FindingClarity

Happy Birthday. I guess 6 months on part of me still loves you. But I will only say it here. I realised this morning how scary it is that you could just reel me in again, that if you asked I just might still come running. But hopefully that's just cos of the day it is today - and I'm remembering the time we spent together last year. I still miss you, and wish I could share today with you.

Thoughts of you more painful at the moment...they are leading to more tears again. But I know if I can get over the next couple of days they will start to recede again. Its been a while since I wanted to cry that I love you. But today I want to say that I do still love you. 2 months on I have to accept that it is a fact that I do and I'm not ready to move on. The anger is still there too but the passion that we had will never die.

You weren't actually all that great to me were you. suppose you thought you tried in your own way. I'll get by without you.

universe is conspiring to remind me of you today, not that I need reminding. Your name, a song, a place. Now I can't stop thinking of you and how I love you so much. 6 weeks have gone and I need to stop thinking of you like this. It is wearing my mind down, I just want to be free of you, and yet I can't bear to be. Love you forever xxxx

Day 30 I've made no move to contact you - and you certainly haven't tried to contact me. Now what?

Day 26....When the hell am i gonna stop missing you. thank goodness for this place. Love you so much. Wanna message you right now.

Day 23 - Feeling more generous towards you today. You were kind, and you did give me lots of love for a time. If those feelings died then I suppose it can't be helped. I would like to talk to you about it. But if you wanted that then you would be talking to me now. It sucks. I suppose I just carry on not talking to you. Maybe forever

Why can you not have told me properly that it was over instead of having endless space.....wanting to keep you options open just in case. You are such a coward.. You said you were one and you are. You have not showed the end of this relationship any respect. I wished you well and wished you happiness and you could give me nothing back. I want to contact you and ask you to end it properly. But that would give you the ego stroke of knowing I was still hung up on you. I want you. Why don't you contact me. I love you. You were everything to me and you once said I was everything to you. I am so glad this forum is here so that I'm not so stupid as to write all of this to you. I hope you are missing me at least a little. I hope you wake up in the night and your bed is cold. If you could have just have said goodbye instead of leaving me hanging I could have coped so much better. Well your not, and I feel sorry for your ex and sorry for your kids that they have such a lousy Dad as you. A dishonest liar. I should have seen it from the start. I knew it, but thought I was somehow special. Special connection ha ha ha. Well the joke was on me.

30 days post BU and 20 days No contact. Feeling a bit more weepy these last few days at night time though fine while I'm at work, but today is the first time in a while I've actually wanted to reach out and say something, so I could hear something back. Its painful, but I definitely won't cos I know that'll just make it worse. Had a bit of a laugh yesterday, joking with work colleaugues about fancying someone at work. It made for a lot of laughs but made me realise how really I could just not be ready to be with someone else. To think of kissing someone else makes me feel so sad.

Day 15 Was feeling so proud of my new motivational self yesterday. This evening I feel like a wreck, maybe you will will realise I'm the one for you.

Just I miss you, and if you contacted me at this moment thats all it would take to have me back again...because I love you. Something I want to say to you again so much, but which I presume you will never want to hear.

Do you miss me? My heart yearns to reach out to you and make you happy again. But I guess thats not what you want or you would be with me still. I wish I was what you wanted. I love you. I miss you. I wish I could say those words to you and have you say them back.

Day 5 of NC Except for day 1 this is the first day I have had a day off from work so have been on my own. Thought it would be sensible to get out of the house for a while instead of moping around at home. But no, I went and walked by the place we always used to meet. Didn't stay for long though. I'm really worried - he didn't dump me as such, but I told him he appeared to need space so I was going to give it to him. I said he didn't have to contact me if he agreed. And he hasn't

I've waited 2 years for you playing it your way.. and now after all this time you still haven't come through for me. It feels like all the love you felt was a lie. I just want to be a part of your life.