dangletsbang Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 Thanks, sherry. Honestly, i've gotta sit down and type out a thread about the whole situation because i'm seriously at a loss at what to do. I have a really hard time swallowing my pride but i'm admitting..I do need advice on what to do..i'm so glad I have ENA. and yes..baby will be here soon..veryyyy soon..i'm getting anxious! Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 I feel more alone right now than I ever have in my whole life. Link to comment
Celestialagape54 Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 I feel more alone right now than I ever have in my whole life. Shelby, You are not alone. I am so sorry for what you are going through with your boyfriend right now. I wish that this was not happening to you. I know it is tough thing to think about raising a child alone and I hope that things between you and your boyfriend work themselves out. However, you need to make the right choice for you and Hayden. Of course we all want our children to have a mom and dad but sometimes it is not possible. Believe me I know you are a strong woman and if anything I know you would be able to do this. I know you would never take Hayden away from his father, but he needs to make the effort to be there. It took the two of you to make this baby did it not? I know how you feel powerless and backed into a corner. I went through the same thing as I am not with the father of my child and I know it is tough, but I am getting along just fine. I hope that obviously you get a happy ending. Just wanted to say I am with you and I understand you more than you know. Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted June 17, 2010 Author Share Posted June 17, 2010 Lunar, thank you so much. It really means a lot. We finally talked last night and it gave me hope..we're both not the best at communicating and i'm trying so damn hard to make myself learn how..if he would just cooperate. He came over last night and it took TWO HOURS for him to finally break down and talk to me..I just don't understand. We've been together almost two years and during those two hours before our talk last night I felt like I didn't even know him. He said that he feels this has gone by so fast..like it was just yesterday that we found out I was pregnant and now all the sudden Hayden is about to be here. I told him I understand - i'm scared, anxious and overwhelmed..just like him..we're in a serious relationship together, we should be able to help eachother through our fears and problems..I should be the first person he turns to, right? It's going to take a lot of work..no more saying we will work on it..we really need to, I need his help. I really hope I see change.. Link to comment
Celestialagape54 Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 I have faith in the man he is supposed to be and I am so glad that you guys were able to talk. It makes me veryyyyy happy!! I want nothing more than happy families for everyone here! I know he must feel overwhelmed and everything but he is also supposed to be there for you. I mean imgaine how scary it is for us women as well. You guys have to be there for each other mutually. I hope you keep posting on here lady... Again I wish you the best always. Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted June 18, 2010 Author Share Posted June 18, 2010 I have faith in the man he is supposed to be and I am so glad that you guys were able to talk. It makes me veryyyyy happy!! I want nothing more than happy families for everyone here! I know he must feel overwhelmed and everything but he is also supposed to be there for you. I mean imgaine how scary it is for us women as well. You guys have to be there for each other mutually. I hope you keep posting on here lady... Again I wish you the best always. Lunar, again..thank you so much for your words. You're such a strong person and you're going to be an amazing mother to baby Gabriel..he's a very lucky little man. Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 Why does everyone act so shocked when I tell them i'm not taking off from work until I... 1) Go into labor. 2) am being induced. It could just be hormones but that's so annoying when they get this shocked look on their face like it's such a big deal to work during pregnancy. Sure, i'd rather be at home laying down..but I would go nuts after the first day! It'll be a different story when I actually have Hayden in my arms. I will admit..I am super tired and hurting today. -.- 27 days or less..I felt a weird painful popping in my cervix yesterday afternoon when I was walking, it made me stop in my tracks because I thought my water was breaking...lol! But I really doubt it meant anything..yesterday at the doctor's office, he said my cervix was closed and thick..but oh well. It's amazing how fast this has went by. Link to comment
Celestialagape54 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 ^^ Shelby, I know the feeling. People give me the same look. Dang not all pregnant women want to be lazy and do nothing. Some of us actually like to have things to do LOL! I am the same going to work until I go into labor or until I get induced ( dear Lord I pray that does NOT happen ) I know what you mean about time flying by. I am counting down the days...I only have one two more doctors appts and then I go in every week...eeeekkk! BTW thanks for your previous comment, I am really not as strong as you think I am just determined not to let anyone interfere with my happiness or that of my son. I am in control of my life and I will not let anyone take that.... How are things with you and your boyfriend. I hope they are better since the chat you guys had.... Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted July 7, 2010 Author Share Posted July 7, 2010 Well, Saturday we finished up buying the last few things for Hayden. All we have to do is pick up the dresser on Saturday and put up his clothes..then everything will be ready for him. It's amazing what can happen in a year..last year around this time I was busy buying super short cut off shorts from hollister, cleavage baring tops from abercrombie, push up bras and lacy underwear from victoria's secret, actively working on my tan in the local tanning salon, getting my hair done once a month and contemplating what type of alcohol I wanted to drink that weekend..this year i'm buying nursing bras in size 36DD, nipple pads that I didn't even know existed last year, nursing gowns, diapers and wipes, pacifiers, crib sheets, worrying about if i'll produce enough breast milk for my baby and stocking a medicine cabinet for an infant. Things change so fast and suddenly..I wasn't given a warning..I still have a lot of growing up to do in order to be the best mom I can be for him. I'm so glad i've had such a great mom growing up..she really has made this transition a tad smoother than it could've been. Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted July 8, 2010 Author Share Posted July 8, 2010 This place really has changed a lot... it's amazing how someone considered so 'likeable' can be so condescending..everyone has their moments but good grief, get over yourself. You're not a freakin' expert. Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted July 14, 2010 Author Share Posted July 14, 2010 One week till my due date. One week till I go on bed rest, if Hayden doesn't come before then. One week..I can't believe it's already almost time for me to meet him. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 ^^excited for ya...!!!!! hope everything goes well havent talked to u in a while..glad i saw this post Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted July 14, 2010 Author Share Posted July 14, 2010 ^^excited for ya...!!!!! hope everything goes well havent talked to u in a while..glad i saw this post thanks, honey! I'm sure everything will go well, i've been so busy lately training my replacement at work..hopefully things will settle down in the next few weeks and I can catch up with everyone while Hayden is napping. Hope you're doing great! Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 Just wanted to wish you the best of luck with the delivery and everything after. You've made it a long way, it will be amazing to finally have him, I bet. Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted July 20, 2010 Author Share Posted July 20, 2010 Just wanted to wish you the best of luck with the delivery and everything after. You've made it a long way, it will be amazing to finally have him, I bet. thanks, iph. I hope everything works out for you, I know it will. I know you're struggling right now but you're such a strong person and deal with a lot on your shoulders..please don't ever feel like you're worthless because you're the complete opposite..and you're gorgeous, i'm jealous..really. ](*,) Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Just wanted to wish you good luck in your labor and delivery, hoping all goes smoothly and well for you, Shelby. You're going to finally get to meet the little guy inside, face-to-face. It'll be amazing. Link to comment
jengh Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 I'm wishing you all the best, dear! I hope everything goes smoothly Good luck! Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 thanks, iph. I hope everything works out for you, I know it will. I know you're struggling right now but you're such a strong person and deal with a lot on your shoulders..please don't ever feel like you're worthless because you're the complete opposite..and you're gorgeous, i'm jealous..really. ](*,) Wow, thank you, Dang, that means a lot. You shouldn't be jealous, you're very pretty. You have a lot going for you now and you can make it, too. Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted October 4, 2010 Author Share Posted October 4, 2010 My life has changed so much in these past 10 weeks. I gave birth on July 22nd at 1:39am to my reason for living. My past is my past now, permanently. There is no reason to look back at who I was.. I'm pretty sure I have post partum depression - nothing towards my son..just towards myself and my relationship with Trey. I don't know if it's truly PPD or if i'm just depressed in general. I don't feel the same about Trey like I used to..we're actually not even together but he lives with me so he can see Hayden. What a messed up situation, right? I never imagined it being like this. I don't have the heart to tell him to go away, he has to see Hayden. He tries to hard to make it work between us and each time he reaches out to hug or kiss me, I just don't even want him to touch me. I'm so discontent - it's such a empty feeling..but really I don't feel sad..I don't know what I feel, I wish I knew so I could tell someone. I think what's so confusing is that Hayden makes me SO happy and at the same time I feel so empty and lost. Maybe time will tell.. I hate my body, good God, do I hate my body. Nothing even really that drastic changed about it. I have 20 lbs to lose but everyone tells me I look so good for having a kid, people are surprised when I tell them I have one..really there shouldn't be an issue..right? Wrong. I've always hated my body and I guess the extra hormones have just boosted the self hatred. Really, I can't stand myself. I am such a waste of space. I don't want to eat, I want to starve myself until I waste away..but I can't do that. I have Hayden to care for and I try so hard to do what's best for him. I hate how you have to have food to live. I hate how I have such a complex with eating and my body. I have so many flaws and I will NEVER accept them. EVER. I want plastic surgery but I know even when I eventually get the surgery, I will find something else to pick at. God, this sounds horrible. I know i'm making myself look like such an unfit mother. Call CPS, much? No, it's really not like that at all. He's my world and I would never do anything like hurt or ignore my child. This is everything that is inside, that no one knows but ENA now.. I guess I'll just give it time, because that's all I can think of to do. I'm sure i'll end up deleting this entry. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 You should really go see a doctor. That doesn't sound healthy at all... Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted October 5, 2010 Author Share Posted October 5, 2010 Yeah, I know it sounds horrible. Honestly, i'm not as unstable as I seem. I'm sure it's just a rough patch i'm going through. I'm trying to stay positive, just had to vent.. Link to comment
sherryberrypie Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 D, I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time right now. Talk to someone about it. Your Mom, Hayden's Dad, etc... Don't keep it inside. Feeling depressed after baby is such a common thing. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Do you have a good support system? What is going on with Trey? What is making you push him away? Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 Hey, first -you don't sound horrible. You just sound depressed. Don't guilt yourself over your feelings. Being depressed does not make you a bad mother. Please take it from me, I have been there before and I let myself get so miserable and low before I finally reached out for help. I suffered from postpartum depression and during that time I hated mysself physcially, hated myself for having the negative feelings, and pushed my husband away too. You need to get help. Pick up the phone today and call your OB-GYN and ask for a referral for post-partum depression. Don't suffer needlessly for one more day. Don't keep waiting for it to go away on it's own- for most women it does not. You might end up in a deeper depression. Once you get some treatment you will be able to evaluate your relationship with Trey and what you want in life. Right now it will be hard for you to make any decisions, or even to function, in this state. Please trust me on this one- you need to get some help for this. Don't be ashamed to call your doc about it. I can see the guilt you feel about your feelings just leaping off the page, and that guilt will only make it worse. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted October 6, 2010 Share Posted October 6, 2010 Dang, You would be suprised at how many women suffer from PPD after they have a baby. It's more common than you think. You aren't a bad mother, you aren't a bad wife, you are someone that is in a rough place right now and you can come out on top. I agree with Bella, get a referral and talk to someone. Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted October 6, 2010 Author Share Posted October 6, 2010 bella, I wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. If it weren't for you, I really wouldn't have called my doctor and asked for help. Just taking that one step has helped tremendously. I have an appointment next week to discuss things and treatment options. I guess i'm just not that educated on the matter, I thought PPD was how you felt toward your baby...I have no issues with Hayden so I didn't think that could be it. Link to comment
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