THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[js0905]

Day 12

 

Again weekend is horrible.

I tried to go out to a park today, alone sadly; but it's better than staying at home alone.

It did cheer me up a little bit.

 

I still think of him quite often, wish that he was the one i used to know, but obviously he isn't, such a pity that he isn't, how i wish he was...

Just let him go... please start to focus on myself...

 

 

Hi Lyla,

 

I'm sorry about the weekend for you.

I get to spend time with family and friends so it helps me actually.

 

Where are you? Do you not have anyone to spend time with or do you want to be on your own?

Sometimes when I get down about all of this relationship madness I do that too.

 

However this is a long Holiday weekend for me so I decided others could/would take my mind off from him.

So far it hasn't helped very much but at least I can't or won't cry around others, specially since everyone has already told me what I should do about this.

 

You also know what that advice is right?

They say forget him, why are you still hung up on him? He is such an jerk, etc.

 

I wish I could just turn it off(my thinking of him almost in an hourly basis).

 

So anyway I hope you are feeling better tonight.....

[lyla2013]

Hi JS, i feel exactly the same. They know everything, they know how much we miss them, they know how little it takes to make us happy, but they just won't do it, becuase they don't care.

Maybe we shouldn't be happy so easily, we are being too nice, which makes them take advantage of us.

 

However, i know when i love a person, i can't hold anything back. I can't play games either. All i can do is being honest, show him love and be nice to him, there's no other way.

Although this may sound naive, although i may get hurt easily in this way, but that's the only way to get true love for me. It may sound silly, but that's the way i am, and i hope somewhere in the future i can find someone who appreciates me for that.

 

So all we need to do is to find the person who really cares about us, who loves us no matter we are being too nice or too easy to be taken advantage of; someone who appreciates our merits and accept our flaws, someone who makes sense of our beings.

 

Same with you, I can't talk to anyone about him any more, becuase everyone's fed up with this topic, they thought i had been over him since long time ago.

 

So just admit it, he's a jerk, he's not serious with you, just let him go. If he never comes back, he's never yours to have. He belongs to someone else, let him find her, wish him happy and leave you alone.

 

Remember you've tried all you could try, you've made your part. You deserve someone who will treat you right.

 

It's already Day 13 for me. I just feel it's such a shame that he isn't the one for me.

[Markus87]

I hardly have posted on here tbh since I took up the challenge. It was going to be two months on Saturday since I initiated no contact. Well, my ex called me last night. I saw her older brother and we talked. It was good. But my ex then called later asking about so called friends of ours who have been sh*t stirring. Basically told her I didn't talk to them anymore, which is true. I told her how I feel and she reiterated how she doesn't feel the same and I deserve somebody better than her. Even her brother has said, that isn't the girl we know. Whatever is happening in her head, she needs to sort out.

 

Where did this call put me? Right back at square one. All the emotions came flooding back. To top it off we were getting married this month. So it was going to be a struggle anyway. But know it feels so much worse.

 

So anyway- day 1 of NC!

[js0905]

Day 6 of NC =(

So tomorrow it will be a full week again....

Really hoped it would have changed after last week when we texted and three separate times he told me that he missed me. One of those times he actually told me everything he missed about me and ended with "Well I miss everything about you....." with a smiley face at the end.

 

Amazing how great I felt for almost 3 days after that, thinking that he would go back to the way he used to be. Expected to have a text the next day or the day after that...

Now back to total disappointment, he is breaking my heart really. Why does he even bother with these things he says?? I know they are just words but coming from him whom I seem to freaking be in love? with.

 

I told myself if I didn't hear from him by Saturday then I will let him go and guess what?? I didn't hear from him still and it's Monday so now I have to let him go which is so not what I wanted

 

Who knows when I will actually hear from him again and will he be expecting me to reply? Wish I could just see him, touch him and kiss him again.

Realistically now it has been a long time since I have even seen him. I keep on thinking that if he only saw me he would realize how much he still wants me??...LOL!!

 

So pathetic of me not to be able to let him get out of my head.

[Janextacy]

I lost count on the NC. But one thing for sure is im happier now single than i was before a few weeks back. I've caught up on alot of things i missed out while i was with my ex. I signed up to the gym. Been going now for about 2.5 weeks. I feel healthier and more energetic than before. Nothing but a positive attitude. I do see him but i does nothing to me. I pay him no mind. One day he'll realize what he lost. Im not stressin him no more. Trust me guys. Time heals all wounds. We'll all be alright!

[lyla2013]

Two weeks already

 

Though it's still hard for me to believe, but he has just gone like that, not a single fight for me, for us.

 

I am left alone in this battlefield, waiting for his return to rescue me. I am waiting and hoping, mistaking the slightest sound the vaguest shadow for his return. But he never returns, I didn't know i was never worth the fight for him.

 

A war which was already lost before it could even get a chance to start. What a joke.

 

I thought I weighted a whole universe in his heart, but in fact I wasn't even heavier than a thinnest paper.

 

He turned his back, took his stride and never to return. Just like that...

 

It's so easy for every outsider to tell that I should leave him for good. Only me who's in too deep to realize, to see the situation from a grander point of view. I was stuck in my wishful thinkings.

 

14 days now. Should I celebrate or mourn for the dead love?

[Janextacy]

--

 

Hey you are not alone!

We all felt the same way at one point. I understand exactly where u come from and how you feel. But u need to accept this and accept its not the end of your world. Its only the beginning to something better. With time and patience you'll realize this. Now its your time to shine and work on making yourself a better person. Time heals all wounds.

 

Feel better love. Remember everyone here is going thru it. We are NOT alone! Hang in there. You'll be alright

[js0905]

I lost count on the NC. But one thing for sure is im happier now single than i was before a few weeks back. I've caught up on alot of things i missed out while i was with my ex. I signed up to the gym. Been going now for about 2.5 weeks. I feel healthier and more energetic than before. Nothing but a positive attitude. I do see him but i does nothing to me. I pay him no mind. One day he'll realize what he lost. Im not stressin him no more. Trust me guys. Time heals all wounds. We'll all be alright!

 

 

Day 7

 

I go from extreme sadness to been ok and then I'm also soooo angry!!

 

Just want to write him and tell him off, ask him why does he keep me hanging on and pretending he cares.

All his damn words, when there is nothing to ever back them up anymore.

 

It's obvious and plain as day to me most of the time but I just want to throw it on his face. Somehow I still feel he is or can be a good person with a good heart but how is that even a possibility when he is making me hurt so much??

 

So is he an evil person then? or just selfish and narcissistic? Probably both I suppose, yet I miss him and the good times that we did have together.

 

He developed in me an "emotional attachment" that I haven't had for guy in a long time.

 

Trust me when I tell you that I already have a full life with work and I do eat right and tale care of myself plus work out at the gym 4-5 days a week.

So really I'm not sure what else I need to be doing to get him out of my mind and my brain.

 

Maybe subconsciously I don't want him out because then I will be in the place you are in today.

Which should be a good thing right? but looking at it from where I'm now it would mean that all the hope I appear to be hanging on to would be gone.

I wouldn't want him anymore and that makes me sad...

 

Does that even make any sense??

[lyla2013]

--

 

Hey you are not alone!

We all felt the same way at one point. I understand exactly where u come from and how you feel. But u need to accept this and accept its not the end of your world. Its only the beginning to something better. With time and patience you'll realize this. Now its your time to shine and work on making yourself a better person. Time heals all wounds.

 

Feel better love. Remember everyone here is going thru it. We are NOT alone! Hang in there. You'll be alright

 

Thank you Jane... It's good to be reminded that i am not alone... We're all going to be better.

It's just that it seems the sadness has come back to me these two days, but hopefully i will restore my courage and will be fine again very soon.

 

Cheers!

Day 15

[vi0let]

Hello everyone

 

i'm vi0let, a new user and i have read just over 1,000 pages of this thread before i (finally) decided to sign up. the stories of people going through break ups and coming out of the other end of this process are truly inspiring.

 

personally, i'm entering a bit late into the challenge as i am already on day 27. and it's been a terrible 27 days at that. every day is a personal struggle and even though i am reaching the 30 day milestone, i still feel like i have a lot of healing to do, as i am definitely not over this tumultuous relationship (and it's ending) yet. i may even try for the 60 day mark. but one thing is for sure, is that i definitely don't want to look weak in front of my ex (by breaking no contact) and at this stage, i have no intentions of being 'just friends' with him, especially after the way our break up went ....

 

- bit of background information -

 

our four and a half month relationship was pretty great in the beginning and then major red flags started to pop up such as him cancelling plans and at the time i was too blind and in denial to actually admit to myself what was going on.

 

before we broke up, he did the slow fade, claiming he wanted space and needed time to think for a 'few days'. at the time he claimed it was something to do with his friend, but i was too blind to the hidden meaning. so it was fast approaching a week and i eventually knew what he was trying to hint at. i built up the courage to break up with him myself. i became the dumper AND the dumpee. during this painful ordeal, he also admitted to not feeling the same for some time (a month). evidently, he felt the need to lead me on for a while just to make sure his feelings were made up. then he had the audacity to say that he wanted to be friends when i was 'ready' and moved on.

 

there is no way on earth i am going to give into his request, for the sake of my pride mostly. he wants me to make him feel better about the break up and i am not about to allow that anytime soon. he can live with the guilt. after the break up, i proceeded to block him in every place i have him, which i hope sent a strong message. before we stopped talking to one another, he admitted to believing that i was angry with him. well, no s*** sherlock.

 

despite all of this, i still want him back because at the end of the day, i do care for him despite everything. i just wish he would come crawling back. but, i need to get through this process and actually get over him properly, because i really do not like the effect he has on my emotions even when we aren't even going out with one another anymore.

 

so onwards and upwards!

[js0905]

Day freaking 9 "again"....UGH!!

 

Last time I got to day 9 was when I gave in and texted him and sent him pic's of me at the park. He then replied immediately so sweetly but of course it didn't mean crap since again it has been 9 days.

 

I can't continue to do this, just like with you things were good for a long time at the beginning and then started to deteriorate.

Not even sure when exactly I noticed that he was withdrawing but it was after an argument we had where we broke it off for a while but then got back together.

 

So then I was doing most of the initiating and the texting and also didn't realize it and once I did it was too late.

He knew I was deep into him and lost respect for me, I was to available, to eager I suppose.

 

Thought it was over when he faded out for 23 days so decided to let him go. He texted me on day 23 and 24 but I stayed NC until day 28 and broke down then.

 

Once I txtd him back, within 9 minutes he responded and told me he was so happy I responded. I left it at that because he never actually apologized or even explained himself about going MIA on me for 23 days.

 

Then of course after 9 days is when I sent the pic's but whatever...

 

I feel it's over and if he wanted me he would have told me and changed his tune once he believed I wasn't going to reply back.

 

So back to NC for at least 30 days even if he contacts me ..................I hope I can do it even though I miss him so damn much.

[vi0let]

So back to NC for at least 30 days even if he contacts me ..................I hope I can do it even though I miss him so damn much.

 

i know how you feel. i'm on day 28 now and the urge to contact my ex does lessen and when you get really far into the process, NC starts to feel really empowering ... however, i'm still working on the part on trying not to miss him as much. logically i know i shouldn't, but emotionally that's a different kettle of fish unfortunately.

[lovelyme]

Day 31 of NC

 

This is my first post in this thread.

I can't believe I got through it. I'm aiming towards a long NC because I know I'm still weak.

I wonder if he still misses me.. because it's been 3 months since we broke up but I still miss him..

I wonder if he's thinking of me.. Sigh

 

Good luck everyone! Stay Strong!

[hopelessincan]

this email just popped up in my inbox as I subscribe to the thread and well I don't know what kind of challenge I am following anymore, here goes... Day 24 or I guess 23 since the last attempt at contact, its all just a blur.

 

He is trying to blame me so he can continue to feel anger. Anger is better than feeling love I suppose. I spent a day googling that and all I can find is that he loves you blah blah...and its easier to hate than love....and as long as he finds reason to hate me then it helps him move on.

 

What got him mad this time, was asking him why he hasn't told one person in his life that we split. 3 months later? cmon now. Well the convo had been ok before that, but he found a defensive excuse to snap and make himself feel like he made the right decision I guess. Except he wasn't really man enough to make the decision. I had to put those words into his mouth on that fateful day.

 

I know he loves me. And Im not being naïve or wishing it. But I realize that for most people, love isn't enough. For me it is and I hate that people just give up. I know I live in a fairy tale, but for me that's what love is.

I actually lost track of exactly how many days its been since that blurry night. But I counted today and its been 14 weeks plus three days.

I have completely regressed and it makes no sense. This week has been hell on earth and I don't know why. Actually yes I do know why. I am heartbroken. And if I have to admit it, its probably a huge shot to my ego. I get unwanted attention on a daily basis, yet I cant get it from the one man I want it from. No man has ever walked away from me like this. And it hurts. Neither one of us have ever had a relationship so close as ours was. Yet he cant bear to talk to me. I know its because he will fall back into it with me. Hes told me that before. But why wont he let his heart win over his head?

[vi0let]

DAY 30!

 

i did it. i actually completed the 30 day challenge and i am so incredibly proud of myself. i have just proven that i don't need him in my life.

 

however, i still want him. i miss him terribly and i wonder if he ever thinks about me. especially how he never once initiated contact over the 30 day period. he probably still thinks that i am angry at him and is too much of a coward to do anything or say anything. or maybe he just doesn't care.

 

i guess i should be grateful that he didn't contact me over the 30 days, as it didn't put me in an awkward position as to whether i should reply to his message or fight the urge to do so. however i knew that i wouldn't reply at all if the message was any less than i wanted to hear. (e.g. 'can we try again' would have been ideal), plus i had every intention of completing the challenge, especially to prove to myself that i don't necessarily need him in my life.

 

i also wonder what he's up to, i have no clue what's happening in his life (and i'm not sure if i actually want to know really) and as much as i want to i can't see myself breaking contact anytime soon, unless he took the initiative. i refuse to chase after him. but he's never been much of an initiator, so i doubt that.

 

additionally, some days i feel like i am coming to terms with the break up, other times not so much.

 

so, i have now put myself onto a 60 day challenge and if nothing changes, have NC indefinitely unless/until he decides to show up one day, then i'll take things from then on.

 

hopefully by the end of the 60 days, i would have moved on significantly and that he'll truly only be a memory.

 

just to conclude, good luck to everyone else. keep strong, you can definitely complete the 30 day challenge! you will feel so incredibly proud that you showed him/her that you do not need them and that there is life beyond your relationship, no matter how much you may miss them still.

[js0905]

Congratulations Violet =)

 

Trust me is better he didn't contact you for any reason.

 

I was at day 28 but because he contacted me & day 23 I replied on day 28....LOL!! ??

 

Waited 5 days because he didn't apologize or explain to me why he went MIA for 23 days. I was weak and fell back into it, he did reply within 9 minutes and then I waited 9 days and then I texted him. Felt since he had replied I could now text him?? Funny how we try to make excuses for the things we know we shouldn't do when it comes to this. So we texted back and forth all day and through that day he said he missed me like 3 different times so I thought we were back on.

 

Nope I waited a few days and came back on here to do NC again and guess what he texted me yesterday @ 10 days.

Now he wants to talk and see me on Tuesday and of course like an idiot I have agreed.

 

Have this feeling I'll end up back here after that because I will tell him face to face how I feel about a lot of things...LOL!!

 

Good luck to you and Congratulations again.

[breakeven]

I just joined about an hour ago. Today marks day 3 of NC.

 

We broke up last Sunday. All of Sunday and most of Monday I was a mess. I leaned on my friends (almost to the point of annoying them) constantly. I cried to bed every night. I saw him on Tuesday because he promised to help move something for me. Then, I ran into him out on Thursday night. Friday was rough. I decided to go home for the weekend and spend some time with my parents (I'm in college). I cried on the bus ride home.

 

Seeing my parents was the exact medicine I needed. It was amazing to spend time with them and really get to enjoy my days again. I returned home and was honestly heartbroken to leave my parents. I have always been independent (at least from my parents), so it's strange to be overcome with these desires to visit them constantly.

 

I think about him often, especially now that I'm back in my apartment, but I haven't cried in two days, so I'm proud. I know everyday will be a challenge, but I'm willing and able to get through it. I see him pop up online on Facebook and have to stop myself from wanting to tell him everything about my day and ask him how he is and ask if he wants to hang out. I always wonder if there's ever a chance we'll get back together. I hope there is (we broke up because he needed some time and space). If not, I tell myself that I'm young and will find my way to happiness soon! I'm shocked with how far I've already come in the past week. I am hoping the next one finds me becoming stronger and more confident.

[js0905]

So here I'm back to day "0"

It sucks because we were supposed to see each other today and I was going to tell him how I felt about a lot of things.

We made plans on Friday and I hadn't heard from him since then which already was a bad start.

Then this morning I debated but finally texted him to make sure we were still on for tonight. He texted back that he was totally sick and he apologized because he had hoped to be better by now. That was the reason he gave since he hadn't contacted me and now was cancelling on the same day.

 

Amazing, what am I supposed to say to that anyway. This is the third time he cancels on me for different reasons. Reason #1 - His flight back into Ft. Lauderdale was supposedly cncd. I checked the Airport arrival flights since I knew where he was coming from and the airline and the flight had been delayed for a couple of hours but not cncd.

So I knew he lied but didn't want him to know I checked up on him so never said anything. Reason# 2 - His back went out and I know he has back issues because he even has a small scar from a surgery he had to have for that once. Still it could of been just another excuse since I'm always his damn "option" and never his "priority".

 

I'm starting NC again tomorrow and I have gotten to day 28 before so now I'm fully going to try for the 30 days and see where that goes.

It does get easier every time I do it but today when he cncd it felt like someone punched me in the stomach. It just made me feel so crappy and sad, I literally cried a little bit at my desk at work but made sure nobody noticed.

 

I don't know why I can''t let him go, he has this damn hold on me and I don't know what to do. I'm trying to connect with other guys but nobody compares to him.

 

Ahhhh, oh well "It is what it is" I suppose...

[Janextacy]

Its been about 3 weeks with absolutely NC. And guess who calls me two nights and a row? My amazing ex that left me heart broken with no remorse!

The second time he called he left me a voicemail saying he was thinking about me like crazy! It was tempting to call back after i heard the voicemail. But i kept my cool and didnt call back. Im not gonna lie ive been replaying that voicemail like crazy! But I've decided to continue with the NC. Im kind of enjoying my time being single!

[allrighty128]

Day 3 of NC

 

This is my very first post in this NC challenge.

 

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me 6 weeks ago. Our relationship lasted for 2 years and 7 months.

 

I do still keep thinking of her a lot, especially when I am alone at home. At least at this stage, I am able to control myself not to text or call her. I have doing badly during the first two weeks after the breakup, with all the beggings, texting and calling.

 

I hope this 3rd day of NC will get me better.

 

A lot of times, I still hope that my ex is in a rebound relationship (we never know) and hope she will be back to me at some point in the future.... But I know that for now, I really need to just focus on myself, so that I can heal faster and become a better person.

[js0905]

Day 1 again, not even sure what I'm doing or how I'm feeling.

Since he blew me off on Tuesday because he was supposedly sick.

Yesterday I though to myself that maybe he was sick....LOL!!

So I texted him "Good morning with a Happy face, I hope you are feeling better, Have an awesome day with a kissy face"

He did reply a couple of hours later.

"Thanks sweetie, My headache is gone & I"m breathing some...Lol!!, I may live!! Have a great day Honey!

That was the end of it yesterday afternoon. Not going to text him anymore and we'll see how it goes.

The truth is that since we broke up (when he went NC for 23 days for no apparent reason) I have been emailing with other guys and I think I might finally be starting to get over him...

 

Very odd feeling but it should be a good thing right??

[allrighty128]

Day 4 of NC

 

I am able to maintain the No Contact today, although I kept thinking of her once I woke up in the morning, and during at work.

 

However, tonight I went to eat the Korean BBQ with my colleagues after work. Hanging out with colleagues for a few hours made me think less of my ex-girlfriend, which is good.

[allrighty128]

Day 5 of NC

 

Not easy to pass the time on a Friday without thinking of my ex...

 

Reading the posts in this forum helps me pass the time. These days, I am reading the topics on Reverse Psychology, there are very interesting posts out there.

 

I registered for the Mandarin course on Saturday afternoons, I always wanted to take the course during the past years, but I was lazy and didn't have the time. Now, I have the chance to take it. I also want to take the archery course, but the classes are full already...I have to take it in January if I am still willing to.

[kinders]

Day 1

So today was rather hard. I went back home where we are both from, where we grew up together. There was a big event happening in my town in which everyone visits. I didn't want to go, I thought of staying in the city but my sister twisted my arm. Also I think staying in the apartment all day would drive me crazy.

 

So I went....and it was tough. Constant reminders of us everywhere, our childhood together...People asked me if I was okay and I teared up a few times. Had a nice chat with my Dad about life and he is such a great listener. I was tempted to text me ex so many times with "hey, remember when this happened...." or send him some photos of the place.

 

Then my phone went crazy, turning itself on and off. Then it reset its background cover to a picture of him and I nearly cried.

 

Back home in my city now, today has been long but I'm proud of myself for dragging my ass out and facing my fears of visiting our old haunts and not contacting him once.

 

One step at a time....

[Hazyillusions]

Day 99

 

Sigh.

I'm at a loss for words. Guess all my NC practice in past relationships has helped prepare me for this one. One more day and it'll be the big 100.

Yay -_-.