ideal87

Goodbye, my almost lover Goodbye, my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance My back is turned on you I should've known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do

I went and looked you up on Facebook the other day, for the first time in forever. Saw a picture of you and your new boyfriend. I wish you guys all the best and I hope you find happiness.

you texted today after over 90 days of no contact to say you "miss me" and you were "thinking about me". what happened? let me guess. you started dating around, and realized how good I was to you, and you want me back. that just won't happen, especially after I found out the stuff I did after we broke up. one example: you having a profile on a website where "Sugar babies" are trying to find "sugar daddies". that says alot about you right there and what your real intentions were the entire time. let's not forget you having an abortion without the father's knowledge of you doing that, much less the fact that you were even pregnant in the first place, and you not informing him of what you did until THREE YEARS after the fact. a few months ago, nothing would have excited me more than to get that kind of text from you. today, that's no longer the case because I don't want you anymore. I'm over you. as you can see, I didn't reply. And I don't ever plan on it. Silence speaks volumes, maybe then you'll get the clue that you're no longer a relevant part of my life. Forget about me. Forget I even exist, N. Pretend like I'm dead, if you will.

It's been 6 months since we've broken up, 6 months since I've seen you, and almost at the 90 day mark for NC..Looking back on the threads I've posted in the past, I can't believe how dumb I was and how much I missed you, when in reality, we should have never been together in the first place. It should have never went past the first date, but what's done is done and there's no un-doing the past. Right now, I'm focused on me. I'm finally starting to get more respect from my peers in the music industry because my mind's right and I can focus, while letting the creative juices flow freely. I'm over you, and to be honest, it wouldn't bother me one bit if we've never spoken to each other or seen each other ever again.

as I sit here, alone, in my work unit on an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico, you keep crossing my mind. just the other day, I posted about how over you I was, how we didn't click and how I'm better off without you. but not tonight. am I really over you, or am I just lying to myself? is it just the holiday? I won't lie, I miss the holidays I spent with you and your family from earlier this year. your brother in law is quite a character (in a good way). I miss that sense of "family" that you guys had that I no longer have with my extended relatives. I'm starting to despise this time of the year, and honestly can't wait for the holidays to be done with so I can focus on a new beginning in 2013. The "right" thing to do would be to text you and wish you a Merry Christmas, but I don't want to lie to you by doing that. you're probably with somebody else right now and I'm the last thing on your mind, which is crap because you're constantly crossing mine this evening..music is the best therapy for any curve balls life throws at me so I guess I'll put on the headphones and get lost in the sounds.

holy hell, I actually did it. today makes day #30. couldn't post on here with my progress as often as I'd like to due to my work schedule and the fact that life's been keeping me busy, but I couldn't feel any better about this feat. I can honestly say I'm over it and feel much better now than I did a month ago before I started it. Sure, I get nostalgic at times and remember the good times we had, but at the end of the day, not being together was for the best due to us being incompatible and wanting different things out of life, and I've come to accept that. to all of you fighting this same battle- hang in there. as days go by, I PROMISE you will start feeling better. time heals all wounds. stay busy, stay active, keep pursuing your hobbies and dreams, and STAY KEEN ON NO CONTACT!!!

I'm starting to realize how much better off I am without you, N. My mother was correct when she said "Time heals all things".

it's been a while since I posted here, so here it goes.. day #18 NC. she texted me on my birthday to wish me a good one, to which I replied a simple thank you and a happy thanksgiving. nothing more, nothing less. that's as far as the conversation went. I'm at acceptance that our relationship is over and that I need to move on with my life. I miss her at times, usually in short spurts, but it goes away eventually. I'm also at acceptance that it's gonna be somebody else that has to deal with her crap and not mine. the weekend has been an emotional roller coaster. got to go a very good concert Saturday night, and a potential relationship with someone I've been talking to and thought I really clicked with over the past few weeks pretty much blew up in my face..hate it when that happens.

Sick with the flu, wishing you here to take care of me..I wonder if you'll ever know how much of me belongs to you. I miss those times I miss those days When you were around So many ways And it felt so safe And I was glad But now something's changed Makes me sad And I was waiting patiently But you never came I realize it now Won't ever be the same, again Won't ever be the same, again And I was waiting patiently But you never came I realize it now Won't ever be the same, again Won't ever be the same, again If you're doing fine I don't know You see, I gave up calling Long time ago Haven't heard from you I guess that means That I'm not good no more That's what it seems And I was waiting patiently But you never came I realize it now Won't ever be the same, again Won't ever be the same, again I miss you, N. xoxo

After 7 days of NC, I broke again. I had a dream last night that you started seeing someone else. My guts telling me that's correct. It's 2:30 in the morning and I just tried to call you. No answer, figured you'd be sleeping. I need some kind of closure. Yet I feel so stupid for calling you... Grrrrr back to square one

Day #7. Missing her..and I don't know why. Maybe it's time to backtrack to a post I made in the "List The Reasons Why Your Ex Isn't Good Enough For You!".

It’s raining, it’s pouring A black sky is falling It’s cold tonight You gave me your answer Goodbye Now I’m all on my own tonight And when the big wheel starts to spin You can never know the odds If you don’t play you’ll never win We were in heaven you and I When I lay with you and close my eyes Our fingers touch the sky I’m sorry baby You were the sun and moon to me I’ll never get over you, you’ll never get over me..

One of those nights where you're running rampant through my mind. I actually thought about going on the website for the Heart Walk you're participating in tomorrow and making a donation for you specifically, but I doubt I'll do that because you don't seem to appreciate the stuff I've done for you in the past so why waste my time? May just donate it to the cause instead of you. I'm contemplating holding another "funeral" again later on this evening as I did last week, but knowing my luck, you'll end up calling me this weekend if I do that. I swear, you have some kind of 6th sense for knowing when I'm gonna forget about you...oh well, I'm doing it again tonight because it gave me closure and peace last time. If you decide to call or text, don't be surprised or upset when you're met with silence.

Day #5. Work and planning my trip to Miami next month has kept my mind busy. I find myself not looking at my phone as much or jumping around with anxiety whenever I do receive a text or call.

Haha challenge accepted! You're going down

you can do it!

day #4. still having those moments where I miss her dearly, but I eventually snap out of it. there's still a lot of things I'm having a hard time understanding, like how could she not love me anymore after everything I've done for her and everything we've been through, but I suppose I'll get those answers as time goes on. the fact that our 8 month anniversary would've been a couple of days ago isn't helping much either. oh well though, just gotta keep moving along in this game called life. cheers to day #4, looking forward to my 1 week goal slowly approaching.

I still think about you, I still dream about you...

seriously wishing I never answered your text the other day..all it did was put me back to square one..you must have found out one way or another that I was finally starting to forget about you.

Yes indeed, L hope things start looking up for you. keep that head up

I seriously wish you never texted me yesterday..or should I say, I seriously wish I never even wasted my time replying to you. All it did was piss me off. I'm not as stupid as you think I am, N. I know why you're trying to "keep me around". And whenever this new guy in your life breaks your heart and you try to come crawling back to me, all I'm gonna do is tell you to go **** yourself.

Back to square one...just got off the phone with the ex. Should have never answered it..so here's to day #1...

Just held a "Funeral" for the end of our relationship. I typed out a 3 page "eulogy", pulled up a picture of you & I on my phone and set it in front of me, as if that was the "casket". I read the eulogy out loud, and I must say, all kinds of emotions..happiness, sadness, regret, and pain ran through me. I laughed when I got to the part about our first date when we went bowling and our scores were HORRIBLE. All we could do about it was laugh. I got another good laugh when I got to the part about the good times we had in Vegas at that comedy-magic show. It ended up turning into sadness when I got to the part about me hoping you find another man that will bring you nothing but true happiness, because I always thought that man was gonna be me. It also made me sad when I got to the part about our 8 month anniversary coming up tomorrow. Regret and pain came running through me shortly thereafter when I listed the things I felt I could have done better, and how the failure of the relationship was PARTIALLY my fault. As I was reading it, I could picture in my head the "casket" of what was once you and me being slowly lowered into the ground. As I was folding up the "eulogy", I could also see me walking away, with the workers picking up shovels and burying the casket. Having done that, the light at the end of the tunnel suddenly got brighter. It gave me that acceptance that our relationship is over, and things just aren't always meant to be the way we want them to. I don't know what the future holds for either of us, but it's SERIOUSLY time to get a move on with my life, and doing this was just another step towards that. I still miss you, care about you, and wish you nothing but success, N. Maybe we'll run into each other one day and it'll be like the first time we met, but I'm not gonna hold my breath on it. If I do, life's just gonna keep passing me by, along with the woman that's perfect for me. Take care of yourself, N. I wish you nothing but happiness and success in everything you choose to do. Like I've said before, even if in the end we can't be together, and despite how things ended, I'm glad you were a part of my life.

today was day #14 of NC. came accross an old voicemail you left me when we first started dating, and when everything was perfect. you called me to see how my 3 hour drive was going, and that you were almost done with work and couldn't wait to see me DJ at one of my first out of state gigs that night. almost made me tear up thinking about that and the great time we had that night. it was the best gig I ever played and I'm glad you were a part of it. you'll never truly know how much it meant to me that you drove 4 hours to watch me play. at that time you deeply cared, and I wish you still did. turns out we'll both be in the same town on the weekend of November 30th. that gives me mixed feelings. in one aspect, I wanna see you and know how you're doing, at the same time though I know it'll just have my mind racing and I won't be on top of my game for the events that lie ahead of me where I need to be able to perform to the best of my ability, or I'll get my ass handed to me on a silver platter. basically, I hope to see you, but I also hope I don't. turning my phone off for that entire weekend has crossed my mind too. I hope everything in your neck of the woods is going well...

I miss you, and what could have been...