THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Cherry009]

Thank you, your words are what I need to hear to confirm that my instincts were accurate. It feels so much better to know others have had similar experiences and to know that I am on the right path. Sometimes I feel like I could easily fool myself again and just let myself believe thoughts and scenarios in my head that do not even exist. Thank you again for your support, I appreciate it very much.

 

Glad I helped a bit, PM me if you ever feel an urge to break NC

[FreeStater]

I left for home on monday at noon EST, got here at 3 am CST. 16 hour drive. It was good though. I didn't have the radio on for the first 12 hours. I just drove and thought and thought and felt the full spectrum from despair to hope to acceptance. When I did turn the radio on it was a bunch of songs that seemed to speaking directly to my circumstances and it felt good, like the Universe was aware of my plight and sending me good vibes. So, I suppose I'll count my no contact as starting today. We have a 4 yr old daughter and some contact will need to happen. I've asked her to restrict everything to email that isn't an emergency, though. Her mom has daycare duty and I'm using her to call my daughter. If she texts me or messages me on facebook I'll probably be ok unless she changes her profile pic to include her new boyfriend, then I'll block her. The last two mornings when I've woken up I've felt pretty bad, having dreams of her where I just seem to re-experience the pain of breakup and rejection in new and exciting ways. It's good to reconnect with my family and old friends though, so I've been in a better frame of mind in the evening. My family seems to instinctively know that I don't want to talk about her and they don't bring her up at all. I bought a gym membership yesterday and I'm going to go tonight after peak hours. I doubt any women will be throwing themselves at me since I've let myself go a bit and I probably stink of desperation and rejection. My intention is to remain faithful to the marriage until the divorce is official. It's not about what she does, it's about who I want to be. I might also be doing it to not ruin any chance of reconciliation, but I think it's the right thing to do. It would be pretty bad if, after making a big dumb speech about not believing in divorce and fighting for marriage, I start sleeping around. It's probably a moot point, because like I said, I doubt I'm very attractive right now. My cousin told me not to get a job right away because in his experience the enormity of my situation is going to hit me later (it can feel worse? that's terrifying to think) and I won't be able to function. It seems like fair advice, so I'm going to spend at least the next week feeling things out before I start applying for work. I feel like a fish out of water here. I grew up here but for the past 8 years my life has been in other, better parts of the country and defined by her. I don't want to compare this to the pain of losing a life partner to death, but that is sort of what this feels like. Like my life has been stolen from me and I'm a stranger looking in on everything. I have hope that things will get better, though.

[t1lersm0m1]

Ok, we are broken up. We've been broken up since April 15. We are broken up because it's broken. Through things that were said after the break up I thought we'd be back together by now. So I've acted insecure and that has pushed him away.

 

Our break up is now permanent. He said he sees that me being in limbo is hurting me and not allowing me to heal. Hee said if I need him I can call but I told him I won't be in touch because it hurts too much.

 

We had no passion in our relationship. I suck at ending relationships. I should be happy this is over but I'm not.

 

I am a work in progress. I probably always will be.

 

I only showed rich perfect me in our relationship. Now he's seen imperfect me.

 

Day one begins today and I will post every day until day ninety.

 

Day one to a healed and wonderful New me.

[shotofwhiskey]

Day 6

 

Well it's been 8 weeks since you left me. And I still find myself crying first thing when I wake up, and until I finally fall asleep. You haven't reached out to me in almost a week and I've decided I'm not going to reach out to you. You left me out of fear of commitment, that we were too young and you were feeling tied down. So I backed off and gave you your space. But since now school ended and were both home for the summer miles apart, I feel helpless. I dream of you every single night. I don't believe that you no longer care about me, as much as everyone around me tells me. They don't know you like I do. I miss you so much. All I want is to see you and be with you again. You said that when you figured it out I would be the only person you would ever want to settle with again. But how long is this going to take? I don't want to move on and see someone else in case you do figure it out. I've been doing a good job of playing it cool, to everyone I know, if only you knew how broken I really am.

[Seankbq]

Day 1 No Contact 5/29

 

I miss you Lauren. I think of you every minute of every day. Tomorrow will be three weeks since we have spoken... in an email. It's been about two months since the BU. Your coldness towards me is the most painful thing I have ever encountered. I looked at your instagram last night. Today I deleted the last pictures of you off my computer, and have promised myself to not look again. I miss you so much. I would have done anything for you. I'm sorry I didn't when we were together. I love you, and am happy you are happy. I will miss you everyday... until the day that I don't.

[Seankbq]

Day 2 5/30

 

This hurts so much. How could you tell me I was worth it, then leave two days later, and be seeing someone else soon after that? I thought we were gonna get married, and have a little house just like you said we would. People have been telling me that it's always your way or the highway, and that you live with this mindset of being better than everyone. I am starting to see that. I am starting to see that you were a child, and played the victim. Yes, I wasn't always there for you... I've told you and continue to tell myself that, and get help for my own problems in a relationship. But you blamed me for everything. I did so much for you, and I get blamed for everything. How many times did I ask you to do something with me, which you fought? How many times did I ask you to come somewhere, but you didn't want to. How many times did I give you everything? Now I get nothing in return except someone who ing hates me and claims to her new friends that I was emotionally abusive? You aren't wrong, I could be very cold and mean... but do you ever take the time to look in the mirror? Do you ever take the time to see that your own sister won't talk to you because of how you treated her growing up? Do you remember that the puppy you come home to every day I helped you buy, and raised when you couldn't manage it because of your depression?

 

What about me Lauren? You convinced yourself of who you think I really am, and have ripped my heart out in the process. I hoped for better for me sure... but I expected better of you. Remember when you said you'd see me soon after we broke up? We'd get coffee and talk? Remember when other people in your life were more important to you than your every little desire? All you had to do was ASK me to do anything, and I would have. I'm sorry you felt hurt because I wasn't a doormat for you. I'm sorry I stood up to you when you were acting childish, and called you out on it.

 

And to everyone here, I'm sorry to vent... I just am so hurt by her. It's been three weeks today since we last talked. Day 2 of NC... looking at her stuff. I just want May to be over. I want June to be here. I want peace... Something I don't even know where to find.

[t1lersm0m1]

Day two of fabulous no contact.

 

Yesterday, at my desk at work first thing in the morning, and then after work on my drive to therapy, I played Sara Evans A Little Bit Stronger and I cried, and CRIED, and CRIED. And it felt SOOOO darn good to cry! I can't remember the last time I just let myself bawl my eyes out.

 

This morning in the shower before work I listened to the song, and it didn't make me want to cry. I'm not delusional, I know I'm not healed, but it felt good that I cried yesterday and today I can listen to the song and not want to bawl. I really needed that cry and therapy appointment.

 

Then my friend Kim and I went to lunch, and before lunch we stopped at Petsmart to get her fur baby some dog food. Well, Rich and I went to Petsmart weekly or biweekly because he has a fish tank. Being in there made me sad, and I felt my whole mood change. Then when we got to lunch I was still feeling somber, until I told Kim about it and it made me feel better. Talking helps. I don't want to burden my friends too much, or be a Debbie Downer, so therapy is awesome for that.

 

I'm going to be sad for a while. It's a grieving process. I'm sure one day I'll be sad, another day I'll be happy, another I'll be angry. I'm going to go through the emotions. But I plan to let them come, feel them, and let them go.

 

I've thought of Rich, but I haven't obsessed. Its natural to think of him...we were together six months. We talked daily and saw each other weekly.

 

I feel now that we are broken up for good, I can start to heal. Before I was too focused on him and the possibility. Now I can focus on me.

 

I know what will happen, In 3-5 days I am going to start to struggle, and want to reach out to him. Then I will come here and journal and I will NOT contact him.

[t1lersm0m1]

No contact continues, and will continue for 90 days.

 

That Sunday I said to him I'm willing to fight for you and us, why aren't you willing to fight for me? He said if he knew there would be a fight he wouldn't have gotten involved with me.

 

That Tuesday I said I have him an easy life and I'm no longer able to give him that. I thought I said it out of anger but now with the clarity that time provides I find this is true.

 

If he was as in love with me and as devoted to me as I thought, we would be together. Our break up was caused by my mother and my inability to be independent and set boundaries with her. I've now rectified that. But he's not back with me.

 

Things he said don't add up and don't make sense...that's until he told me he thinks he would be better off not being alive. It explains so much.

 

I will continue to work on me and with time I will heal. Each man I date gets better and better. I know the next one, when the time is right, will be even better than rich. Rich isn't passionate about life and therefore our relationship had no passion. Do I really want that for the rest of my life?

 

The reason the relationship ended is meaningless, the fact that it ended is all that matters.

 

On a side note, don't save all of your homework for the weekend, it sucks!

[FreeStater]

Day 4

 

I feel better with each passing day. I've read enough to anticipate regressions though, and if one comes I'll do my best to stay calm and not break NC. It's getting easier to remember that I wanted to end our relationship several times and to remember why. She's off the pedestal. I still miss her and I'm still afraid of a new life and I suppose I'll have regrets for the rest of my life that my beautiful daughter won't have a 50's sitcom childhood with an intact family. I just remember that she isn't perfect and I'm replacing despair with hope.

[Seankbq]

Day 3

 

I had a dream about you. I always seem to. But I have new people in my life now. New friends. They are nice to me. You weren't wrong to leave me if it's what you needed... but everyone agrees. You were terrible to me when you left. You saw two options. A cute guy who is sweet to you, and the work of our relationship. You chose the easy route, and were as mean as possible to me to get me out of your life. Thank you for letting me see your true colors.

[PurpleSeaUrchn]

Day 1 It helps reading through all these posts I should have gone NC sooner I know she knows she is in control of me she has a new guy and i damn near beat his face in...I could have too this dude is small but how would that have made me look? So i just held of and later we had a very angry convo and soon after that we decided to be friends. Truth is I still love her and the fact of the matter is Im going cold to see if she will discover that after her rebound she may truley miss me and want to come back to us

[PurpleSeaUrchn]

Day 1 It helps reading through all these posts I should have gone NC sooner I know she knows she is in control of me she has a new guy and i damn near beat his face in...I could have too this dude is small but how would that have made me look? So i just held of and later we had a very angry convo and soon after that we decided to be friends. Truth is I still love her and the fact of the matter is Im going cold to see if she will discover that after her rebound she may truley miss me and want to come back to us

Heres my story It will hhelp you nderstand: www(dot)enotalone(dot)com/forum/showthread.php?t=477196

[t1lersm0m1]

Erik brought me here to ENA. Rich brought me back. I don't know why I stop coming, as posting and reading here is very therapeutic to me.

 

With Bill, I wasn't healthy. With Erik, I was MORE healthy, but still not healthy, and he wasn't healthy as well. With Rich, I thought we were both healthy, until the break up. That's when I realized I still have work to do on myself, and I'm doing the work.

 

This is Day 4. I have 86 days to go of working on ME, for ME, and no one else but me. Rich and I closed the door. I joined ACoA. What a wonderful hour and a half that was. It sucks that I hate mornings on weekends, and it's 20 miles away, but it's worth it. I feel so good about whoever suggested that for me on this website.

 

I'm gong to OA tomorrow. At least I hope and plan to.

 

I am seeing a social worker and a psychologist. Support groups and therapy...this time is all about me. If I don't work on me, then every relationship will have a short lifespan.

 

I want to post 90 days of NC because that's how long I want to go before reposting my dating profile. I want to heal from Rich, and from my past. Or at least feel like I have a good start on healing.

[Seankbq]

Day 4

 

Today she liked a picture of me on instagram... a few minutes after I posted it. Why would she do that?

I have kept up my end of this deal, when she told me she didn't want to talk to me. She wanted nothing to do with me, and ended it. Then why this? Why does she do such a subtle, yet almost cruel thing?

 

I was still strong. Passed the test I was dreading at work today with flying colors. Got invited to a party with work friends tomorrow. Have a therapy appointment, and am working on music with a very pretty and nice girl as well tomorrow. All in all, I'm going strong.

 

So why the hurt? Why does she like a picture of me and my two guy friends? It was like one little bread crumb she has left in my life. I want to eat it... but know I can't

 

Day 4 of this diet. Keep going.

 

Keep going.

[alr85]

Back here after a period of LC-- Had a long phone conversation last week. He misses us. I can hear it in his voice but he's not ready for more. The relationship with the new guy is over. He wasn't what I was looking for. I was using him as a band-aid for my broken heart. I still want my ex back. My heart aches daily. It's been 2 days since I sent a text and he didn't respond. So here's to 2 days successful NC. I have to stick to it this time.. I want him back but he needs to want it or else it won't go anywhere. This board is cathartic. It keeps me grounded and accountable. I'll definitely need it.

[t1lersm0m1]

I was putting Rich's name up in the headline, but that is making this healing about him. And it's not about him, it's about me. This is my time, to heal, learn and grow. And I have so much growing to do.

[Seankbq]

Day 5 here too.

 

Had a friendly date with a new girl today. Don't know if it was romantic or not, but we definitely bonded. Either way, I have a new friend. Someone I can talk to.

 

I'm sad you aren't here, but you aren't... so why torture myself?

 

I made a new thread... songs that will help people cope. You guys feel free to post some good stuff in there, and let's start helping each other out.

[Seankbq]

Also, as a quick edit... It's really been 23 days since I've had any contact with her. So my running tally right now is 23, going on 24 (so close!), and day 5 going on 6 for not looking at her social media. She liked one of my photos the other day? The audacity on that woman to tell me I'm worth it, leave me and start seeing someone else, and then ALSO break her own NC and do such an underhanded thing. Right now, even though I wish we could reconcile, I am better off. I see that two people have to be growing for that. Not just one.

 

Also started counseling today! Date, counseling, new Jack White album, and day off... not gonna lie, best day I've had in a while!

[t1lersm0m1]

I still think of him. That's only natural. And I still feel pain. But our break up is for the best. The relationship pushed me to do things I probably wouldn't do (in a good way) so good things came out of it.

 

We planned my dream national park trip, even booked two rooms on points of his. But they are in his name, and I'm not going to ask him to transfer them to me. I am really desperate to make this dream trip of mine come true for my son and I. I am going to research the cost if I make it a camping trip.

 

Two weeks in National Parks out West. Rocky Mountain, Grand Teton, Yellowstone and Glacier. May stop to see Mt. Rushmore on the way back. We'll see if I can make it happen. I really hope I do.

[the dude91]

Day 7

 

Well I'm back to day 7 as of last night. I'm not sure what was so hard about ignoring her and I do regret not ignoring her a little bit but honestly not too much. I also figured that I'd just not post again until I was back at day 7, I was getting tired of starting over and over again. But this time I should be pretty golden, she started dating somebody else and not too surprising it's with the guy she left me for two years ago. I do have a sense of worry though for her since last time around he abused her both physically and mentally, but it shouldn't really be of any concern to me anymore right? That's what I keep telling myself anyways, eventually it'll sink in. Still it makes me wonder if she lied to both her mother and I about the abuse though her mom did tell me that my ex did have bruising on her arms and legs, but again it shouldn't even be in my mind at all.. What I don't understand is how can somebody completely move on so fast to another person in just a month and a half? I'd like to say it's a rebound but they have had a history together albeit it was a short history they seem pretty happy. Oh well I suppose, nursing school is going to start in a few months so hopefully that'll keep me too busy to really think about her.

[windingwings]

Day 7

 

He still hasn't blocked me on his phone, I don't understand how he could go so long without talking to me, I used to be a part of his life and shutting off his feelings for me after BU. He tried to reach out so many times in those three weeks and I pushed him away, now three months later he's happier than he's ever been, sick in love and making sure everyone knows it. I feel so colourless, moving on is such a hard thing to do and it feels like the days go by slower and slower..

[xplorationgt]

Do you tell an ex about NC or just vanish in thin air?

[Seankbq]

Day 6

 

Tomorrow will be a week. Good for me.

[3Tears]

Day 3

 

She told me in our last phone session to never contact her again, that we should do no contact to both heal, which killed any last hope of getting back together. She told me to erase her number, her parent's, email and block her on facebook, if I didn't she would... and she did because I couldnt come myself to blocking her on facebook... I did delete her number, but who am I kidding I know it by heart, she said to not even mail her a letter because she would burn it, it hurt so much hearing those words and how she was sooo cold towards me, I never heard her so cold in the 2 years we were together.

 

I just played video games the whole day, I felt so lazy and I just wanted to get her off my mind and it did wonders! I spent a great day playing online with a really good friend of mine and had great laughs until now, now shes creeping up on me again, but this too shall pass. Tomorrow is back and biceps day and I'm focus in destroying my workout session, its going to be a great day.

 

Baby steps.

[the dude91]

Day 8

 

Alright now I'm 8 days in. I got a weird blocked call today with no message, it was weird and made me think it might have been her buuuuut I seriously doubt it. She was on my mind all day and all I could feel was anger towards her. Even though it was pretty busy today at work she was still creeping in my mind. But I have started laughing and smiling a lot again and having fun everyday, it just sucks feeling like I've been doing so many things right and yet I'm still having a hard time moving on. I get angry thinking how unfair it is that she has moved on back to that abusive guy in just a little over a month and almost two months later for me I'm still having a tough time with it. It was probably mostly because I was falling for the breadcrumbs up until now. But at least now I shouldn't have to worry about any more of those dreaded crumbs while she's with someone else, she won't be thinking about me and I shouldn't be thinking about her either. I already have women wanting my attention, the only problem is that I'm not ready to give it to them yet.