THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Tom1990]

Is it wrong to look forward to ignoring your ex? It's odd, at first it hurt to ignore but as time goes on...I almost look forward to NOT replying to her e-mail. Something wrong with me I think.

 

Something is awesomely RIGHT with you!

[Tom1990]

DAY 8 of NC

4 month since BU

 

Another day going by...

I feel like I'm losing her because of the lack of contact, but constant contact after the BU didn't bring her back to me so I guess I have no other choice than to stick to NC as long as possible.

Honestly I would give a lot for at least one day without thinking about her

 

That's the right attitude, in my opinion. You're tired of the sadness. Now be ready to embrace yourself, whenever you're ready for it.

[Tom1990]

I worry too that if I stop contacting him, he will just forget about me. I don't think this is the case. And an opportunity can arise later. It is best for everyone to take some time for themselves to heal and try new things, etc. There is no rule saying that in a month or so time, you can't initiate contact.

 

You have your own future in your hands, right here and right now. Every day you spent looking inward instead of outward, is a full day you are stronger than ever before. And the best part about it is, you don't need him to do this. You can do it without him. He may decide to reach out to you in a week, a month, even a year. But that's out of your control. There is at least one thing you have complete control over though, and that's you.

[Tom1990]

It's OK. I think our minds are only wired for loss being in the form of death. I'm sure we've all wished this at some point in our BU. If they died in a tragic accident then the pain would make sense.

 

8 years ago while I was in college and still "stupid" I married my boyfriend who was in the Army and leaving for Iraq. I saw him once on leave and then he never made it back home. I feel guilty that my mind handled his death better then my current BU. I've had relationships since the death of my husband and before my current ex, but I was finally invested and ready for a real future.

 

That is amazingly insightful and brave of you to share. Thank you.

[dobbin]

Exactly 3 weeks of NC.

 

I feel I admit that I miss him and our relationship. BUT let's leave the past in the past. I won't put in any effort to initiate anything. I don't hold out any hope though. I know him better than the back of my hand.

 

I just keep myself busy and take it one day a time. It sucks sometimes and I just want to get drunk to ease the pain but I won't sabotage myself like that.

 

Two guys at work tried flirting with me today. It's nice to get the attention but I am clearly not ready to date. Still sticking to my plan of taking a year off to work on improving myself and growing as a person overall. I need a year to only focus on myself and make me a priority.

 

At this moment, I feel like "sucks to be me" but I know I will be better tomorrow. The second month has been mostly content and peaceful. Christmas is coming and I still have no plans to get in touch. Or New Year's for that matter. One sided relationships don't work.

[dobbin]

im_the_undead

 

I LOVE YOUR AVATAR!!!!!!!!! SO AWESOME!!

[BitterSweet12]

Day 17--- miss him more than ever

[Tom1990]

And then the day was over. And now I am home. No gifts exchanged, but no fuss made over it. There was probably too much initiated contact on my part, but given the tone of the day, I wouldn't call it a complete failure.

 

Responding to myself. Yes. So...why the frigging freak did she do that?! All day long just dissing me so damn hard! GAH. Is she testing me? Did she just not have my present? Had she totally given up on friendship?! No pokes on FB since Friday, no FB-game interaction, NOTHING. What's changed? What's different?! * * * IS GOING ON???

 

Now all memories are raging back, a thousand reasons why she's a terrible person, why I'm GLAD we're not together anymore, but who are we kidding, we could have worked it out if she didn't have such an IMMATURE view on relationships, you have to work at them sometimes, DUH, they don't just happen all on their own. WAAARGHHHH.

[lonelyheart2]

Day 16 - Don't know what he's doing, don't really care. I'm cold...which is pretty much all I can think about right now...and how much I'd love some chocolate...and that I need to do my essays.....He's definitely missing out on my awesomeness...ah a time will come when he'll think 'damn I was an IDIOT.' Who knows if he'll still have a chance come that time.

[Unlucky2011]

Day 1

 

Wicked that this thread is still going... Ok so Day 1 of no contact & finding it very bloody hard. Had horrible email from him yesterday as well because I pushed so no contact is definitely the way forward even though it's painful, buy hey more painful to send a text or phone, get no response and then feel crap for no response and stupid for chasing!! Only problem is next Thursday because it's his birthday and I think he is depressed and want to send just normal card in post to say "thinking of you, send birthday wishes" - bad idea right?

[northpickle]

Only problem is next Thursday because it's his birthday and I think he is depressed and want to send just normal card in post to say "thinking of you, send birthday wishes" - bad idea right?

 

Yep - bad idea! I know how much you want to but you'll be back to worrying about what response, if any, you will get from him

 

I'm back again!

 

DAY 9

 

OK - this is now NC forever. I broke NC 9 days ago in response to his rather dramatic "In order to move on I can't be in touch with you!" email which came after 40-odd days of NC. My response was purely to ask for my parking permit back from him, would he please post it. Our final tie which I needed sorting. It didn't require a response - just an action. I thought I would be fine with that and it was the sensible thing to do. And thus far - no permit has arrived.

 

So I'm not sure whether he has blocked my email address, deleted it without reading or maybe he just hasn't sent it yet. It would only take a day or two to come in the post. So even breaking NC for something trivial (but important, I need it sorting out!) has hindered me. I just wanted rid of that final tie, y'know. Grrr.

[HoliPoli]

Hard to believe that Christmas is just days away. I'm sick to my stomach with no appetite and can't eat. I'm worried that my progress is going backward rapidly. The not crazy part of my mind knows this is wrong because it has been nearly 2 months. Going out is much harder, i can't answer the phone because I don't want to talk to anyone. I find the energy to check the forums but can't even stay on the computer long because it's full of memories and too easy to find him.

 

Decorating the tree tonight is going to be a struggle. I just DO NOT want to do it.

 

My child is missing him more as well. He "sees" him everywhere and I have to correct him and tell him "No it's not him." GUT WRENCHING.

[lonelyheart2]

aw holipoli that must be really tough

I know what you mean about wanting to stay in hibernation though! I've been doing it for months but in all honesty I think that we need to go through a period of hibernation. I have just recently realised that I am able to cope with some situations a lot better and I think that's because I kept myself to myself for quite some time.

As for decorating a tree I haven't put a single decoration up this year!! I can understand that you need to for your little boy though. Wishing you and your little boy a very happy christmas, your ex is definitely missing out by not wanting to be in your life. It's HIS loss not yours, stay strong

[northpickle]

My child is missing him more as well. He "sees" him everywhere and I have to correct him and tell him "No it's not him." GUT WRENCHING.

 

I understand - around the 2 month mark my little one (5) started asking questions. She hadn't mentioned him for a while until yesterday, I don't talk about him to her but yesterday out of the blue she said "Why aren't you and [ex] friends any more?" I didn't know what to say, I just said we were friends and not to worry. Ugh.

[Tom1990]

Day 5. I knew what Hell was like, at long last. I spent all day wondering what had happened. I was in constant contact via text with my counselor-friends. One reminded me that I frightened her during our late-night closure chat, I had creeped her out, and I risk losing my job if I don't back off and leave. Her. Alone.

 

I kept my chest out, head held high. And yet, I was crushed. No gift exchange like we agreed. She was silent on Facebook. I was snubbed and ignored all day. And I could do nothing about it. I felt all her friends looking down on me, surrounding me -- because they do in fact physically surround me based on the seating arrangement at work.

 

I carried on as best I could. I was silent, listened to music, did my job. My supervisor for the day was one of my ex'es best friends, one that knows all about our breakup, the one that was confided in when me and the ex went for our walk that night, last week. The supervisor was encouraging and light-hearted as we talked about the tasks for the day.

 

I went a full day, 24 hours, of no contact from my ex. It was hell. Towards the end, I remembered I made her endure a whole week of it. I don't know how she managed. I always knew she was stronger than me.

 

I was ready for the day to end. I was ready for the week to end. I hoped after the Christmas holiday, we could work on our friendship again. But something told me that was destroyed, forever.

 

One hour before quitting time, she IM'ed me. "What time do you get off?"

 

I said "4-ish."

 

She said "K."

 

I worked quietly, until 4 o'clock came. I started to power down my systems, and IM'ed her "why?"

 

She told me she planned to exchange gifts, but work was so insane at the moment. I told her it was all good, there's always tomorrow. And with that, I signed off, came home, drank a glass of wine and played video games for the rest of the night.

 

And all she saw, all day long, was a man sitting there calmly, doing his job, chest out, head held high, and getting along quite lightheartedly with all of her friends.

 

Day 5 NIC/LC complete. And strangely, I thank God for giving me the challenge to grow and endure this day. On to Day 6....

[xcrunner]

Day 1

 

no contact is definitely the way forward even though it's painful, buy hey more painful to send a text or phone, get no response and then feel crap for no response and stupid for chasing!!

 

You're exactly right. And I would say don't send the birthday card.

 

Day 2. I was feeling a mixed bag of emotions all day long. I'm most down about how she went about ending it. Nighttime seems to be the most challenging time for me.

 

I will keep NC while continuing to reiterate this in my mind, over and over: she wanted out of my life, she gave up, let her go.

[Reilly2856]

Tomorrow begins day 1 anew

 

How I wish I had not wasted all that progress by giving in to your attempts at contact. Yet, somehow, I knew it would be a matter of time before you break down my defenses.

In a way, it was for the best. Again, you showed me how little I matter in your life. Another fall from grace...another crying session later...another emotion filled day....and now, I ready to get serious about forgetting you.

 

You never understood how much I loved you and I be damned if I waste another moment trying to convince you. Love need not be convinced. If this love was true on both our parts, we both would know it. You would feel it too. But you don't, for you like to believe that you can find another girl with just as much love for you as I.

 

Perhaps you can. And if you do, then you will deserve each other.

 

I do deserve better than you. You are not right for me...and I need to come to terms with that fact and move on.

 

With the coming of a new year, it is FINALLY time to let you go from my life and my heart for this lifetime.

[Swift]

Day 32

 

Just got the "Have a nice Xmas and New Year and give my love to the family" email.

 

 

B*llocks.

[Unlucky2011]

Day 2

 

Ok, feeling a bit better...at the moment and keeping myself busy...I have tidied and cleaned every cupboard in my kitchen (must be bad) and now going for a run, have to say I keep thinking about the crippling email he sent me and that is what is stopping me from contacting him. Something happened this morning and I had an overwhelming urge to share it with him but thought better...

 

No contact is all about willpower to me and I know I have loads of that when I out my mind to it so must keep going. Just avoiding shops and anything christmasy, I know avoidance hey!

[minimini]

Also have a little listen to this song I thought it was rather nice Most underated singer of the 21st century ever, his song prophet is also incredible.

 

]

 

OMG!!!! Lonelyheart2.... JUDE!!!! I love him! LOVE! I've seen him live so many times at this little place in L.A. going back like 12 years!!! I couldn't believe it when I clicked on the link and that video popped up!! I didn't think that anyone other than me even knew about him! And... I TOTALLY agree.... the mose underated singer/ songwriter of current times. And yes... Prophet is also great. Indian Lover is my personal fav....

[lovetomuch]

Dave- I want to accept but I feel like he needs to know how Im feeling and I want to know what he is feeling!! Help!

[Puo]

Hey lovetomuch,

 

I believe that all you should focus on is how you're feeling. You have to accept that this is the only thing you can be 100% sure on. Take that into consideration, and decide that this is a challenge worth accepting, at least for your own well being

 

Everyone will be fine. Just believe this as true

[Puo]

Day 6 NC. Helps that my ex deleted her facebook. Feeling good about today, but still wishing she would contact me. Not the best idea for keeping hope, but I also understand that things are they way they are for a reason, and I have to find ways to keep myself happy and occupied.

[lonelyheart2]

OMG!!!! Lonelyheart2.... JUDE!!!! I love him! LOVE! I've seen him live so many times at this little place in L.A. going back like 12 years!!! I couldn't believe it when I clicked on the link and that video popped up!! I didn't think that anyone other than me even knew about him! And... I TOTALLY agree.... the mose underated singer/ songwriter of current times. And yes... Prophet is also great. Indian Lover is my personal fav....

 

!!!!!!!! No WAY minimini!!!!!! I'm so obsessed with him!! hahaha he's amazing! I can't believe that so many people have never heard of him! You are seriously the only other person I know who knew about him before! I'm so jealous that you've been able to see him live! I've been trying to search to be able to see him but can't find it anywhere! Where did you see him?!

[HoliPoli]

I can't follow NC for the life of me. I mean well and have all the right intentions but just follow my own path anyway. I do have to say that he is just as guilty as I am as he doesn't enforce NC either. Last night we "fought" then ended up hanging out for a couple of hours and had fun. I know this in no way means we are getting back together and I wouldn't anyway as I KNOW he hasn't changed one bit.

 

Our "fights" consist of him complaining about my freak outs and i snap back and tell him that if he doesn't want me around anymore to just say so. He brought up the fact that the longest we've gone w/o speaking is 2 weeks so I demanded he give me his perfect time frame that I need to disappear. He backed down from that. I know in a sense he doesn't want to lose me and me him. I just hate that it's taking it's mental toll on me. Clearly we've broken up, but we both have this sick power over each other.

 

I'm going to have to use these mentally strong days to enforce NC because as long as I'm available to him he wont ever change or see me any different than the girl he dumped and is just hanging out with until he finds someone else to put up with him.