Is online dating such a walk in the park for women?

[icarus27]

Is online dating so hugely biassed in favour of women that it is getting ridiculous? Are there any women who ever EVEN have any problems grabbing a man on the online scene? If so, how?

 

For the umpteenth time, someone I was interested in went with another man. I know by now all the good words about how there should be no attachments early on / how she was just doing what any man or woman would do - which is go for the best available offer. But if the system is so massively rigged to ensure success for women, I am doubting my perseverance / thick skin is helping at all.

 

I'm at a stage when I get angry whenever I read a woman writing on her dating profile,

"My friend found her man on so I thought I'd give it a try!"

OR

"My friend had good fun on this site!"

It makes me sick. There are men who try and try and constantly end up being the also-ran on some woman's shortlist, never to be number one. And there are women who put a profile up, instantly get mobbed by hundreds of potential men and as a result develop a "kid in a candy store" mentality very quickly. Would you believe it, I saw one dating site put up a testimonial from a woman who'd had success - and the testimonial, designed to attract more women to sign up, literally said "it's like being a kid in a candy store .... and I the very first man I dated was my soulmate".

 

I am honestly struggling hard to stop the feeling of misogyny this is giving rise to. I don't want to be consumed by hatred or ill feeling. But whenever I see a news item on the TV about people being ripped off / exploited, it makes me angry - it is against my sense of justice. In the same way, the idea that women are reaping the benefits from a bent system and merrily enjoying it ... then have the chutzpah to come back and say "Online dating was fun for my friends and me!!" ... is just not right.

 

Since I've been on this site a while, please No, ad hominem arguments like "Oh you're so angry, no wonder women get turned off" "Women have a sixth sense about these things" "Women can read minds even before you've talked to them". My whole point is that they walk away at the email stage, before a full interaction has even taken place.

[grymoire]

Don't worry, I will not say "oh you are so angry, the women sense that and reject you". I know very well that no man starts out in the Dating field with bitterness and anger. It just gets built after facing many rejections.

 

I am not sure if you are in the USA and I have no idea which dating site you use. Some of my friends have found girlfriends using dating websites here. I am planning to use them too once I am ready to date.

 

Do you have a very good picture of yourself on the site? IMO that is the most important thing that can draw the women. Because that is what they get to see even before reading your profile. Once you get the first date then you just work your charm. Tease, flirt, don't be too eager, call her after a day etc. Just do your best and do not take rejections personally.

 

It is true that women have the upperhand when it comes to attracting mates, however their problem lies with the men they end up having a relationship with.

[Capricorn3]

whenever I read a woman writing on her dating profile,

"My friend found her man on so I thought I'd give it a try!"

OR

"My friend had good fun on this site!".

Try to remember, that for every success a woman has in finding a partner on these dating sites, there is obviously a MAN who found his partner too, right? So, with that said, I'm not too sure what the problem is, lol. Just think about it

[secretness87]

I don't think online dating is such a "walk in the park" for me, or for most women. My friend and I signed up for the same site (link removed), and it's not easily that we find guys on there that we like. Me personally, I am a bit picky, so even if I get messages on that site, it doesn't mean that I like all of them.

 

But yeah, even if you find a girl you're interested in on an online site, don't try to invest all your time in getting to know that one girl. Even if she replies to you, there is a chance that she may be messaging other guys too.. (although there's no way in knowing unless you ask her) so try to be open and browse other girls you may be interested in as well. Good luck!

[surfNski]

No, buddy I hear you. Its like twenty guys to every woman and thats if she is ugly. The chances of you/me being the best option out of all those guys is slim. I mean woman can pretty much choose what they want down to the eye color. Is it fair, no, does it matter, not really.

I have gotten a good amount of dates off internet sites, in fact I have four dates with four different woman over the next few days but that doesnt mean anuyhing. Most of the time we meet, have coffee or dinner, and thats it. But I will keep trying man and I suggest you do the same. Make yourself into what you think every woman would want. Work out, join some sports teams, take good pictures, make yourself interesting...

 

I do have a third "sports date" with this woman that I am hoping really works out so, wish me luck.

[free2Bme]

No it's not a walk in the park for women either, trying to sort out the genuine guys from the ones who just want sex, or have posted a pic of themselves that is about 5 years old, or who just tell you what you want to hear, and then turn out to be totally different the more you get to know them.

 

surfNski, if you are making yourself into someone you think every woman would want, and that turns out not to be the true you, then it's no wonder you don't get past the first date - the woman was expecting someone else.

[BriarRose]

Why do so many threads claim on-line dating is so easy for women? I am reasonably attractive, cute figure, have a good profile, etc., and it's been a nightmare.

 

 

Maybe you are going for the super-ultra-hot ones, in which case, yes, the hot people will have better luck on line.

[flash83]

its reality man, its a numbers game and yes the odds are heavily stacked against you. take it from me .. i lost count of how many people ive met (30+ now), and yet to find my so-called 'soulmate'.. so i understand your frustration but i'm not the kind to sit and complain. just keep going! itll be worth it when you find her!

[rapunzel]

It may be easier for younger women but for women over 40 I would venture to say that like MissKitty said, online dating is a nightmare. A lot of men over 40 (including my ex) are lying about their ages in order to meet younger women.

 

I found a surgeon claiming to be 68 (then divulges he is actually 72 in his profile) who only wants to meet women 30-49 and says "don't bother replying if you don't fit my age parameters - sorry but that's the way it is". I laughed out loud when I saw this - realizing that this wealthy surgeon only would want to date me for one more year and once I hit 50, well I might as well just hang it up. Yet he looks like a grandfather but because he is wealthy (he posts a photo of his mansion) he is "entitled" to much younger women. This is an extreme case but this kind of mentality is rampant, in my experience, in the online dating world.

 

I signed up for eharmony last year and they routinely sent me men 10 years older. VERY rarely did I get any matches close to my age and younger by even 1-2 years? Forget it.

 

I have been looking and tip-toeing into the online dating. I have an ad up on a free site (OKcupid) but no one has replied that has made me want to actually meet them. It's definitely NOT a walk in the park for women, in my experience.

[shes2smart]

I'm at a stage when I get angry whenever I read a woman writing on her dating profile,

"My friend found her man on so I thought I'd give it a try!"

OR

"My friend had good fun on this site!"

 

Y'know, I always view online profiles with a grain of salt. People - not just women, but men too - People lie. Some just gloss over things a little bit in an attempt to present themselves in the best possible light....and some tell glaring whoppers that will be exposed within a brief time of interacting with them.

 

Very few people in this world present themselves as they are from the get-go. Especially in dating and in job hunting, there's a lot of "spin" so one can show oneself in the very best possible light.

 

If someone posted "Well, I don't have much hope for finding anyone on this site, but I didn't have anything better to do with my money." or "My friend posted here and had no responses, so I thought I'd see if I could do any better." Would you (or anyone else) really be interested in responding?

 

It makes me sick. There are men who try and try and constantly end up being the also-ran on some woman's shortlist, never to be number one.

 

Again, this also happens to women. Dating is an exclusionary process. There is a lot of rejection on both sides. If you can't or don't want to deal with that basic fact, it's time to go do something else for a while.

 

Would you believe it, I saw one dating site put up a testimonial from a woman who'd had success - and the testimonial, designed to attract more women to sign up, literally said "it's like being a kid in a candy store .... and I the very first man I dated was my soulmate".

 

I'm going to suggest to you that "testimonials" aren't always 100% true and accurate. Do you honestly think a dating site is going to post something that portrays itself in a negative light?

 

This is very much like "ladies nights" promotions at bars -- if you can get the women to show up, the men will follow. So, of course you have to put forth the image that it's "fun" and "easy" and that it will provide what they're looking for.

 

And as for "truth in testimonials"....I do freelance voiceover work. In any given week on sites where voiceover jobs are posted, there will ALWAYS be a few jobs posted looking for someone to voice a testimonial for an ad. Inevitably, the direction is always "sound like a real person, not an announcer"....but the fact of the matter is that testimonial is being voiced by a paid performer and the copy that performer is provided may (or more likely may NOT) come from an actual customer. It's even easier to fake text only testimonals.

 

Prior to doing VO work, I worked in broadcast media (radio) for 20+ years. I've been around the creation of advertising and marketing all of my adult working life. It's almost ALL spin. And what are dating site profiles if not "advertising and marketing" with the product being oneself?

 

I think you'd benefit from a better filter for what you see and read....and not just blindly believing that it's the truth....or anything approaching the truth.

[jengh]

Ohhh, I HATED online dating. It is so not a walk in the park. Trying to filter through all of the mass-emailers, the jerks, the ones only looking for hookups. I eventually got so annoyed with it all, I just deleted all of my profiles. I wound up meeting someone elsewhere.

Hersmudders and I used to compare horror e-mails. Great fun.

 

Online dating really is not for everyone and it's no easier for women than it is for men. Yes, they may get more responses...but are they quality responses? No. Unless you count, "hey baby u look good. wanna hook up?" as quality.

[noneStar]

Dating is rough, online or otherwise.

 

Online dating has just made it easier to initiate contact w/ people, but it's not going to take out the pain out of the game.

 

Attractive women, when free to make their own choices, have always had their "pick".

 

It's just the nature of male/female relations.

[EQD]

is online dating a walk in the park for women?

 

yes... walking through a park at nighttime by yourself. its everybit as exciting, lonely, and scary.

[Timbone]

I always wonder exactly what kinds of emails the girls get that they respond to. I really sit down and read a profile, see if I might be compatible, and write something as witty and smart as I can muster. I never use a premade 'form' letter and I never say anything sexual or even insultingly short.

 

I'm sure a lot of it comes down to looks, because it always does - not that I am really complaining, because I have my preferences as well. But I could write a sonnet that could make rocks weep with joy and laughter, and it wouldn't matter a bit if someone prettier emailed a girl with "hi, you seem like a nice person and we have things in common. Want to get coffee?"

 

Ah, well. The nature of the beast, i suppose.

[surfNski]

surfNski, if you are making yourself into someone you think every woman would want, and that turns out not to be the true you, then it's no wonder you don't get past the first date - the woman was expecting someone else.

 

I am saying that if your one of these guys who sits behind a computer all day and eats cheetos hoping your mom doesnt yell at you from upstairs then you got no chance. I am not saying lie about who you are, I am saying make yourself into something that someone would find interesting, have a life. Dont change who you are as a person just be as broad as you can.

 

But if you want to get online and say, "I like to play video games all day, I live with my parents, dont work, and rarely go outside" see how that works for you...

 

Just my opinion...

[free2Bme]

Lol, I don't need to see how that works for me, cos I'm nothing like that description. Plus I have been with my guy, who I met online, for over 2 years now, so it does work. Just need to persevere I guess

[sweetdslollipop]

No it's not always easy for attractive women.

 

Guys assume that we get tons of messages a day because we're pretty.

They think they don't have a chance, and don't message us.

A lose lose situation for everyone.

 

Well, actually, more average looking women and extremely hot guys probably have the best chance at success in online dating.

[waveseer]

I found the men who were interested in me were either lazy, liars, screw ups, control freaks, sex maniacs, dependent, or just plain gross.

 

I can attract all those types and more offline, so why bother getting my hopes up that someone I've never met is okay for me?

[jengh]

I found the men who were interested in me were either lazy, liars, screw ups, control freaks, sex maniacs, dependent, or just plain gross.

 

I can attract all those types and more offline, so why bother getting my hopes up that someone I've never met is okay for me?

 

hmm, that pretty much sums it up for me too!

[servedcold]

Dating is easier for attractive females, particularly of young childbearing age, than any other group. This is true in day to day life and true on the net. The disappointment for many average men in online dating will change over time as

 

1. More women accept online dating as an alternative without stigma, and

 

2. More women acclimate to accepting the same limitations that men have had to accept in dating and realize that there is a limited supply of wealthy, handsome, tall men. In other words, the top 50% of female dating candidates will stop chasing and holding out for the top 5% of male candidates as they don't achieve their objectives, or even as they "get burned" more over time.

 

Have seen the following borne out over and over among female friends and even women I have dated. "I'd date her" to most men on the net means a vastly different grade of candidates than "I'd date him" does to most women on the net. The skewed number of men v women on the sites does indeed give the average gal a "shopping list" mentality that creates a foundation for chasing unrealistic male candidates.

 

Most of the women bemoaning how hard things are on the net here or elsewhere are really complaining that they didn't find a guy way above their own level of desirability who would stick with them. It's all about unrealistic expectations which will hopefully change over time.

[grymoire]

I think the best time to date and get a girlfriend is during college. The opportunities are good and also there will not be too much expectations from women. IMO once women graduate and get a job they expect the guy to also be in a good job and earn well. I have personally had one woman tell me "I will learn to like you once you get a job and buy a car". I had just graduated and was looking for a job at that time. Once you are out of college things do become really difficult to date and find someone.

[BriarRose]

..

Actually, I don't mind that they send me matches that are 8-10 years older than me, that is what I like. I don't really date men my age because they tend to prefer younger women (I am 44).

 

But once I weed out the ones who talk about sex in their profile , who I suspect may be married or involved, or who appear to be just wanting a hook-up, there are not many left.

[Chickenjuice]

I'm a woman and I haven't had much luck with online dating. I posted an ad on craigslist back in 2000, before it was overrun with hookers. Oh sure, I got flooded with responses, but they seemed either: 1. generic and/or a form letter 2. way too old or too young 3. penis photos, or inappropriate comments 4. spam

 

I actually did date a guy who responded to my post, for a couple of months, but he turned out to be a dud.

 

Recently I tried responding to a couple of men's craigslist ads, but that got me nowhere. I get the idea that there are a lot of married men who pretend to be single, and who just want to flirt, trade photos, and waste time. So no, I really haven't had much luck either. But then, I have not tried link removed or link removed or any real dating sites.

[sf_jen]

I have been online dating on three different sites for three years, and have yet to find a relationship. I've met guys who've a) dumped me after sleeping with me b) disappeared after anywhere from three to nine dates c) got back together with exes after two months of dating me d) etc.

 

This is not because there's anything particularly wrong with me: I'm attractive, successful, nice, stable, etc.

 

So I have to say - no, online dating isn't a walk in the park for all women.

[LAYAAN]

I think the best time to date and get a girlfriend is during college. The opportunities are good and also there will not be too much expectations from women. IMO once women graduate and get a job they expect the guy to also be in a good job and earn well. I have personally had one woman tell me "I will learn to like you once you get a job and buy a car". I had just graduated and was looking for a job at that time. Once you are out of college things do become really difficult to date and find someone.

I am a strong supporter of parents marrying their kids while in infant stage (yes, I know its against the law, but I still support it.)

I wanted to get married @ age 16, but my parents did not agree. Oh... what a fine situation it was! I was young and stupid... (whichever comes first and whichever lasts forever!) He was jobless, arrogant, and hot! Why oh why did I let the guy go?