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He's driving me crazy!! Am I overreacting!

theham2130

By theham2130
in Relationship Advice

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theham2130 Rookie

theham2130

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So, my bf of 2 years wants to have a naked photo taken of himself and his best friend. Don't ask me why. It's been a lifelong dream of his, I suppose. I don't really get it. But that's not the issue.

 

He asked me to take it and I said, 'No, I don't want to see your friend naked.' Maybe I'm uptight, but it's just not something I feel comfortable doing.

 

So then he said, 'Okay, we'll get another girl to do it.' And I said, 'Hold on, you can't get a girl to do it. If you get a girl, I'll do it, only because I don't want another woman to do it.'

 

And he said, 'No, you shouldn't do it if you don't want to. We'll just get another girl, we need a woman's eye.'

 

So, I called him a d*ck.

 

He knows that I'm insecure. I've been seeing a counselor for my insecurities, yet he is insensitive to what I'm going through. I mean, it's not like this is a professional photographer, this is just some random chick snapping pictures of two naked men.

 

If the roles were reversed, I guarantee he wouldn't be okay with a guy taking naked pictures of me. And yet, when I brought all this up, he didn't think he had said anything wrong!

 

I just think it's disrespectful. And though we talked about it, I'm still mad. He hasn't apologized. All he said was 'I understand,' which is code for 'I think you're ridiculous. Stop talking.'

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theham2130 Rookie

theham2130

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Oh lordy, I knew you would all focus on that. My bf is weird, okay? He's crazy weird. It's one of the reasons I love him. And he's also very comfortable with his sexuality, so he's not afraid of emasculation or appearing gay. Trust me, i know him well enough to know the photo is not the issue.

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shikashika Mentor

shikashika

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Is his best friend a guy or a girl?

 

I ask this because you said...

 

So then he said, 'Okay, we'll get another girl to do it.. to tkae the photo... or to be in the photo with?

 

So it's a girl?

 

I'm no prude, by any means.. but what the heck is this about?

 

This can't be the first time he's done anything like this if he finds this acceptable...

 

this isn't just wrong.. it's weird!!

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katt_marie Newbie

katt_marie

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umm this is weird. it doesn't matter if you have insecurities - you have the right to be freaked out. this is bizarre. what is he going to do with the picture? I wouldn't want to see his best friend naked either.. It would change my perspective of the guy!

 

Does your boyfriend realize what he is asking here is pretty out there?

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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Oh lordy, I knew you would all focus on that. My bf is weird, okay? He's crazy weird. It's one of the reasons I love him. And he's also very comfortable with his sexuality, so he's not afraid of emasculation or appearing gay. Trust me, i know him well enough to know the photo is not the issue.

 

I don't think I could handle that at all....

 

power to you?

 

But, I think you're bf is being extremely insensitive to you. He's making you very uncomfortable just so that he can be "quirky", or whatever the heck he's trying to be.

 

That's nonsense, utter nonsense.

 

My boyfriend's weird. But, he's weird in a very endearing way.

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Catdancer Collaborator

Catdancer

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Oh lordy, I knew you would all focus on that. My bf is weird, okay? He's crazy weird. It's one of the reasons I love him. And he's also very comfortable with his sexuality, so he's not afraid of emasculation or appearing gay. Trust me, i know him well enough to know the photo is not the issue.

 

OK...I got ya...my bf is weird too! lol So we'll let the picture itself go.

 

It is rude for him to "pick another girl" to take it and it is disrespectful to you. If my bf wanted to do something like this I would HAVE to be the one who took the pic, no one else. For one thing...to me it would be a sexual thing...and for him to exclude me from a sexual situation would really hurt my feelings and make me feel left out. Try explaining it to your bf this way with out getting angry. (I know hard to do...I'd be pissed off too)

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theham2130 Rookie

theham2130

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Yea, i sorta did explain it to him. I told him he needs to be more sensitive to what I'm going through. I told him he needs to put himself in my shoes and decide how he'd feel if i wanted a guy to take pictures of me. But the whole time, all he said was, 'I didn't think it was a big deal...ok, I understand, i understand."

 

For some reason, I just don't think he takes me seriously. We have plans to go out tonight and I just don't feel like hanging with him. I mean, I'll go, but I'll probably be a * * * * * the whole time.

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shikashika Mentor

shikashika

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ok, well if he is a 'weirdo' and you love him for it, none of us have a right to judge THAT!

 

But, I do think the particular situation is odd, myself.

 

What is the problem for you, that he wants to take the photos? or that he is disrespecting your wishes when you don't want to take the photo and will get another girl to do it.

 

Couldn't they get another guy to take the photo too?

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rosephase Mentor

rosephase

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The problem isn't the photo or the situation. The problem is that you are telling your boyfriend you are uncomfortable and instead of trying to work with you to make you feel better about the situation, or not doing it, he is just going ahead. Your boyfriend should be able to listen to you and try to help you feel better about what he wants to do.

 

But you are not helping by reacting in anger. Have you tried sitting down with him and explaining why it makes you uncomfortable? It might seem strange or that he "should" understand why, but I honestly don't understand what the issue is ether.

 

Maybe you could explain why having a professional photographer do it would feel safer to you. Or a male photographer. If he can't listen and try to take your concerns into consideration you have to ask yourself if you are okay being in a relationship with someone who won't do that for you.

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theham2130 Rookie

theham2130

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It's that he wants to get another girl to take the photo! They could totally get a guy to do it and i'd be fine with that. Like I said, my bf is weird. But the fact that he was like, 'Oh, we might need a woman's eye' and doesn't see anything wrong with it is infuriating. God, this is angering me to no end. Im not gonna speak to him tonight!

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Catdancer Collaborator

Catdancer

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Yea, i sorta did explain it to him. I told him he needs to be more sensitive to what I'm going through. I told him he needs to put himself in my shoes and decide how he'd feel if i wanted a guy to take pictures of me. But the whole time, all he said was, 'I didn't think it was a big deal...ok, I understand, i understand."

 

For some reason, I just don't think he takes me seriously. We have plans to go out tonight and I just don't feel like hanging with him. I mean, I'll go, but I'll probably be a * * * * * the whole time.

 

Nope...dont be a crab. Put on your sexiest outfit....have your nails done...do your hair and makeup really sexy....and act just as sweet to him as you can. Kill him with kindness. This is the way to act. Being nasty will just cause a fight. When he sees what a freakin catch you are and realizes how lucky he is to have you, THEN you tell him (dont ask) that if such a picture is going to be taken, you will be the one doing it. End of story...topic over. And then have the best time of your life!!

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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It's that he wants to get another girl to take the photo! They could totally get a guy to do it and i'd be fine with that. Like I said, my bf is weird. But the fact that he was like, 'Oh, we might need a woman's eye' and doesn't see anything wrong with it is infuriating. God, this is angering me to no end. Im not gonna speak to him tonight!

 

"Weird" isn't an excuse for being "inconsiderate".

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nowhereman7 Rookie

nowhereman7

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I think he is trying to make you a part of his kinky little art project. the man says he needs a womans eye, so either take the pics, or maybe you could be there when they are taken just to make sure nothing happens.

 

you said it was a "dream" so he is going to do it, obviously he has no insecurities to want a nude self portrait. So if its gonna be done you have few options, either embrace it, they are just human bodies. or be therelike i said to make sure an orgy doesn't insue. or just leave him to his own devices.

 

I know if i had a life long dream i would want my girl to embrace it.

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XxJustMexX Contributor

XxJustMexX

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I guess I'm weird like your bf so I'm gonna say that's friggin awesome. lol. (Him taking the pics with his friend) haha. But then again I'm a photographer and I'm into taking eccentric weird pictures... lol

 

But honestly, I think he should honor your wishes, but at the same time I think you need to work on your insecurities as well. (Which I do see you are so I applaud you for that) To be honest I don't think it's a big deal for either you or another woman to take the pics but that's just me. But since it does bother you, he should be man enough to do as you ask if it really does bother you that much... What exactly does he say when you told him you don't feel comfortable with another woman doing it?

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