THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[azedd613]

Had NC with my ex of 5.5 years for about a week (we broke up 8 weeks ago but were speaking on and off) and then he messaged me cuz I had deleted him off of Facebook, I replied to him and I shouldn't have last week there was a major accident in our city and several people died and I messaged him just to make sure he was ok and that was 5 days ago and I haven't spoken to him since. As of yesterday I have stopped checking his fb, twitter, and Instagram completely so I guess this is officially Day 2 of NC whatsoever. This is so much harder than I expected

[kinders]

Day 2

What a night. I had decided to try and not take an antidepressant to see if I could sleep without one. I was awake until 4am. I started having strong suicidal thoughts and took one. I thought I was over those thoughts...

 

Woke up around 10am and lay in bed thinking about the bad night. My sister invited me out to the pub which was very busy due to a football game. I don't enjoy this type of environment. I don't drink and it was too crowded. My sister got drunk and made friends with some random people. We later met up with her friends and partner and went out for a late dinner...the first thing I had to eat all day and last thing.

 

I love my sister, dont get me wrong. But I am starting to get sick of the sight of her. I know live with her and see her ALL the time. I hear the same stories over and over. Also she has totally different interests to me. I want to be alone.

 

Even with my partner...we were both quiet people. I cant go out to these bars, put on a brave face and smile. Its not me. I dont like bars....

 

I miss my nice quiet life with my ex

 

Uni tomorrow, thats a nice break from my sister and i enjoy it..

[Ammieg]

Day 16

 

I'm starting to find the days noticeably easier. I have stopped counting the days and almost forgot it was day 16 today. I still think about him, but I don't miss him. I worry a lot if he is going to contact me again, past history says yes but there is no point in worying about something I don't know is going to happen. Still, I can't stop myself. Not sure what to do about it

[hopelessincan]

day 42. 6 weeks exactly. My best length of time so far. I made it 5.5 weeks immediately after the break up. Geez that was almost 4 months ago. I cant believe it. It still feels like just yesterday.

 

Nothing has changed. Other than the fact that I do try and go out more now. Funny, cause if I'm really honest with myself, I felt this same way at times when we were together. I missed him a lot.

 

I miss him really bad today. I cant get him out of my head. It's not worth it and I know it. I need a distraction.

 

I've been getting flashbacks from last Christmas, and from birthdays last year. Nothing makes sense. Maybe its true.........maybe he just wanted to love me. The man who doesn't know how to love still doesn't but he really really wanted to. Thanksgiving is coming up. I wonder if he will start having these same flashbacks. I wonder if he will miss that home cooked turkey that I made for he and his family the last three years. I know his son will. I wonder if he knows yet..............

[kinders]

Day 3

Took my antidepressant last night and quickly managed to sleep. Dunno how tonight will turn out as I'm pretty wide awake and its late already.

 

Woke up early and thought of him, like every morning. One morning I just want to wake up without that sinking feeling in my tummy.

 

Had a full day of uni today which kept my mind occupied. Met some nice girls who have been through breakups too. We only chatted for 15minutes but I felt like they helped a lot. It was nice seeing other people on my course and getting to know them today. My usual group didn't have to come in today. During the first break I felt completely lost, the university was sooo busy and lately I haven't been able to cope with crowds. I felt trapped. I just wanted to text him. My phone felt like it was burning in my pocket.

 

I was going to stay at uni for an extra hour once we had finished to catch up on some work but I didn't feel in the mood. I came home and watched "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". It was a great "break up" movie.

 

Then I uploaded some of my holiday photos on to fb (some of them had him in them)...made me sad that only a month ago I was that happy girl in the photos...Then I decided to clean out my emails, I had loadsss. Saw lots from him with "I love you" messages. DELETE. Kinda bummed me out. Still feeling a bit down. I've left one message from him, its an e card of his family doing silly dances. I still love his family and they are best friends with my family so I'm going to send it to his mum around xmas time.

 

So. Where am I at right now? Sad, lonely, regretful, confused, betrayed. Not the feelings I want to feel when I'm just about to try and sleep. I'm off uni tomorrow so Its not a huge deal if I get to sleep quite late.

 

Bring on day 4!

[sniperz]

I had applied NC for 4-5 days and then another 1 weeks more which in between I have broke it. I felt that even if I do apply NC, does it really goes effective if your EX really isn't truly loving you and finds someone?

[azedd613]

Day 4 of NC, officially blocked him on Facebook, Instagram and twitter! This feels good! And empowering to do so since my ex said he wanted space to figure himself out, he will get his space! It's been 8.5 weeks since we broke up and I'm just focusing on myself, my health, fitness and my hobbies! Feeling good and getting through this slowly!

[FindingClarity]

Day 5 of NC Except for day 1 this is the first day I have had a day off from work so have been on my own. Thought it would be sensible to get out of the house for a while instead of moping around at home. But no, I went and walked by the place we always used to meet. Didn't stay for long though. I'm really worried - he didn't dump me as such, but I told him he appeared to need space so I was going to give it to him. I said he didn't have to contact me if he agreed. And he hasn't

[Ammieg]

Day 18

 

I almost blew it last night. I had an overwhelming urge to email him, but I emailed my friend instead. Phew. SO glad I didn't fall off the wagon again, when I came into work this morning he had moved his car to another part of the car park, away from where I usually park (we used to park together). I was glad he didnt see my weakness last night. I want to stop caring about him now, he obviously has stopped caring about me.

[Sarsi8]

I'm also on my 18th day NC..

[vi0let]

Day 50

 

i can't believe it's been 50 days of no contact. the break up feels like it was a lifetime ago now. i still miss him incredibly much still even though i am distracting myself with work more and hanging out with friends. i wonder if it gets easier any time soon. i thought that seeing as i am approaching 60 days, it would get alot easier. i still haven't heard from him either and it feels like he has forgotten about me, which deep down i know isn't true. i am not so tempted to text him as much, but the longing still persists. i wonder what he's thinking and whether he thinks that we'll ever speak again. the days are easier when i'm busy and distracted even though i do still think about him. but, there is only so long you stay busy and distracted until you have to slow down and relax. slowing down = over thinking. it seems like i can never win no matter what i do. it feels like i'm stuck in a limbo, like i'm half hanging on to hope, half wanting to move on. so yeah, in quite a vulnerable place at this moment of time.

[Ammieg]

Day 20

 

Saw him at work. He was cheerful but avoided me. Tried not to let it bother me but I had to go for a walk and have a little cry.

 

No doubt in my mind I can do this whole no contact thing, simply because I have no other alternative. He doesn't want to be with me any more. It's plainly obvious for all to see. I'm frustrated that I'm still hurting. I wish I could just move on and be happy now.

[Paramore]

day 2 of no contact,

 

I'm finding this so hard, this isn't the first time we have broken up and this isn't the first time ive felt like this, I know its bad and I shouldn't have let it happen a second time but I have and I'm in pain and I feel horrible. I wake up feeling ill, I cry a lot during the day, I cried in the middle of collage today, i'm also throwing up a lot I'm not to sure if that's normal? I can sleep but I've completely lost my apatite. ive not ate in 3 days now, the thought of food just makes me ill, im lost I genuinely am finding it so hard to be without him and to not contact him, im trying im just hoping he will message me. I blocked him on facebook but then I couldn't help unblocking him and having a look, I cant see his wall but I can see that he has added girls that he knows I don't like, that have tried things on with him before, I don't know what to do I really don't

[vi0let]

Day 55

 

it's weird, because despite how i felt just under two weeks ago, around 3 days ago, i started to feel better. i think that i am definitely starting to accept that the relationship is in the past now, despite how much i still miss him and think about him. i wish that i could pick up the phone to say hey, but i have made a strict pact with myself to make it to 60 days at least. thing is though, if he contacts me before (i doubt it), i am not sure whether i would reply or wait for the 60 day period to have finished. i cannot believe that i haven't stalked him on social media or picked up the phone to call or text him at all and i am so proud of how strong i am and how amazing my willpower is, to be honest. i don't know whether or not this is cheating, but i have only briefly looked at old texts (more specifically the break up ones). doing this hasn't affected me a lot, especially now when i am accepting that all those messages are what they are and that they belong to the past. the reason i haven't gotten rid of them, is because i cannot stand to delete them just yet. i feel like a significant amount of time will have had to have passed first before i consider deleting those texts.

 

i think that the break up has taught me alot of things. it has taught me not to put up with peoples s*** too much. it has taught me self-love and self respect: to not be too nice (a pushover). the break up has also taught me to know when to walk away or stop putting up with a lost cause and to not let people take you for granted too much. it's hard for me especially, because i generally like to be nice and help people. but the break up has definitely taught me to know my limits. the relationship definitely pushed me to the brink and in a way now i am thankful, because it has allowed to to grow as an individual.

 

i still miss him alot. i cannot lie. i still think about him frequently and what he may be getting up to. but as far as i can tell now, the pain isn't as crippling. it still hurts, but it's faded a little. i can focus my attention on other things for a little while. i feel like i can laugh and joke more and i am starting to accept the way things are now. who knows if we'll ever speak again at this rate. it's sad because he kind of feels like a distant friend that i once knew now. it's funny what nearly 2 months of no contact can do.

[HollyPrice]

Day 60 (i think)

 

Only last week i was feeling soooo smug because i had zero urge to contact you. I wasn't thinking about you. I thought i had made it. I thought it was all over. Grrrrr...then today hits and i've been thinking about you again. Even checked your facebook. This is happening less and less though. I am healing.

[js0905]

Back to day 3...

 

So here I'm again, after going NC 28 days and then starting over. We talked Friday and I told him I needed more contact from him since we can't see each other right now. I don't know what the purpose of this is since we haven't actually seen each other in over 5 months. He is away for work for about another week, he says he misses me and so I tell him if you do then stay in contact. He did do that amazingly enough on Sunday and Tuesday but since then nothing and it's Friday night. Now I'm back to feeling like crap and I know it's stupid but I'm tired of the same thing happening over and over again. We are supposed to see each other next weekend but now I don't know anymore.

 

I'm not going to contact him and since I haven't heard from him I probably wont be seeing him either which sucks because I miss him so damn much =,(

[t1lersm0m1]

Day 1 of no contact will start for me tomorrow. Here's a brief synopsis:

 

E is a great guy, we date 02/24 - 06/05 until he realizes he isn't ready for a relatinship (he's only separated and not over his wife, and has self-esteem issues). We broke up on a Monday, we don't have contact until Friday when he says "Just wanted to say hi, I got my approval for surgery." (he had weight loss surgery in July). We begin texting regularly, and occassionally talk about us and feelings, but mostly it's just friendly.

 

I go to TN on vacation July 10-19, and when I come back we get back together. But it's different. He's guarded. He never initiates saying he loves me, only says it in reply. Also, the first time we dated he said amazing things about me and how wonderful I was. He said I brought him back to life, and I made hiim want to be a better man. He doesn't say any of these things when we reunite. He meets up with his wife and she talks about their divorce, and during the conversation asks him why he hates her boyfriend. He said because he came between us reconciling. She says if it wasn't him it wouldn't have been someone else. When there was any tension in our relationship, he would ignore me rather than trying to work it out. He has huge issues.

 

Labor Day weekend we spend Friday - Monday together. Saturday we go to a cookout out of town and on the drive home I realize I need to break up with him. I thought about it all day Sunday and acted like a complete B to him. Then Monday I told myself i would give it more time, this guy is totally worth it. He was distant with me all that week. I freaked out Wednesday and Friday because I could tell something was up. I blew up his phone Wedneday and Friday. He broke up with me Friday, said it was for the best and thanks for the memories. I drove there, told him he was going to look me in the eye and say it. I drove there again Sunday and BEGGED and pleaded.

 

I texted him the following Monday and said I miss my best friend, and a few other things. I texted last night and he told me it was over forever. I sent him a long email today saying I was going to break up with him but couldn't do it,and that I learned I still have issues to deal with. I told him I am letting him go and hope someday he realizes how much happiness he deserves. And that someday he will be in contact with me, even as friends.

 

So I will come back here tomorrow and post my Day 1,and I will continue no contact so I can heal...and hopefully one day, once we've both healed,he will come back.

 

 

[Melting]

Day 1

 

I found you on a dating site last night, 5hrs after we broke up.

 

That says it all for me

[bumblebee]

Day 8.

I almost messaged him a few minutes ago, because the pain of missing him was becoming too much to handle.

Avoided it by reminding myself that he wouldn't reply, or he'd simply reply with something painfully rejecting. I hope I make it to at least 21 days.

[t1lersm0m1]

Day 1 of no contact. Break ups suck. Especially when you realize you were probably just a rebound and not meant to be. The signs were there, he constantly complained about his wife (separated from her) and was very angry about everything involving her. He hadn't healed. I hope having me in his life for six months helped in some small way. He truly is a good guy, I guess it just wasn't our time.

 

Here goes day 1, to infinity. I don't plan on contacting him ever now that I realize I was the rebound. I thought I'd wish him a happy birthday on December 14, but I'm not going to. I'm just going to stay in no contact, heal, and work on me. Through everything that happens, I continue learning about me.

 

I was reading the Getting Back Together Really Does Happen thread, and I really had my hopes up. But it's also helping me heal. Anything I do is a step in helping me heal.

 

Day 1, here we go!

[t1lersm0m1]

I'm actually at day 2! I went back and read the email I sent him yesterday, and I typed link removed instead of yahoo. So I'm assuming the emamil didn't go through, although I don't see an undeliverable email in my inbox (not sure if it could be in another folder in my gmail account).

 

Ok, so Day 2, as I really want to tell him what I said in the email, but I'm taking it as a sign that I was not meant to send the email.

 

Day 2! (I also blocked his FB so I can't look at his profile when thinking of him....he unfriended me the day we broke up so I really couldn't see much on his profile anyway).

[bumblebee]

Day 9!

I'm more over you than yesterday, I should give myself a handshake.

[js0905]

I'm actually at day 2! I went back and read the email I sent him yesterday, and I typed link removed instead of yahoo. So I'm assuming the emamil didn't go through, although I don't see an undeliverable email in my inbox (not sure if it could be in another folder in my gmail account).

 

Ok, so Day 2, as I really want to tell him what I said in the email, but I'm taking it as a sign that I was not meant to send the email.

 

Day 2! (I also blocked his FB so I can't look at his profile when thinking of him....he unfriended me the day we broke up so I really couldn't see much on his profile anyway).

 

 

Yes, it is a sign, I read what you wrote originally and you need to continue doing NC.

I know it's tough, I went NC 28 days and since he contacted me on day 23, I ended up replying on day 28.

However through all of this back and forth I think sometimes certain things are better left unsaid.

Trust me, most of the time the things we want to tell them are things they already know anyway.

 

I have at least 7 unsent emails to him in the draft folder of my email account...LOL!!

That is what I do now just let it all out, everything I believe I want to tell him. Then I save it as a draft and tell myself to wait to see how I feel later.

It does help to write it out and then sometimes to re read it and add to it or change it around.

 

Unfortunately I even have them with different dates and saying different things because our situation has been on and off way longer than it should...

However then I realize he already knows these things, he is not stupid and I have told him before.

 

So continue to do what you are doing, if he contacts you somewhere down the road then you can think about what you want to do.

Now just think of yourself and be strong =)

[Melting]

Day 2 .... I had a few stinging moments, when I thought of how you treated me in the end.

[t1lersm0m1]

Thanks, I'm here, and it's day 3. I went two weeks without contacting him, but that's about the time I really start missing him, so I know these first few days will be easy.

 

I started telling myself something over and over again in my head.....E doesn't deserve me. I say it over and over again. Last year, when I hated myself, I started saying I love myself over and over again in my head for days and weeks, hundreds of times a day, and my whole outlook on life changed (I know it might sound dumb, but it really worked!). So anytime I start having fond memories of E, I start saying E doesn't deserve me. And I truly believe that. I was amazing to him (I spazzed out a few times, but when I say I was amazing to him, I truly was). But unfortunately he's not over his wife, and never had all of himself to give to me, and I stayed with him being patient, settling for the scraps he gave me. I'm not saying he is a bad guy, he's really not, as I do love him, and probably will for a while, but I want and deserve more than he could give emotionally.

 

Day 3 to infinity!