THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[stacy2]

Day 29.

 

Not even close to being healed yet, I still think about you like crazy. My curiosity is killing me more than anything, there are so many questions I want to ask you. When did you meet this girl? Where did you meet this girl? Who is she? Are you guys officially dating now? Are you even still talking to her?

 

I have no way of knowing and I wish I didn't care, but I can't help it. It's been a month... you haven't contacted me, I haven't contacted you. I have met new guys but I hate that you broke me to the point that I don't even have the slightest interest in dating anyone else. It's not fair how happy you are and how easy this is for you, and I'm still here just trying to get through the days.

[staying strong]

Day 3 or NC:

 

It's sad that you are letting what other people say or think about us affect OUR relationship. You asked 'what would people think on your end if we got back together?' I told you that it didn't matter because I knew how i felt. I wish you reach deep down and come up with your own answer. Or is it that you have moved on and you are just using me as a emotional crutch? It would be sad if you were, we only broke up a month ago and we just spent the night together last thursday and you told me that you still loved me.

 

last thursday was such a good day with you, i didn't want that day to end. Now i haven't heard your voice in 3 days. But i'll tell you this, you will regret not listening to your heart. The people who are giving you crappy advice are the ones who hate their lives and it makes them feel good to see you in this position. I know you honey, I know you love and want to be with me, but now all these other people are involved. I'm a good man and you know it. I'm not perfect, but i have identified my wrongs and going to make them right, with or without you. The next person in my life won't have the old, selfish me. I wish it was still you.

[T413]

I'm new to forums in general but especially to heartbreak.

 

I met my ex through a mutual hobby we both shared. We were friends for a while but it was obvious we liked each other. I was integrated into his social groups more and more. It felt good. I'm a naturally shy person and I liked being associated with someone so popular.

 

It seemed inevitable to me that we would be together but we didn't go public. This was mainly my fault because I was insecure about being so much older than him. I also thought he was 'out of my league' so if other girls new that we were together, they would think he'd lowered his standards and would try and split us up so they could be with him.

 

He has a very busy life and I made a small business out of my hobby - nothing much just pocket money really. We didn't spend much time together which was rather frustrating to me.

 

Eventually, because of my insecurities (mainly) and a few other issues, we split up after about six months.

 

For the first five months afterwards, due to our mutual hobby we saw each other at least weekly and even went on the same holiday together with a group of his friends (although it was clear to all we were not together). During those five months, I was convinced that we would get back together. He gave me signs that he wanted to get together too.

 

Then, last month, something changed. I think a new lady showed him the attention he loves (who doesn't?). She is great fun and in these early stages, seems hassle free, unlike me. She is much older than me (the irony - I was worried he would think me too old). She has a partner so they probably won't get together. Nevertheless, I'm sure I'm not the one in his thoughts any more. I have no doubt that reconciliation is not possible now.

 

This breaks my heart but to make matters worse, he has now started a rival business based on our hobby about a mile from mine. He must know that this would hurt me?

 

I had tried to do LC for the last few weeks thinking it would help me. I fully expected to see my ex tonight as part of LC (we go to the same place for our hobby once a week) but he didn't make it. As of tomorrow, I was going to start full NC because I knew it would be easy with the Bank holidays etc. As it is, I've already done 14 days of NC although it wasn't really my intention.

 

I don't feel any stronger having completed 14 days of NC already. I am usually a strong, independent person but I don't know where I'm going to find the strength to complete NC. I just want to curl up and let the world pass by.

 

I'm going to try and post every day as part of the NC challenge (I promise it won't always be this long). There are major NC challenges to me - get him out of my head, concentrate on healing me, don't expect reconciliation (although it's all my heart desires).

 

I'll continue to read your helpful advice and hopefully, things will get easier with time.

[TheJerseyKid]

Day 32: Just wanted to give some inspiration to those just looking to do 30 days and contact your ex. I'm at 32 now, and neither of us have broken NC (unannounced). I plan on going until 1 of 2 things happen 1) I become fully healed, stop counting/caring, and move on or 2) If she initiates, and at that point I can handle LC. Worst case scenario, I move on and get better. Best case I move on and get better, and we work things out. Funny thing is, im not even 100% sold that I'd want to work things out. She'd have to change a bunch of things and express to me wanting to fix the things that went wrong. If she thinks I'm the only one that had to change- she's very mistaken. I know how well I treated her, and the type of connection we had. If I stick to NC hard and never break it, she WILL reach out to me eventually, and she probably won't come right out and say she wants me back, but I know she will be interested in catching up. Just stick with it guys/gals, don't give in to the temptation, and when you've made it as far as I have, it's all the more reason to not break it. If I were to contact her tonight, she would think "Gee, I can disappear for a month, and he'll STILL be chasing me." I need to prove to her that this is not true.

[MrBrightside15]

If I were to contact her tonight, she would think "Gee, I can disappear for a month, and he'll STILL be chasing me." I need to prove to her that this is not true.

 

Day 3: Worse than yesterday but better than Day 1. I really want to talk to you about how your colonoscopy went today, but if I contacted you three days after I said we shouldn't talk I would look just pathetic. I kind of hoped you would've called me to let me know, but I knew you wouldn't - you're more resolute than that. I really hope you don't think I don't care. You know how much I care about you, so I don't think that's the case. Hopefully today was miserable enough for you to think about me and wish I was there.

 

Good post Jersey Kid. That sounds like a good place to be after a month. The last thing you said was especially interesting to me. At what point does that change? After two months? Three? Six? And what if she is thinking the exact same thing and it just turns into a game of chicken and who hurts enough to give in first? That could result in both of you wanting to talk, but both being strong enough to hold back.

[TheJerseyKid]

It changes when I no longer care what she thinks. I don't "really" care what she thinks at this point, but I know if things don't go the way I want, I'll end up getting hurt. I can't reach out until I'm ready to hear "I never loved you, leave me alone i'm having sex" as a possible response. I like to prepare for the worst case scenario. By the time I get to that point, there's a good chance it wont even matter, because I could be into somebody new. In which case, I won't even reach out to her. I have the power back, when I no longer want her back. That's basically what I'm trying to say.

 

edit: if you don't know my story, this is the 3rd time I've been dumped by her, in 2.5 years. That's why I'm content with never saying anything to her if she never reaches out. I've already given everything I could to this girl, if its not enough, its not enough. She's probably more at fault for this break up than I am. Shes the one that failed to communicate her feelings. I just CANT break NC this time around.

[wilyone 11]

Day 25

Spoke to the psychic again. It was interesting and sounded pretty plausible. Here's what she said (remember my ex and I had a threesome with another much younger girl and he dumped me pretty suddenly for her. We'd been together for a year.)

 

"He's very confused, doesn't even know how he could make it up to you. Doesn't know what he could say. He wants to talk to you but wonders why you would even want to look at him. He did not expect this to happen. It's still bugging him, nagging him when he goes to sleep and wakes up. He still cares about you, but he's letting his fears, questions and doubts get in the way. He knows that he still loves you a lot, and it's making him ask questions like maybe he's not strong enough for you, maybe you deserve someone stronger. He figures that if you got back together, all you would remember is what he did."

 

Which is probably true. I'm a very forgiving person, but I don't know how our relationship could ever be the same. I guess it would be similar to forgiving someone for cheating on you? But it's not like he cheated on me with this other girl, he just fell for her and couldn't really help it. I think I could forgive him but do I want to?

[fissionfuser]

April 18 - Day 4 of NC

 

An average day, I guess I'm still trying to fully embrace the fact that I don't need another person (let alone my ex) to justify myself as a human being. I think I'm acting like I'm moving on, but down inside I don't feel that much better compared to when the BU happened over a month ago.

 

This whole thing definitely comes in waves, as I'm doing good right now, but later on it might be a different story. It does give me hope that I am slowly getting better and gaining my self-confidence and sense of self...I think that's the hardest part of it all next to losing someone you care about.

 

I'll be busy over the next few days which is a good thing - and then I'm headed home from college for the weekend, which I think will also be beneficial. It'll give me time to worry only about myself for once.

 

It's weird, logically I know I'll be fine and that I only deserve someone who will love me for who I am, but then again my emotions fight it tooth and nail. It's really a weird situation to be in. Anyone else get what I'm saying?

[wcl]

day 9

had an absolutely terrible night last night.

was thinking about her all night, got hardly any sleep, when i did i was dreaming of her. the dreams were stupid, they were mostly me checking on facebook and seeing that she is with someone else. i am dreading that moment, i hope she doesn't go into a relationship anytime soon until i am over this abit more it will drag me back if she does.

i got a feeling of anxiousness today, i am not thinking of her much though, it only tends to be at night, i can keep myself busy during the day.

it will be a difficult weekend though, being a bank holiday and Easter and all, i know she will be off out doing something fun, when it would have been both of us spending the long weekend together just us.

myself i wont be doing anything particularly exciting or fun, but hopefully the weather will be nice and i can spend it with my mates, that will help

[Helpmetoheal]

Day 31 - I feel like such a fake! One day I feel optimistic about things, the next I am curled up in a ball crying my eyes out over him. The question of WHY??? is always on my mind. I couldn't have done anymore for him, I did my best, gave everything I could. I would have stolen, cheated, lied and died to help him. After it all I am the one left alone and broken with nobody to help me! Please just give me a small sign to show me you appreciated our relationship, something to let me know you loved me back even 1% of how much I loved you. If nobody has ever died from a broken heart, I might just be the first.

[sada88]

Day 9: It hurts getting through everyday. Hanging out with friends, studying, eating, etc does not distract me from my thoughts of you. I hope that you are feeling every bit as bad as I am or even a tiny bit. You still mean everything to me. But I will get pass you

[Lovestreak]

Day 17..... really sucks.... Hope it sucks as much for her...

[wcl]

day 9

WHY did i look at pictures of you? i knew it would be silly to but i couldn't stop myself, i feel crap now!

i miss you. this summer would have been great together, traveling enjoying the weather, seeing the things we enjoy, doing the things we enjoy. its going to be a tough summer, but i cant let it fly by, i gotta get enjoying myself more

[TheBlackDahlia]

Day 9:

So I admit that I buckled, and looked at your Facebook page, even though I'm blocked from it and can only view basic information. But I found something interesting on you page. Your relationship status no longer said you were with the other guy. So I checked his page, and sure enough it was gone from there too (it didn't say single either - it just didn't say they were together like it used to). Trouble in paradise, or am I reading too much into this?

 

Either way, I'm not going to be the guy to ask about that. I'll let you figure out what you're doing with your life and if you want to come back, then we'll talk.

[thagator]

Guys...unfriend your ex from Facebook! Even if you say that you have enough control to not look at their profile, you will at some point and you will see something that will bother you! Don't worry about what he/she thinks when you do it, if they can't understand that you're doing it for your own healing well then screw them!

[TheBlackDahlia]

Guys...unfriend your ex from Facebook! Even if you say that you have enough control to not look at their profile, you will at some point and you will see something that will bother you! Don't worry about what he/she thinks when you do it, if they can't understand that you're doing it for your own healing well then screw them!

 

We aren't friends; I deleted her on day 1 of NC. I just searched her name in a weak moment.

[thagator]

Black Dahlia, if you have to, block her.

[stacy2]

Day 30.

 

This was a lot easier when I still had hope. Now, I don't really know where to go from here. I still think about you a ton... I guess day 60 will be my next goal.

 

I honestly think just a simple text from you, even just saying "hi", would be enough for me to heal my bruised ego and get some sort of closure and move on. It just hurts to feel so forgettable, or disposable to you... as if nothing we shared even mattered. I guess I just want you to act or pretend like you care, acknowledging my existence and how much you hurt me would be enough. I just need something.

[NG85]

DAY 39

 

Got a text from my ex today saying she might be in town soon and wants to hang. I wondered what was up, since she was supposed to be moving accross the country to be with her new guy. I decided to check her Facebook after months of having it blocked to find out if she actually moved.

 

TODAY HER RELATIONSHIP STATUS CHANGED TO SINGLE!!!

 

I'm waiting a bit to text her back, but I find it kind of funny that as soon as she breaks up with her guy of 5 months she sends me a text. Me = Winner?

[T413]

Yesterday was actually only 13 days of NC so today is day 14. Wow two weeks. I don’t feel better. In fact, I had a horrid day. I know it was after the news yesterday that my ex is starting a rival company in the same area than me. I don’t think I’ll be as emotional tomorrow.

 

Fortunately, I have a supportive family and I was sobbed my heart out to my Mum this afternoon. I’m worried that I have moved from grieving into wallowing but I did feel better once I had cried.

 

I have tried to take active steps to improve myself but they are very baby steps. I have stopped listening to the radio station that only plays soppy love songs. I have also limited my Facebook access. I only became a FB member a few weeks ago – on my ex’s advice! I asked everyone I knew to be a friend, including him and he hasn’t responded (why did I set myself up for a fall?). His profile is open but I don’t check his wall. Instead, I check his friends and kid myself I’m not breaking NC rules. I only logged onto FB briefly for three times today. That’s good for me but I need to stop doing it altogether. I don’t want to be a social networking stalker.

 

For me, one of the worse things is that hope has gone. Hope that him and I will get back together. I want to part of something – part of his life. I’ve lost that. I now have to concentrate on hoping that I will be the person I was before I knew him. I loved my life then and I had been single for a very long time. Single can be good. Single can be fun. At the moment, it doesn’t seem like it but I must concentrate my thoughts. I must concentrate on healing me. It’s so much more difficult than it sounds.

[TheJerseyKid]

Day 30.

 

This was a lot easier when I still had hope. Now, I don't really know where to go from here. I still think about you a ton... I guess day 60 will be my next goal.

 

I honestly think just a simple text from you, even just saying "hi", would be enough for me to heal my bruised ego and get some sort of closure and move on. It just hurts to feel so forgettable, or disposable to you... as if nothing we shared even mattered. I guess I just want you to act or pretend like you care, acknowledging my existence and how much you hurt me would be enough. I just need something.

 

Amen Stacy. I was under the false presumption that once I got a few weeks in, it would be easier, when in fact, I'm quite certain, at the 1ish month mark, it's actually harder. It's harder for me now rather than the first week because I had a feeling she might contact me in the first few weeks... that never happened, so now its like you say, just looking for ego validation. I feel like for all I know, she's been emotionally/physically cheating for months, and moved on without saying a word. The other times we split she always tossed bread crumbs if nothing else. Even though they were confusing at times, they did seem to soothe the ego a bit.

[wcl]

day 10

im getting to engrossed in this number counting, it seems silly, its making me think "well OK, exactly on day 30 i may text her" i need to stop counting the days and just get on with it. Its easier at weekends because i don't have to dwell on it, in the week im alone alot working and don't have much chance to see mates until the weekend.

the number counting i think isnt helping in that i to want her to throw me some crumbs, and it puts my mind into over drive! "10 days and no contact? is she that heartless?" thinking crap like that!

As has been said it only gets harder, well i need to stop expecting something. i am gonna try my hardest to take it day by day, but not tally that day off and keep count

[TheJerseyKid]

day 10

im getting to engrossed in this number counting, it seems silly, its making me think "well OK, exactly on day 30 i may text her" i need to stop counting the days and just get on with it. Its easier at weekends because i don't have to dwell on it, in the week im alone alot working and don't have much chance to see mates until the weekend.

the number counting i think isnt helping in that i to want her to throw me some crumbs, and it puts my mind into over drive! "10 days and no contact? is she that heartless?" thinking crap like that!

As has been said it only gets harder, well i need to stop expecting something. i am gonna try my hardest to take it day by day, but not tally that day off and keep count

 

If that works for you, rock on man. I may actually start doing that, because I'm having the exact thoughts you are having, and I'm in Day 33- see what I mean? Good post.

[MrBrightside15]

Day 4:

You just texted me about your appointment yesterday. You said that it went ok and that nothing was apparently wrong but your still waiting on the biopsy results. You ended with "just so you know." I'm not sure how to interpret that, if it's irritation I didn't ask you myself about it. You texted me right before you went to work, which I found interesting. I did not expect you to tell me; makes me wonder what you've been thinking. Ill probably have to cheat on my NC, mostly just to be polite, and let you know I did in fact receive your text and am glad your okay. Nothing more than that though. I like to think that these last four days have been hard on you and this was an attempt at pulling me back in. Maybe, but if it is, I'm not falling for it. It'll take much more than one text to change things.

[sada88]

Day 9:

 

When I thought I was finally over you, it turns out I was deathly wrong. Why is it that I can't trust you? You are making me question the two years we had together. Why must you have have this macho facade in which you pretend you are fine and dandy in front of your friends? And keep on reiterating that you are fine, that you are sure that you will never come back? Pretending that you are such a dude... I don't know which side of you to believe anymore? The one that keeps on telling me we might have a chance in the future or the one that keeps on coming up with more and more excuses that we should never be together again to your friends? I would like to believe that we have a chance and that you are following the Bonnie Weil book down to the dot. But I don't know anymore. I don't know if I can trust your two-faced. I regret everything about you right now-trusting your sweet words, losing my virginity to you, opening myself up, taking you back so many times...for you to do this. It feels like you are ripping out my heart over and over again