THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[elianamcosta]

Hello... new in the forum and in the site!

 

Today is my day 13 with NC.

 

Since today is fathers Day (at least in Portugal where I live), my exs texted my father, saying thanks for being like a second father to him (and my father replied).

 

I wanted so much to text my ex since he was so lovely doing that... I didn't but it was so hard!

 

feeling down

[pj7]

Yikes.. How about going to something else with your friends? It's always painful to meet an ex at things like that.. If I were you, I'd avoid it at all costs!

 

Oh I wish, but the party is for my best friend's birthday. She asked me if it was okay to invite him and I didn't want to say no because he really is good guy and was always such a great friend to her. So I said okay. I'm having doubts he will be there though.

 

Day 12. Literally just woke up and logged in to post this haha. Day off from uni, all I have panned is study ! Major assessment tomorrow!

[Poisonheart]

Day 9

 

This sucks... everything that happens in my daily life I want to pick up my phone and share it with you. Trying hard not to think about you but it's so hard. You're all that I think about. I know you're probably enjoying your life and have not thought about me. I hate you

[icantsay]

Wow.

I was just driving home singing in the car to the radio as I always do when I'm happy. I realized I haven't done that since before the break up... I must sound crazy but it was just such a great moment

[zentoCC]

Day 4

 

Damn dream hard to concentrate all day. The evening was better played an online game with my friend, took my mind off things.

 

I'm getting my hair done today and a bit of shopping, just a half day of work,my hen off to karate. Slept well but woke up early.

[Nolia]

Hey Guys,

 

Wanted to drop back in and see how everyone is doing. Breakups are tough, believe me, I've been where you are and not too long ago.

 

For all of you who are going through a tough break-up right now listen up, follow my advice and I promise you it will make you a stronger and better person down the road. Like all of you, I thought my world was over after my GF of almost 4 years just one day picked up and left out of nowhere. She told me she needed to experience life more and wanted to try new things and to not talk to her anymore. For me, being someone who is extremely loyal and loving, this rocked my world. I wanted nothing to do with life, I couldn't believe what had just happened.

 

For months, I was on this site reading every post about no contact and how it helps you, in reality, I was reading the posts holding out hope that no contact would suddenly make my GF come back to me. It's been a year now, and we're still apart. Since the breakup we've talked 3 times, all initiated by her. After she told me to leave her alone, I hopped on the internet looking for ways to cope and help me with this traumatic experience. I found this site and can't tell you how beneficial this was for my healing process. I took the advice of all my fellow posters, stood strong and kept no contact. 3 months had gone by and I was healing slowly but could feel myself getting back to normal, then, of course right when I start feeling better she emails me telling me she's been thinking of me and wants to see what's going on in my life and how I'm doing. Asks me if I'm dating anyone and all that stuff. She goes on to tell me that she is dating a guy and stuff, I was like why did you tell me that? I never asked about your personal life because I don't care. The big mistake I made with this encounter was responding to the email. I should have never done that, it set me back to day 1 of my recovery. Rekindled the feelings I had for her.

 

3 additional months go by, she contacts me again by text this time. Tells me she's been thinking about me again, asks me if I'm seeing anyone, same pattern. Tells me she misses me and wants to hear my voice and that she wants to see me. Again, I agree to meet up. Why? Because I will always love her no matter how hard she's betrayed me. Things go okay, we catch up and not much comes of it. I tell her that she can't keep contacting me like this and that I'm trying to move on. The boundary is clearly set. This meeting set me back but not nearly as bad as the first time.

 

3 more months go by, were in Jan 2013 now, she texts me and tells me that she needs me because her grandma died the night before, in this initial text she even says, "I know I shouldn't be texting you and I'm sorry in advance." I think about it for about 30 minutes whether to respond or not, I felt like the right thing to do was to console her and see if she was ok. Silly me of course! We text about her grandma for about a minute or so and then she goes right back into the same pattern of 20 questions about my life. How's work? Where are you living? Are you dating anyone?...blah blah blah. I finally just said look, "I can't talk to you anymore." The next time you call or text you will be ignored! Man, that felt so good to say to her!

 

Life is good again, work is great, I've been out dating but am waiting for the right person to get in a relationship with. Here's my keys to recovery!

 

1. Toss out everything that reminds you of them

2. Stay off their Facebook account. This is hard to do but is essential if you want to heal.

3. Avoid all things that remind you of them. Restaurants, Songs, TV Shows etc.

4. Do not contact them no matter what. NO Contact really does heal you.

5. Have a sexual encounter with someone new. It may hurt/feel weird the first time, but it does wonders for your heart, confidence and mind.

6. Take up a new hobby or dive into your work more. The busier you are the better.

7. Stop trying to relive the past, the past is the past and it's never more powerful than the present.

8. Have the mindset of why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you back.

9. Trust in God, he has a plan for you and everything happens for a reason, you may not think so right now, believe me I was there, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and things will be better in the future.

10. Crying is good! Get it out. Heck, I still draw a tear every now and again thinking about her, but that's all because I was proud of myself for giving it my all and it was great while it lasted. NO REGRETS!

 

I'm here if anyone needs advice on anything, I feel your pain and wish everyone the best. Cheers!

[Poisonheart]

Thank you so much for your post... I woke up this morning so out of it, as I'm getting ready to post I read yours.It truly made me feel so much better and more determine to break out of this runt that I am in. Thank you for sharing your experience because I am as we speak dealing with a similar situation. When were you able to date again? I read your tips on getting over your ex, but I can't see myself sleeping with anyone else at the moment.

[Firesite]

Thank you Nolia that post was very inspiring and I have followed your steps through out my break up. I have not spoken to my ex since I started NC and don't plan to anytime soon. These last few days I have finally started to go out and have a good time again. Danced with a few different women and was about to hook up with one but decided I wasn't ready. But now im looking forward to starting the day and I can honestly say im in a much better place than I was the first week of the break up.

[Poisonheart]

Day 10

 

I find it still pretty hard to deal with it. I even had an eternal fight with myself about whether to send him a text message or not. ( I did not). I did however posted a quote on instagram about the way I felt. The memories that I have of "us" is still fresh in my head...I just want to move on and be happy without him. Another day and I'm proud of myself...I'm proud that I have not contact him.

[disme724]

I'm new here but I'm willing to try the NC. today is my 1st day haven't text her sense Monday (2 days ago), but i did go on her Facebook and checked my msn for messages this morning and just to see all the guys she has added to her facebook in the past few days and her pics having fun.

I cant stop thinking of her how can she just move on so easy..keep on thinking shes can get any guy to comfort her when she needs, how its so easy for her not to show any feeling.

and i think of the time that her friend asked her if she still loved me after all this years together and she replied with "some times".

 

i miss her every minute cant get her out of my head, feel like crying all the time.

my friends might tell me to move on but they don't know how hard it is...

ill be fallowing you guys in this journey of the NC and healing.

 

and thanks Nolia for your words of wisdom, if i conquer this ill be able to conquer anything.

[zentoCC]

Day 5

 

Another dream this time I fell over in front of him and he and his friend laughed at me, I know it was only a dream but it still hurts.

 

Went to get my hair cut to make me feel better but the girl kept talking about her boyfriend and her sisters baby, ended in tears a few hours later in work. Spent the evening gaming with my friend really cheered me up guess at this point there's no need to be to productive.

 

Thanks Noila for the post, though I'd rather enter a new relationship than hook up.

[Nolia]

Thank you so much for your post... I woke up this morning so out of it, as I'm getting ready to post I read yours.It truly made me feel so much better and more determine to break out of this runt that I am in. Thank you for sharing your experience because I am as we speak dealing with a similar situation. When were you able to date again? I read your tips on getting over your ex, but I can't see myself sleeping with anyone else at the moment.

 

It took me about 6 months to start even considering dating again. You have to work on yourself first before you can seriously consider involving/caring for someone new again. Confidence in yourself is the key. For months I would shave or brush my teeth in the shower, why you ask? Because I couldn't look myself in the mirror because I was miserable with my life and ashamed at what I had let someone do to me. One day it just clicked, I got up and said enough of this crap, why am I letting someone who doesn't even care about me ruin my life? From that point on I was determined to prove her wrong. My main motivation in life right now is to be as successful as I can in whatever I do to hopefully one day bump into her and show her what she gave up, and then keep on walking with a smile on my face.

[Nolia]

Thank you Nolia that post was very inspiring and I have followed your steps through out my break up. I have not spoken to my ex since I started NC and don't plan to anytime soon. These last few days I have finally started to go out and have a good time again. Danced with a few different women and was about to hook up with one but decided I wasn't ready. But now im looking forward to starting the day and I can honestly say im in a much better place than I was the first week of the break up.

 

No contact is the key, whatever you do please do not contact her, all it does is set you back and let them know your still thinking of them. You want them to be the ones wondering/regretting. Believe me, it's hard to not contact, many times I have came so close to texting her, everytime I felt that way I would come on here, read some posts and then it reinforced the no contact and got me through it. This forum is key to your healing, listen to your peers that have been through it recently and got through it, then return the favor when your there.

[Nolia]

Once you conquer it you will look back and thank god for putting you through it, it honestly changes your life for the best. All those struggling think of it this way, the day you break up is the first day of your new life, and on that journey you will meet the person your really supposed to meet and fall in love with. Isn't that something to look forward too?

[Nolia]

Day 5

 

Another dream this time I fell over in front of him and he and his friend laughed at me, I know it was only a dream but it still hurts.

 

Went to get my hair cut to make me feel better but the girl kept talking about her boyfriend and her sisters baby, ended in tears a few hours later in work. Spent the evening gaming with my friend really cheered me up guess at this point there's no need to be to productive.

 

Thanks Noila for the post, though I'd rather enter a new relationship than hook up.

 

Believe me, I felt the same way about a random hook up, however, if your feeling crappy, lacking confidence, feeling down about yourself, meetup with someone new, they will make you feel like a million bucks and set you on your way to recovery. A breakup is all mental, if anything, it motivates you to prove them wrong and improves yourself in the long run. We should be thanking them for doing this to us in reality.

[Poisonheart]

My main motivation in life right now is to be as successful as I can in whatever I do to hopefully one day bump into her and show her what she gave up, and then keep on walking with a smile on my face.

 

That's definitely something I would like to look forward to. I have been improving my health since this break up, going to the gym regularly and eating a well balanced diet. I have also been volunteering on the side to keep me busy. But I am having a hard time keeping up with my studies. When I sit down to try to study, it's just too quiet in my head which allows thoughts of the past to rush through. I guess within time it would make things easier. Thank you for replying back. I do appreciate it.

[DonDraper32]

Day 1

 

Me & my ex of 2 months (we dated for eight) have talked since our breakup, tried NC, but she always broke it, telling me she missed or calling me 58 times when she was drunk (seriously).

 

Yesterday, I made the mistake of driving an hour and a half to go to lunch with her for the second time since our breakup, and nothing had changed. If anything, it was clear she doesn't feel the same spark for me that she used to, and even admitted as much. There's still feelings there, and she says she sees a future for us, but it's clear that my actions through the breakup (begging her to get back together) have lowered my value to her.

 

NC is our- nay, mine- only option. I used to be confident, funny, determined, and outgoing, which is what attracted her in the first place. I need to get back to that place, if not for us, than me.

 

She texted me last night before bed and said "I know we aren't talking anymore, but I didn't want our last conversation to end how it did. Please don't forget that I love you." I asked her if we were doing the right thing and she told me we won't know until we try (which is funny cause we've tried and she broke it). We said I love you one last time and haven't talked since.

 

I woke up around 6 this morning and couldn't fall back asleep, but didn't want to get out of bed. All I could think about was seeing that she had liked a Facebook picture of a guy she slept with for three years and who was texting her throughout our relationship. The thought of her being with somebody else terrifies me.

 

I'm going to stick to NC- I'm actually pretty good at it- but it's tough. Today, a girl she hates and has accused me of being with commented on one of my pictures, and I'm wondering if my ex will see it. On the one hand, I hope she does, and that it gives her the emotions I had yesterday, but on the other, I don't want her to see it and get an urge for revenge by banging her ex. I can only control what I can control I guess.

 

I'm giving this 30 days and seeing where I stand then. I'm wondering if/when she'll text me, and if it will be for a legitimate reason or just to string me along. I don't think a text from her would come for at least a week though.

 

I know it's pathetic, but lately I just find myself wishing that love was easy, and that we could get back to how we were. I had never been happier.

[Nolia]

That's definitely something I would like to look forward to. I have been improving my health since this break up, going to the gym regularly and eating a well balanced diet. I have also been volunteering on the side to keep me busy. But I am having a hard time keeping up with my studies. When I sit down to try to study, it's just too quiet in my head which allows thoughts of the past to rush through. I guess within time it would make things easier. Thank you for replying back. I do appreciate it.

 

When you start feeling down, head out for a walk or a light jog, this did wonders for me, it releases endorphins which leads to positive thinking. If you can study with the TV or music on in the background that will help, in this case, silence isn't golden. Until your mentally strong enough you have to keep your mind distracted by any means necessary.

[Firesite]

I made out with this girl at the club tonight, ive known her for a minute but I literally have no attraction to her. I feel really bad because I can't stop thinking about my ex now I feel like im in a bad place I miss her like hell right now. I really think it was to soon to even be around women. And I have another date with someone else tomorrow, Im trying to move on but it's so damn hard!

[Nolia]

I made out with this girl at the club tonight, ive known her for a minute but I literally have no attraction to her. I feel really bad because I can't stop thinking about my ex now I feel like im in a bad place I miss her like hell right now. I really think it was to soon to even be around women. And I have another date with someone else tomorrow, Im trying to move on but it's so damn hard!

 

Your heart has been broken, it takes time for it to heal. What your doing good, go out and be social. Your heart will heal and be ready for love again. Until then, have fun, your single and ready for anything. Don't let her control your life, she's no longer in the picture.

[disme724]

today is the 2nd day NC, i been trying to work out to keep me busy and do stuff around the house to take my mind off of her, sometimes i forget about it and i'm cool thinking "yea im doing better today" then after an hr i'm back thinking about her, checking my phone all the time see is i got a text from her..but then nothing and i start thinking how is it so easy for someone who said they love you and been with you for 9 years to just go away..and most of the time i'm thinking about the time she text me saying she got drunk and keep thinking have she got with any guy?..

i don't know its pretty hard each day and thinking of what shes doing.

i know things are not going to be the same IF we get back together and its going to be all down hill, i mean it's been down hill for some time now and after wen i get her back "oh no i was just with my girl friends i didn't do anything with no guys"

but then i think what if shes telling the truth i cant prove anything and we get back.

 

well but NC yet

 

i'm pretty heart broken/sad but makes me feel a little better sharing my feeling with you guys.

[zentoCC]

Day 6

 

I'm so tired, I really don't want to go to work, I'm going to be on my own all day.

 

I played games with my friend last night it's the only thing that takes my mind off him. I'm starting to forget things about him, I stupidly started reminding myself of them, luckily I fell asleep before I could go to far. It seems less like I miss him now and more like I miss the intimacy, getting texts every day and hugs and kisses. I'm scared the next guy I meet won't want all that.

 

The thought of dating scares me as we'll, I knew my ex liked me from school, I wish it could be as easy next time but I doubt it will be, I don't even no how to get dates.

[DonDraper32]

Day 2

 

Day 1 had it's ups and downs. I was down for most of the day, but after working out and doing some work, I felt better.

 

I also spent a lot of time on these forums. Sometimes starting threads that generated little conversation, sometimes just observing, and sometimes adding in my own advice from my own experiences- if only I could follow it. I don't think it's healthy for me to spend so much time here, as it will make me dwell, but it has helped some.

 

Waking up this morning was rough. I slept on my couch and lied awake for three hours thinking about her, wondering who she's replaced me with, both for sex and for the nothing texts she used to send me throughout the day. She was fairly promiscuous before she met me, and I'm just having a hard time believing that she hasn't slept with anyone but me (we only did once) for the past two months.

 

I also find myself holding onto a lot of anger. Anger that she used me to hold her hand and get her through this breakup- was seeing her on Wednesday just the final step in this? Anger about things she did to screw up our relationship. Anger than she can't find it in her to give us another chance. Anger she won't text me, even though I told her and myself I would ignore it.

 

We've gone NC three times before this, but this has already been the worst. It feels like it's for real. I know it's for real. She didn't have to say anything to me on Wednesday. Her feelings for me are gone.

[Poisonheart]

Day 12

 

I'm actually pretty proud of myself that I lasted this long. I still have the urge to contact him just to see how he's doing, I guess that's just me trying to keep taps on him making sure he's not doing anything that would hurt me. I know, that's silly of me to even think that way because who knows?! he could be out enjoying his life right now being a single man! A lot of his friends are single and I'm sure that he's out with them.

 

I am still sad, I am a bit angry. No longer in denial. I'm aware of what I need to do, I'm aware that we're not going to get back together

[zentoCC]

Day 7

 

Had a miserable morning, but then I had kind of a epiphany. I'm 21. I might be shy but I'm always complaining that I don't have many friends, though the ones I do have are the best. I need to get out there! After realising this I felt the need to contact my ex fade a bit. I think I know realise that I wanted the relationship back not him. I'm kind of psyched to meet new people now though I know it might be hard since I'm naturally shy, and I might make mistakes, I'm going to give my all.

 

I just hope I carry on feeling like this and don't wake up tomorrow having changed my mind.