Shelby...as we know it.

[dangletsbang]

Hmm, journal of randomness. Dietary - My struggle with weightloss. Physical - Battle with confidence and body image. Mental - Oh..whatev..basically whatever goes on that I feel like posting about, lol.

 

So today..all i've had from 7am to 6pm..

peanut butter choco chip granola bar - 100 cals.

grilled chicken and veggies - ? cals.

mini fudge striped cookies - 100cals.

dark chocolote fat free pudding cup - 60 cals.

12 raw almonds - ? cals.

medium apple - 80 cals.

nothing but water and one diet coke to drink.

 

probably going to have a light dinner...I dunno what we have at home..or what my boyfriend's mom is cooking..so. =/

 

I feel I did good today, if I can just keep this up 5 or 6 days of the week and stay away from damned cheesy crunchy delicous finger staining finger licking cheetos.

 

Update on foot -I had an xray last week..the report apparently said the break wasn't healing..it was worse..but when I went to my follow up visit yesterday he said my films showed it's slowly starting to heal after a month. Three more weeks until my next xray, woop. Still wearing this dang boot. =l

 

Me and my wonderful SO, Trey, are doing amazing. Next month will be 8 months for us. Longest significant relationship to date, for the both of us. I feel we keep growing stronger every day. I am so in love.

 

Ugh, i'm still at work..another 10 hour work day.

[dangletsbang]

So, I did fairly well on my diet yesterday...planning on doing the same thing today. I brought a smart ones frozen meal for lunch, 12 raw almonds, an apple, 100 calorie pack of cookies and a pudding cup that was left over from yesterday..dunno what I'll have for dinner yet..I can't wait till I get this dang boot off my foot so I can start exercising again!

 

Trey and I went swimming last night..it was freezing but it was fun..

 

I also bought the new LG Xenon yesterday..it's basically from my mom for my b-day next saturday but she didn't have time to go get it..so she's just gonna pay me back, lol. I need to get my hair and nails done next weekend..and buy trey's birthday present..my dad's birthday present..and mother's day..arghh..so many things to spend money on. But i'm digging my new phone..

 

This whole swine flu BS is starting to bugggg me..I swear i'm not a hypochondriac but I woke up this morning with a sore throat and my lungs feel really tight. Haha. God, i'm so paranoid.

 

BUT tomorrow's friday...two solid nights of sleeping in my babyy's arms..

[dangletsbang]

Finallyyy, it's friday!

 

Trey and I are hanging out with some friends tonight..and going to eat at Montana's..mmmm....my diet turns to shiz on the weekends but oh well.

 

I have so much filing to do, hopefully i'll get at least half or more done today. I could get it all done..but I wouldn't have anything to do on Monday.. jeez work is so lame. But, I should be thankful and not complaining..I have a decent job with gooodddd benefits.

 

So, I'm pretty much 5 weeks into 10mg on Lexapro..only side effect is ridiculously vivid dreams..two to three a night..and they're so weird..random as hell..

 

somebody come give me a back massage, pleaseeee..

[dangletsbang]

Have I mentioned that i'm completely in love and I cannot wait to fall asleep in his arms tonight and tomorrow night?

[dangletsbang]

Ah..the end of another amazing weekend..jeez, he makes me happier than chocolate..cheetos..and mexican food can. =]

 

On Friday..we went out to eat with a few of his friends @ Montana's..after we got done eating..he looks at me and said "Do you just wanna go home and lay down..?" Last thing I'd expect from him..he's usually constantly wanting to be out and doing something..I do too..but occasionally I like to just be lazy at home. So, we went to blockbuster..rented three movies..got a bucket of popcorn and jelly belly sour jelly beans..and watched movies all night..and had great sex...

 

On Saturday..we woke up..and went to Kohls..so I could get an outfit to wear to his graduation at the end of the month..[just an excuse to shop, i'm addicted. It's so cute! A brown skirt that shows off my pretty legs..and a plaid 'business-yyy' shirt..it sounds ugly but it's cute as all get out...fits my figure perfectly. It was raining like cats and dogs outside..so we went to my house..so I could shower and such..I got all prettied up..and we left and went to his friends house..I was the only girl with like 10 guys..lol..we all decided to go to an expensive japenese place..Tokyo Steakhouse to eat..where they cook in front of you and such..it was delicioussss..after that we went to another of his friends house and drank..we played some drinking game called waterfall..and I got pretty drunk. We went home earlyish..about 12am..went home and made love twice..it was so hot..i'm so crazy about him..he's seriously a blessing. So many people tried to tear me away from him when we first got together..just because he's 'big'..

 

I'd rather be with my teddy bear..who treats me fantastic..than with a model..who cheats on me and treats me like sh_t. I'm so lucky..I could talk about it all day long. I know sometimes I get irritated with him...and take him for granted..which I really need to quit.

 

Friday cannot come soon enough..

[dangletsbang]

I feel horrible today..it feels like the flu..ugh..

 

I hope i'm better by Friday..Trey and I are going to Oklahoma for the weekend for my birthday..and also to see his sister and her boyfriend's new house..It's gonna be a lot of fun..as long as i'm not sick.

 

To Do List;

Get nails done..

Get Trey's bday present..

Get mom a card for mothers day..

Pay credit card bill..and car payment..

GET BETTER..and slowly get my filing done.

[dangletsbang]

ughh, now cramping in my lower abdomen..and my back hurtssss.. =/

[dangletsbang]

Tomorrow is my bdayyy!

 

Leavin' for Oklahoma today..with my babyyy..gonna have a lot of fun this weekend.

 

Finally got my nails done, zebra tips..

 

I'm feelin' a lot better. Still kinda coughing and a sore throat..ish..but oh well. It's all good.

 

Goshh, my boyfriend is absolutely amazing. As if I haven't said it enough..

 

Gotta get back to work so I can leave early though.

[dangletsbang]

Trey told me on the drive home from Oklahoma yesterday that he wants my babies..haha..he is so funny.

 

Had a great birthday..we went and ate an amazing mexican place..then went and got really drunk off malibu and diet coke..and everclear and koolaid..I was pretty wasted..but Trey was even worse..good lord..haha. I love him so much though.

 

I am so ready for summer..seriouslyy...

[dangletsbang]

please let me start my period today.

 

 

The dreams i've been having are getting to be ridiculous..they're so intensely vivid..it's starting to scare me..they feel so real. Most of them are about things I don't even want to begin to think about. How does my mind come up with these things?

 

On a brighter note, Trey and I have been doing absolutely great. Sure, we have the expected grumpiness on occasion..but we haven't argued in a while..it was beginning to be a once a week thing. I'm glad we stopped though..he means everything and more to me.

 

SO. anywayyy.

 

I'm finally caught up at work for the most part. Just general paperwork, scheduling, filing..etc.. Kinda lame..but it's a job. Pretty soon i'm going to get to go watch Dr.Khalafi do an actual coronary artery bypass graft at the hospital..like get to scrub in and be in the actual room. I'm very excited..it's going to be an experience of a lifetime. Watch him add years on a patients life. completely change them in numerous ways. I b!tch about him a lot..but he's very good at what he does.

 

Foot xray next week...hopefully my foot is better..I want to wear both shoes..broken foots are the pits..

 

Anyway..back to patients..

[dangletsbang]

I'm just being paranoid..

 

just being paranoid.

 

someone please just beat it into my head that i'm being paranoid.

 

 

[dangletsbang]

 

 

i'll take a pregnancy test tomorrow.

 

I know this is just all in my head.

[dangletsbang]

[-o

 

not pregnant..for now anyways..

 

 

[dangletsbang]

So, this weekend wasn't all that eventful..but I spent it with Trey so I enjoyed that much at least. On Friday we went to eat at Applebees [ew, their nachos suck]..out for ice cream @ braums..then to the carnival..which was absolutely lame..those creepy carneys are so weird. I just feel like they're undressing me with their eyes. o.o then we went back to his house and swam for an hour or so..

 

Saturday we slept until one..woke up..went to rue 21 for some shopping..I got a top spa pedi

 

Yesterday we layed around until we went swimming at our friends house and ate hamburgers and hot dogs and stuff..

 

now i'm at lame work eating jason's deli..about to start clinic.

 

=/

[dangletsbang]

keepin' my tummy filled with unsweetened tea so I don't eat anymore..

 

=\

[dangletsbang]

wow, seriously.

 

get a life.

 

no job, hanging out 24/7..

 

yeah, I love you but this is so old.

[dangletsbang]

^ Thank you for at least hearing me out.

 

I'm proud of you for trying..and I know with this economy it's hard to find a decent job..but showing you're at least trying to mature some makes me happy..

 

I love you, Trey..but life's not all about hanging out with friends and sleeping until noon...every single day of the week.

 

and I think..well..hope you're starting to realize that.

[dangletsbang]

Diet update?

 

Well..i'm currently about 127lbs..

 

I'm 5'1 1/2"..

 

My foot is currently still broken [after about 2 months of being so..] so no cardio exercise for now..

 

so basically i'm having to concentrate on diet only.

 

I'm trying to eat healthy..really..but being hungry sucks.

 

This weekend I won't be able to avoid amazing fatty cajun food..

 

I'm going to louisiana with my bf and his family..and they're ragin' cajuns..for real..and I know i'll probably be drinking and eating ALL weekend.

 

So i'm going to do my best until Friday..be a glutton all weekend..then on Tuesday start my diet back up FOR REAL.

 

also, I have an xray on my foot in the morning..to see if it's healed for the most part..which I really doubt..it's still way too painful to be healed. I miss wearing both shoes.

[dangletsbang]

ugh..I feel SICK...

 

like about to puke in my trash can at any moment sick.

 

 

x 3453534

[dangletsbang]

lol @ people being SO unhappy with themselves..that they try to make everyone else miserable...honestly? I don't feel like you even deserve to be happy..In fact, keep blaming your horrible attitude on your mental and physical 'sickness'..you'll never amount to anything..but someone that everyone avoids and can't stand. good luck though! hahhh.

 

anywayyy, had my foot xray this morning..looks like it's finally kinda healing..gosh..PLEASE let it be..now I just have to wait and hear from my primary care doc.

 

So, last week..I stopped my Lexapro [10mg]..and well..supposedly these pills aren't supposed to be addicting..but I felt like I was back to my old self those several days that I wasn't taking it. Trey and I fought two days in a row..I felt ridiculously unhappy and bored with life..so I started taking it again today..might as well. I don't have anything to lose by taking it.

 

I am SO ready for tomorrow! Last day of work for 4 days! 4 solid nights of sleeping with my handsome boyfriend.

[dangletsbang]

to do list;;

 

1. finish packing - shoes, blankets, pillows, shampoo, lotion, soap, tooth brush, make up and straightener! done.

2. tan tonight - in a bed & versaspa. done.

3. get cash from bank! done.

4. make sure Trey has all of his stuff packed [wow, sad..right? lol!]

5. phone charger in purse and extra batteries for camera. done.

 

[added 5/21/09]

6. Get nails filled right AFTER work.

7. maybe tan again - [?]

8. look on craigs list for mom a new jeep for her mail route.

9. finish filing & scheduling procedures..cuz..NO WORK tomorrow!!! WOO!

[dangletsbang]

i've eaten..

 

two pieces of bread with a cup of 2%.

half of a thick juicy steak with cauliflower and broccoli.

peanut butter crackers..

70 cal pack of apricots.

I suck.

[dangletsbang]

errrmm..i'm about to eat some delicious peanut butter crackers..

 

;]

 

So, todays my last day of work until next Tuesday! Leaving tomorrow to go to Lousisiana with my Trey Babyyy and his family!

 

Pray for me..I don't want to get eaten by an alligator.

 

o.o

[dangletsbang]

Definitely had a BLAST with Trey and his family in Lousisiana! Ate great food all weekend, partied, went to an alligator farm [EW, smelled like rotting death..ick..], bonded a lot more with Trey's family..I feel really a lot closer to his family than before..makes me excited to know one day they really will be my family.

 

Started my diet back up yesterday! I'm being pretty strict for the most part. Trying to cut out junk food and drink only water and diet green tea...also since my foot is better i'm going to start exercising again. I'm going grocery shopping today to get a good start..with the hot weather it shouldn't be hard to get back into shape..i'm definitely needing some tone to my legs and stomach!

 

I am SO excited about summer! Partying, lake/river, camping, going to clubs, being in the sun, spending it with my baby..

 

Going to a rangers game in the suites on Saturday with Trey and his family..and Fridayy night Trey graduates..[finally]..he's been out of school but he gets to walk the stage on Friday..goin' out to eat at Tokyo steakhouse..MMM!!

[dangletsbang]

Trey and I went grocery shopping for healthy food last night..I got stuff to make healthy low calorie/fat wraps here at work..lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, cucumber, small packs of tuna, lean turkey and chicken breast, pre-grilled cut up chicken, banana peppers, 100 calorie packs of guacamole..also bought special k bars and crackers, kashi go lean instant oatmeal, turkey chili, 100 calorie english muffins, natural light peanut butter, individual servings of live active cottage cheese..as well as a few other items. I feel i'm getting a pretty good start on my diet..every little thing I do makes a difference. I had a 100 calorie english muffin with a small spoonful of natural light peanut butter with a cup of 2% milkkk..yum..it'll tide me over till 12!

 

 

 

I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday..that's all I have to say.