SoulSilver
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
SoulSilver replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I just wanted to confess to you about something ... I thought about waiting some time before telling you this . but I guess it doesn't really matter anymore ... Remmeber that one time when I missed my last train home after visiting you? we were talking on the phone and we had no idea what to do ... but some time later , I sent you a message saying I figured something out and I'm on my way home ... Truth is , I wasn't . I spent the night at the subway station , feeling like a wreck and trying catch some sleep . I'm sorry that I lied to you about this , it's just that , I didn't tell you this because I didn't want to worry you , and I knew you would blame yourself for that ... -
Getting back together really does happen!
SoulSilver replied to wishingonastar's topic in Getting Back Together
Here are a few more stories - short version There was a girl I liked , an her ex of a few months actually tried helping me out with her , but eventually they got back together and went on for 3 more years . 2 friends of mine were together for 3 months or so . then they broke up and couldn't even be in the same place for the next few months , but they started talking again eventually , worked out their problems and are together for almost a year now . A female friend of mine had a breakup of her boyfriend of 6 months . they were ignoring each other and trying to make each other jelaous , she even dated someone else for a while . but they realized they are best for each other , and ended up getting back together . they are around 9 moonths together now . Another female friend I has recently gotten back withh her boyfriend after 1 month and a half of being broken up . not sure how much time they were together before that but I think it wasn't long . Oh and there's a guy I know...he and his girlfriend have broken up , because..I have no idea why . for more than a month . but they got together because..I still have no idea why . other than her being stupid and him being a failure with girls but they have been together for a couple of years now . Add to this that 2 of my exes came back , around 8 months withotu any contact after I did every mistake possible and asked to get back together . So yeah , it happens , quite often even . -
If you want him back then you did not fail . this was supposed to happen and you acted from your heart when you showed concern for him . I really hope opening the line of communication here will have a happy end for you no contact should not be to just "avoid the drama" it's to really take a step away from a person who doesn't want to be with you .
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Day...whatever Well I guess this is where my count ends as I don't need to "stop myself" from contacting er or peaking at her life , it's auto-pilot now . And although sometimes I wonder but it's not very productivee so I don't go in circles in that ... I've become way too deatached to really care if she comes back or not , and she's become a distant memory to me right now , and I was afraid this will happen , but oh well... It's over and now I have some free space in my life , for someone who will truly love me
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This is exactly what you should have been doing going round and roung in the nergative things is not very productive ...
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Haha forget about it it's a panda one btw , and I still think that it's gonna prove as useful some day ... Anyway quick update . another mood shift... now , angry , dunno why . but things are unfolding in a very good way . some girl (whos kinda cute) just asked me to hang out with her at the convention . so my plan is working out naturally without me needing to really "act" or force anything And I just find it amazing how people come t your life to do a certain role . and how every day since the breakup , I wrote in a journal for myself how I should deal with things , a kind of ...self guidance . and so far , everything I wrote is becoming a reality . and everytime it becomes part of me , I rip out those pages and throw them away .
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Day 8 I don't think I ever changed my mood so many times in 1 day ... It started out with thinking about us together . then I let that thought go and was really calm all day long , I'm not tempted to contact her in any way as there is nothing I can say to change her mind and peaking at her life isn't going to make me feel well . I really decided that all I can do is be myself and live my life , and either she comes back , and we rebuild something new . or I will meet someone better it has always been this way . and I'm a great guy and dealt with this situation nicely so everything is possible . so things will be o.k Later on this day I realized that I'm going to get a package from ebay soon . a friend of mine needed my help to buy a few stuff online , one of them being a necklass. and I agreed with the condition that I will buy another one for my gf , who would definitely like it . we were already in a bad period then and all i said was "fact I'm buying it , means that things will work out " and now , it's not that clear ...and I don'thave any idea what to do with it when I get it ... and the thought kinda broke me down for the first time since the breakup . Then , bam , another mood shift . aperantly some convention I planned going to (that she is going to attend as well) is not next week as I thought ...but this one! I am really nervous now , in a good way . I planned on hanging out there , having fun , staying cool if I see her , just telling her Hi and move on without giving to much attention to her , and maybe be seen hanging around with some girls . I know it's "wrong" and could blow up on my face but I can't help it I know that if she still has any feelings for me , then a bit jelaousy could really bring them out , and since we are LDR this might be the only chance . besides it will show her that I am moving on . which , I really do . as there is a high possibility that I could meet someone else there
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These are great realazations , way to go . I wouldn't tell her anything , maybe oen day when you talk I would say hey I just wanted to say i'm sorry for that and that . till then keep living
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Oh yes , you gotta remove someone from your life and not even attempt peaking if you want to keep your sanity and be clean of stress...
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When someone starts talking to you about her , don't give them a reaction . say - that you don't want to talk about her anymore . slowly your friends will realize this .
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Hey Neil123 thanks for your words , even though I can't relate to them yet . and my "rationality" is gettign kinda scary , met with friends yestarday and they said I look even more cold and deatached than usual . but I guess that's the defense mechanism I have built in me ... Anyway I think it's important for you to remember that no contact is not just not talking to her , but really removing her from your life . so you won't even hear about any of those stuff . because other than removing pressure from her , and putting some distance between you so she will have the room to (perhaps) miss you and think about it . it's really all for you , to move on , and feel calmer . and you won't , as long a you keep peaking into her life , as it makes you wanna control all those things you can't ...
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Day 6 I'm alot better , not hurt from the breakup at all , feel good about myself , and been doing some fun stuff lately . stopped "obssesing" about making sure I dealt with this right too . I'm pretty calm about everything , but honestly...I'm just bored . I do keep myself occupied with focusing on things that I like , but I still miss her being part of my life . her beautiful smile and our chats and cuddling together . just feels like I have this huge empty space in my life . and no-one is that interesting to me like she was *sigh* oh well . contacting her won't bring it back to how things used to be (the way things are right now) so I guess I'll just get used to this...
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Hey Neil . something about that - at the first stagess of the breakup we do all we can to make ourselfs happy and forget everything ... we go out . meet new people , etc . but eventually you get used to it , and reality hits you back again when you're alone before you go to sleep and we think about all that we put in the back fo our minds during the day . I am not saying she will consider getting back together with you , not because I am pessimistic , I just really don't know . but trust me that this passes through her mind at least once during her day ...
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Day 4 I miss her , and flashbacks run in my head randomly during the day . but then I stop it and realize that hey , I am a great guy , and we were a rgeat couple . but if she didn't appriciate it , and isn't going to come back , then it's her loss . and I am not going to do anything to try and force her to change her mind . I deserve someone who will truly love me . so I'm trying to focuse on moving on with my life. which . yeah it has a hole in the spot where she used to be . but I'm going to find someone else ! even if just for fun .
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Well Mick if you think you could handle just a friendship with her then go for it when you are ready...you'r right there's no need for tension , but doing nothing to provoke a reaction froom her ,like saying anything that might reach her eventually . weather it's remotely by posting something on facebook or talking to friends about her . won't make things worse . Oh man I know howit feels , with my Ex of last year , after we broke up , I cut off all contact tried getting a vacation , and avoiding her on facebook , when suddenly someone posted a pic of her and some other girl making out . Funny thing is , that girl ended up befriending me and having some kind of crush on me . this was such an awkward feeling .
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Dude , you shouldn't have gone out for a walk with her . but keeping an upbeat really short conversation (even just a hi would be enough) and politely saying you have to go . no contact is no contact ...
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Theres something really wrong with all of this . first of all , you shouldn't be hiding for a while just because of her...a break is good but then you'll be back and see her again , what's the point? you should live your life normally and not let her affect your every move like this . also , the whole no contact thing until you can be friends is really weird . this isn't what you really want am I right? so why would you agree to such a thing? it would even be better to tell her straight forward : we're either a couple , or nothing at all . you don't deserve this ...
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What you need to do is defenitely delete her , and chose "hide all stories from" any of her close friends so you won't get it on your news feed . she's gonna be mad at first , but it's gonna put a mystery on you . and she'll wonder why you did that ... besides , like I said in my post here , this is also part of no contact . .just make sure you don't come accross as spitefull when doing it . I did this with my current girl , right after the breakup , and PM'd her that I'm sorry , and that maybe one day we could talk as friends but I'm not ready yet . Also it's very important to note that none of your status updates , or anything you post should be releated to her in any way at all , she will see this , weather you have her on your list or not . and will take this as you still longing for her . or add negative tension between you . as this is a way of non-direct contact .... anything positive and funny is welcomed though .
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Thank you skheehee . I am also here to helpa s many people as I can with a different prespective And Neil123 - I know , the way I deal with all of this really creeps me out!
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So , we broke up yestarday and I think that just so I won't be even tempted to try and contact her , I will turn it into a "challenge" and as a man of my word , I won't break it ... I have a few extra rules though . and I hope some of you will take some notes about part of them 1 : if she tries contacting me and it's something sincere hinting getting back together , I will reply . if it's something pointless , or something I didn't wanna hear anyway . it's not worth my attention . 2 : If I see her in real life ,I will say hi , but nothing more really . as there's no need for negative tension ... 3 : No contact also means not talking to any of our mutual friends about her . and not checking her status updates and profiles for my own best. 4 : And in the same topic , not posting obvious status updates about her myself , as this is a way of indirect contact as well . 5 : I'll update just about once a week unless something major happens . it's good to have a plce to let go of your thoughts , but I don't think that talking about it too much helps in moving on ... I was her first boyfriend , and we made a rgeat couple , but she took me for granted , and treated me with little care during the last month . and thought she could just let it go and I'd be there in the background of her life as a friend as a relationship is too much to handle . but I deserve better than that ... unlike most of the people here , as much as I loved her , I didn't try and convince her to be with me , or turned it into a fight ... I showed that I care and wouldn't want things to end this way , but that I repsect her decision and agreed to breakup , I was even the one who initiated the face to face goodbye talk . So weather this will be for her to realize she lost me , or for me to really move on , I take this on myself