Why would emotional affairs be worst than physical ones to many women (to some men too)?

[yeawutever]

Ok is it just me or I must really be imagining things but I see many woman claim to have a harder time on (many go in tears about it, LOL) that than if their men were to either have a one night stand or an ongoing physical affair (some men think like that too).

 

Ok so to me only physical cheating is cheating. But let's suppose that was cheating. Common sense I would 1,000 times preferred my boyfriend doing online things with other women and or say sexual things than to actual have sex or do other physical acts with OW.

 

That's nasty, sharing your naked body with someone else and then telling your so called ''love of your life'' that you love them. Yuck, common sense emotional ones is way better than the actual real thing. No I would never get rid of those images if it was physical. Then talk about STD's, ewwwwwwww.

[rivercitystein]

Emotional affairs aren't just about cyber sex. It's about sharing your intimate thoughts and feelings with someone who is not your partner. It's about having an emotional connection to someone, not just a physical one.

[yeawutever]

Emotional affairs aren't just about cyber sex. It's about sharing your intimate thoughts and feelings with someone who is not your partner. It's about having an emotional connection to someone, not just a physical one.

 

I would rather preferred my boyfriend sharing his personal thoughts with OW than sharing his body in real life and putting me at risk for STD's. Sick I would not take back a guy whose body was touched by another women (or men).

[Cognitive_Canine]

I might be able to forgive a one night stand.

 

However, a month or longer of him emotionally loving someone else. I would never be able to trust him again.

[Casey13]

When you think about what a relationship or marriage is then you come to realize that you are with your partner for many reasons. You count and connect with them on the following levels to name a few: intellectually, emotionally, psychologically, humoristically and physically. When people are asked what you value most about your partner and why youre with them most reply because we have a strong emotional bond where we can confide in each other and talk about anything, trust each other and offer each other emotional and psychologica support. Rarely does anyone put sex first. So when someone is cheated on only physically they are being illuded based on a secondary characteristic but when one realizes that their partner strayed from the relationship for what one considers the more important intellectual/emotional reasons it feels like you are losing much more.

[anggrace]

"Emotional affairs aren't just about cyber sex. It's about sharing your intimate thoughts and feelings with someone who is not your partner. It's about having an emotional connection to someone, not just a physical one."

 

Exactlly! I guess it's just a matter of whats really important to you, but an emotional affair would be harder fro me to deal with.

[alli]

I was a psych major in college, and I remember hearing about how men generally are more upset by their wife/gf having a physical affair than an emotional affair. And women are the opposite.. more upset about their husband/bf having an emotional affair than a physical affair.

 

I think I would be equally upset at both. For the physical affair, I would not want to imagine my bf doing it with some other girl, and putting us both at risk for STDs. And the emtional is also upsetting, because it's like the man gave his love to someone else. One-time sex can be over and done with, no strings attached... but an emotional affair means that he will probably leave you for the new girl. You don't get to decide if you will forgive him for this or not because he has clearly chosen someone else before you even knew it.

 

That's my take.

[Casey13]

yeawutever, by answering this question maybe you can see things from another perspective. What would you rather live with your partner say

 

1) This woman is hotter than you Id rather have sex with her

2) This woman is such a better person than you and her mind and heart are much more beautiful than yours

 

First would imply physical cheating while second would imply emotional.

[laisla]

because if they emotionally cheat then they might fall for another person and are actively betraying you........would you like it if you have a husband of 7 years and he tells another woman he loves her and everything even if he never kissed her?

if a guy physically cheats on me i can get over that faster than if he emotionally cheated....it does more damage imo.

[yeawutever]

yeawutever, by answering this question maybe you can see things from another perspective. What would you rather live with your partner say

 

1) This woman is hotter than you Id rather have sex with her

2) This woman is such a better person than you and her mind and heart are much more beautiful than yours

 

Second one off course as the first one would offen me the most. I guess I must value sex a whole lot than the other things. To that is a intimate thing only you and your partner did so no I would never forgive him if he screw another women.

[laisla]

if he is having sex with only you, but in love with another woman and telling her he loves her and telling her his dreams, hopes, wishes, secrets, etc..........you think that's not cheating? it seems like he would just be able to use you for sex and keep his heart somewhere else.

[yeawutever]

No it's not cheating as they never see each other in person. Yes I might get somewhat jealous and annoy but it wouldn't be the shocking reaction as if I just found out he screwed the OW and that I might catch an STD as a result. With emotional I never will get to worry about my life being in danger.

[laisla]

well that is how you view things and if it works for you then that's fine. just be wary that a guy can easily be playing you even if he doesn't have sex with another girl.

[Cognitive_Canine]

No it's not cheating as they never see each other in person. Yes I might get somewhat jealous and annoy but it wouldn't be the shocking reaction as if I just found out he screwed the OW and that I might catch an STD as a result. With emotional I never will get to worry about my life being in danger.

 

I'd be careful who you say that around.

 

A lot of people on this board have been left for (or had to force themselves to leave) an emotional affair. Sometimes people get caught up in fantasy and it's very painful for their partners.

[yeawutever]

I'd be careful who you say that around.

 

A lot of people on this board have been left for (or had to force themselves to leave) an emotional affair. Sometimes people get caught up in fantasy and it's very painful for their partners.

 

I guess everyone is different. What can hurt someone more is vice-versa to the other person.

[ResonanceTheory]

Like someone else mentioned, I would be equally bothered by either sort of betrayal. If the person I was with slept with another woman, it would be painful, the act being an outright manifestation of his disregard of our physical intimacy and exclusivity. However, it is easier for some to understand why one might cheat (physically), because it has more to do with initial attraction, lust, and passion. Some see that as not as deep of a betrayal as emotional cheating because it is the bonds of deep love that keep us together over the years--not lust. Some people find momentary lapses in judgment acceptable as long as no emotions are involved. Sex is superficial, emotional intimacy is much deeper and can be separate from the act of sex.

 

For those who think that way, emotional cheating is different from physical cheating and much worse. In a relationship, there is a certain amount of mental and emotional intimacy. There is the idea that the person you are with is a holder of your secrets and that you rely on them. Once you start sharing that sort of "exclusive bond" with a member of the opposite sex, your partner's security in his or her exclusivity and his ability to hold that important position in your life is threatened...thus threatening the stability of the relationship.

 

The fact of the matter is that, throughout a relationship, both physical and mental attraction, connectivity, and passion wax and wane, thus opening the possibility for both emotional and physical cheating. Both are problematic. Both say that "you are not enough" for your partner, and that they must seek either emotional or physical companionship outside of the relationship.

[agent1607307371]

With emotional I never will get to worry about my life being in danger.

 

Which is nice, but you do have to cope with the fact that your SO cares about someone as much as or more than you. Your place has been usurped, they've shared something with someone that goes beyond the body.

 

This is about the connection, not the parts that connect. Sex is just sex.

 

The removal of affection and your place in them is just worse. People can love you and still do stupid things, but if they don't love you...

[yeawutever]

Because sex is just sex.

 

Not what I would want my boyfriend referring to that as. If he's with me then he should only have sex with me not someone else. Then again this is coming from a woman that was a virgin once. He is my first and no I would be totally disgusted, almost vomiting if he ever does that. From then on I would not ever want him touching me, not after he had another woman's hands all over him, yuck.

 

People can love you and still do stupid things, but if they don't love you...

 

Stupid enough to share something only I can feel and touch?? Not the kind of love nor lack of respect I want.

[Binoo]

With emotional I never will get to worry about my life being in danger.

 

I'd have to disagree with this [ in a sense ], personally.

I suppose this would never apply to you but I have experienced a relationship with a man who was cheating on me emotionally for many years.

There were a lot of thoughts of suicide during that time as I felt at one point that it would be my only way out. And I can assure you that had I stayed with this man another year, I would have killed myself.

It's such a horrible, worthless feeling to know that you are not enough for someone and they don't care that they treat you like garbage and lie to you.

 

At the very least, it affected my quality of life. I skipped school a lot, slept a lot...I couldn't even get out of bed most mornings. I had no self-esteem. I had no hope. I may as well have been dead at that point.

[rosephase]

Not what I would want my boyfriend referring to that as. If he's with me then he should only have sex with me not someone else. Then again this is coming from a woman that was a virgin once. He is my first and no I would be totally disgusted, almost vomiting if he ever does that. From then on I would not ever want him touching, not after he had another woman's hands all over him, yuck.

 

 

 

Stupid enough to share something only I can feel and touch?? Not the kind of love nor lack of respect I want.

 

I have multiple partners in a polyamorous relationship, I love and have sex with other people other then my boyfriend, and he does to. The hiding is what makes it cheating for me. I don't feel that him sharing his body, or his heart takes away from me.

 

Lots of people think differently then me, but I thought I would put it out there that there are a lot of different ways to think about cheating, and betrayal.

[yeawutever]

I have multiple partners in a polyamorous relationship, I love and have sex with other people other then my boyfriend, and he does to. The hiding is what makes it cheating for me. I don't feel that him sharing his body, or his heart takes away from me.

 

Lots of people think differently then me, but I thought I would put it out there that there are a lot of different ways to think about cheating, and betrayal.

 

Because what you're describing fits under swingers lifestyle category. In that case then it's called an open relation different from the common committed closed relationship type me and many are in.

[agent1607307371]

Because what you're describing fits under swingers lifestyle category. In that case then it's called an open relation different from the common committed closed relationship type me and many are in.

 

It's not swinging. And poly relationships are just as committed (and more so, imo, considering the work that goes into maintaining them) as the common types.

 

"Open" doesn't mean unconnected.

[agent1607307371]

Not what I would want my boyfriend referring to that as. If he's with me then he should only have sex with me not someone else. Then again this is coming from a woman that was a virgin once. He is my first and no I would be totally disgusted, almost vomiting if he ever does that. From then on I would not ever want him touching me, not after he had another woman's hands all over him, yuck.

 

 

Stupid enough to share something only I can feel and touch?? Not the kind of love nor lack of respect I want.

 

Yeah, all women were virgins once.

 

You have sex and love more tightly bound than I do, is all.

[Ac143]

I would forgive a one night stand over an ongoing emotional affair, anyday. The reason for this is...sex is JUST sex for most men & could have it without any feelings whatsoever. If my man was to emotionally connection with someone else & cared for them as much as he cared for me OR more...then there is something definitely horribly wrong in our relationship. It would be very naive to think that an emotional affair does not harm you or the relationship. Because it certainly does IF you are supposely in an exclusive relationship.

 

Just wanted to add, I would never let my SO know this lol but both is cheating & not acceptable in our relationship.

[Lissy]

Personally, I would be hurt equally by both as well. Both would be cause for me to leave a relationship. I don't tolerate cheating on any level. I realize that, for some men in particular, sex is just sex and they can do it without getting involved with a woman emotionally. But to me, it isn't about what having sex with someone else means (or doesn't mean) to him. It's about what it does to the SO when they find out (and they usually do). It's about not wanting to engage in any activity that might hurt the person you claim to love. Not to mention that it's a blatant disrespect of the relationship. If someone can cheat on me, whether it's physically or emotionally, and still claim to love me, that's not a love I want any part of.