THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[icantsay]

Chelsea1987, Day 7 was also a hard one for me. It's your first week - and that's when you start wondering why he isn't contacting you. It's ok, it will get better in a few days Keep going.

[Chelsea1987]

Icantsay thanks yeap just gotta keep smashing through the days 😀

[BrknHrt88IL]

Day 14, had the urge to contact her today for the first time since NC started. But since it is so late in the day I should be able to just sleep it off. Damn this is hard.

[Romanticism]

So I felt I needed to go NC with my ex after the LC just got stale. I felt like she still held feelings (she was the dumper) in the sense that she wasn't actually enjoying our conversations as much as she would normally so I felt to much pressure to carry the conversation.

 

We would have good communication, then she would start getting rather stale with her responses so I would stop texting her. But then she would text me a day or two later telling me stuff and I am just so confused. Getting women is easy for me, but the feelings part is just a complete mystery sometimes. We dated for 1.5 years and she broke it off because she didn't want to go through a LD (we had it before and moved in together, so I guess it was too much for her or she didn't really care enough).

 

I want to go NC because I feel like she is not appreciating me, or actually trying much in the conversations. Like I got an important job interview and she didn't respond about it until I literally stop talking to her, then she sent me a message congratulating me but it seemed force. Like... I don't think she wants to see me happy or something I am so confused. I made a sexual joke last week and she didn't enjoy it like she normally would, does that mean she isn't over the break up?...

 

I know I am kind of rambling here but I want to go NC...but what do I do if she keeps sending me messages. Like she asked me to scan something for her and I sent it via email even though she texted me about it, I did this to avoid real contact and didn't say anything in the email. She had sent me 4 messages today, and then another saying thanks. I didn't respond to any of them (only the scan the paper was a direct text to me, the others were her kind of ranting). She has trouble communicating, mainly because she can get social anxiety (doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out of her way to make them). I feel bad to ignore her messages, but I need time to either get over her or realize that I am not over her (still in love) so I can work on getting her back.

[icantsay]

Romanticism,

 

First of all I would recommend that you make a new thread as not a lot of people will respond here

You say you want her back? I would say to give her some space and just have her keep texting you to see what happens. She might just be unsure and still wants the option to use you as a sponge.

However, if she keeps texting/calling you after that, I would see it as she is still interested. If she really wants to talk, you should go for it and reply back to her. Relationships will only happen if you communicate.

[icantsay]

Day 3: Feeling goood I'm already pro at this!

[dynamtiz]

Hey Icantsay ... Well done you have already done the hard work !

 

Im out of the race now ... Hopefully for a good reason tho as me and the ex are communicating a lot more by the looks ! Very very complicated tho ha

[icantsay]

Hey Icantsay ... Well done you have already done the hard work !

 

Im out of the race now ... Hopefully for a good reason tho as me and the ex are communicating a lot more by the looks ! Very very complicated tho ha

 

Dynamtiz, I'm so glad to hear that you guys are figuring it out. Best of luck to you! Keep us posted about how everything goes.

[dynamtiz]

Well a couldn't say figuring it out but we are speaking and I will do I keep on updating my origin thread so here's hoping

[Ne Moe]

I am not doing full NC, more LC. But ex said "I'll text you later in the week" so now I'm back to NC until I hear from him again. We're communicating well and he's talking of reconciliation a lot but it's not happening. I need to back off a bit and be cool and let him do the running at the moment. It's hard, almost as hard as total NC. Because I know all I have to do is ask him a question about "us" and he'll give me a somewhat reassuring answer and I like that.

For example if I text him and ask will we get back together, he will reply saying he doesn't know but maybe as he still cares about me.

But if I keep texting him and not giving the space he needs, that reassurance will be the death knell to any hope of reconciling.

 

So I have to take a step back and be cool...... So it's Day 1 of NC

[Romanticism]

Romanticism,

 

First of all I would recommend that you make a new thread as not a lot of people will respond here

You say you want her back? I would say to give her some space and just have her keep texting you to see what happens. She might just be unsure and still wants the option to use you as a sponge.

However, if she keeps texting/calling you after that, I would see it as she is still interested. If she really wants to talk, you should go for it and reply back to her. Relationships will only happen if you communicate.

 

I really appreciate the help, that was nice of you to respond to my sort of off topic situation. I am trying to help people here as much as I can where I think I can help them, but serious relationships...that's where I need a lot of work.

 

I will do what you said and try to NC until a response.

 

It's only been two days, though I have done the NC for up to two weeks before. This time it's different though. It has set in that we are over... What hurts the most is not knowing her true feelings on the matter. She has a hard time talking about feelings and I guess I should give up the fact that I might not ever know why. Trying to think about why is counter productive to healing too.

 

It's hard to describe how I feel. My week has been really busy but I still find time to think of her. I accepted she isn't near me anymore...but the thought that I can't have a real conversation hurts the most. I have really good days, but the nights are where I feel the emptiness. My friends say it's because that was always the part of the day I was with her, and I guess it makes since. It has been 2 months since the break up.

 

One thing I am proud of knowing is that the relationship wasn't as great as it should of been. I made mistakes, she made mistakes. I think we really need to grow more as people if we were ever to be together again. She seems to have no idea what she wants to do in her future, at least not as sure as I am with mine. I have to admit I realized she can be pretty immature too, she still likes to end the conversation on her terms like she always did (when the conversation becomes unfavorable.). I have also learned that I was not as motivated to live my life towards the end of the relationship, but I have made leaps and bounds to fix this. I have gotten two interviews, and really improved my social life with my friends and family.

 

Anyway, Day 2 feels similar to Day 1. When I NC at first, it was much different than it is now. I think this might be the third NC, but this one really makes me feel the pain of loss.

 

Thanks for reading and sorry I tend to ramble when on about my feelings. Great thread, no matter how sad it can get.

[brian34]

wow same been happing to me. Nc probably is the best way to go. Mine been getting in my head again seems it's all on her terms. Your story really helped me realize what we do wrong. Time to move on stay strong.

[icantsay]

Romanticism,

 

Sounds a lot like my situation. We also broke up two months ago, and I fell back after three weeks of NC. It's always harder every time you have to start NC over again. But you gotta keep going. It's the best thing to do. and I promise you that it will get easier after the first two weeks.

[icantsay]

Day 4: Feel fine - nothing new I have been cooking/baking a lot, so that's nice!

[Ne Moe]

Day 2 here. Wondering how long it will take him to contact me. Later in the week I am taking to mean Thursday. I feel a bit pathetic that I'm back to this stage after spending a year with him....watching the phone, waiting for it to ring.

 

But then again, I did it back then and it worked so hopefully it will have the same effect this time!

[Romanticism]

Romanticism,

 

Sounds a lot like my situation. We also broke up two months ago, and I fell back after three weeks of NC. It's always harder every time you have to start NC over again. But you gotta keep going. It's the best thing to do. and I promise you that it will get easier after the first two weeks.

 

I wish you the best of luck with your situation as much as I wish myself the luck, heh. Thanks for the kind words too, I am happy to have people like you who can try and give me there strength to push on. Sucks we are victim of the same circumstance, but at least we can both push each other to work on the no contact to HEAL us.

 

Day 4 technically. I talked to a good friend who always has good advice, he kind of made me understand you have to take things as they come and not to think so much of the future. He also told me that he was in a similar situation, and he was able to progress to a positive relationship with the woman in question.

 

I am trying to continue to make my improvements with my life as best as I can. I can't expect people to change, no one can change yourself except yourself. I just need to really keep this NC until I feel like things have gotten to the point where we both have accepted our situation. I might end up still having my feelings, but at least I will think much more clearer about it.

 

I also know that with how our conversations were, it's almost pointless to keep talking if I feel like I am not getting full effort.

 

Thanks guys and gals

[zztoppoochie90]

Today is day 17.

 

The full story is in a couple of threads I started but she stated we were cutting ties in early February (but can still text important stuff if we need to). She then texted a couple of weeks ago to get me to delete a tweet as it increased her anxiety...and then revealed she is suffering from chronic depression.

 

It's tough not to text as I really do care about her...so I'm telling you guys instead!

[icantsay]

Day 5:

 

I think I have reached the beginnings of an acceptance stage. After knowing he's got a new interest, I find myself moving on more easily. At this point, I don't want to reconcile. Not after everything he did. And I actually feel peaceful with that I now can actually see a bright future without him.

[icantsay]

Thanks Romanticism! Yes, we are in this together... I also find it refreshing to talk with friends They give a different perspective, and also can be so supportive.

 

Stay strong!

[icantsay]

Today is day 17.

 

The full story is in a couple of threads I started but she stated we were cutting ties in early February (but can still text important stuff if we need to). She then texted a couple of weeks ago to get me to delete a tweet as it increased her anxiety...and then revealed she is suffering from chronic depression.

 

It's tough not to text as I really do care about her...so I'm telling you guys instead!

 

If she is suffering from depression, I think the right thing for you is to text her and make sure she is ok.

Just offer your support and let her know that you are here for her if she needs anything. Then give her space, but always reply if she contacts you.

[zztoppoochie90]

If she is suffering from depression, I think the right thing for you is to text her and make sure she is ok.

Just offer your support and let her know that you are here for her if she needs anything. Then give her space, but always reply if she contacts you.

 

It's a tricky one as two weeks before that she stated she was cutting ties and we weren't to talk (deleted and blocked me on Facebook and Twitter). That was February 10th. On the 24th she texted and the conversation segued into her telling me she has chronic depression and will be going on medication. I told her my feelings towards her hadn't changed but that the next few texts would be from a platonic standpoint - didn't want to be accused of pressuring. I then said she was a great person, etc. and she said hopefully the medication will help. I wished her well and told her to really believe the things I had written. I got no reply so I left it.

 

I don't know if it's right or wrong to contact but I'd absolutely text back if she contacts me.

[brickheart]

I'd had five and a half months of NC. Now cursing myself for sending what I thought was a good email, but it's definitely made me more anxious than was worth it. UGH.

[Firesite]

Hello everyone. Im new here and I wanted to share my story with you all. Well I was in a LDR with my girlfriend (now ex). Everything was going fine until I came down to see her, she was distant from me and we would fight about every little thing. Before I left we made up but it still didn't feel right. I went on a trip with some friends and as I was out she texted me and said that she had flirted and wrestled in a way with her co-worker and felt really weird after. She wanted to see how I felt about it which pissed me off. I told her I didn't like it and wanted her to stop doing things like that.

I knew from the beginning that she was a big flirt but I thought I could change her and make her only see me. As time went on she started to hang out with her ex-boyfriend, who was very close to her but she had told me there was nothing else between them. I don't like hanging around them together because it makes me feel uncomfortable when her ex is there with her friends. I foolishly allowed it to happen because I trusted what she had said to me.

A few days before Valentine’s day I was talking to her about coming down and making plans for V-Day. She said that she would try to be available and we would have a good time together. She told me there was a party she wanted to go to but her ex was going to be there. I told her I didn't want to go, and she got upset. This is when she told me that she didn't want to continue the relationship and she wanted to be single because of "The Distance". This was a total lie and I told her this. I realized she still had feelings for her ex. Of course she denied it and lied to my face.

After the break up I talked to her on the phone twice she was a totally different person and ignored me and acted like a child. I decided to cut all contact and remove myself from the situation. It has been 31 days since the break up and 26 days of NC. I had the urge to see what she was doing once or twice on instagram and saw pictures of her ex boyfriend not sure if there dating and her together. I have stopped doing this because it just hurts to much. Right now Im back from college in my home town where we both lived, it has been harder to follow NC being down here because she works so close to were I live. Each day seems like a fight, but It will get easier once I leave again. But in another month I will be back down for the summer break for a few months. Im trying to move on but it is still hard considering it was my first real relationship.

[icantsay]

Day 6: Busy but great! Nothing new to report. I feel really good and happy

[Romanticism]

Thanks Romanticism! Yes, we are in this together... I also find it refreshing to talk with friends They give a different perspective, and also can be so supportive.

 

Stay strong!

 

Definitely, when we don't have the strength they give us the strength. Howdy by the way, I am also from Texas. I live in Houston. I didn't even notice after reading your posts in the thread, but I guess it makes sense now with how nice you seem to be.

 

Day 6 for me. I feel a lot better in terms of perspective. I have accepted that I can't really talk to her and expect anything to change. I need to keep her out of my mind as much as I can and continue to work on myself as a person. I had a very good heart to heart with my dad, and I also got hired for a job this week. My life has been very positive, but my heart still suffers from the pain.

 

I think if my ex cheated on me, it would have been easy for me to forget her. However, the fact that it ended so sudden left so many unanswered questions...She always let things bottle up, and that's what happened with the break up. We were no where near finished...but maybe she didn't really care as much as I did about her? I am not one to lie or fake feelings. I really cared about her and I told her this, I did need space to grow as a person...but despite that I still had real feelings for her. I realized she had/has acted very immature, and this is a major turn off for me. I have learned that she needs time alone to also help herself grow as a person, as much as I do too. Keeping in contact right now doesn't seem to be working, so I think this NC is positive.

 

I loved her, and possibly always will. It's just how I a built really, I have always been a rather dedicated/driven person. I realize I let a lot of this go when I was with her, but losing her also made me realize how much I really cared about her.

 

I don't know what my future brings, but I know I need to (like my friend said) take it as it comes. Not obsess so much about the future and focus on the present.

 

Thanks for reading everyone.