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I knew you'd make contact....you can't stay away too long. Sixteen days, though. That was almost too long. It was so good to hear your voice. The only thing that would have made it better would have beeen to hear you say something I want to hear.

 

Something clicked with me yesterday and today it gelled.

 

1. Asking me to give R. a BJ;

2. Your telling me a few weeks ago you still fantasize about me - watching me with someone else;

3. Asking for details of my sex life with S.;

4. Your wanting to experiment with an open marriage;

5. The personal ads you placed and those you responded to;

6. The porn story sites you used to visit;

 

....and more.

 

You think you have fantasies. You have a fetish. I looked up cuckold and there it was....cuckold fetish, not fantasies. I feel so stupid for not having figured it out before. You'll never be content with me or any woman who loves you...you'd want any woman you were involved with to act like a * * * * * . Oh, love, you should have talked with me instead of trying to hide. I didn't know how you could be so unhappy. I hadn't done anything to drive you away. You had to find a way out because I couldn't follow where you were compelled to go.

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this is the best thread EVER MADE!!

 

Your a gutless wonder. If i knew how stubborn you were, i would've ended the relationship ages ago. Everyone knows the real reason as to why you broke up with me and how you did it by phone. Your a mouse. We were so good together- you lead me on to believe that we were going to get married. I hate you. As you read this, im assuming your mummy is making your dinner, doing your washing/ironing and making your little bed cozy and warm for you. Mummas boy. You wont EVER find anyone like me. Go marry your mother-you both suit each other...and tell ur dad that his sh*t smells just as bad as everyone elses! Go yourself you lying, deceiving little ...i'm deleting your number-thank god i didn't memorize it. If i can get over my other ex, i can get over YOU

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You know what? I hate this guy for putting me through all of this b.s. The more things I pack, the more angry I get. All of this could have been avoided if he had just had the balls to tell me that he had issues with me. It's so stupid that he tried to deny all of his issues with me in hopes that things would work out. After 6 years, you'd think if the issues weren't resolved or if he wasn't willing to overlook them, he could have stopped all this ****.

 

And of course not. Six months into living with each other and now I get to move my **** out. Unbelievable.

 

And here I am, packing up more than 20 boxes that I'm going to have to move by myself. Straining my back. All because I didn't meet his absolutely shallow list of what he wants in a partner. I don't give a damn about "We did the best we could at the time." right now. I want him to be in a dark place for a LONG TIME. I want him to be suffering just as much, if not, more, than me.

 

You turned my world upside down and for what? Because you couldn't be honest with yourself. And now I get to suffer the consequences. How many years of therapy were you in and you couldn't even learn THIS MUCH about yourself?

 

You are an a*****e.

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It been almost 5 months now. I feel so much better about myself and my life. I have atlast started working on my papers. I have started cooking again. I go out with friends. I talk to friends and call my parents and siblings more often. I am certainly lot better.

 

I promised I will never write about him again. But here I am. Writing about him. I miss him today. Don't know why. May be I am having a hard day today and I just need somebody to hug me. And hug reminded me of him. Hug reminded me of his crisp clean shirts that he used to wear. I always admired the way he dressed. He was dressed in formal clothes always. Very few times have I seen him in casual clothes. And thats how I liked it too. He looked good in his formal clothes. And I miss the hugs he would give me before leaving for office and after coming back from office. I miss those hugs. I miss being hugged by him in his formal clothes.

 

I have started forgetting him though. His face doesn't come up as clear as it used to be, the memories are getting hidden somewhere deep down under new memories and new life experiences. He is not in my mind anymore the first thing in the morning or the last thing at night. There are few rare days when I go without thinking about him. The meaning of my love for him has changed. It is different that I can say. It is neither a love for a partner nor a love for a friend or a no care attitude towards a stranger. Yes. He is still not a stranger but I know soon he will be. A stranger who brings neither the feeling of love or hatred. Just brings a don't care attitude. Don't know if we ever can be friends. Right now, the answer would be no. And I know I am slowly getting over him. In another 5 months, he will be more of a stranger than anything else, like my other ex bf's.

 

But today, I just miss him. I just wish for one last time that he had not given up on us. I still don't hate him. I don't think I will ever hate him. He was one of the sweetest bf of mine. People fight for their relationships in worst circumstances than we had. I wish he would have fought for us. But he didn't. He gave up. And I guess, somewhere deep down, I gave up too. Distance was the worst enemy.

 

May god bless you with everything you ever wished for. I hope you find happiness and peace in your life and I hope I find happiness and peace in my life.

 

Love. Honeypie

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It was nice seeing you yesterday... it was nice being wrapped in your arms again. I don't know whether I should be happy or not that you still sexually desire me. uhmm, how i wish not just sexually... we made out... i wasnt expecting it to happen, i wanted it too but we're not together anymore... I dont know what we are doing...

 

and what do you mean about "I need you in my life more than you need me" godddddd.... I wish I could read your mind.

 

ya ochen tebya lublu still...

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Argh...I'm on Day 1 of NC, and the urge to write him is overwhelming. The stupid part is, I've been doing NIC remarkably well for weeks now...the first day I decide to go total NC, I find myself wanting to contact him.

 

Can't I even make it through one lousy, effing day?? Am I so damn weak-willed that I can't even go ONE DAY without trying to reach out to a guy who has broken up with me multiple times, the latest one being almost 8 weeks ago?

 

I have to remember, writing him will make ME look bad. But, I have a feeling I'm going to cave before the day is out.

 

This royally sucks.

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hi honey, i know exactly what you mean..i too am on day 1 of nc-and its incredibly hard ive got the flu at the moment, so ive been stuck in bed since the horrible breakup (3 nights ago)...today, im going to buy a book called "how to mend a broken heart in 30 days) and im going to take my dog for a walk..why dont you do something like that? we could get out mind of this crap together

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You text me the most random things at the most random times when you have a boyfriend that you started dating a month after we broke up!! You said that I was the best boyfriend you've ever had during our relationship. DO I not mean anything to you anymore?! Obviously not because you don't care how I'm feeling when you go immediatley into a new relationship. AND WHY ARE YOU TEXTING ME?! You're only making me feel worse by contacting me...please just go away!

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I miss you so much, and I want to tell you how my day went and all the great things that have been happening at work since I've started. I know you would be proud of me. I think that's what I miss most - being able to have someone there to tell about my day and vice versa. I wonder how your thesis work is coming along, and I want to ask you if you'd like to teach me how to ride a fixed gear bike since you've picked it up. There is so much I want to just gush to you about and discuss - from my new job and how I'm doing really well there and enjoying my co-workers, to our friends' beer brewing business they are so serious about. I want to just talk and talk with you at the park we would walk to. I want to do that without walking away expecting...something and feeling sadness and emptiness for what was...

 

I hope one day we can. But I realize right now we're at such different points and places in our lives. I'm happy for you - you're finishing your last year in college, you're meeting new people, you're getting serious about academia...I really am. But I'm going through some changes myself - I'm finally in the "real world" and have been treated well so far, I'm making friends with my co-workers.

 

But in the end, I miss you. I love you so much, and I hope you know that I have to maintain NC because it hurts to see and hear from you. As much as I want to, as much as my heart yearns so badly to be in touch with you...I can't. Not right now. So I hope you know that I don't hate you or harbor ANY bad feelings at all for your needing to break it off. I miss you, and I hope you know that you can still come to me when you feel alone.

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I feel better now. I'm much better and calmer.

I'm on my way to get over our break up, but not over you. I don't know when will I get over you. I probably don't want to... Because having these thoughts of you gives me warmth inside. Makes me alive. No matter how bad you were to me during the last months, thinking of our great loving times together washes the bad ones away. So far away...

 

Thanks for sending me an e-mail yesterday, it gave me a little push forward. I thought I wouldn't hear anything from you, but I did.

I love you. Don't keep me waiting for so long. I'm always here, for you. I hope you can hear me saying this now...

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