Married men and prostitutes

[paulina]

What makes a man in a sexless marriage choose one form of prostitution over another?

Is there a definite reason behind the kind of sex they choose to get?

 

For instance, is oral perceived as less "unfaithful" than vaginal sex? Or is it just cheaper?

Just curious...

[lavenderdove]

I've heard several men say that the reason they go to prostitutes for oral sex is their wives don't like to give oral sex, and most men really really like blow jobs.

[jdpreacher]

While true men visit prostitutes for something they aren't getting at home sexually (BJ) they also visit for the variety of partner...especially if things are stale in the marriage and they want some strange just to break the monotony.

 

Believe it or not most men don't find time with a prostitute as cheating simply because it's a cash transaction, there is no chance for anything emotional...it's simply a one off.

 

Preacher

[lavenderdove]

Yes, the men who've talked about it to me do say that it is just satisfying a 'need', like feeling hungry and going out and buying a sandwich.

 

They also do it if sex gets too boring at home, or just for variety. They may great sex at home, but if their wife is a small blonde, they might seek out a tall brunette prostitute just because they want variety and something different.

[mrmaximum]

Yes, the men who've talked about it to me do say that it is just satisfying a 'need', like feeling hungry and going out and buying a sandwich.

 

They also do it if sex gets too boring at home, or just for variety. They may great sex at home, but if their wife is a small blonde, they might seek out a tall brunette prostitute just because they want variety and something different.

 

Also heard of a few guys who after having the small blonde, they may go for a curvy brunette. Shapes can also add to variety so I'm told.

[Cognitive_Canine]

If the relationship is that bad, leave.

 

Cheating is never justified.

 

And, I'd consider oral sex just as bad as any other type of cheating. Emotional cheating would be just as bad too.

[Capricorn3]

If the relationship is that bad, leave.

 

Cheating is never justified.

 

And, I'd consider oral sex just as bad as any other type of cheating. Emotional cheating would be just as bad too.

AMEN. I can't believe that some people don't see having oral sex with someone else as NOT cheating.

[russ978]

AMEN. I can't believe that some people don't see having oral sex with someone else as NOT cheating.

 

What's truly peculiar are those who think that getting oral from another guy doesn't make them a homosexual.

 

People are weird. Cheating is cheating.

[metrogirl]

Well if a married man feels that he needs to get it elsewhere, I can't for the life of me imagine why he would go to a prostitute when he could just find a mistress. Not that either option is a good one, but the whole picking up a hooker theme really upsets me. To me that is the lowest a man can go.

[jengh]

If the relationship is that bad, leave.

 

Cheating is never justified.

 

And, I'd consider oral sex just as bad as any other type of cheating. Emotional cheating would be just as bad too.

 

Agreed. Sex, oral, emotional...they're all just as bad and I would not tolerate any of them.

[CallingAllAngels]

If the relationship is that bad, leave.

 

Cheating is never justified.

 

And, I'd consider oral sex just as bad as any other type of cheating. Emotional cheating would be just as bad too.

 

Great post...couldn't agree more.

[paulina]

Well if a married man feels that he needs to get it elsewhere, I can't for the life of me imagine why he would go to a prostitute when he could just find a mistress. Not that either option is a good one, but the whole picking up a hooker theme really upsets me. To me that is the lowest a man can go.

 

Metrogirl,

apparently, the reason he did not want a lover because the marriage was so bad he knew that if a lover came into the equation he would divorce eventually and he did not want a divorce because of his children.

[metrogirl]

Metrogirl,

apparently, the reason he did not want a lover because the marriage was so bad he knew that if a lover came into the equation he would divorce eventually and he did not want a divorce because of his children.

 

I'm sure it's logical to him but doesn't make a lick of sense to me. Would his wife not divorce him either way if she was to find out that he's sleeping around?

 

I would probably be more inclined to divorce him faster if he slept with a prostitute because that is our money that he is giving away to some strange woman to satisfy his sexual needs.

 

Totally sick.

[EQD]

Yes, the men who've talked about it to me do say that it is just satisfying a 'need', like feeling hungry and going out and buying a sandwich.

 

They also do it if sex gets too boring at home, or just for variety. They may great sex at home, but if their wife is a small blonde, they might seek out a tall brunette prostitute just because they want variety and something different.

 

i worked for a couple once, the guy being a doctor.. who constantly came off like he was going to corner me and rape me. his wife was like 6'1" and 260lbs, blonde.

I'm dark haired, 5'1" and 110.

This post just reminded me of that lol.

[CallingAllAngels]

I'm sure it's logical to him but doesn't make a lick of sense to me. Would his wife not divorce him either way if she was to find out that he's sleeping around?

 

I would probably be more inclined to divorce him faster if he slept with a prostitute because that is our money that he is giving away to some strange woman to satisfy his sexual needs.

 

Totally sick.

 

Absolutly sick. And exactly why I divorced my exhusband.

[lavenderdove]

And men go to prostitutes rather than take lovers because it is less complicated. Lovers frequently start to expect more and want to replace the wife, while prostitutes are just providing a service and don't tattle on the man like a lover might.

[d24]

i had really high hopes for this thread till the moral police came in.

sometimes you need a non-emotionally charged discussion about things like this as opposed to emotional responses.

 

i think it's fascinating why some men cheat and others dont.

 

now, specifically talking about married men and prostitutes I'd guess a few things:

(without emotion trying to understand why men might feel this way and without making judgement on whether you believe its a valid argument or not)

 

1) they're sexually unfulfilled at home and feel like they need the physical connection (e.g. their wife will no longer have sex with them)

 

2) there are things their SO will not do which they feel like they need (e.g. BJs)

 

3) they want to fulfill a sexual fantasy (e.g. threesome)

 

4) they want variety (i.e. variety is the spice of life)

 

5) they are not (currently/ever) sexually/physically attracted to their wife (so why would they sleep with her?)

 

6) they need the ego boost (i'd imagine prostitutes would do the porn star fake noises which would give the man an ego boost?)

 

7) they are reliving their youth (e.g. midlife crisis)

 

8- the men are sex addicts (and much like a nymphomaniac just have an unsatisifed desire to get it)

 

 

this is all i can come up with for now.

 

THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO GO THROUGH THE LIST SAYING 1) 2) 4) well i don't think,, blabla ,,, disgraceful. get a divorce etc

 

If you want to understand it, you need to question it and think logically (or pragmatically), not pass judgement

 

Are there other 'reasons' I could have missed out?

Does anyone want to expand on those 'reasons'?

[CallingAllAngels]

Bottom line...men should keep their wedding vows. PERIOD. NO EXCUSES. I get sick of reading all these excuses as to why they had to go see a prostitite, or take a lover, blah blah blah.

 

KEEP YOUR WEDDING VOWS OR GET A DIVORCE.

[dartagnan]

I think in order to get the response that you're looking for - the reason why men visit pros - you might want to find a forum where there are men who visit pros. This forum really seems to be more for helpful advice or tut-tutting, and doesn't seem to have many pro patrons.

 

There are forums for rating escort services - I read of some in the WSJ after the Spitzer "scandal" - and a quick Google search for one might help you find the answers you're looking for.

[ay0_x]

9/ They have very low self esteem and they want to commit a "dirty" act because it brings to life their own feelings of worthlessness. Ie they feel like a "dirty" person and they want the outside to match the inside.

 

10/ Boredom/having nothing better to do.

 

11/ Their wife isn't very good at sex.

 

12/ They aren't very good at sex, and are using the prostitutes either as an ego boost or as "practise".

 

13/ Ego boost- their wives might say "baby I'm too tired" but a prostitute would never reject them in this way.

 

14/ Low opinion of women and the want/desire to objectify women as much as possible but knowing their wife would not stand for it.

 

15/ A paraphilia for sex workers (ie, they have a major fetish regarding prostitutes)

[waveseer]

My ex husband did it when we were married. When he confessed years later he said that he was angry with me. So in my case it was a lack of respect, an ego, a resentment, and sheer laziness (because it requires to much effort to make up with your wife). Basically he was just acting out (as if he was a teenager and I was his parent). It's not that he couldn't get it at home, he simply didn't want to.

[orangesoda]

I think guys get the short end of the stick on this argument all the time and it does get annoying when I read women's rants on it. Look, the bottomline is that men and women have different needs. For a guy, he needs physical intimacy/relief. I know a lot of women can go for months without sex. But show me a (straight) woman that doesn't get any male attention/flirting/etc whatsoever, and I'll show you a pretty damn bitter woman. So when a woman, even married women, want to enjoy a little male attention, they can throw on a short pair of shorts and a low-cut tank top and enjoy all the male attention they can get, and have their ego stroked. Their needs are met. They can do this day in, day out, and feel good about still being 'attractive' and wanted. Whereas guys would probably go crazy if all they got was just flirting.

 

Yes, a lot of guys who use prostitutes have weird hangups and issues - but an even greater number are doing it to fulfill a *basic human (male) need*. No, it's not right for a guy to violate his marriage vows, but it's also not right for a guy to go through a sexless marriage.

[ay0_x]

Then he should man up and say he wants out. Most of these guys aren't just "staying for the kids", I guarantee you they're staying because they still get some sort of affection, obedience, loyalty or friendship from their wife. They're afraid to be alone, they want to have their cake and eat it too..

 

Women have needs too. There's so many women who have vibrators hiding in their bottom draws. Maybe we can tart-up to get male attention, but not all of us are like that. It would be nice if husbands could pay attention to their wives and not lose interest because they've seen her in her pj's and without make up.

[dartagnan]

There are men who consider a vibrator cheating, as there are women who consider porn cheating. I don't understand it, myself, but it seems that there can be many levels of what is unacceptable in a relationship. Everyone seems to have their own non-negotiable line items, in any contract.

 

I'd be fine with my wife having something on the side if I could have the same consideration. She's said that I can't, though she wanted to have her own girlfriend at one point. She discovered that the type she was attracted to (beautiful, sexy, thin) didn't tend to be attracted to her (plain, inhibited, 70 lbs. overweight). The one woman who seemed interested in her turned out to be a prostitute. Personal ads can suck, sometimes.

 

This isn't new- prostitution 150 years ago was only barely illegal. 200 years ago it was more thriving than it is now; and 750 years ago, every major city and port had its link removed.

 

No, a lot of guys aren't staying for the kids. I do not doubt that reasons cited are probably likely: sex is an exchange and they are using money to buy a marketable but scarce commodity. (As it becomes less and less available, prostitution's price goes higher.)

 

If a prostitute were as cheap, reliable and available to a man as a vibrator is to a woman, then prostitution would be even more prevalent. Supply and demand, and caveat emptor.

 

These guys have no concern whatsoever about anyone's opinions of their behavior. Any contempt for them, any admonitions to "man up" are doubly ironic - the very idea that their "manliness" is somehow inversely tied to their desire to "have their cake and eat it, too" is kind of amusing. It's precisely that attitude which makes prostitution so tempting! A pro will not display that sort of attitude, and that's why he or she will retain such a client. That's what a sex worker is paid for - not just the sex, which can be had for the price of a decent date. A sex worker is paid for sex, for a good, giving, game, non-condescending attitude, and to go home. A sex worker has rules, rates, and services, and once a sex worker shows a negative attitude about the clientele, that worker becomes less valuable.

[paulina]

I'm sure it's logical to him but doesn't make a lick of sense to me. Would his wife not divorce him either way if she was to find out that he's sleeping around?

 

I would probably be more inclined to divorce him faster if he slept with a prostitute because that is our money that he is giving away to some strange woman to satisfy his sexual needs.

 

Totally sick.

 

If it is money we are talking about then you are assuming a lover is for free? You must be kidding: dinners, presents, hotel and motel rooms. Then if lover is long distance add telephone bills, maybe even travel expenses, etc.

I think lovers are waaaay more expensive than prostitutes.

And the emotional damage?

Ok, paying a hooker is not pretty. But the way I see it, having a lover is even worse. Then, it's not only money the guy is investing... he is investing his own emotions, attention, communication... everything.

Just my 2 cents...