THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[HoliPoli]

I haven't seen him since before the BU, because we broke up over the phone. We're going to the movies tomorrow, 6 weeks after our BU. I'm excited but also afraid. I don't feel that pain inside like I felt the first weeks after the BU. I love him but I'm not sure we will have that connection we once had.

I'm starting to feel like this BU was for the best, but I'll see tomorrow. One thing I know for sure, I'm improving myself and changing and I will only try this again if he wants and does something to change. I won't go back to the same relationship. He may think he's perfect and I'm the only one that has to adapt but he's wrong. We both need to change.

 

Good luck to you. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to be too nervous.

 

It's obvious my ex and I still have a connection. When we do talk it's full of joking and laughter - especially the last convo, but I'm sure that's not enough for him. It sucks that the only thing he has initiated is sex. Im still thinking.

[brandnewday47]

I'm really, really angry/upset right now. I just found out that the ex is saying I "blew up" when she ended things with me a few weeks back. I never, ever did anything of the sort... I accepted, and while I may have been a bit upset.. I handled things maturely, wished her well and bowed out of her life. The problem is that the work will complicate things... and I want to smooth things over so... I've got to be the bigger person. Good thing is this kills any lingering desire to get her back.

[HoliPoli]

Had a rough night. Woke up several times cold and shivering after nightmares. I literally had to calm myself by saying "It was only a dream." I don't know what my deal was. I've had bad drams but not like this. It feels so evil to be going through this.

[lonelyheart2]

Day 12 nc I'm really missing the closeness and cuddles today, I haven't had a hug for sooooooooooooo long! Craving human contact. On the upside I have finally caught up on my sleep, here's hoping I get everything I need to do done today so I don't start creating a huge back-log as usual...

[HoliPoli]

Day 3.

 

I'm telling myself to try not to think about anything until Monday, but of course my mind wont have that.

[lonelyheart2]

Why until monday holipoli?

[HoliPoli]

Well I thought that since I stink at long term goals that the short ones are better. If I can keep my mind calm until Monday I will then aim for Friday. Baby steps.

[lonelyheart2]

I'm doing the same thing at each milestone I thought I would treat myself to a little gift So far I am two days off my first milestone of two weeks We can all support each other during this difficult time of Christmas hahah

[Dibbs]

DAY 5 of NC

Almost 4 months since BU

 

I really want to believe that NC will help me get better but so far it doesn't seem to be the case.

I think about her all the time, when I go to sleep, in the mornings, when I'm in the gym working out, when I'm shopping. Even when I'm with my friends.

I have trouble getting up in the morning. Everything lost its meaning since she left me.

Unfortunately I still have hope to get her back. The last time we had contact she called and said she thinks about us a lot and that she misses me.

But that doesn't change the fact she still doesn't want me back.... so frustrating. I feel that was the last time we had contact because I told her to call me only if she changes her mind and want to talk about us seriously and meet up.

 

I hope that NC will help me eventually.

 

I miss her so much and I'm so jealous she might be with someone else... this is killing me

[Jiminey]

Day 12 of NC. Although we split up in early October ( I finished with him because he was just unreliable), I have really felt the void more acutely only in the last two weeks. We were in touch, well I was, we exchanged some nasty texts mid October, and he didn't talk to me for a couple of weeks, said my words had cut him deep and had destroyed him "so far". I don't know how true that is, or whether he was just saying that to justify not being in touch, or maybe it hit a nerve, but I sent him one last text almost two weeks ago and said I was going to leave it, so I guess that was really me saying that I was drawing a line under it all. I still think about him all the time, every waking minute - I just can't believe that he can just not be thinking about me, us. I felt like I almost had a sixth sense last night about it, that he was thinking about me, missing me, wanting to hear from me - but maybe that was just because I wanted him so much and missed him, and couldn't understand if I was feeling like that then he must. I don't know, he could be fine. He could be with someone. I just don't know and thank god I don't have any mutual friends. The funny thing is is that I had to call round an engineer to fix something today, and I know that that person knows him, but he doesn't know me, and doesn't know that I know the ex - but a weird scenario to be talking to someone who knows him who actually does not know that I used to be his colleague's girlfriend. I just wonder when this pain will subside. Christmas is difficult but easier in a way as no. 1, I have never spent it with him, and 2, at least I will be with family so that will help. Then it's the new year - will I get a NY's text? That time of the year is more reserved for partners, kisses at midnight, etc, so that's going to be tough. The only thing that I can take as a positive from this relationship is that I met someone earlier this year who I cared about so much, I was attracted to him instantly, he was to me, we had an intense and healthy (at that time) relationship. We got on so well, we made each other happy, we thought that we had both met the one. At least that gives me hope that in ten years of meeting guys who I just didn't feel that connection with, that it can happen - and hopefully in 2012 it will again, and this time it will be right and maybe, hopefully I can appreciate what I found with him. Right now though, just very very sad and missing him like crazy.

[jeepman41]

Well....I am upset with myself. After 230 glorious days of NC I screwed up royally!!! I accidentally sent my ex a text without realizing I had clicked on her name instead of the person I wanted to message. Didn't fully realize it until she replied. Bummer!!! I should have purged her number from my phone a long time ago. Back to square one. All that positive work down the drain!!!!!:shame:

[HoliPoli]

Well....I am upset with myself. After 230 glorious days of NC I screwed up royally!!! I accidentally sent my ex a text without realizing I had clicked on her name instead of the person I wanted to message. Didn't fully realize it until she replied. Bummer!!! I should have purged her number from my phone a long time ago. Back to square one. All that positive work down the drain!!!!!

 

Wait doesn't it not count if it TRULY was a mistake? As long as you didn't reply to the one she set back. and yes if I reaaaaallly didn't want to hear from this person I would have deleted the number. I don't exactly mind hearing from mine, but I deleted his anyway.

[jeepman41]

Wait doesn't it not count if it TRULY was a mistake? As long as you didn't reply to the one she set back. and yes if I reaaaaallly didn't want to hear from this person I would have deleted the number. I don't exactly mind hearing from mine, but I deleted his anyway.

 

 

I was civil and replied back to her. We didn't catch up on anything. She hoped I was doing well. But I can tell I've come a long way.

[Jiminey]

Well....I am upset with myself. After 230 glorious days of NC I screwed up royally!!! I accidentally sent my ex a text without realizing I had clicked on her name instead of the person I wanted to message. Didn't fully realize it until she replied. Bummer!!! I should have purged her number from my phone a long time ago. Back to square one. All that positive work down the drain!!!!!

 

But what did you say? Surely she must have known it wasn't meant for her? And that is a hell of a long time going NC - hats off to you!!

[HoliPoli]

Crying hard at the moment.

 

Although nice (?) it's hard to hear your ex cares more about my son (not his) than he does about us (or me rather). I finally asked what the reason for the breakup was and he said he could give no valid reason. He just didn't want to be with me. I mean there we're fights, harsh words, etc. He says it's all accumulated. I don't want to cry but I feel so horrible. I made him admit he misses me. Yea I had to force it out of him and it didn't take a fight to do it - just persistence, we spoke civilly though. It's just all this big mess. He said he never stopped loving me but DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME. Who says that?!?!

 

My friend is currently reminding me of how much of a horrible person my ex is. It helps to get past the emotional meltdown.

 

I need to walk away for good. Truth be known I'm afraid. That fear is keeping me from peace of mind and healing.

[Tom1990]

I'M BACK!!!

 

As a recap, this is a coworker that had been a friend for over a year. We dated for three months (after occasional hanging out as friends for most of the summer), then my codependency got the better of me. I would get upset when she went out to the bars with other coworkers, and it just collapsed. I went NC for a week after the breakup, got myself together, then made contact. Our friendship was great for the first week. She had been thinking about me a lot, we chatted it up online as usual, good times. We clicked again. It almost seemed that with time, reconcilliation might be possible. If not, at least we could be good friends again.

 

Then I started having recurring dreams of her hooking up with someone new, and I would find out via Facebook. After enough of those dreams, I asked her if she starts seeing someone new, to tell me, because I'd hate to find out second-hand.

 

DUMB.

 

Then a couple days later, I asked if she would be open for a brief chat. She agreed, we went for a walk after work, and she told me a mutual friend knew where we were (she had terrible experiences with exes in the past). That pretty much set the tone. We talked about what went wrong, about a future as friends, so on and so forth. At the end, I asked for a hug. She refused.

 

GAH.

 

And then just yesterday, I apologized for the whole mess. She said she didn't know what I was talking about. I pointed out the stupid chat, and the stupid question about if she starts seeing someone.

 

UGH.

 

And so...back to square one. No Initiated Contact until further notice. We still plan on exchanging gifts, as we already agreed on, and made tentative plans to do something over the holiday break. We'll see if either pans out.

 

Holy crap. It hurts to think that someone who trusted me so much, now feels creeped out enough to tell a mutual friend when we have a chat. But also it creeps me out to think I reminded her, via idiotic codependency stretched out over a whole week, just exactly why she broke up with me in the first place.

 

Guhhhhh. Stupid stupid stupid. Take heed, one and all. No matter how strong you think your bond is with an ex, DO NOT DO THESE THINGS. EVER. There is no reason, and it accomplishes nothing other than to make things worse.

 

A new Day 1...starts tomorrow....

[Tom1990]

He said he never stopped loving me but DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME. Who says that?!?!

 

My ex, for starters. Some people just can't be in a relationship together, no matter how much love is there. And of course there are things he misses about you. But sometimes that's just not enough.

[HoliPoli]

 

A new Day 1...starts tomorrow....

 

That's a good idea.

 

I need to heal because I cannot keep crying like this. There's no chance of any decent kind of friendship to be had. He tells me I can talk to him about anything. He makes me promise, but can still tell me he doesn't care.

 

I can't do this to myself.

[Tom1990]

That's a good idea.

 

I need to heal because I cannot keep crying like this. There's no chance of any decent kind of friendship to be had. He tells me I can talk to him about anything. He makes me promise, but can still tell me he doesn't care.

 

I can't do this to myself.

 

Go go go! We're here for ya!

[BitterSweet12]

Day 14

 

today....I was at my weakest. I was at work consistently thinking about him...(for some odd reason, I know he's thinking of me too). I felt super down and just lost. He was my bestfriend who knew me better than i know myself. He was the only one that can put me at ease. I tried to express my feelings on fb, didn't say much...but how I miss having my best friend around. And ao friend of mines starting bashing me on fb saying how desperate I'm making myself look, and to "wake the f* up"... I found that hurtful, why would a friend but that on blast on my status?? She made me look like a fool.

 

But today was an awful day. I need a pick me up.

[jeepman41]

But what did you say? Surely she must have known it wasn't meant for her? And that is a hell of a long time going NC - hats off to you!!

 

 

I have a friend who had a doctor's appointment for a followup from having some minor surgery. I sent a message that said "Good morning. Did the doctor have some good news for you?" Ex replies "Not that I know of!." That was how this brief exchange occurred. When I looked at the reply to my message, I saw who it was that I had sent it to and I knew I was in error.

[CuriousAboutIT]

My ex gf of about 4 years ended things in early November, we had a tough break up that lasted about a month. We both were unhappy, wanted it to work, but just continued to argue. When she called it off, she felt that I wasn't making her a priority, my job and social life were more important she said. It's been tough and I think about it often. Initially there was no contact for about 5 days at a time. I reached out to her on Thanksgiving then she did to me a few days later to say hello and hope all is well. We hung out a few days in a row after that, but then she stopped answering me and abruptly told me she didn't have to answer me. I was upset and tried to make contact several times with no success. I am still bummed and this takes up nearly all of my daily thoughts, she knows I want to get back together, but she said she doesn't have the feelings to right now. We had broken up in the past and got back together and it was great, but I don't know if this time it happens, though I do want it to. Anyone have any advice?

[HoliPoli]

This morning was just as emotional if not worse than last night. When we talk about the breakup it's like reliving it painfully over and over again in my head. It sets my healing back to the near beginning. He's just as guilty as I am about bringing the break up up in the conversation. How are things ever supposed to be normal for me again if this keeps happening? I am talking to him tonight again and I am going to express that if we are to have any kind of friendship then no more BU talk. It happened, it's over, I'm hurt, oh well. I do not wish to keep reliving it during every conversation. If I bring it up then ignore me. If he brings it up then I'll ignore him. I am fine with not being together. I don't feel fine losing my best friend.

 

I just wonder why he feels so invested in my 5 year old. It's not his son so why does he claim to care when he insists he cares nothing about me?

 

All i know is that the sun decides on it's own when to shine. You cannot make it happen.

[lonelyheart2]

Day 13 = Way too many public displays of affection today. I mean seriously, one couple actually looked like they were about to have sex in the shopping centre. Just because it's near christmas does not mean this is ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot wait for christmas to be over, please make it be march SURELY I will be ok, fun, happy and myself again by then! Plus my birthdays in april...something to look forward too...did my christmas shopping today though which was nice....also because makes me feel I'm that much closer to this whole christmas period being over.

[brandnewday47]

Day 12;

 

Pretty bitter, short fustrated today. I really don't feel in the holiday spirit one bit.