THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[nayla]

This is a nice idea thanks. I would like to and not really, I'm confused... However I did go through something very similar to this 1 year and 4 ( or 6) months ago, I do remember most if not all of how I felt and what I went through.

 

For 2 months my BF had to go to another state for family business we went through something had an argument so we only talked on the phone once a week for a few (oh and the called me and the kids were excited to hear from him sometimes he was too but mostly sounded sad and worry, I'd even had to ask him for advice about the car. Was even excited when we'd see his family or friends and they'd say how he was) minutes probably two weeks. (We have kids together) I've been distant acting like a sister or friends for a while and he hates that, long story. Our oldest son will be graduating in a few months so I don't want to participate also I want to see if I can repair the relationship.

 

Probably first week was- all kinds of emotionally stressful,

2nd week was- I can do this we'll be ok it's temporary. Maybe I can see/feel what it would be like if we broke it off, maybe I could be me or how it would feel if I hadn't meet him, or see how we/I feel later from without any connection with him, or re start my life over or restart us over or to make myself feel like the stress and unhappiness had been lifted, to encourage me to move on, would I feel free or any different.

It did began to feel good some how. Probably cause I just had went and bought a lot of new clothes for the coming season. Going on with everyday life seem ok, good although I did think of him sometimes and everyone did mention him from time to time.

Week 3 or 4- was getting hard! Soo worried about things braking how would I be able to repair things I cant do much, what if it needed major repairs the house or car who do I turned to what if I didn't have money where would I get that money from, who could I trust. I did get my cars yearly inspection before I found out it needed work I thought should I trust him what if it's very expensive, would I have to leave my car home for months. We did try to fix one small house repair. Don't want to have my oldest thinking he'd have to be a man of the house. Then thinking what about Christmas we don't have enough money for that probably by then I'd have none, what if I cant pick the kids up from school if my boss leaves the business for a few hours I can't leave the place unattended and unlocked what would I do. Then thought if he'd ever disappear the house is in his name what if God forbid..!omg, then thought about the kids... So much more...I'd started to cry a lot and couldn't sleep much.

Week 4 or 5- crying a lot talking about him and us all, so scared about everything and missing him, cuddles, his smell, his touch, his warmth, his voice, his looks, kisses, sex, attention. Even the fatty fast food week end breakfest even that candy bar he think I still love that was for one day craving while pregnant, missing the thoughtful gifts even often ones id thought I was tiered of, missing his imperfections now they became perfect, even missed him being very busy working, compelling, all the little things now didn't seem so bad. I'd cry every time I was alone. Also wondering how is he, what's he doing is he ok how's his family,

Week 5 or 6- probably began thinking of our past all the good times and bad times I really missed those good times a lot I really felt it, it brought back feelings and memories it made me cry a lot and hurt too. I felt sorry for our old younger selfs (about the bad times) and some other feelings I can't remember now. Even missed them. Everytime I'd drive alone I'd cry a lot I should had pulled over. I couldn't stand it anymore. I even cried at home more often in front of everyone, kids said it'll be ok he's coming back soon, me and mom thought if he wanted to take off he could've done it since I drive him crazy soo much but he kept saying he wouldn't.

So this went on a little longer.

When we talked on the phone again we sounded excited we kept repeating everything. When I went to pick him up you'd think it would had been like the movies, it wasn't. But I was soo happy I just wanted him home and quickly. We did hug quickly. As we drove home he couldn't stop looking at me ( he taught me how to drive yrs ago he didn't even remind me of the turn signals or red lights like he does) he kept telling me about his trip and he couldn't stop thinking of our kids, then I kept quickly changing the subject , like directions or something was wrong with the car and I couldn't get it fixed yet, so he never finished that conversation. Later at home we all had big long hugs and we all cried...I did hug him hold him tight and we talked about my worries I did see a tear come from his eyes telling it was going to be ok he'd be home soon and he's supposed to handle all the hard men stuff and he could do it. . When we first has sex against first he kept telling me how much he missed me soo much and lives me and hugging me holding me, it was soooo emotional for me it was hard to speak so I did try and say the same soon he kept telling me to say the same things, I did but soon after I said shut up as I was about to explode with tears I didn't want him to know how I felt... Later that too I regretted. Think I shouldn't had hold back.... Months later same old.. He told my mom he thinks I don't care for him, I didn't say anything she did though but it didn't help... Now I cents him drifting away farther, not sure how to handle it can't speak up but somethings gotta change. I want better, I need better to fix us or move on.......

[mrsin627]

Just coming up on the one month mark... I REALLY miss her today... and now I miss her daughter too. The pain of losing my girlfriend blocked me from even thinking about her daughter, but over the weekend my friend asked me how I felt about her daughter and I haven't been able to stop thinking about either of them since.

[Raindrop22]

Mrsin627- aw I'm sorry! That's so sad to not only lose your love but also someone else who meant a lot to you. A double whammy indeed. I hope in time you'll find peace. Sending lots of positive healing power your way.

[Raindrop22]

I haven't posted here in a few days.

The feelings are still coming to me in waves.

I feel sad, then angry, then confused!

At times I feel guilty for feeling angry because he wasn't a jerk or did anything wrong per se.

It was pretty amicable I think.

He has no idea. I been NC and just been pretty emotional. Keeping it to myself and friends and family.

I'm regaining the weight I lost during the first week of the breakup. It's incredible how much weight is lost during traumatic events for those who lost appetite. I am already small as it is so it was actually very scary. I had to be on bed rest a few days because I felt weak. The only thing I craved was cornbread. How silly?

I am better now though. Regained my strength and appetite.

I am angry at him for leaving.

I am angry because he has the power to make me feel this way.

I am angry because the breakup was too peaceful so I have nothing to feel more anger towards him other then the fact he ended this relationship.

I sometimes wish it was something crazy so I can have that to hold onto for closure.

I wonder if he misses me but is too stubborn and full of pride to reach out. He is admittedly that way.

I wonder if I cross his mind.

I been praying everyday and have my positive books by my night stand.

ENA has been my biggest support and comfort through these dark times.

 

I will always love him. Forever in my heart.

I am going to work on forgiving him and letting go of all resentments.

 

Hopefully this sadness phase will go away already. I need some peace in my heart.

 

Reading everyone else's threads and posts makes me feel less alone. So many broken hearts out there, I can't even imagine.

 

We will make it through this.

What's truly meant to be, will be.

Aint no doubt about it.

 

Whether you're holding onto hope.

Know that you gotta have faith in yourself first. Be uniquely you and love the crap out of you. Let the ex know what they are missing out on. You are all brilliant and have so much love to give. Start by loving you. This may very well be the first step in attracting your love (old or new).

Exes come back. We live in a technological world. It's easy to find one another or get ahold of one another these days. They come back but you have to want them back for the right reason. If they cheated or did something so against your morals. Find it in your heart to move on to something better. If it is something fixable (need growing up, behaviors, communication, commitment) then by all means, you can still love someone and move on. Moving on doesn't mean letting go. It just means you're ready to carry on your life forward. If they appear, they appear! If not, then you're still living. Don't let a broken heart stop you from living the life you dream. If you got no goals, make some! Add some umf to your life. We can't stay on this state of sadness forever. At some point we have to pick ourselves up because why spend the next 6 months in misery waiting for reconciliation when you could have gotten that cool job, new apartment, badass tattoo, big vacation, and/or gone on few innocent dates during that time. If they decide to come back. They would come back to a new you that they'd have to re-learn. You'd be exciting, have stories to tell, and be full of happiness. Not misery!

 

You're not alone. I am also broken hearted. Heck, I feel AWFUL. I don't want to get out of bed. I dread stepping outside. I can't even talk to someone. My friends are all out drinking and partying. I'm avoiding alcohol at all cost. I been talking to new friends on here. I even started therapy. I can't listen to music yet but when I do, it's Adele! Why? Because I need to cry it out. You want a good cry? Seriously listen to "Don't you remember" by Adele. Soul crusher right there. It's totally okay to do this guys! Be as sad as you need to be but know that the sun is rising and setting. The world is moving on with or without you. You'll have to re-invite yourself back to the world and begin living. Reinvent yourself. Evolve. Metamorphosize. You're a clean slate!

 

Hope this helped anyone else out there.

[jmann45]

Talked to her friend last night who said she had no idea that my ex called me a few nights ago and we completely broke up.. she said she didnt know anything. she said that my ex is going through some family situations as far as she knows..i said its okay. and that i hope shes okay. got no info from that convo, ompletely pointless. today is day 3 NC. as soon as i wake up i think about her. throughout the day. until i sleep.

 

i read this article online to think about 3 positive things in life every morning even if theyre little. started doing that, its helping allitle. but other than that, just kinda depressed..

 

Today is day 5 NC. i feel like my days go like this....

-dreaming about her

-wake up thinking about her

-facing the fact throughout the day that we are broken up now

-towards the end of the day im feeling better

-before i sleep, ive faced the facts and feel like moving on now...

-go to sleep

-wake up thinking about her again.

 

its getting annoying. i dont get why this is happening. i have to talk to myself every morning. losing appetite. dont feel like getting out of bed every morning. missed 2 of my classes the other day. Not really focused at work.. but im trying my hardest.

[realistic1817]

New to this forum, and new to no contact. This is day 1 and I have to stick to this because I am tired of the hot and cold with him. Either he shows me he really wants to be with me or I heal from this nightmare. I hope to make a lot of friends during this process. I have been lurking reading the different posts for a while now. I hope each and everyone going thru this finds peace and the answers they are looking for good or bad.

[sunflowercurls]

Day 70:

She has not stopped texting me, but it's getting easier and easier to ignore her. Stay strong y'all.

[jmann45]

1 week into no contact and its made me realize alot about her. she hasnt texted me because my last message to her said not to ever text or call me. but im starting to realize that im impatient. She really was/is going through lots. last time her friend contacted me about 4 days ago, she told me that her mother and father wanted a divorce and were going through that whole thing.. and shes got so much more going on its crazy. I think shes really focusing on her family right now rather than anything else. I feel that the way i left her was wrong. That i should have waited out on the break and gave her space to sort things out on her own. I feel like ill be calling/contacting her towards the end of this month. For someone like her, i feel guilty and wrong to tell her to never text or call me. And me knowing her, she probably took it so offensively that she really never will contact me.

 

Within the next 7-10 days, i want to study myself and my thought process to see if im using this "guilt" reason as an excuse to contact her again, or if i really feel that way.

For now, i really do feel guilty, but i want to be sure before i make any moves. Maybe my mind and my heart are just going against eachother and my heart is telling me that im guilty just so i can have a reason to contact her again... i dont know. Ill see. its confusing not knowing what shes doing or who shes with..

[alldaisies]

Time dear friends, time do not heal anything, but at least help to let's go the pain.

 

I never thought I could stop thinking on him, he was present every day, every time, at every hour or second of my life. He was for me like acquired disease. But I did it.

 

For good or for bad, he just was like a shooting star bringing the best and worse of me. He did not cure me from all my problems, he created more problems for me. As a woman he let me insensible, empty. I heard once that a woman can be let frigid after a rape or violation, that is what he did to me. Now I am like cube ice, a piece of nothing, hidden myself from the world around and running from all no to be hurt again.

 

Never ever come to the life of a woman telling her or convincing her that you love her if you will no love her forever. Never invade the private space of a woman that can blush, you can make her sick, terrible sick.

 

I believe after so much time, he is gone of my life. I do not know how I will recovery, maybe I never get well again.

[JustAGoodGuy]

I believe day 30 just ended.

Over 2 months since the breakup

 

I've been feeling alot of disappointment lately. I'm disappointed because she was never still there, even though she said she would be. I'm disappointed because all she sees me as is the "negative past" and I see all the fun and great times we had. I'm disappointed because she said I can be selfish yet she left someone that truly loved her, to be with someone for her own personal materialistic gains--ie: the "fun" she said she wanted to have; the snowmobiles, the ATV's, the stuff her 'shiny' new 'thing' she calls a boyfriend has. One day I hope she realizes there's more important stuff out there than material things and money. I'm disappointed that her values and morals suddenly changed like that. I'm disappointed in myself for how I've acted at first, but It was the disappointment of being lied to, ignored, and cheated on (emotionally) that caused me to behave that way.

 

Never ever come to the life of a woman telling her or convincing her that you love her if you will no love her forever. Never invade the private space of a woman that can blush, you can make her sick, terrible sick.

 

The same can be said about coming into a man's life and doing that...

[jmann45]

1 week into no contact and its made me realize alot about her. she hasnt texted me because my last message to her said not to ever text or call me. but im starting to realize that im impatient. She really was/is going through lots. last time her friend contacted me about 4 days ago, she told me that her mother and father wanted a divorce and were going through that whole thing.. and shes got so much more going on its crazy. I think shes really focusing on her family right now rather than anything else. I feel that the way i left her was wrong. That i should have waited out on the break and gave her space to sort things out on her own. I feel like ill be calling/contacting her towards the end of this month. For someone like her, i feel guilty and wrong to tell her to never text or call me. And me knowing her, she probably took it so offensively that she really never will contact me.

 

Within the next 7-10 days, i want to study myself and my thought process to see if im using this "guilt" reason as an excuse to contact her again, or if i really feel that way.

For now, i really do feel guilty, but i want to be sure before i make any moves. Maybe my mind and my heart are just going against eachother and my heart is telling me that im guilty just so i can have a reason to contact her again... i dont know. Ill see. its confusing not knowing what shes doing or who shes with..

 

Ended up texting her tonight asking her if everythings okay. she replied right away saying yes and asked how im doing. i didnt reply.

 

The reason i felt the need to text her is in pure care. It was driving me crazy as to how she was doing and how everythings going. I wanted to call her friend so bad to ask if shes okay and if shes still even alive. But instead i just thought ide text her and see how everything is. after she replied that shes been okay, it made me calm. Now i just dont know what to do. I am going no contact again. at least i know shes doing okay.

[Labhrais85]

Day 26 now (first time Ive really worked that out and god I cant decide if that feels like a long time or like we only last spoke yesterday). Had been 30 days NC last time when I cracked at the end of March and reached out and exchanged a handful of texts. Was a big mistake. Was feeling very weak and getting increasingly intense waves of sadness up to a few days ago, with my 'routine' being that Id feel good when I woke up then after 15 mintues would be down all day. But feeling very strong now, things definitely taking a turn for the better the last few days, things do get better! Ill have more ups and downs Im sure, but much greater sense of optimism now

[JustAGoodGuy]

I just posted lastnight about how I felt. There was lots of feelings of disappointment. I felt like posting again because I was overcome with an extreme amount of anger today--to the point of rage.

 

At this point, I have absolutely no hope of her contacting me ever again. I'm dying to reach out to her because of the animosity between us. I want that to end once and for all. There was NEVER any reason for it. It's the one thing I find holding me back from healing. I was overcome with anger because I know damn well she won't respond no matter what I say. I know lots of you will think, I'm not ready to talk to her if there's still that much anger, but your wrong. I am so ready. It's important for me to do this now otherwise this pain will go on for years. I'm fed up with it and I'm a strong enough person to handle whatever she tosses at me--or doesn't toss at me.

 

I wrote out the nastiest email that would probably make heads explode if people saw it. I saved it and never hit send. It took away alot of aggression I was feeling. I think if I end up reaching out to her soon and she doesn't respond, this email will get sent and it will be over for good. She won't like it one bit, but she deserves every curse word and insult in it. I never deserved or asked for any of this--all the lying, ignoring, and the emotional cheating. If she really can't respond to an innocent email that wishes her happiness and gives her forgiveness, then it truly shows that she is the scum of this earth and deserves to be smashed back into the dirt where she belongs.

 

It's not a for sure thing but I thought I'd share my emotions. I could feel differently tomorrow, I could feel differently in an hour. You never know. She knows she's still got me by the short & curly's and always will until I stand up for myself and tell her where to shove it. I'm taking back control of my life and if stooping as low as her is what it's going to take, I'll do it. I went 30 days with no contact and before that she would still ignore me no matter what I said until I would blow up and lash out--then get mad at me when I was originally just trying to be nice. I've read so many posts about how completely ignoring someone is NO way to handle things. I think that's where alot of my anger is stemming from. I've been so wronged by her ignoring.

[Raindrop22]

Reading through this thread,

I've come to realize I get bad anxiety from it. So I'm not going to read others post on here but will post my own from time to time.

 

 

I'm in no way healed.

BU was a month ago.

I am in a lot of pain.

Today was hardest on me then any other days the last week. I try to suppress memories because they hurt.

I can't help but think of negatives but I know it's my mind being silly.

I'm working on myself but at the same time I'm being gentle.

I keep telling myself positive affirmations and I keep reading through some positive threads I've found on here. I'm grateful for everyone's help on here. It hasn't been easy and I don't know much longer this pain will last but i do trust time heals and I do trust that I'll be fine.

 

The mornings are the worst.

I wake up and feel depressed. Before bed I get "okay".

It's hard to go cold turkey no contact from someone I love so very much.

[mrsin627]

Day 33... Been talking to some other women from dating sites, but when they aren't available to chat my loneliness is worse... Obviously a sign I shouldn't be trying to date yet. My Sister and Parents came over on Saturday to play with my puppy... and my mom and sister both wanted to talk about the breakup.

[realistic1817]

Today should have been day 3 of no contact. It's like he can sense I am trying to give him space and get myself together because he popped up yesterday, and he called and popped up today. If he can't commit to me then I have to let him go. Its like now that I am pulling away he is starting to call and popping up more frequently. I really feel so down and I just don't know what to do. I know I won't call him or text him I have to regain my dignity and respect. I guess time will tell what happens but either way I have to regain control of my emotions and not be a needy shell of my former self. I hope and pray all of us here who are lost waiting for our love to return or just want to heal that we find peace and happiness in the near future.

[realistic1817]

Day 33... Been talking to some other women from dating sites, but when they aren't available to chat my loneliness is worse... Obviously a sign I shouldn't be trying to date yet. My Sister and Parents came over on Saturday to play with my puppy... and my mom and sister both wanted to talk about the breakup.

 

I am trying the same thing, just for conversation so I can get my mind off of him. My heart just not in it, this feeling sucks. I figured I would join this forum to talk to people who are going thru the same thing so we could help each other get thru the pain. I hope your day is better than mine

[Raindrop22]

Aww well at least we are all in the right place. It's not easy that's for sure but it's so nice to have people going through something similar to talk to about this.

 

I also tried talking to others but my heart was absolutely not in it.

[mrsin627]

day 34... I feel like I can officially say I'm getting worse every day and not better.

[Raindrop22]

I feel like I sound like a broken record now. Talking about my hurt is starting to annoy even myself.

 

Part of me is still in disbelief.

Part of me is looking forward.

Part of me is riding the wave of this.

And part of me wants to not care anymore.

 

I love him enough to let him go. Peacefully. I am not fighting it or begging or making a big scene.

Quietly slip away... Silence.

 

I'm hurt.

But I'll be okay.

[Enn]

Day One (well five hours, does that count?) and already looking forward to day 1,000!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!

[Raindrop22]

Make this hurt go away.

The anxiety just hit me.

So many negative thoughts.

It's exhausting me so much.

 

Make the memories go away.

I don't need them.

It's just so cruel.

One by one they come to me and I

each one suffocate me.

 

I'm not keeping count of what day NC.

I just don't want to know you anymore.

I don't want to be your friend and I don't want to hear about you or be around you.

There's so much I wish I can say to you but I go here to write them down.

This is like a diary collection of broken hearts.

I can't wait for this wave to ride out so i can feel normal and me again.

It's when I hit rock bottom, I come here and write. Then I feel better and move on and it continues to come in waves.

 

I wonder if you ever loved me at all.

I know it's silly and I know you did.

My mind they play tricks on me.

I'm sorry I wasn't as accepting

I am sorry I wasn't patient

I'm sorry I took you for granted

And I'm sorry I said awful things

I'm sorry for hurting you

I'm sorry for everything.

 

The loss of us.. you... Is unbearable.

[Enn]

Day 2...though I'm still not sure if yesterday counts, as that's when he actually left. Am very surprised by how well and positive I feel. It's quite hard to miss someone who has been distant and inconsiderate for months and as this is the second time in the relationship he's gone (and he was SO cold when he left)... Last time, he wanted to move out and for us to carry on seeing each other...he then let the relationship ebb away into nothing before I went No Contact. (After eight weeks he begged me to give him another chance). This time, three years later - he said he was moving out but he would like us to carry on seeing each other (REALLY - do they not get sick of the deja vu?! Because I do!) but I just said 'No, if you feel like that, go NOW. I think you must think I'm desperate.' Which I think caught him off his guard (though I made it clear a week ago that if he wanted to leave again that would be it). I didn't want the relationship to end (I wasn't happy, but I would always try and work on things rather than discard the relationship), but Good God how many times do you let people take you for granted? Anyway - it's odd and I'm amazed - I'm not really that upset; in fact I feel free. I'm scared the upset is going to kick in any minute though. Normally, I think my brain makes things seem so much worse by dwelling on the loss - physical objects the person has left behind etc. Now I'm thinking that maybe I cared the other times but this time...not so much. Weird. Don't we all deserve better than people who think they can come in and out of our lives as they choose?

[Enn]

Day 3...I'm starting to think I really don't care at all. It's really weird. I noticed two Private Numbers rang my phone today and I don't really care if it was him or not. I'm staggered by how good I feel...to be honest I err a bit on the codependent side and have held on to all matter of really terrible relationships (and chased after them, and been devastated afterwards). I don't know what it is that's different this time. But...great!

[Bigdeal123]

Day 3...I'm starting to think I really don't care at all. It's really weird. I noticed two Private Numbers rang my phone today and I don't really care if it was him or not. I'm staggered by how good I feel...to be honest I err a bit on the codependent side and have held on to all matter of really terrible relationships (and chased after them, and been devastated afterwards). I don't know what it is that's different this time. But...great!

 

 

 

Good job! You should be happy you feel this way.