Emma8

Not been here for a while. Probably because I have been weak and responding, breaking no contact. You are still with her yet still contacting me saying you love me and miss me but dont know what you want. Your just messing with me because you are unsure of your feelings for the past 6 months. Its been awful. The contact is becoming less and I know you are trying to move on now. Youve realised how horrid you were to me and hopefully now you are letting me go,stopping the mind games and playing with my heart. Its my bday Friday and yours Saturday. I wont txt you but i know you will txt me on mine. This time last year we spent it together. Its going to be so hard this year to think of you with her instead. Makes me feel sick. I miss you, despite everything. I wish I change things but I cant, I wish I could let you go. Just gonna take longer than I thought....xxxx

Havent been on here a while. Guess its getting easier without you. I miss you and I do love you. Some days are harder than others, but I dont cry as much anymore. I dont hurt as much anymore. Its been nearly 6 months without you. I dont know what will happen in the future for either of us. But I do now I am getting stronger. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and right now, that is all I need to get through this. Youll always have a special place in my heart, despite how you treated me. I know you regret it, I know you love me and I know you miss me, but I also know it wasnt meant to be.....hard to say that, but I know its true. Some things arent meant to last....x

Ignoring you is getting easier. But apparantley its getting harder for you now. Probably because i am dealing with my emotions. You arent. I have no idea what you are doing contacting me still pretty much every day somehow. Dont you understand, you ended it, you walked away, you treated me like crap, you didnt want me, you found someone else. SO WHY ARE YOU STILL CONTACTING ME! If its for control, its not working, Im moving on. You contacting me is making that easier for me....you dont see that though. Im still finding it hard without. I miss you and love you bits. You will always be my one and only bebe. BUT 5 months to the day, I have realised I cant keep doing this and focusing on you. Im moving on. Please now let me. xxxx

I've decided. I wont be contacting you any more. I wont be used by you any more. I wont have you contacting me when it suits you to offload your guilt, emotional baggage and make you feel better. I wont help you heal any more. I know you have issues, are very insecure and have a lot of built up emotions from various traumatic things, but Im sorry, that isnt an excuse for how you were to me. By saying I was too good for you and way out of your league, is also not an excuse for how you were. Both massive cop outs. In that case you should have treated me amazing hoping I would never leave! Yes we had amazing moments and yes I do believe we have a real connection and yes I love you (god I wish I didnt) and wish things were different, that we were still together, but unfortunately your true colours came out and you became a very horrible person. You are disrespectful, confused, selfish, immature and extremely cruel. To me. The girl you apparently loved with all your heart, your world, your future. Me, the girl who gave you everything, opened up my heart and let my defences down after years of being alone. I finally let you in, fell in love, introduced you to my son (a real honour) treated you so well, put 100% into the relationship, every thing I did was for you and us, but instead of getting it back, I get thrown away and treated terribly. You found someone else, like our relationship was nothing, replacing me like I was nothing. All those words, all those promises, all that 'love'.... I still to this day cannot believe what I went through and put up with. It something I read about, not ever imagining it happening to me. No one has ever spoken to me the way you did, one min with such love, next with such hate. All the nasty things you said about me, to me, all the names you called me, the mind games you played, all the times you humiliated me, made me cry, laughed at me, stopped me from doing things, you let me down all the time, accused me of things, pushed me away, took out every single awful mood on me, talked down to me, never supported me, never showed an interest in anything I liked, disrespected me, tried to change me, broke me down, emotionally drained me and left me exhausted, half the person I used to be. You've really hurt me and Ill never forgive you. I hope you live with that guilt and regret for the rest of your life. You had me, and you properly messed it up. Your loss.

I just want you back. Very low moment. Need to focus. Need to be strong. Need to sleep.

UGH. Thats it. Just want to say UGH. Fed up of feeling crap now. Its over, properly over. You have someone else. If you truly loved me, you wouldnt have treated me like * * * * and you would be here now. Simple. I have to stop thinking of you. I must UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH. BED. Night.

I feel a bit like this too. Sometimes it helps with all the support but sometimes it just makes me think of him even more. I dont know. Im gonna stick around a while longer.

Love this

Ugh. Today has been bit of a waste of a day. Just sat and thought of you. Probably because I saw you. But I was thinking of all the crap you gave me and the nasty things you would say. Why is it I love you, when you were so cruel and hurtful? I remember times crying at work when receiving your txts, shocked at what I was reading, thinking what have I done? Why are you doing this? I remember that awful feeling of hurt when you called me those names and accused me of vile stuff, that feeling like someone was squeezing my heart so much it physically hurt. If my friends or family were to do those things, I wouldnt stand for it. But you. I adored you. Still do. The good thing is I know what you are like now and I can see how messed up you are. I know I treated you well, was the best I could have been. You took advantage of that. I bet I wont hear from you now which is good. I know it is. Just wish things could have been different. Wish the version of you I fell in love with stayed.

You looked amazing today. Why cant I hate you? I should do, after everything, I really should. But I dont, I love you. Think I always will. Think you will too. Night bebe.

Happy Easter bebe. Thinking of you and missing you terribly. I hope you have a crap miserable day realising you have messed up in all of this now, like the past 5 months have been for me. Pure * * * * ing hell.

Yes. Your loss. Yes. You killed us. Yes. You will regret losing me. NO, the grass isnt greener is it!!!

Thinking of you constantly. Why cant you get out of my mind!! I doubt im in yours. 5 months soon. Time has gone so fast. This time last year we went to Thorpe Park,you bought me the massive bunny for easter (might burn it later....grrr). Such an amazing day. This time last year I was the happiest I had ever been. I still cant forget what you were like and deep down I know you werent right for me. Doesnt stop me loving you. Im crazy, I have to be, to love someone who gave me nothing. Happy Easter bebe. I wont get to say that to you this year, but I will be thinking of you every second of every day.

Watched a film today, kinda romantic. Made me miss you even more. Stupid, shouldnt have watched it. This is now the longest I have gone not speaking to you. 15 days. I miss you. Do you miss me? Or are you now wrapped up in her? Forgotten about me? Forgotten about us? Do you ever wish you could hold me again? Let me snuggle into your neck? You said no one would ever do that again. I bet she is. I love you. This is hard.

W**KER!!! Thats it.

How dare you ask to see my son?! The boy who you bad mouthed and said horrible things about. The boy who you were jealous of, my son, jealous of a 8 year old! Asking to pop round to see him is messed up! Just an excuse no doubt to mess with me again. Well, im not standing for it and will ignore you. Yes, I would love you to come over and see him, he loved you too, you were his friend, but he is 8 and never saw or heard the bad stuff. But no, I know the bad stuff and no way do I want you to see him. I only wish you were genuine about this, but I know you and know your not, its just another game and Im not falling for it.

Dreamt about you 2 nights in a row now. Crying in my dream,overhearing you talk about her. If she exists, if you are still together,Ive no idea! I miss you so much right now, struggling this morning. Ive been so good. I just want you to love ME not her. I want you to do the sweet things with ME not her. I hate it so much. You act like you dont care. But do you? Deep down what are you thinking and feeling? Why are you so * * * * ing hard to get over. Ive never had this! Been able to get through 3 failed relationships,even leaving one with a child, they were easy compared to this. It annoys me how you walk away like you did nothing wrong leaving me shattered into pieces. I am getting stronger, which scares me as I feel you slipping away. I dont want you to slip away, but there is nothing I can do.

I feel you slipping away. I dont like it. I know its for the best, but I dont like it. I love you, I always will but I hope you are really sad and miserable. Its what you deserve after what you put me through.

OK I broke down today. Over something stupid. In One Tree Hill, Hayleys mum said she won Hayleys dad with a note left in his jean pocket. Thats it, I lost it and cried and cried. Remember our notes, every day we leave one for each other on the side, in our coats, in your lunch, on your car, everywhere. Then little I love yous everyone, in the stones outside my house, in the sweets on the side, in the snow on my car. Remember always leaving my mug out with a tea bag and a choc biscuit for when I came home from work. Or putting my teddy on my bed in your t-shirt. Or leaving a note on my laptop screen, or in my book. Remember all those things. I do, so clearly. I love you beb.

I miss you so much. I hate that she has you now. I hope it all goes wrong for you. I hope you realise what you have done to me with your abuse. I hope you realise what you have lost. I hope you realise that our dreams were meant to come true. I hope you realise that I loved you with everything I had. I hope you come back to me. I hope I can say * * * * you.

P.S Stop contacting me for an EGO boost. I will not respond anymore. I deserve better.

Do you think about me? Do you miss me? Do you regret things? How can you be with her, when you promised yourself to me? Its ok though, the fog is clearing. Im realising exactly what you are. An abusive, selfish, immature, insecure, jealous, controlling, nasty piece of work who was nice to me when it suited you. Im getting stronger. I hope its here to stay and I carry on getting stronger.

I know you still love me. say its a big mistake. say it.

* * * * I miss you so bad. Really really really bad day really bad day. gonna cry, cant do this. i just cant.

You are seeing someone new yet you still txt me! You are telling me you love me and miss me. Does she know you telling me this? So its ok for you to see someone, but not ok for me to, not that I am, because being with anyone else makes me feel sick. I dont understand how you can do it if you 'love' me that much!!! You dont love me 'too much' - thats bull * * * * . You dont walk away from someone you love. No matter what the situation is, if you truly loved me you would fight for us and treat me the way I deserve to be treated! If you truly loved me, you would accept everything about me. Including my son who also adored you. The more you txt me with your bull * * * * , the more I hate you.