THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[xmen777]

X777, couldn't you give it another couple of days? look, I'm not one to talk as I can't manage NC, but I never initiate contact. I think you'll feel amazing if you can hold out a little longer and maybe she'll contact you?

 

I'm feeling s**t today, don't know why. My ex is at a weeding today. I know Ie we were still together I'd be with him and I'd be unhappy. He'd drink too much, I'd be expected to drive, he'd be with all his friends he's known for years and I'd be ignored.

 

I spose I'm imagining he's taken new gf and is being loving and attentive. But that's not who he is.

 

So, to get back to topic, day one down, second attempt. Good luck all x

 

well I did see her on that day - from quite a distance - and she didn't notice me at first.

I walked somewhere a bit closer then a girl comes on to me, touching my arm.. My ex sees this and comes to talk to me.

Anyway we agree on meeting in a few days to talk about our trips.

Next day I called her, got no reply. Now I tried again and she called me back.

We've agreed to meet... Wish me good luck please

[SoulSilver]

So , we broke up yestarday and I think that just so I won't be even tempted to try and contact her , I will turn it into a "challenge" and as a man of my word , I won't break it ... I have a few extra rules though . and I hope some of you will take some notes about part of them

1 : if she tries contacting me and it's something sincere hinting getting back together , I will reply . if it's something pointless , or something I didn't wanna hear anyway . it's not worth my attention .

2 : If I see her in real life ,I will say hi , but nothing more really . as there's no need for negative tension ...

 

3 : No contact also means not talking to any of our mutual friends about her . and not checking her status updates and profiles for my own best.

4 : And in the same topic , not posting obvious status updates about her myself , as this is a way of indirect contact as well .

 

5 : I'll update just about once a week unless something major happens . it's good to have a plce to let go of your thoughts , but I don't think that talking about it too much helps in moving on ...

 

I was her first boyfriend , and we made a rgeat couple , but she took me for granted , and treated me with little care during the last month . and thought she could just let it go and I'd be there in the background of her life as a friend as a relationship is too much to handle . but I deserve better than that ...

 

unlike most of the people here , as much as I loved her , I didn't try and convince her to be with me , or turned it into a fight ... I showed that I care and wouldn't want things to end this way , but that I repsect her decision and agreed to breakup , I was even the one who initiated the face to face goodbye talk .

So weather this will be for her to realize she lost me , or for me to really move on , I take this on myself

[skheehee]

End of Day 33

 

Just another day. I spent it lazing at home, and doing chores. Oh, and an intense home workout in the evening. I'm lookin' fine.

[skheehee]

Hey, it's good to know that you'll stand your ground and take on this mission, soldier! When the going gets tough, the tough get going. And that's what we're doing. We're all in this together, mate. Heads up, for there are brighter days ahead!

[Neil123]

Go away SoulSilver with your rational and calm post. We don't need people like you here!

[SoulSilver]

Thank you skheehee . I am also here to helpa s many people as I can with a different prespective

 

And Neil123 - I know , the way I deal with all of this really creeps me out!

[BobSmith66]

I would like to add a disclaimer here: Our relationship has to have some communication because there is still money involved as we have an apartment together, even though we don't live together at this time.

 

Day 1: I miss her, but I know that begging will not get her back. We have only been broken up for 2 1/2 weeks and I still dream about as if we were together almost every night. It makes getting out of bed every morning suck.

[Chinafish]

Go away SoulSilver with your rational and calm post. We don't need people like you here!

 

Lol, you tell him Neil

[Chinafish]

my turn to try this,

 

ex still loves me but is with someone and has told me 'whats done is done'

 

im madly in love with her but i need to move on, if she comes back great but if not least ive moved on.

 

 

Wish me luck

 

good luck qwerts xxx

[mickgriddle]

So I've gotten some good advice from a few members on this thread. I know what I'm about to say will come accross as flagrant rejection of that advice, but here goes. I think it's a bit extreme or unnecessary to delete her from my FB friends list. If you're wondering, I'm slowly starting to lessen the urges to just check my ex's FB profile, but I still see a few updates here and there. No pictures with new guys, no spiteful or sad remarks on her statuses against me, but she's been saying innocuous positive statements like "I'm so stoked for life right now!" and "I'm on top of the world", etc. and her friends are liking it/being supportive. It hits me close to home to read those things, I don't know why, but in the past I have gotten annoyed when people (including her) are overtly happy and fawning. Its like she is utterly liberated from our old relationship and happy as can be despite there not being any serious problems (like abuse or infidelity) that would've caused her to run.

[Neil123]

I think there's definitely two sides to this dilemma.

 

Firstly, how she reacts to you blocking her. Her immediate reaction will no doubt be "How pathetic that he did that" but no doubt as that feelings passes she will start to realise that you are actively trying to move on and that you don't want to muck about with games. On top of that she will start to feel powerless to influence you, which will no doubt affect her. Also, if she appreciates how serious the relationship was, she should understand the drastic measures.

 

Secondly, it's not even about about how she's feeling so this point makes the above point completely irrelevant anyway. Who cares what she thinks? This is about you healing and if these status' and comments are affecting you then you'll be far better off removing her.

 

It's definitely the right decision to block them in my honest opinion.

[mickgriddle]

Hey Neil, thanks for the advice, but I don't think it's a question of who has power over the other. As far as I'm concerned, we're simply coexisting on social media with no conscious intent of making one feel more powerful over the other (the breakup was on friendly terms, and she doesn't play games). I almost want to update her and let her know that I'll be blocking her temporarily for myself, and opening it back up when I feel indifferent. I'm just involuntarily mulling over her effusive status updates, which might be unrelated to the breakup. I can't help but to feel bad about myself when she is somehow "so stoked about life" only three weeks since she decided to make the split.

[BobSmith66]

I went over to my parents house tonight because both of my sisters are in town. It has been a while since ive seen them so I took a picture with the three of us and posted it on FB. She, me ex, commented on it "cute tell your sister i said hi Why does she care about telling my sisters hi? she chose to push me out of her life and that includes my family. I didn't comment on it, but one of my sisters did say hi back on FB. This is so frustrating to me. she keeps talking to all of my friends and trying to be friends. She gave all of that up when she broke up with me

[mickydrip]

Hmm Thanks guys i didnt contact her. ANother day down i guess. She has been dating this guy for a week and a day and i havent spoken to her in 5. i mean it was left with telling her i need to move forward in my life and i cant be a doormat from her but if she needs me im there.

 

I didnt text her last night as i went to a friends house was going to vent abit then text her but i walked into WW3 and have to disolve a situation, involving kids. I even considered calling up my ex to help me calm the beast and it would of been a non relationship event to bring us together.

 

Problem is i have so many unsaid things i need to tell her, i still have to exchange items back over and that im not sure but maybe she would want me to contact her, i know it doesnt look like it but if it is what she wants and im doing the wong thing AGAIN then i will lose any chance.

 

I have more than decided to stay and not run away i couldnt on a clear conscience and i have to sit here and improve myself, for me and also if i wa to ever get back into a relationship with her. But i still want to contact her im going to see if i can last till what would be our official 3rd year anniversary if i can last.... hopefully every day that goes by ive been wanting too contact her and i have nothing to stop me especially when i dont know if im doing the right thing or not...

 

so heres to the 5th day and only 15 left if i wait till our should be anniversary. im hoping this new relationship of hers will cerumble very soon and i can be the one she wants. its what im holding out for. but i still want to be contacting her. even LC to know how things are just genereally... and maybe i would get a hint of what she wants or is feeling and blehg blah blerrr

[kam]

Hello,

 

I would like to begin day 1 of this game.

 

I'm actually 7 months post-BU, and I immediately went NC. I didn't talk to her, call her, see her in person etc. However, I did see her posts on social networking sites and every time I saw her name, my heart started to beat just a little faster. Starting today, I will stop logging onto that site, focus on school, and on myself.

 

I look forward to working with you guys.

[haitianwen]

Haitianwen, ther is nothing wrong with you, people act different on situations, some make decisions they regret later on, some people are hurt but stay mature and respectful about it, it's just the way people act on these situations, keep an open mind.

 

It seems like he respects the decisions that are made and he wants to keep the peace by being mature and not hurtful!

 

No, he said unforgiveable twice. But in his last email, he said "he never said he won't forgive me,but you never ask for it."

 

I didn't reply this email. He is an idiot. If I didn't want him back, if I didn't want his forgiveness, why I wrote him emails. The problem between us is that he never understand me. And he never let me in to understand him. That's why I want NC. Because I didn't see any hope. We will never work out this way. But I missed him so much.

[Streetbob]

Hello,

 

I would like to begin day 1 of this game.

 

I'm actually 7 months post-BU, and I immediately went NC. I didn't talk to her, call her, see her in person etc. However, I did see her posts on social networking sites and every time I saw her name, my heart started to beat just a little faster. Starting today, I will stop logging onto that site, focus on school, and on myself.

 

I look forward to working with you guys.

 

KAM

 

I honestly believe that social media is your worst enemy after the break up.

It feeds the imagination and holds you back from healing. you are right: seeing the ex on FB constitutes contact.

 

I closed facebook about 5 weeks ago and the healing process definitely accelerated after I did that.

 

Good luck

 

SB

[haitianwen]

Day 16

 

I missed him so much. I know I should move on. Maybe he is already on his new life. Maybe he is holding a new girl's hand now. But I just miss him. I want to reply his last email. But I didn't. So I post here. I won't go back to that jerk again. He treated me like trash. He doesn't deserve me. However, I just can't help missing him. I can't concentrate on my work. All my mind is him. God! Help me!

[SoulSilver]

What you need to do is defenitely delete her , and chose "hide all stories from" any of her close friends so you won't get it on your news feed . she's gonna be mad at first , but it's gonna put a mystery on you . and she'll wonder why you did that ... besides , like I said in my post here , this is also part of no contact . .just make sure you don't come accross as spitefull when doing it . I did this with my current girl , right after the breakup , and PM'd her that I'm sorry , and that maybe one day we could talk as friends but I'm not ready yet .

 

Also it's very important to note that none of your status updates , or anything you post should be releated to her in any way at all , she will see this , weather you have her on your list or not . and will take this as you still longing for her . or add negative tension between you . as this is a way of non-direct contact .... anything positive and funny is welcomed though .

[GrowingUp85]

Made it through Day 2. I'm not sure which attempt I'm on. 4, maybe 5. Ex won't even speak to me now. I really hate that it's gotten to this point, and don't understand how the dumper can go NC so quickly. I think she's moved on to some new boy. At least I'm better looking than him.

[mickgriddle]

Hey Soul, thanks for the advice, I actually decided to temporarily deactivate my account since I've been spending too much time on FB anyway (cause I'm bored), and I will be starting grad school and work in a week and I think it's best if I leave the facebook factor out of the picture. We agreed on a set period of NC, after which either one of us can reinitiate contact, presumably without expectations of getting back together. If I still feel unhealed by that date, I was thinking of PM'ing her as well like you did, saying that I'll be blocking her to e able to move on and one day we can talk as friends. Does that seem necessary?

 

I've learned in the past to never post ambiguous or accusatory status updates lol, so that shouldn't be a problem. It just bothered me to see her bounce right back and write on her status about how awesome her life is at the moment, what gives?

[Neil123]

I don't know her or anything about your relationship, but i'd guess most probably to affect you the way it has? Seems to be working just like she wanted it too. Overly positive status's are normally ALWAYS to affect an ex. Makes me laugh how often I see them posted all over my FB.

[SoulSilver]

Theres something really wrong with all of this . first of all , you shouldn't be hiding for a while just because of her...a break is good but then you'll be back and see her again , what's the point? you should live your life normally and not let her affect your every move like this . also , the whole no contact thing until you can be friends is really weird . this isn't what you really want am I right? so why would you agree to such a thing? it would even be better to tell her straight forward : we're either a couple , or nothing at all . you don't deserve this ...

[Qwerty999]

Well i caved in on day 1 & 2, heard my ex had a health scare so i contacted to make sure she was ok.

 

Today i emailed her to basically say that all the time she is with someone else we cant be friends, despite her admitting she loved me this will destroy her me walking away.

 

I now hold the power so let no contact start again.

[xmen777]

Met my ex for what seemed like our first date all over again. We even went for a walk. But she didn't want to budge. I didn't behave like a friend, told her she looked sexy etc..

She said she didn't remember not telling me the reason, then she said the reason was she didn't have feelings (but on the breakup she said she had feelings for me!)...

She still wants to be just friends, so no contact all over again.