madine
-
Posts
166 -
Joined
madine's Achievements
-
Month 7(!) Found a college notebook whilst doing some cleasing. Flipped through it see if it was something important and found a message from her on one of the pages is the middle saying she loved me. Over a year since the break-up, almost seven months without any contact and all of a sudden I feel like sh*t again.
-
Hya everybody! It's been a while. Seeing tomorrow it will be two years ago I met my ex I thought'd be a nice occasion to say hi and check out how everybody is doing. I do see there are some fresh broken hearts. To all of you I would like to say: it gets better. It might not get great, it might not even get good, but it gets better. I'm still convinced my ex was the one and only for me and I do miss her every day.. some days more than others.. but at least I'm still here, which means something, because to be honest I came horribly close to not having been here anymore. From all that to 148 days of complete pure NC (I'd like to thank my sig and link removed lol) is progress I'm proud of. Hang in there all of you.
-
Day 1. Starting over again. Saw her yesterday at a meeting. I completely ignored her. Accept one time when she asked our chairman to start explaining stuff we decided on ages ago. I asked our chairman not to do so and keep the pace, then she directly spoke to me and told me she had to know what we were going on about. I told her she should've shown up the last three meetings. I kinda liked being so harsh. Besides that I hardly looked at her. Strangely enough she responds to almost everything I say and laughs incredibly hard at everything funny I say. So after the meeting I went to visit my friends at the student association I used to be a member of and she was and still is. She didn't go there, but her girlfriends - who hate me - were. I gave up my membership and haven't been there since the break-up. It was kinda therapeutic, I actually said hi to one of her best friends as she past me, and this girl is just evil. I felt like I had to behave like it didn't matter to me at all anymore, so I did. I'll see her again on saturday.
-
Well, off we go. Hope I can stretch NC for two more days. Also because a cute girl will be there today, will be hard enough without my ex
-
Day 45 (I had to check my agenda, I've lost count) Back from a few days in England with some of my friends. It was fun, but again I can't help but think about how much more fun the trips abroad with my ex were. Exactly one year ago the two of us were in Paris, our first trip abroad. Seems so long ago and yet I remember every single minute about it. So I haven't seen her for 45 days! But I am going to see her at least twice this week (wednesday and saturday), maybe even tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it.
-
Day 40 Feel bad, just saw her new FB profile pic flash by. She looks so cute
-
Nothing new today, but I've reached 38 days of NC, that's a new personal record.
-
Day 37. Like I've told so many times before I'm a member of a political association. This is relevant because it is the only connection I still have with my ex and to me it is a means of establishing new social contacts. Anyway, I hate seeing my ex, so I am relieved every time she's not present at any of our meetings or activities. However, I also do hate her being there whenever I can't because I don't want her to have the opportunity to win people over and leave me alienated. The male/female ratio at local departement is off and she is kind of the only girl, which already gives her the edge amongst all these young - mostly single - guys. Today was exciting as a national celebrity and successful entrepreneur contacted our local department to set up a HUGE event. If we pull this of it's going to be something our whole country will be watching. Because of these developments two meetings have been scheduled next week... and I'll miss both of 'em because of exams and a trip abroad The week after we have another meeting planned and people from the national organisation will be coming over for a visit. Amongst them is a really cute girl I'd love to get to know better. Again, my ex will probably be present. And to make matters worst sleeping arrangements will have to be made to accommodate these people and I am sure my ex will volunteer. You see where this is leading? Any thoughts?
-
Day 33. She didn't show up yesterday. Next meetings are scheduled for October 31st and November 5th. Time is my friend...
-
1.5 hours till contact. I am so not up for it today. My therapist was bugging me for not having made any progress in almost 5 months. Like that doesn't bother me myself. I know what would help; a new love interest. Unfortunately I am not the kind of guy they're lining up for.
-
30 days mark passed again. Only to have to start over tomorrow. I'd love to go a couple of months without any contact, but that would mean I'd have to give up even more to avoid seeing her. I refuse to do so. At least I haven't initiated anything for over two months, which is kind of a feat after weeks of pursuing her. I really wonder how she feels about that...
-
I broke down completely today. I moved to a neighbouring city after she left me, but I still have to go to class in the city we met, lived together and so many memories are. I hate going there. Every time. But this time things were really bad. I parked my car this morning and starting walking towards my faculty. Tears filled my eyes and half way there I took a right turn and walked a while along the river because nobody was there and so nobody could see me crying full out. I turned around, got back in my car and drove to my parents. I just feel so lost without her, even after almost 5 months! I keep thinking about how happy she made me and how bad I feel not having her in my life. How no other human being I ever met even comes close to how awesome she was. What is she really is THE one? What if this is it for me? If I only experienced true love for one year of my life. I want to get married, get kids and grow old with the love of my life. Why can't I?
-
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! It makes me mad to see her being invited - or worse - rsvp to an event on Facebook I am attending. I.. don't.. want.. to see.. your.. face!!!
-
It is obvious that this girl who once supposedly loved me is now out to make me feel as bad as possible. So I am determined to make her believe I don't give a sh*t about her anymore, about anything she does. That nothing she says affects me in any way. That there are no feelings what so ever anymore, neither positive or negative. I want to treat her like I hardly know her, like I don't want to get to know her, like she is the most uninteresting person in the room completely unworthy my attention. And all that is a complete lie. I love her, I hate her. I cry about her. I get mad at her. But I will not give her the satisfaction of knowing that. 4 weeks of NC
-
Yeah, but of course she will not be talking to me but to someone else. Only to be yelling so loud I hear every word. She was doing the same thing last time. It was quite annoying because I was trying to have a conversation with someone and was not really willing to listen to her flirt with another dude. She was kinda of a *itch that night.