THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[T413]

Day 17

 

I've lost him and he's never coming back.

[hrd8]

One week. Today isn't starting off very well. I wanted so bad to txt her good morning. Can't help but to think that NC is having the opposite effect on her, that its validating her decision to break up and is only making her stronger. Ahhhh This has to get better, right?

[dont_know_what_2_say]

One week. Today isn't starting off very well. I wanted so bad to txt her good morning. Can't help but to think that NC is having the opposite effect on her, that its validating her decision to break up and is only making her stronger. Ahhhh This has to get better, right?

 

Don't contact her! It's actually having the opposite effect. She was expecting you to freak out and beg for her back, but in return she got a guy that was ready to move on and kept his cool. Which will make you more attractive in her eyes.

 

She's probably wondering when you'll contact her and probably misses you. Keep it going!

 

If anything, it will help you move on, or make her realize what she's lost.

 

"you don't know what you've got until it's gone" and another one "People want what they can't have"

 

Also, yes it gets better. It always does. After being with someone for three years, during the break up, the first few days I couldn't imagine my life without him etc.etc.etc.

 

Three years later, I'm doing just fine, well except now I'm going through another break up with someone else.

 

But trust me, time heals all wounds. That's why I know NC works, because I've done it before and it's always helped.

[dont_know_what_2_say]

Well the first day went fine, Day 2 here we go!!

 

One thing I've noticed helps : Going to bed earlier.

 

Just because at night it's when you miss the other person the most. You can either try to busy yourself, or go to bed earlier, as to avoid temptation.

 

Gives you less time to feel lonely and miss them. Plus when you wake up it's another day of NC! Also you get lots of beauty sleep.

[northpickle]

DAY 5 NC - DAY 6 after BU

 

Today has been better actually, I'm more up and down but at least there has been ups! I'm starting to get clearer on the last contact actually, the post-dumping email face-to-face chat. He put everything on me! And I spent the first few days feeling like everything was my fault! But I'm beginning to realise it wasn't, and whether he knows that himself I'll perhaps never know.

 

Haven't replied to his breadcrummy "How are you?" text of Day 2 NC. And have removed him from MSN, Skype and even deleted our shared playlists on Spotify! Not strong enough to remove / detag pictures on FB yet, purely because seeing them will make me upset.

 

We can do this, people

[leq]

Hi guys

 

Please can someone tell me if i should initiate NC with my ex girlfriend?

 

We work together. Have been speaking at work for the past month (4 weeks since b/u) being her friend as best I can

 

Do I tell her i am initiating no contact? Do I give her an explenation if she asks?

 

I took her for granted in the relationship. Did about 2 weeks of trying to reason saying i would change etc..

 

I'm so lost.

[dont_know_what_2_say]

Day 17

 

I've lost him and he's never coming back.

 

You've made it through two weeks and three days. CONGRATULATIONS!!! You should proud of yourself and how strong you have been.

 

It's not about losing someone, it's about gaining back yourself, who you are as a person. You should dedicate this time to take care of yourself, because in all honesty you're the one that truly matters.

 

Time heals all wounds. Now you might feel like you will never find someone just like him, but trust me, they're out there. After a few breakups I've realized that even if at the moment I'm dying to be with that person and how no-one else will measure up, time will help me realize that is not true.

 

I'm going through a recent break up myself, and I know there are amazing people out there, and wasting my time concentrating on the past will make it harder to find the person I'm truly supposed to end up with.

 

Slowly but surely, you're doing a great job!

[dont_know_what_2_say]

DAY 5 NC - DAY 6 after BU

 

Today has been better actually, I'm more up and down but at least there has been ups! I'm starting to get clearer on the last contact actually, the post-dumping email face-to-face chat. He put everything on me! And I spent the first few days feeling like everything was my fault! But I'm beginning to realise it wasn't, and whether he knows that himself I'll perhaps never know.

 

Haven't replied to his breadcrummy "How are you?" text of Day 2 NC. And have removed him from MSN, Skype and even deleted our shared playlists on Spotify! Not strong enough to remove / detag pictures on FB yet, purely because seeing them will make me upset.

 

We can do this, people

 

YES WE CAN!

I also deleted his email and contact from gmail, and i don't have his number on my phone.

[hrd8]

Thanks. Not easy going from talking to someone all day to having no contact at all. She has to be feeling it too, right? Or maybe she has totally moved on. Last she said is that she wanted a few weeks to herself. I am naive to believe that she is really using some of that time to reflect and think about what she is giving up?

[DerekJason]

Thanks. Not easy going from talking to someone all day to having no contact at all. She has to be feeling it too, right? Or maybe she has totally moved on. Last she said is that she wanted a few weeks to herself. I am naive to believe that she is really using some of that time to reflect and think about what she is giving up?

 

Couldnt agree more, from texting/talking everyday, to sitting outside with the trash to be picked up is rough. who knows if shes feeling it? i sure dont. we all would like to think that they are. almost makes me wish i had a rebound, but i know, that is not the answer for me right now. Im sure they do think about us, but not in the capacity as we do about them.

[northpickle]

YES WE CAN!

I also deleted his email and contact from gmail, and i don't have his number on my phone.

 

It's actually surprising how many communication trails we leave behind! I've just done that with the gmail too, he has a very easy email address to remember but at least his name is not staring me in the face every time I check my mail

[northpickle]

Thanks. Not easy going from talking to someone all day to having no contact at all. She has to be feeling it too, right? Or maybe she has totally moved on. Last she said is that she wanted a few weeks to herself. I am naive to believe that she is really using some of that time to reflect and think about what she is giving up?

 

DAY 5 NC

 

Agreed too, we would speak every day at least once, usually by email, text or occasionally MSN if we weren't seeing each other face-to-face. Even if it was to purely say goodnight But he's lost this more than I have, for it was his choice. He's already thrown the breadcrumbs once

 

By the way, if I hadn't found this forum, I think I would be in a completely different position, and would have probably sent a fair few emails / texts by now. So thank you all x

[RitaTrue]

Hi guys

 

Please can someone tell me if i should initiate NC with my ex girlfriend?

 

We work together. Have been speaking at work for the past month (4 weeks since b/u) being her friend as best I can

 

Do I tell her i am initiating no contact? Do I give her an explenation if she asks?

 

I took her for granted in the relationship. Did about 2 weeks of trying to reason saying i would change etc..

 

I'm so lost.

 

 

DKWTS, I find that in doing NC, people usually take one of three routes: email, phone, or in person. Initiate NC in the way you believe is best for you. I chose email: I got my point accross and didnt have to worry about him dragging out the conversation or making me feel worse about it. But then again, I was also in an LDR then. In talking about the NC, most people will say to keep it short and professional. I personally didnt do that. I just said something to the tune of "hi, you're a good person. I think our break up was the best thing for us. You're my friend, I'm your friend, but right now I just need some space. Please dont contact me. In fact, dont even answer this email. I wish you the best in school and in your future. Sincerely, Rita." My relationship ended amicably. I wanted the NC to start amicably.

 

You can do NC while working with your ex. There are many people here who have been in your shoes. What they do, is that they continue in NC, and when they and the ex work together, they keep it strictly business (i.e., they dont speak to the ex, unless it relates to the immediate work at hand).

 

Whether you give an explanation, depends on you, and how the relationship ended. I gave an explanation to my ex because I felt he deserved to know, and I wanted him to remember that it ended kindly, in case we decided to be friends afterwards.

 

GL,

Rita

[RitaTrue]

if I hadn't found this forum, I think I would be in a completely different position, and would have probably sent a fair few emails / texts by now. So thank you all x

 

Haha, you and me both! If I hadnt found this forum, I and my ex would still be friends, even though I still had feelings for him and it was tearing me apart. I didnt have the balls to initiate NC, until I came here.

[madine]

- 30 -

 

Today I've been having such an urge to contact her. I'll resist it though.

[RitaTrue]

Today, I see some pictures from some old friends who're still in school--the school that me and my ex went to together, last semester. I graduated. He's still there. It makes me think who he'll meet there.

 

There's this masochistic part of me that says I'll heal better if I see him with someone else. Then I'll know we're "done" officially. Who knows where I got that thought from?

 

At any rate though, I havent healed. And I'm not ready to see that.

[CMS]

Wow this thread is still going strong huh? thats impressive, NC for almost 5 months now, I lost count on the exact days and can honestly say I am 90% healed, you can all do it, stay strong, there is a light at the end of the tunnel

[northpickle]

Haha, you and me both! If I hadnt found this forum, I and my ex would still be friends, even though I still had feelings for him and it was tearing me apart. I didnt have the balls to initiate NC, until I came here.

 

Being "friends" is what he said he wanted, although he put it as "he doesn't want to be out of my life" - pah! For whatever reason he said that, whether to make me feel better, or that he was just putting me on the back-burner because he wasn't sure what he wanted, or that at the end he only saw me as a "friend"...I have no idea.

 

But there's absolutely no way I'm having contact with him right now. Nope.

 

And I didn't tell him I was going NC, I have just ignored his first breadcrumb text of 3 days ago. I don't want to appear moody, mean, immature etc. But he didn't want a relationship. So he hasn't got one.

[RitaTrue]

Being "friends" is what he said he wanted, although he put it as "he doesn't want to be out of my life" - pah! For whatever reason he said that, whether to make me feel better, or that he was just putting me on the back-burner because he wasn't sure what he wanted, or that at the end he only saw me as a "friend"...I have no idea.

 

But there's absolutely no way I'm having contact with him right now. Nope.

 

And I didn't tell him I was going NC, I have just ignored his first breadcrumb text of 3 days ago. I don't want to appear moody, mean, immature etc. But he didn't want a relationship. So he hasn't got one.

 

You are so strong. Did you break up hard?

 

My break up was amicable, which made it harder. Itd be easier to say GTFO of my life, if he dawg'd me in some way. But he didnt. He suggested being friends, and I still loved him, so I agreed. I wish I hadnt let the friendship go on as long as I had. I now realize that the reason he talked to me so frequently during the summer was because he hadnt find anyone better and was bored. It hurts that I got put on the backburner. But what should I have expected? If I could re-do it now, I would've been friendly for about 2 weeks. And NC'd IMMEDIATELY. Not be friends for 2 months, and then cut off contact. Fck me.

 

My ex hasnt sent me any breadcrumbs. And a part of me wishes he would. Just so I know somewhere that he wants me.

 

He was a good man. And he'll make a good husband, for the appropriate woman. But I'm not her. Nor do I want to be--anymore. I'm still trying to figure out who I am. But in the process, I've learned who I AM NOT. I am not what what he wanted: someone out of a catalog, always fashionable and modelesque, in heels, hair done. I am me. I'm a jeans-and-tee kinda girl. And I want to be accepted as is. Not accepted with a "needs improvement before reaching my ideal" tag. That hurts in so many ways. I used to hear people say "if they cant accept you the way you are, leave." When I was with my ex, he didnt accept me the way I was physically. He wanted to change me. I tried to morph to be what he wanted. But ended up miserable and more insecure. Now I realize how true that saying is. If I had listened to this judgement, I should've ended the relationship long ago. But hindsight is always 20/20, eh?

[northpickle]

Many many hugs.

 

My story is here: and even though I first posted only this Sunday, I'm surprised how much I have changed. I'm going to update my thread a bit later this evening as I have been mainly posting little bits elsewhere on here

 

Natural me, the state I was in as we broke up (and I knew it was coming for a while) went in to beg, plead mode. But he was so adamant and cold, I gave up pretty quickly without making too much fuss. This was Friday night, the day after the dumping email.

 

I could tell he was upset, I absolutely adore him, after 14 months (and I know it's not the longest of relationships) I was still getting butterflies whenever I saw him, whenever he held my hand.

 

He was never honest or open with his feelings though. Part of me thinks he has commitment issues as he always kept his distance somewhat, and made me think that whenever I brought up this, that I had issues. I'm pretty sure I don't. I think I was reacting to him holding back. Or he could have just not been that into me. Which I also find hard to believe after the way we met and how he pursued me, gently and sweetly, and remembering the first emails we shared of how he felt guilt pursuing me...

 

I'm not sure what he's thinking...but he put all the guilt on to me, when I do think he has issues (not that I like that word!) himself.

 

Onwards and upwards x

[gamergirl]

Day 4

 

I feel kinda weak today. Perhaps it's because I haven't eaten since yesterday. I have trouble eating lately... feel sick everytime I try.

I'm also seeing my therapist for the first time tomorrow. I hope she can help me see that my life is perfectly fine even without you.

I've joined two online dating sites. Started talking to some guys. It feels nice to hear cute things about me again... although I don't intend going anywhere with any of them. They seem more interested in sex than a relationship.

 

I miss you...

[jeepman41]

Wow this thread is still going strong huh? thats impressive, NC for almost 5 months now, I lost count on the exact days and can honestly say I am 90% healed, you can all do it, stay strong, there is a light at the end of the tunnel

 

 

 

The only way I know for sure about the time, is I started keeping a journal in the very beginning. When I was overwhelmed with thoughts of her and felt like reaching out I logged in my journal. That is what kept me from breaking NC. And the fact that she was rebounding with someone else.

[Lostlove26]

I kinda lost track of how many days its been and i really don't know if I should re start since i just txt I missed him but he prolly doesn't cuz he didn't respond I don't think he cares about me and I feel like he might have someone else. It makes me want to not care but I still do. It's just been feeling unreal like I never dated him and we never were together for 2 years. My day is okay I just always seem to have a hard time at night. I just feel like he never existed now..

[lovelifexoxo]

Took the plunge and blocked him on facebook.

 

I don't care what he thinks of it. --childish.. over reacting. WHATEVER.

 

I'm done living my life on facebook hoping he will see something through a mutual friends page. DONE.

[hrd8]

Today was the hardest yet. I wanted so bad to reach out....really miss her.