you are better than me somehow. You are not. I don't know how you hold your head up either, but you do. With no problem.

[Emma8]

You seem to think this is a game. That I am your friend. After how you treated me and ended the relationship. You keep telling me how you are and what you are up to -I DONT WANT TO KNOW!! Its still hurts to see or hear from you - dont you see that?!!?!?!?!!?!?