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You are a loser for dumping me after you were borderline cheating behind my back. Many people also told me you were. And the best part is, deep down, you know you are a loser too. I saw it in the tears you cried for me when you dumped me. Boo-hoo...Cry me a river...

 

Peace out and have a great life! Thanks for being the scapegoat because God knows, I would have never had the guts to dump you. I was committed to you even after I found out all of your lies. I guess I loved you too much, but at least now I get everyone's sympathy and you have to live with the guilt...

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I am so tempted to message you right now but im doing so well in not contacting you that i wont....however i miss you so much. i should hate you for all things you've done and said after the break up, even though i ended it and made a huge mistake, i tried to get you back hard not because i was "psycho or a creep" but i realized that you were my true love. But you have made it crystal clear that you have moved on and dont give a rats about me...which hurts...

 

I miss our skype chats, i miss our phone chats, i miss kissing you and being in your arms, i miss those gorgeous eyes of yours and your seducing smile. I hate that some other girl has all that and i wish you could of just gave me another chance or at least fought for us instead of bagging us and me to everyone making me out to be some sort of monster.. I hope you never forget me and what we had and i hope you still think of me because i still do despite of everything.

I hope one day heaven will bring us back together, and you wake up and realize it was me who was your soul mate and your twin flame. I would pay so much to get on a plane and see you right now but i know i cant. We had something so beautiful going and it ended in disaster, some of myself to blame but also you too. I tried and you pushed me away and found some one else....Maybe you had someone else before i broke it off hence why you were so distant and shady towards me and you could move on so quick. i dont really know and i suppose i'll never get those answers from you, but whatever have it your way. No one will ever love you like i loved you, everyone makes mistakes in life and you cant just punish them for a silly mistake especially if you really loved them...who knows if you even did?

 

The point is, i dont hate you, im still madly in love with you, i wish you would forgive and come back to me

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Haven't had any compulsion to contact my ex recently. Im now up to day 50 NC and I feel the need to reply to a text he sent a week ago saying 'goodnight petname, my old friend, hope you are well.' I want to write back and say- the sad thing is we aren't old friends anymore- we are nothing. I know there's no point and I don't even know why but I'm angry and miss him all at once.

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I still love you. Don't say you're not great, we all have greatness in us whether we choose to see it or not.

 

I hope you sort out all your inner problems, I know I will and I hope and pray that some day with clarity of mind we will come together again and look to the future positively and if not at least we'll be happier people regardless.

 

I will never hold anything against you. I am aware of where we went wrong, so don't beat yourself up or blame yourself as we all are prone to making mistakes. It took both of us to realise that we had deeper issues to solve within ourselves, therefore we couldn't focus on each other anymore and I understand that.

 

I love you G and miss you so much. I'll always have a special place in my heart for you Big Lover.

 

XxX

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God I want to email him so badl! BUT, I am going to push forward and stay strong. I can do this!

 

I just have to remember that if I get through today not emailing him, tomorrow will be easier and it will just get better and easier from then on.

 

Today? how many hours? not that many, it seems long but it really isn't....You can do it J! This is a piece of cake!!

 

GUTS AND GUILE, GUTS AND GUILE ALL THE WAY!! YOUCAN DO IT GIRL!! You have everything!! Don't be a fool and email him, respect his decision because you love him! Don't loose you integrity, your dignity! Keep your self respect, you're better than this woman!!

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Why email him? huh? what will I really and truly get out of it? It could be good, it could be bad..either way. What about I? I've neglected myself for too long. Time to be concerned with myself. I need to love and care for this heart and mind, it needs nourishment. Heart and Mind are going on a retreat!

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Maybe its because today we would have been together for 11 months...or maybe it's because with each day that passes I feel you slipping further away...but I have an overwhelming urge to contact you. I won't. But it's there and it's killing me because I know its over I just haven't accepted it still. I seem to just focus on the good times now because I miss you. Still delusional after all this time.

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I have no idea what it is about you, yet you are on my mind. I wonder why you called a few days ago - I'm sure you didn't mean to, but its odd that you still have my number. 2 years - man, it was odd to see your number again. It brought back a lot of memories and emotions I had buried deep. It felt surreal. Honestly, it was the first time I'd been excited in a long, long time. I still love you, as always. Part of me will always hope that the call was intentional, though I can never be sure.

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I;m not sure how you can live life, laugh like everything is A OK.. How do you do mean and cruel things to someone and not think twice about it?

 

I thought I knew you, but know I really KNOW you! And you're someone I would never, ever consider being with.. I'm not sure how I survived 4 years?

 

Two weeks before we break up, you asked to move in with me? Best decision I ever made was to say NO, it's not the right time.. The night we break up, you were talking about marriage and hour before. really? F YOU!

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I am hating you today. Seriously. I think about how much of a fool I was for you throughout our relationship and it makes me sick. I think about how much of myself I sacrificed because you told me in the beginning that I was the one for you. Then you covered up your lies with more lies, and even more lies, and I'm the one who is licking her wounds in the end while you enjoy life like nothing happened. I hate you. I wish I never met you. I wish I never fell in love with you and planned to spend the rest of my life with you. At this point in my life, if I never see your name or your face again for the rest of my life, I will be the happiest person alive. I hope your life one day is filled with misery and sorrow and you look back on everything I did for you and you say to yourself, wow...she was amazing, she taught me what true love is. Because at that point, you will be nothing to me but a memory. And the fact that you will be taking up valuable hardware space in my brain is even giving you way more than you deserve.

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Keep telling everyone about how you broke up with me because I was crazy. I will tell them about your freaky stalkerish obsession with saving photos of girls (some of whom are your buddy's GF's) in individually divided, labelled folders on your hard drive. I'll save the naked photos of the girl you work with and the disgusting STD you carried without telling me for another time.

 

You FREAK.

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Don't really have much to say about you at this point, sorry, but I'm glad my life is moving forward. I do know, however, that when I think about our past and the crap that I had to put with or get use to because that was how it was in your life was simply dumb on my part. It was such a waste of my time but I took a risk to be with you so you are not to blame. Still, it should have been over way before. Another learning experience

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Tonight I'm feeling so do so upset. I've been bursting into tears all day. I was hoping that the message he sent last week was the start of him missing me, but nothing else, even though he knows my brother almost died.

 

I want him to miss me like I miss him. He isn't coming around. He isn't missing me over time. It's been almost 7 months and 52 days NC and I'm still so hurt.

 

I'm not feeling better. I've been trying so hard, and I thought, I just thought if I was patient and kind and understanding, eventually he would miss me enough to want to contact me at the very least. But even though he's unhappy, he still doesn't want to be with me. He doesn't want me.

 

I just had the thought, and it made me feel sick. This is my real life. I'm going to die one day, and this is going to continue to be my life until that point. He doesn't not want me. After 9 years, he walked away without trying to work things out. He is not in my future and my future no longer contains the things it was going to.

 

He is happy without me.

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Hey...guess what I realized?? I'm SINGLE!! So are you, but so what. Have fun! This 23 year old firefighter asked me out on a date; he's buff as all get out and adorable. Yeah, its a bit of a stretch as far as age goes but the ego boost is phenomenal. In fact, I must be putting off the 'single' vibe b/c the last few days have been crazy with phone calls and texts from guys I haven't heard from in a while. Maybe news just travels fast. I'm going on that date, and who knows what else. I'm ready to have some fun and forget about you. I've done some serious reflecting over the last couple of days and have really stepped back far enough to see all of the BS. You were nothing like I thought you were, and I put up with way to much. I don't have to settle. For now, I'm going to have some fun. I don't even want you back anymore, life looks good. AND, Domincan Republic....here I come. Planning that trip and don't need you for that.

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