THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[kvb10]

day 2... the old me would have never made it this long. cant believe we broke up 4 days ago and i am already able to do NC. I am proud of myself for that.

 

As for my feelings.. I cried most of the morning and then decided to find a therapist to help me get through this break up the healthiest way and really focus on myself. Made an appointment for Friday. Since making the appointment.. I"ve been feeling a little bit optimistic. I also have not been in my bedroom all day, that helps. I realize that when I do think of my ex, I am not really wondering what she is doing, I am just analyzing the break up mostly. I wonder if that's weird. Most people say they wonder what he or she is doing.

 

Shortly Im going to meet a friend (one of her friends) to see a movie and then will come home and sleep. I think I might have to try to cut some of the contact with her friends soon. One thing that bothered her was feeling pressure because I didn't have my own support system here in Germany (I am from america). So I also need to take this time to meet my own circle of friends instead of just hang out with hers, although some of them I am really fond of.

[Snowgrrl83]

If hes not crawling hard core you do nothing ! Simple enough...but can you do it ? i dont think so.

You're wrapped around his litle finger and he knows it.

 

You're right. Thanks for the reverse psychology. I guess thats why they call it the no contact CHALLENGE. It wouldn't be a CHALLENGE if it was easy, right?

[kvb10]

oh yea and i have a problem when i go into my kitchen and see food items she bought.. is that weird? At the moment i feel like I can never eat couscous again. And I had to throw out some pepper cheese. Seeing both of those items gave me a slight and brief feeling of anger. But I know that the anger comes from the hurt.

 

Anyways... I'll check back in tomorrow. Good job everyone!!

[Snowgrrl83]

I need another challenge on top of not contacting my ex. I need to stop talking to my friends, my family and his friends about him. - Poor them! They've had to listen to me whine, cry and complain for nearly a month! I guess this should be part of NC. I'm taking this one step at a time.

[Azilynn]

Day 1:

 

Okay so this NC thing should be easier for me now. I think I've come to terms even though it's only been about three days since the break. But. Honestly I was fine last night as well.

 

One minor set back. In that I accidently removed him from the facebook because I didn't realize blocking him took him off your friends list. Not that I'll be friends with him anyway. But I'm also not that bitter of a person to remove him. He can chill there and watch my recovery and my new relationships all he wants. I don't have to watch his.

 

Already looking forward to my future without him. Let's see how well I do. Shall we?

[Snowgrrl83]

Stay strong Azilynn and remember, it does get easier with time! Take it from me, everytime I had contact with me ex, it just set me back from healing. Everytime I got in contact with him (whether I was the initiator, or he was), this was the case. It just hurts to contact him at the moment. NC is definitly key.

[hopelessincan]

I need another challenge on top of not contacting my ex. I need to stop talking to my friends, my family and his friends about him. - Poor them! They've had to listen to me whine, cry and complain for nearly a month! I guess this should be part of NC. I'm taking this one step at a time.

 

lmao!! love it...start one....I think thats more of a challenge than actually not talking to him!!!everytime i am with friends i promise myself i wont bring him up...never fails...at one point or another im talking about him/us again. If im tired of it, i can only imagine how they feel!! and this is three months later!!!

[Snowgrrl83]

lmao!! love it...start one....I think thats more of a challenge than actually not talking to him!!!everytime i am with friends i promise myself i wont bring him up...never fails...at one point or another im talking about him/us again. If im tired of it, i can only imagine how they feel!! and this is three months later!!!

 

On top of hat, we have friends in common, so I wouldn't want them to tell him that I've been talking badly about him or that I've even been asking about him!! So, I need to shurt my big mouth

[bitebenot]

oh yea and i have a problem when i go into my kitchen and see food items she bought.. is that weird? At the moment i feel like I can never eat couscous again. And I had to throw out some pepper cheese. Seeing both of those items gave me a slight and brief feeling of anger. But I know that the anger comes from the hurt.

 

Anyways... I'll check back in tomorrow. Good job everyone!!

 

Anything that reminds you of her you trow away..except the food of course.Trow away or hide it for a lonnnngggg time.What you feel is normal,like most of us here.For me i trew away even the birthday cards,xmas and gifts.They just remind us of the pain...i dont even have a picture of her !

The past has to be erased...physically and emotionally.The way you feel now is going to stick with you for a good month.I did it up to four months now,so if i can do it..so can you or anyone else for that matter.Just hang on.

[klafeoj]

So its day 20 and for some reason I feel set back... like i am more hopeful than before. I really hate when she calls me with her little tantrums wanting to be friends. It just gives me unwanted hope that she'll come back eventually crawling. I don't want this (the hope part) I just want to move on without caring what happens next in the soap opera that is my life. I hate sitting, wondering what this all means if anything at all.

[kvb10]

Tonight I made a small advancement. I went to the movies with a friend and actually laughed and had fun and didn't think about my other worries. It was kind of shocking and very pleasant. I was telling her all of these funny stories from back when I lived in Atlanta and she was dying laughing at how crazy i was and then all the sudden i realized how much fun i used to be. I also realized how happy i was then. that made me realize that i can be happy again. there IS a me without the ex. a really FUN me. my ex was easily embarrassed and for example if i tried to bust out the robot or do the moonwalk in public, she would tell me to stop or she would walk away. i got to be very calm around her. but before that i was actually the life of the party.

anyways.. im not saying our relationship wasnt fun or happy because of course it was, but i just realized that i also had fun and was happy before i met her which means i can be that way again. i am not sure how long this period of okayness will last but i am enjoying it and i will try to remember it the next time i am at a low point.

 

day 2 complete.

[klafeoj]

i don't know if i would call this contact through proxy. I imed a mutual friend. I told her earlier that i was going NC with everyone that had connection to her and she was saying it wasn't fair. I didn't want to leave it at that so i was talking to her and explained why i was doing what i was doing. I explained that i was trying to create a new reality for myself that didn't involve my ex and unfortunate as it may be she was part of that. I told her it wasn't forever (i don't think at least for the mutual friends it will be) but that it was what had to be done. I didn't talk about me at all just why i was not talkin to her as well.

[bitebenot]

i don't know if i would call this contact through proxy. I imed a mutual friend. I told her earlier that i was going NC with everyone that had connection to her and she was saying it wasn't fair. I didn't want to leave it at that so i was talking to her and explained why i was doing what i was doing. I explained that i was trying to create a new reality for myself that didn't involve my ex and unfortunate as it may be she was part of that. I told her it wasn't forever (i don't think at least for the mutual friends it will be) but that it was what had to be done. I didn't talk about me at all just why i was not talkin to her as well.

 

Excellent ! You didnt break NC.You're doing what needs to be done for YOU !

[mwh67]

just ran accross this site. was in a long distance relationship that ended on new years day. she said she still wanted to be friends and i told her i couldnt do it so we reminisced on the good times and sat with each other for a bit and then kissed and said goodbye. Seems ive already followed the rules for the no contact challenge so im on day 23

 

day 23...things are going ok. I'm going out with friends more plus I've been really busy with work so I haven't had too much time to think about her. Today I really wanted to call her but instead I got in my car and drove around listening to music. It seemed to help a lot. I've noticed that instead of missing her less each day I miss her more. Hopefully that changes soon.

[bitebenot]

just ran accross this site. was in a long distance relationship that ended on new years day. she said she still wanted to be friends and i told her i couldnt do it so we reminisced on the good times and sat with each other for a bit and then kissed and said goodbye. Seems ive already followed the rules for the no contact challenge so im on day 23

 

day 23...things are going ok. I'm going out with friends more plus I've been really busy with work so I haven't had too much time to think about her. Today I really wanted to call her but instead I got in my car and drove around listening to music. It seemed to help a lot. I've noticed that instead of missing her less each day I miss her more. Hopefully that changes soon.

 

When you care for someone,soon or later these feelings will catch up ! We just cant stay busy 16 hours a day,so free time will do that.It would be great to forget someone you loved in a week,but its not reality.I still miss my ex after 4 months...but the intensity is lesser than the first month.Im sure in your situation your ex is feeling the same since it wasnt a bad break-up.

It will be a roller coaster ride for the next 2 months at least.Staying a busy bee is the best way to deal with it.

[kvb10]

day 3... thinking about her but havent cried!!! (still early though) working on my studies for the first time since the break up. being productive. looking forward to going back to work tomorrow and starting therapy on friday. its still the first week since the break up and i have already experienced much personal growth. i came out to my parents, have an appointment for therapy on friday and have started letting go (although i do still miss her).

 

edit: by now I'm feeling pretty sad again. oh, the rollercoaster.

[klafeoj]

Ah finally week 3. one more week. 30 days won't mark the end of the personal challange though.

[kvb10]

wow congrats klafeoj

[bitebenot]

day 3... thinking about her but havent cried!!! (still early though) working on my studies for the first time since the break up. being productive. looking forward to going back to work tomorrow and starting therapy on friday. its still the first week since the break up and i have already experienced much personal growth. i came out to my parents, have an appointment for therapy on friday and have started letting go (although i do still miss her).

 

edit: by now I'm feeling pretty sad again. oh, the rollercoaster.

 

Your doing great,wait another 2 or 3 weeks,you will see a huge difference.

Therapy will help you to get off the rut even faster,its good if you need it.

Stay active and positive as much as you can.Always tell yourself YOU are more important than her.Love yourself first and all will be fine.i know !

She cant no longer hurt you if you respect NC.

[anon12]

Day 6! woke up in A&E after getting a drink spiked. feel like crap.

 

Nearly a week! its all going fine

[pepsi71ocean]

Almost 3 years NC, and im starting to wonder if its worth contacting her. Im 90% sure i posted int he old thread, but felt an update was worth the write up.

[kvb10]

wow 3 years... how was the journey?

[vertigoxo]

Day 147

 

I can't believe some people can be as cruel, heartless, and just downright terrible and not even know it themselves...

[bitebenot]

Day 147

 

I can't believe some people can be as cruel, heartless, and just downright terrible and not even know it themselves...

 

Thats my ex lol..yours too i would guess and all the others in here.

They remind me of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.Im still so pissed at her...

I will never forgive her, no matter what.No class at all.

[bitebenot]

What goes around comes around...when her turn comes, i hope it will be twice the dosage i got.I gave a lot to that women,great job and all.But didnt mean anything,still treated me like sh*t.Cant get no respect anymore,not even from the ex.Whithout me she would still be folding towels in a department store with an income that will push her to shop at Wall Mart only.

I hate women with no class.Shes nothing more than a scum bag to me,just thinking about her makes me sick to my stomach.I dumped her and april and took her back 3 weeks later.Stupid me.