Married men and prostitutes

[paulina]

I am inclined to agree with you.

[sheworriesme]

This makes me so sad, hearing anyone excuse this abhorrent behavior. This makes me feel physically ill just thinking about it. A man doesn't have any 'needs', only wants and in a marriage, you should be thinking about your partner and putting their feelings ahead of yours instead of being a selfish immature child.

 

If you're not happy with your marriage, either fix it or get a divorce.

 

Seeing a prostitute is cheating. Any kind of physical or emotional relationship with someone outside your marriage is diverting your time and energy away from your marriage.

 

No woman or man should have to put up with this kind of abuse.

 

If there are one billion reasons a man might have to see a prostitute, there are a billion reason why he should either try to fix his marriage or get a divorce.

[Casey13]

Oral is cheaper, generally less messy and quicker, as well as less chance of picking up a disease. Not to mention all in all it does the same thing for you in the end.

[im_a_jerk]

I think it is easy to throw this argument out there. I agree we as men are wired different. But to cheat on your wife for years with different women (prostitute or random hookups) you must have no respect for your wife and no concern for the many risks this type of lifestyle brings to your family.

 

I've seen this situation destroy many families (including my own, since I visited prostitutes, strippers and escorts for years before my wife found out). Everyone has something clever to say until it happens to them. It is difficult to empathize when you haven't experienced it.

 

You can make whatever argument you want about man's needs and active libido. You can also throw out comments like "marriage and dating are similar to prostitution anyway" or "its just sex not emotional love". These women really woudln't give a * * * * had these men married them and promised them a lifetime partnership and then lived a double life as a sexual deviant at every opportunity they got. We are talking about men who took a vow and made a lifetime commitment (for better or for worst) and in most cases, as my own, sex was available on a daily basis at home.

 

So, I am not trying to flame you here but you really have no clue what you are talking about.

 

My wife found out about me 3 years ago. We worked on our marriage for 2 years, I truly was sorry for the pain I caused her. At least I thought I was. After things calmed down I realized I still had the same selfish urges. I went back to my same habits.

 

When I realized this behavior was sociopathic (or at least leaning towards it) I finally understood. A guy like me who could do this to me wife is not a guy who will ever change.

 

If you are a woman and you have found out your man has been cheating or seeing prostitutes for any period of time don't try to work it out. Just leave and go "no contact". If you have kids communicate and make arrangements through family members. No texts, emails, phone calls. Forget it. Maybe years from now you can talk and be humane to each other, but you will never be friends.

 

Any little room you give you husband to "work things out" he will seduce and manipulate you. He isn't truly sorry he hurt you. He is sorry that he might lose you because you are an important part of his security and home ecosystem.

 

There are all different kinds of sociopaths, you really should read up. The common consesus is there is NO CURE FOR A SOCIOPATH!

[AquanoxSerp]

D24, if you want a place where you can get a conversation link removed is usually OK. Sure there are lots of off the wall comments there and the posting there is far less moderated but that is how it is and there are no moral policemen there nearly as much.

 

As for prostitution, there are 2 sides to every story. What seems to be a clear cut case for sexual cheating is not often the case. What if the wife was emotionally abusive?

 

Let's think of a scenario wherein the husband has asked repeatedly for his wife to stop talking about her special friend several times. He bothers him to the point that he's very upset and feels she's telling him way too much about their relationship. But oh... she feels he's "just a friend?" and that it's all innocent fun. This still doesn't matter and she's disregarding his feelings and in this case she's very likely to be emotionally cheating. How about if along with that there was very sporadic sex and she refused to give him a BJ? Rather than playing the role of a perfect and innocent victim she's just as much to blame for the downfall of the relationship, except for different reasons, and he upped the ante and crossed the physical line first. But in terms of emotional line no he hasn't crossed that. SHE however did.

 

Sure he's wrong for doing what he did, but she should also be just as culpable for emotionally cheating on him first. In such a case they're both cheaters.

 

This is not to discredit the times where the female in question has done nothing legitimately wrong or just did not want to give BJ's. I also do not give BJs and prefer straightforward sex instead. But rather than saying there are NO justifiable situations and that his ass should be divorced you might want to look at both sides of the story before passing judgment.

[Lonewing]

This makes me so sad, hearing anyone excuse this abhorrent behavior. This makes me feel physically ill just thinking about it. A man doesn't have any 'needs', only wants and in a marriage, you should be thinking about your partner and putting their feelings ahead of yours instead of being a selfish immature child.

 

I don't have physical needs???? If all the other person in the marriage is thinking about is how the other partner needs to be putting their own feelings behind your own, then I'm sorry, you're probably just as selfish as thos eyou chastize.

 

A lot of this could be worked out by simple compassion and human understanding. Males do have different needs than Females - for instance, Men don't have to buy themselves a box of Kotex every month - think about it!! We are physically and physiologically different!

 

There's a good saying I know that could solve this who issue...

 

"If he's not getting it at home, he's going to roam."

 

And it's not just men - that goes for ANYTHING either partner doesn't get at home. In some cases it's perfectly fine to get some things outside of the home - others, we would prefer to get them at home, but if they just aren't there, do you think we're just gonna go without because the other person thinks it's just an immature childish Want???

[waveseer]

I agree with this up to a point and that point is owing it to your partner to try and solve the issue together first, being willing to go to great lengths to do so. And secondly, if the relationship will never meet your needs I believe the noble thing to do is end it rather than bringing another persons biology home to your family.

[Lonewing]

I agree with this up to a point and that point is owing it to your partner to try and solve the issue together first, being willing to go to great lengths to do so. And secondly, if the relationship will never meet your needs I believe the noble thing to do is end it rather than bringing another persons biology home to your family.

 

I completely agree with you.

 

As an aside, though, I will mention how common mistresses have been through the ages, and how the home still kept together - I suppose it's the spouse saying "I'm not gonna give it to him anyway, so if he gets it from her, fine." attitude. But I don't think it is common for this sort of think to turn out happily ever after.

 

And here's something more to consider: Let us suppose two people meet. In those first dates, they may get to know their personality, but jsut how much do they get to know about each other's preferences, particulary the one that WILL make a huge difference in the future - sexual preferences? Traditionally, the couple found this out on their wedding night, since Premarital sex was such Taboo and the virgin woman was held in such high esteem. Today we are a bit wiser - we see people having short term relationships fo rthe purpose of experiencing a variety and in a sense, learnign who they are within themselves.

 

Honestly speaking, I know my sexual preferences are not universal - and there ARE some girls out there whom share the same interests and desires. But not every girl is the same, and if I ended up with a girl who does not share my physical interests, I am going to be in agony - perhaps even marital agony because I personally know on one hand it's just sex, but on the other hand...it's sex!!

 

Now the question is, how do we get that compatibility issue out sooner in the relationship so we can determine before it's too late that the relationship is doomed to a future of mistresses and extramarital affairs?

 

Some of you, especially those of you who are not men, may simply dismiss all of this talk as an immature boy crying over petty wants, but if you would really listen to men instead of projecting your own thoughts over how men should behave and be [and getting mad in the process], then maybe you wold realize this really is a pretty big Effing deal!

[im_a_jerk]

She discovered that the type she was attracted to (beautiful, sexy, thin) didn't tend to be attracted to her (plain, inhibited, 70 lbs. overweight).

 

Wow you are a real catch! What the hell?

[does_he_cheat]

Lots of these guys in the tech industry go to prostitutes, they work long hours, their buddies do it, in citys like san francisco it's practically glorified. If they don't have time to date, this is the only sex they are getting, so what happens when they do get into a normal relationship?

 

They don't know how to act.

 

They might figure out the basics, like that real girls don't get all excited over BJ's, but they never learn how to just act like a boyfriend. make a date,make concessions. They don't learn that the average date cost the same as a paid date and start to think women only want money, in effect, they treat all women like * * * * * * .

 

Is there any help for these guys?