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kvb10

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Everything posted by kvb10

  1. kvb10
    I miss you and I think it's a shame that we aren't involved in each others lives anymore. I still care about you and am sad that we can't be in contact.
  2. kvb10
    5 weeks of NC.. there have been good days and bad days... it got really good for a while but the past few days have been a nightmare. I've kind of flashed back to just after the breakup and haven't been able to function very well. Pretty discouraging. I think a lot about her and just want her back in my arms again. It sucks having no control over the situation and knowing there is absolutely nothing i can do about it. im a 'get things done' kind of person so usually there is at least something i can do to get something i want... but here it's like there's nothing i can do. i just have to remain on NC for now and wait and see what the future holds.
  3. kvb10
    I had to quote myself today because I'm having a low day... Needed to read this to try to help lift my spirits. In case anyone else is having a low day, maybe this will help you too!
  4. kvb10
    Kudos to you!! Glad to see you stuck with it and came out on the other side. In a few months I hope to be standing on that side too.
  5. kvb10
    I'm really sorry I neglected you over our final months. I was pushing you away and unavailable and didn't give you the attention you deserved. I was out of town for our anniversary and new years eve. I realize now that I should have been more caring about your needs. I'm sorry for that. I'm also sorry for being so uptight about things that really don't matter and causing you stress with having to deal with that. Looking back I see how silly it was. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way though. I hope you are doing well.
  6. kvb10
    Yes the dreams are the worst... it makes everything feel so fresh again. In my dreams my ex is always mean to me though and the situation is always really stressful. I am usually trying to talk to her and she is pulling away from me or refusing to talk to me and somehow being mean to me. It's weird. It's starting to create a final memory of her in my head of her being mad at me... it's weird. I know it's not true but you know how dreams can be so realistic. Sometimes you remember them as memories. Keep trucking! 9 days is great! Those early days are some of the hardest ones.
  7. kvb10
    Day 30 -- challenge complete -- yea! Sooo looking back. I've had some pretty crappy days and some great days. Most of the crappy days happened within the first two weeks... not I'm having better days. I've made some good changes for myself... got a prescription for therapy which I will start once I can (waiting list) and will work on things about myself that I want to improve. Been hanging out with friends. Already submitted an application for a new university and submitting a few more applications this month (always wanted to finish school). Yea... so without NC I wouldn't be this far mentally. I'm doing so much better than at first. She is still in my thoughts a lot and I miss having her in my life.... but at the same time, it's just the way it is and I'm fine with that now. I've accepted it and I know it's for the best and I am moving on. When I started NC I think I was secretly doing it in hopes to get her back, but after a couple of weeks it changed and became about me. Even though the challenge was only for 30 days, I'm going to stick with NC for a very long time. I'll be back to the thread to check in from time to time. Good luck everyone! You can do it.. it does get easier.
  8. kvb10
  9. kvb10
    day 27... that went by fast - actually had to count to figure out how many days it had been. and actually now it's 28 because where i am its past midnight. okay sooo day 28 of NC (35 of NIC) I'm actually doing pretty good. I mean, of course she is still in my mind a lot and there are times when I still get a sharp bad feeling or sadness, etc (not going to front) BUT it's not ruining my days or overall moods anymore. Basically, I am able to handle it now without having it consume me. I'm able to look at it for what it is and know that I can't change it and that I wouldn't, even if I could. I'm able to see the good in it and have stopped romanticizing our relationship and know that the split is for the best. And most of the times I am in a pretty good mood. It's still dangerous for me to spend too much time by myself (for example a weekend with no plans) so I am trying to do some fun activities on the weekend and it is working out. Mind you though, i did take the first couple of weeks to grieve a lot.. and I am still grieving... but things have improved for the time being. My favorite thing about NC is self reflection and self improvement. Realizing ways in which I had neglected myself and how it affected me - which I had never seen or noticed until my time alone. I'm glad for this opportunity to rediscover myself and get myself back. Hope that makes sense! Sooo... yea there's hope for us all!
  10. kvb10
  11. kvb10
    all i have to say is major props.. i dont think i could have handled that! im doing fine as far as moving on right now, but am not ready to see my ex out with another girl.
  12. kvb10
    Day 22... it's a good day.. To everyone just starting NC I KNOW it's hard... it SUCKS. But trust me, every day further you go on NC, you WILL start to feel better. You will still have very low days in between along the journey... but having just completed 3 weeks, I already am feeling better and proud of myself and stronger. The first 2 weeks will be hard, but just push through it. You can do it... it's only going to make you stronger. Every time you complete another week you will have something to be proud of yourself about. Contacting them is just going to pull you back down and make you feel crappy. If you touch a hot pot and it burns, would you continue to do it? Nope... Think about it the same way with contacting them... If you contact them, it just hurts... don't hurt yourself anymore. You don't need them to be happy and to heal. The only person responsible for your happiness is YOU. You can do this. Make a list of things you will force yourself to do when you feel like you're about to contact them... For example... if you feel like contacting them, force yourself to do everything on this list first: shower, take a bath, call a friend (maybe list about 5 people to call before calling them), take a walk, color in a coloring book, write in your journal WHY you want to call them and WHAT you expect to achieve... If each time you want to call them you force yourself to go through this list, it'll get easier not to call. Ever wonder why there are so many songs about heart break? Because everyone goes through it. What you are going through is completely normal so don't be too hard on yourself if you are having a really hard time. Ups, downs, hot, cold... it is so confusing but it is completely normal and you WILL get through it. Much love to everyone going through this hard time.
  13. kvb10
    3 weeks complete... in the past 7 days I have had more good moments than bad moments. Things are definitely getting better. One thing I do notice is that if I have a down moment, it's still pretty hard... like, the down times are not getting better or easier, they are just happening less often, which is good.
  14. kvb10
    day 17 or 18 doing better.. no more wallowing... back to the positive and turning the break up into a new experience for myself.
  15. kvb10
    day 16... crappy but hanging in there.
  16. kvb10
    wow anon... you have been through a lot. I can understand being hesitant... you've been pretty hurt. I'd say to take some time and think about it and make sure you are ready. If she wants you back this much she will understand if you can't give her an answer right away. She'll understand that this is hard for you too.
  17. kvb10
    today i ate away my pain and exercised my pain away..hah... a bunch of donuts for lunch (office party) and then ran 6 miles in the evening. Not thinking so much about things at the moment... just kind of being... if that makes sense.
  18. kvb10
  19. kvb10
    Day 11 of NC Day 18 of NIC (no initiated contact) having kind of a hard day... feeling sad and missing her. feeling tempted to call her, but i wont. ive gone through some good days where i felt like everything would be okay, and ive gone through some sad days... but i am feeling pretty crappy today. i feel like somehow i have backtracked and am back to thinking i want her back and wondering how this could be happening. just missing her.
  20. kvb10
    Attention people getting over break ups - do not see the movie "up in the air" god what a mistake.. i was having a good day then i saw that and had to cry during the movie - not about the movie - but about the reminder of my failed relationship. plus the movie isn't even that good... so anyways... day 10 continued... feeling down but also mad... for the moment i have decided that i never want to speak to her again. she was adamant about being friends one day... but she can't get everything that she wants.
  21. kvb10
    Day 10 of NC Day 17 of NIC (no initiated contact) trucking along... feeling better today... no major news to report.
  22. kvb10
    Day 9 of NC Day 16 of NIC... last night i dreamt that i called her to ask if she was mad at me or something and she was being so mean to me! i remember thinking 'oh my god i should not have never called, why did i call, i didnt even want to call, im going to be so set back... please let this be a dream..." then in my dream i actually though "maybe this is a dream..." then i woke up and i was sooo relieved that it was a dream because i dont want to call her! I mean, of course I do wonder sometimes what she's doing, but there's no way I'm calling any time soon and if I do find myself wondering about her I try to switch the subject back to all the possibilities I have now that I didn't have when I was in a relationship. Focus on the positive! Then I dreamt about this cute guy i met... then later before waking up i dreamt that i called her again!! so needless to say, i woke up feeling a little sluggish but i am trying to pick myself back up. so far i notice that happy days and blah days are alternating back to back. Edit: Although I had a few good days, today I am feeling pretty low and down. I am pining over her a bit. Not that I want her back, but just feeling the loss hard again.
  23. kvb10
    congrats!!
  24. kvb10
    Day 8 - having a good day.
  25. kvb10
    day 7 - made it through the week. yesterday I had a quite good, woke up a bit lonely this morning, but came around and ended up getting a lot done. this next week should be pretty busy... already have plans for the whole week and the weekend. Pretty soon I'll be on day 14.
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