THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Kirstya59]

Day 13 - things are changing.... And i know that its his loss..... Idiot

[rachellsa]

22 Days NC...feels weird. I feel like it hasn't been that long ago that I last spoke/saw him...it's only been 6 days since he text me without a reply so I guess that's why. We only live like a mile and a half down the road from each other but I never really bump into him or see him around. Occasionally see his work van about but it's not necessarily him inside of it. I guess I just feel like he's a constant presence. I wish I just wasn't living here anymore but I do really like living in the area. I plan to move away next year hopefully so maybe this feeling will go away then.

 

I keep toying with the thought of contacting him eventually to meet up even though I don't see what good it will do me. I know it'll make me feel worse to see him but then I can't imagine feeling any worse than I have been anyway. Just in this really rubbish place right now where I seem to be going through the motions but not really getting any joy out of it.

[ghost1ee]

Day 13

 

So, the last day and a half was pretty fun. I went to a party downtown and met some new people. I met one girl that kind of reminded me of my ex, and kind of talked to her. I think one of my friends is interested in her already though and is already talking to her. Another girl I met was just too obnoxious and talkative, not my type. I'm not even interested to jump in another relationship anytime soon, but going out there again and meeting new people somewhat took the thoughts away of my ex. It was still there popping up from time to time, but not as much as when I'm alone in my house thinking about her. At least I'm getting distracted and being in the company of others help me worry about other things. Watched the Pacquiao fight with Marquez last night as well. I was really shocked how Pacquiao got TKO'd. The whole house went crazy and the shouts almost made me deaf. Being that this happened yesterday, it was also the day me and my ex first met. It was like surreal. The day that Pacquiao fell, was memories of my first meeting with my ex. It's a sad thought, both happening at the same time. Pacquiao is like a national hero in the Philippines and I looked up to him for so long, even now.

 

Later that night, I decided to sleep over my friend's house. The night went well, we slept around 1am and talked about our relationship issues and how we're slowly getting over it and moving on completely. It still hurts. I ate in my friend's house and I've been here since, ate eggs and sausage with rice for breakfast, crispy chicken for lunch, watched How I Met Your Mother season 1 up to episode 7, which is a show that is actually making me feel better. It's about relationships and break ups and how eventually, you'll end up with the love of your life. It depicts how dating is a trial and experiment and how sometimes relationships just don't work out and we have to move on to a new person. Its humor just makes it better as well, reminding us not to take these love games too seriously in the end.

 

I also helped set up their new 60" tv, and we're about to get ready to go to Sunday mass at 5:30pm. Just being away from home just helps me forget about the past. It really does help. I like their house. It's actually his sister's house. I took a nap around noon time, and had a dream of my ex! AHHHHHHH omg I dreamt me and my ex were having sex, damn! I woke up and went upstairs and that's when my friend intro'd me to How I Met Your Mother. I will be watching this show now, to pass the time and cheer myself up. Also watched House this morning. Being that I'm about to go to med school, watching fictional doctors living their lives in the hospital and diagnosing patients makes it a whole lot more entertaining.

 

Wrapping it up for the day, I'm still a bit down and the ex is still in my mind. I wonder if she miss me too. I really miss her. Thoughts of her new dude and her, really....bugs...me. I keep telling myself it's not going to work out between them two, and that she'll return to me. Haha. Funny. I shouldn't think that. XP. God. But yeah, love is both a wonderful thing and can really get you from behind when you're not looking. I'm so happy with NC. Such a blessing. I think that if I'd been stalking my ex even now, I'd be so miserable right now that I might even fall in a really serious depression. But thanks to NC, I am healing, even if it's slowly crawling along like a slug/snail.

 

I'm also having this urge to re-contact her for the past few days. FIGHT THE URGE!!!!!

[zep]

Day 8

Was feeling really good, until it hit me that I'll probably never have a meaningful relationship =/ During work, I was thinking about the dates I've been asked on so far, but then realized they're just that--dates. Finding someone who's okay with never having sex is pretty much impossible. Its startng to get depressing

 

You definitely will! You are only in college, and dating college-aged guys, and that's probably why the relationships aren't as meaningful. Lots of college-aged people are just looking for casual dating so thats the more common situation. It's totally fine to want something serious, its just not as common in college so a little harder to find.

 

Are you waiting until marriage to have sex? Is it for religious reasons? If you're in college there is DEFINITELY several christian organizations where you will find like-minded guys. Thats probably your best bet.

[ghost1ee]

Day 14

 

So today marks the official two weeks of strict NC for me. Went to mass last night, saw some old friends at church, got two free 2013 calendars on the way out. I drove my friend to return a DVD rental (MIB3) at the local redbox kiosk. On the way there, we talked more about how to cope and let our exes go. I dropped him off at his house, then I was about to pick up my sister at her friend's house. But when I came there, the friend's grandma told me she already got picked up by my bro. I went to the family business and I helped entertain some visitors while my parents were still out of town. One of my uncle had a slight low-blood pressure episode and my aunt wanted me to drive them at the hospital. But he got better when I came by their house, so the hospital trip was cancelled. Went home around 10pm, then slept around 11:30pm. I'd have to admit, I woke up really early. Most likely around 3am again. But this time, I'll blame the sleeping problems to the fact that I took a couple hour nap around noon yesterday at my friend's sister's house. Woke up, kinda thought about my ex, but even these thoughts doesn't really bother me at all anymore. It still kind of does, but it really is starting to fade away. Today, I'm about to drive my uncle to some urgent care place, and my mom is coming along, just to make sure he's really okay.

 

Here's to another day. I still have to admit, I miss my ex. She probably miss me too, but those feelings are kind of irrelevant to the situation now. I thought about the reasons we broke up, and I know a reconciliation would be pointless. If we even got back together, I know these same problems would just re-appear. And now that she has another guy, it's easier for me to actually let things go. It's just sad, how all of this happened. At the moment, I feel neutral. I was feeling regretful yesterday, but that feeling has disappeared today. It's more of a lonely feeling again, and back to that neutrality.

[Pengy]

Day 1... Round 3

 

OK!. Oops. But he texted me first. I wasn't going to answer but I had a moment of weakness. I'm not going to reach out to him anymore. I know he needs to come to me now. I need to feel in control, but so does he. I think I'm just so scared he'll be gone for good if I just sit back and let this work itself out.

He texted telling me he saw my sister this weekend. It really didn't warrant a response. I shouldn't have said anything, in fact, I didn't say anything for a full day. i slept on it and realized that I don't want to ignore him. I'm not MAD at him. The situation sucks, and I'm upset with that, yes. But I want to keep in a part of my life. BUT what I should've done was keep it short, sweet and positive. Instead I asked him about how he was, about his weekend about what was new... etc. I need to let him miss me. I need to independently stand on my own two feet again.

I can do this.

[lalalollipops]

Day 10

 

Feel like I'm in the twilight zone.

[Mistykitty]

You definitely will! You are only in college, and dating college-aged guys, and that's probably why the relationships aren't as meaningful. Lots of college-aged people are just looking for casual dating so thats the more common situation. It's totally fine to want something serious, its just not as common in college so a little harder to find.

 

Are you waiting until marriage to have sex? Is it for religious reasons? If you're in college there is DEFINITELY several christian organizations where you will find like-minded guys. Thats probably your best bet.

 

I'm fine with casual dating (in fact that's what I'm doing right now, I guess), but not for the rest of my life. I'm not waiting to have sex, I'm just not sexually attracted to anyone, so I have no interest in sex. Obviously that doesn't fly with most people

 

Day...10. The longest I've gone so far, and ~the big day~. Last time we'll see each other. Probably nothing remarkable will happen, but idk..we'll see?

[Kirstya59]

Day 14 - hit the 2 weeks mark. Really struggled today.. Keep wanting to text him and i keep thinking of him. Things reminding me of him. Just wish hedd come back

[ideal87]

it's been a while since I posted here, so here it goes..

 

day #18 NC. she texted me on my birthday to wish me a good one, to which I replied a simple thank you and a happy thanksgiving. nothing more, nothing less. that's as far as the conversation went. I'm at acceptance that our relationship is over and that I need to move on with my life. I miss her at times, usually in short spurts, but it goes away eventually. I'm also at acceptance that it's gonna be somebody else that has to deal with her crap and not mine. the weekend has been an emotional roller coaster. got to go a very good concert Saturday night, and a potential relationship with someone I've been talking to and thought I really clicked with over the past few weeks pretty much blew up in my face..hate it when that happens.

[rachellsa]

I dunno how many days...I keep losing count. Feel better today. Think its because I had a fairly productive one! And had to tell myself to stop taking s**t so seriously!

[Mistykitty]

Day 10 passed pretty well...I was right, nothing really happened We took our exams and was on our way. He texted me saying the exam sucked afterwards, oh and he gave me his PSN name. I think I'll add him, I just don't know when.

 

I wonder if he's really okay with things being over for good, or he's just too prideful to work on things. I know, I know, if he REALLY wanted me he would suck it up, but I can't help but wonder, you know?

 

Aaand so begins...well, never seeing each other again. Its hard to believe that just at the beginning of the semester I was crying every day, though we were still close...now we don't even talk at all

[zep]

I'm fine with casual dating (in fact that's what I'm doing right now, I guess), but not for the rest of my life. I'm not waiting to have sex, I'm just not sexually attracted to anyone, so I have no interest in sex. Obviously that doesn't fly with most people

 

You should try online dating. There are special sites for asexuals or people who for whatever reason can't/don't want to have sex. I think you'd be much happier bc nothing is going to workout with people who are sexual.

[rk110]

I always thought that regardless of my outcome, I would owe it to everyone on here to come back and tell how things turned out for me. This forum got me through some very hard days. I haven't been on here for a couple of years! How my life has changed. My history that brought me here: I had been involved with a man who really did not have the capacity to love a woman the way she should be loved. We broke up in June of 2010. That eventually brought me here, while in the depths of despair (after finding out he was seeing someone else). No contact was hard, mostly because I knew he was living a life without me, and it showed me how unimportant I truly was to him. The fact that he could go a day, a week, a month.... nearly six months without speaking to me really should have shown me how little I meant to that guy. But I was stubborn; I persisted and insisted on getting back together with him.

 

It was January of 2011 when that actually did happen. The relationship did not improve or change any. But I was thinking at the time that I was going to give it one more try, with no regrets. And I did. I had fun with him (we had always had a lot of fun together, and really did not do a lot of fighting). But there were still some underlying issues that would prevent us from having a healthy relationship. To sum it up, he was a mama's boy beyond words. It affected everything, including our sex life.

 

I continued with this guy until November of 2011, when my job sent me out of state for training. While there, I met some very nice guys. A couple of them really, really liked me. Suddenly, I saw there was a lot more to life than being with someone who can't give you all of himself. I went home and immediately broke it off with my boyfriend. One of my instructors at this training was very, very into me and we talked mostly about deer hunting. We started texting after I went back home, still nothing but deer hunting really. But he was showing me care and concern that I had not been shown in my life, ever. We lived accross the country from each other, yet he made sure I made it home from work safely at night, etc. It did not take long for the relationship to evolve. In January we started flying back and forth to see each other. With my job being what it was, it was easy for me to spend a week at a time with him at his home.

 

Here we are, a year later. Married. Totally, ridiculously in love. Our meeting, the timing of everything, was nothing short of a miracle. We had a clean start, because I had not cheated on my ex with him. In fact, I pushed him away for quite a while, kept him at a distance literally and figuratively. Truth is, I had been mentally, and especially emotionally, leaving my other relationship from the moment he took me back. I think it truly was exactly how people on this very forum had said it often is. It was more about winning to me. It was more about not feeling like I had been dumped. Once I won that battle, there was nothing else there for me, especially since nothing had changed.

 

So now for my words of wisdom. I know you don't want to hear it, and that you feel your situation is different. But the bottom line is, you should REFUSE to waste another moment of your precious life on someone who doesn't care whether you talk to them or not. Someone who may or may not be thinking about you. My ex told me he hurt every day without me. You'd think that would inspire change; it did not. You'd think that he would want to show his love so as never to lose me again; that didn't happen either. By letting him go, I was able to find the true love that people truly do dream about. I feel like a princess in a fairytale every day of my life. I have a man who treats me like gold. I have a husband who puts me first in his life. There is hardly an hour that goes by that I am not reminded in some way of just how much he loves me. I do not have to worry about him not calling. I do not have to worry about him ignoring me. I opened myself up to him, and it was the best decision I ever made in my life. By holding onto someone who CHOOSES EVERY DAY to not talk to you, to not acknowledge your existence, you are beating yourself down. Every day that goes by is a day that you may be missing out on your ideal mate. And in the meantime, you are subconsciously telling yourself that you are not worth more. Get it out of your head, and get it out of your heart. You are worth more!!

[ghost1ee]

Day 15

 

Believe it or not, I feel so much better about myself now. The thoughts of my ex still popped up for the last day, but even with these thoughts, I don't feel sad or regret anymore. She's just a thought now. I am almost done with the book I'm reading, she popped up in my mind when I'm reading, but nothing too serious. I think I've finally accepted that it is over and the past two weeks was probably my denial stage. I drove my little sister to the store last night to buy her Christmas presents for people she's going to give presents to. I also played some LoL again. I went back on playing LoL about a few days ago since I stopped playing during the intense storm between my ex and I the past few weeks/months.

 

Last night, I went to bed around 1am. I dreamed about my little bro, I dreamed about the times I mistreated him. I woke up shocked because he used to be so annoying in the past that I would be on bad terms with him most of the time. Even now, since he's still a teenager and in high school, he still has that attitude towards me. But thinking about it, I feel bad b/c when I woke up, I remembered my ex telling me I was abusive, and then I related this to how I mistreat my bro sometimes in the past. But these are the past, and bros fight all the time. Nowadays, we never fight anymore. We just talk out our problems with each other.

 

All in all, I feel like I am finally healed. I don't want to say FULLY healed, but I finally have this feeling that reminds myself "Hey, I'm feeling fine." There's no more bad emotions and feelings in me. Maybe a hint of sadness, but overall, I feel like a new guy again. I feel like my self that existed before my ex is back, and returned as an improved me. I love me. I really do, but not in a narcissistic way haha. I mean, I really appreciate my life and how I'm living it now. All the problems I've endured, the fact that I'm finally heading to medical school this January, wow CONGRATULATIONS TO ME!! I still have the urge to say sorry and apologize to my ex for the things I've done wrong to her, but I decided to save that for a later time. I know that if I re-contact her now, it'll just probably hurt the both of us. I really thank my ex for being there for me when we were together, and even if she hates me now, at least she's having a happy life still without me. I accept that now.

 

Once you reach acceptance, everything becomes better. Being on strict NC really helped a ton. Brand new day, brand new adventures.

[lalalollipops]

Rk110

 

I'm soooooo happy for you! May you guys have a ridiculously happy future

 

Day 11

 

I miss him. That hasn't changed at all, my feelings for him have not lessoned. -_-

[rippedinsides]

Day 2

 

Survived without contacting him. Still feel miserable.

[rachellsa]

Day 25, wow. Though as I've stated before, just me not contacting him doesn't feel enough so I'm taking it a step further and doing 30 days since he contacted me. Though I know I can't control him contacting me as much as he has my number, knows where I live etc. But for me now its more about completely purging my life of him and getting rid of that lingering sense of him. It's kinda hard to explain. So its been 8 days since he contacted me. Pretty good I reckon. Not contacting him is really easy to be honest. But getting rid of that weird false hope/is he going to contact me feeling isn't as easy! The longer he doesn't contact me, the more hope I lose. Which is a good thing though it sounds horrible!

[Kirstya59]

Day 15- another day. Another bad day which ive spent thinking about him agsin. How can he suddenly be besotted with me and then suddenly want to be friends, guess its his depression apparently he has a new number so there isnt a way i could possibly contact him now. Bet he doesnt rven give a toss about me. Oh how it happened so abruptly

[ick]

Day 15

 

Ah sometimes I lose track of the days. I know when I'm counting and posting on ENA it's been one of the harder days. She kept popping up in my mind all day td like an annoying bug. Just kept having memories of her us and all the cute fun things she/we did. I'm at the point where I'm angry disappointed disgusted with her. I know this is part of the process of eventually letting go. I just try to stay busy and my mind off it as much as I can. The emotions will take their toll and they do.

 

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the pain and the depression that I want to just lay at home and do nothing. It feels great to do that sometimes it gives me a chance to regroup and gather my thoughts. I was productive at work and went to the gym. Here's to a good week moving away from her and forward towards achieving goals

[actender]

Ok, this is full day number 1 in about 1 hour. I havent sleept in weeks, im drinking more than ever, and it sucks, i love her so much, if I can figure this out ill tell you the whole story. i said yestersay no contact fo one month which is why this thread is great, however, what about christmas? Can I text her merry christmas or ignore it? What if she texts merry christmas?

[cornplaster]

mix feeling. i really miss you alot but i can't forget your facial expression, smses and behaviour.

[NCForeverGirl]

Day 40.

 

I'm feeling good! I've been on two dates this week. I got on pretty well with both guys, but I don't want to rush anything. I'm just hanging out and getting to know people.

 

These two dates have made me realise something about my ex though. Both those guys were just nice and friendly. We chatted about normal things. Neither of them tried to hit on me and nor did they say I was pretty or hot. But when I had my first date with my ex it was totally different. He was so forward and keen, even sleazy at times. He told me he liked me and even asked for permission to kiss me. I told him off for being so sleazy and was proud at how I handled his forwardness. It took him forever to finally get me but it should have been a red flag to be honest. However, I was quite inexperienced with guys as I'd only recently came out of a five year relationship with a boyfriend who was very possessive over me talking to other guys. Therefore I'd hardly interacted with men so I didn't understand them enough.

 

My ex caught me at a time when I was vulnerable and was able to manipulate me I guess. I trusted my ex too easily. I trusted that he genuinely did like me. *Sigh* Although he's put me through a lot of hurt I'm glad I met him and got to experience this in a way because now I know to keep away from guys who act like my ex did on the first date!

[The Bozz]

Day 0:

 

I decided I just can't take all the crap I've been going through ever since she broke NC this weekend. I'm not doing well enough to meet her and talk things out. I appreciate her gesture: she knows I was hurt because she never was clear about her motivations. The thing is, she doesn't seem to understand: I don't need to know that anymore, that was never such an important issue. I saw the signs, I had time to prepare. What vexes me now is why she thought her behavior was a good idea, why couldn't she understand she was hurting me even when I told her so, or if she cared about that at all. I don't believe she'll be able to give me a satisfactory answer, so why even bother?

 

I sent her an email this morning. I told her her actions, even if based on good intentions, were only hurting me more. I appreciated the gesture, but I realized I'm not ready and we should leave it for later on. I also told her I really need all the space I can get, and I need her to understand and respect my wish. No courteous friendship, nothing.

 

So, it's back to NC, this time for good. I learned my lesson. I won't be counting days, I didn't need that before and I don't need it now.

[rippedinsides]

Day 3

 

Managed to get through the day without contact. Struggling.