THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Neil123]

Why is nobody posting today! Very quiet!

 

I feel like an idiot. I just called one of my ex's closest friends to congratulate her on a new job. I was actually hoping she'd ask about how i'm dealing with it so I can say "i'm absolutely fine and moving on" to get some revenge for her saying that to my brother. She didn't even ask but mentioned that them girls are getting together tonight. So I called another girl who'd be going who i'm friends with to ask how her holiday was, but she didn't ask either. Now i'm scared it's gonna look weird when it comes out tonight that I rang both of em.

 

I need to stop doing this. I think my intentions are too obvious. I've deleted their numbers too now

[xmen777]

I'm on day 2 again.

Cause I messaged her on sunday, she messaged back the next day (seemed positive to me but I'm probably mislead again). I didn't answer, there was no need. Just made sure to remind her of a past shared moment.

I know she looks at my facebook, so I used it to post a video of an event we had attended together.

When we meet again I'm sure I'll keep cool again. A woman told me she went through the same thing, told me don't message her or she'll steal your energy. Never saw it that way.

I know I did more in the relationship than she did. Like neil I went the extra mile or two for her, and she rarely did.

But some part of me still hopes she will change her mind and come back. She's like a drug to me.

[notahero]

Day 3: Ending?

 

Hi everyone, by far this has got to be the worst day. I was definitely moody all day and I was tempted to contact my ex on three different occasions. It was out of pity that I wanted to make the contact. I had to think it through and thankfully I had my journal to remind me of all the red flags and all the things that went wrong. I started to feel angry and upset which helped me get through and actually refuse to call in the end.

 

Guys, it is definitely handy to have a journal beside you so if you get that urge you can quickly remind yourselves the reasons you are doing this. Day 3 is almost done and I can move on tomorrow a little stronger.

[Chinafish]

Haha Neil, reading your two posts back to back made me laugh

 

Well my day started off so well..........

 

Received text at 10am telling me about a job he's heard off and asking if we can meet up later this week. Decided to definitely NOT answer, and felt good. HOwever, low and behold, I picked up my phone at 4 pm, and accidentally hit 'call'. Aaaaaaarrrgh!!!!!!! I hung up immediately but he, of course, got a missed call from me Doh !

 

So he called back about an hour later but I did not pick up.

 

So the latest is, I sent a message which said, it was nothing and thanks for calling me back. I'm leaving it there.

 

Everyday I realise how bad my relationship with him was, how damaging to my self esteem, how he controlled and patronized me, how completely disinterested he was in me. EVEN IF I'M SINGLE FOR EVER I don't want that man back in my life.

[Chinafish]

Day 3: Ending?

 

Hi everyone, by far this has got to be the worst day. I was definitely moody all day and I was tempted to contact my ex on three different occasions. It was out of pity that I wanted to make the contact. I had to think it through and thankfully I had my journal to remind me of all the red flags and all the things that went wrong. I started to feel angry and upset which helped me get through and actually refuse to call in the end.

 

Guys, it is definitely handy to have a journal beside you so if you get that urge you can quickly remind yourselves the reasons you are doing this. Day 3 is almost done and I can move on tomorrow a little stronger.

 

Well done buddy. You'll feel great in the morning. Honestly, they don't deserve us x

[Chinafish]

 

I need to stop doing this. I think my intentions are too obvious. I've deleted their numbers too now

 

Well done, it must be hard for you having your brother in the mix too. I wouldn't worry about having rung the two mates. It's not as if you talked about ex. In fact, when they both mention hearing from you and tell her you didn't ask about her, you'll look quite nonchalant( to use a much loved ENA phrase lol )

 

Keep up the good work, and thank you for your continued support x

[notahero]

Well done buddy. You'll feel great in the morning. Honestly, they don't deserve us x

 

You did well too Chinafish! There are other people out there waiting for us who will actually love us. I'm glad we are finally seeing the light.

[notahero]

Well done, it must be hard for you having your brother in the mix too. I wouldn't worry about having rung the two mates. It's not as if you talked about ex. In fact, when they both mention hearing from you and tell her you didn't ask about her, you'll look quite nonchalant( to use a much loved ENA phrase lol )

 

Keep up the good work, and thank you for your continued support x

 

That's also a great point Chinafish. Neil, she will wonder why you didn't ask about her

[Chinafish]

Just done a quick cyber stalk ( I know, chain me up and flog me) two things of interest. He has put up a photo on his fb wall that he took last summer with me, he knows its my favorite. Secondly he's written a really loving management response to a Trip Advisor review I did of his restaurant, with a few subtle inside jokes.

 

It all makes me wonder......

[notahero]

Just done a quick cyber stalk ( I know, chain me up and flog me) two things of interest. He has put up a photo on his fb wall that he took last summer with me, he knows its my favorite. Secondly he's written a really loving management response to a Trip Advisor review I did of his restaurant, with a few subtle inside jokes.

 

It all makes me wonder......

 

Why are you doing this to yourself One of the reasons why I did NC was peace of mind. My ex will contact me and reconcile, but until then, I will just move on and focus back on myself.

[Neil123]

Well done, it must be hard for you having your brother in the mix too. I wouldn't worry about having rung the two mates. It's not as if you talked about ex. In fact, when they both mention hearing from you and tell her you didn't ask about her, you'll look quite nonchalant( to use a much loved ENA phrase lol )

 

Keep up the good work, and thank you for your continued support x

 

 

Ahh not quite so much though. I accidently gave it away I think or maybe i'm too paranoid. When the first one told me she was seeing the girls, I said "which girls?" and she said "you know which girls!" so i looked like I was fishing.

 

The second one said it was funny I changed my profile pic to me with my arm around another girl. I explained that it wasn't to spite my ex, but was in spite of her (it's true). As in I did it because I think I look good and now I can as i'm single and have no g/f to tell me not to, not intentionally to upset her. But she's a bit slow and I think missed my point. She doesn't understand the difference between in spite of and to spite someone so that's what she'll think I said.

 

I didn't ask about her, or talk about her other than that so I have no idea how it will be seen.

 

Ahhh anyways, i'm pleased i've deleted their numbers. This is all silly and isn't helping me move on so enough. Cannot wait until her birthday is out the way on Monday!

[Confusedgirl2]

DAY #1

I'm ready, this is much needed! I promise not to respond to any emails, phone calls, text, emails or check his FB page or his friends FB Page. The only time I will is if it has to do with seperation of bills (BC we live together), getting his fridge (which should be done this week) and to meet face to face with my son to say bye and he loves him (which should be the week after next). This is going to be sooo hard; i might be in a different boat then others as I called off our wedding due to issues...ugh, very hard! I still love him just want him to stop the talk and walk the walk! Wish me luck!!!!

[Confusedgirl2]

Day 1

 

I broke no contact yesterday as she said she wanted to talk about us. It turned out she is still confused and wants us to be apart so I regretted. Feel that it is really over this time and I really miss her. On top of it a personalised song which I ordered to be written for her as a gift for our anniversary was delivered to me today. I am really tempted to send it to her.

 

Don't do it!

[Confusedgirl2]

No, don't call the friends unless they are your friends as well and your intentions don't involve her...don't seek revenge it never turns out right...i'm going through the same things...easier said then done, but you can do this!

[Neil123]

No, don't call the friends unless they are your friends as well and your intentions don't involve her...don't seek revenge it never turns out right...i'm going through the same things...easier said then done, but you can do this!

 

Ah I forgot to mention that they ARE my friends and have contacted me (texting) in the recent past to ask how I am. But they're her closer friends and I still feel like my agenda is obvious when I call them as it's not what I did before we broke up. I'm just gonna stop and act nonchalant when they contact me. No harm in that.

 

Anyways, welcome! You're in the right place. Just remember, before you do anything silly just come here and ask us first!

[GrowingUp85]

End of Day 10. Into the double digits! I'm starting to feel different. I guess 4 months without talking to someone is a long time.

[SoulSilver]

Day...whatever

 

Well I guess this is where my count ends as I don't need to "stop myself" from contacting er or peaking at her life , it's auto-pilot now .

 

And although sometimes I wonder but it's not very productivee so I don't go in circles in that ... I've become way too deatached to really care if she comes back or not , and she's become a distant memory to me right now , and I was afraid this will happen , but oh well... It's over and now I have some free space in my life , for someone who will truly love me

[crazyoflove]

Day 2

 

Did not send that song. Strangely enough, I dont have need to contact her as I know I did all I can to try and make things right. I do miss her however and am curious whether she will contact me. Part of me wonders whether I scared her with saying that this is it for me in last conversation. However, this was after a month or more of her sending mixed signals... also I am wondering whether I did wrong with contacting her a lot during first week after break up...some strange thoughts...

[xmen777]

Day 3

First time I woke up without thinking of her. Something must be improving within me.

I did think of her later on of course.

[notahero]

Guys,

 

I have failed. Last night I read a post that suggested my ex may do something life threatening. I asked a friend and he said to go ahead and check up on him to make sure. I was genuinely terrified and finally called. He was actually okay and we initially was having a good conversation. However, after being reminded of something we shared, he started crying nonstop. He said he still had feelings for me and I confessed I had the same. He said he'll always be there for me. He wants to speak to me today when he's better. NC may be too harsh... I'm confused and I feel guilty.

 

What do I do. What does this mean. Any other opinions?

[xmen777]

Guys,

 

I have failed. Last night I read a post that suggested my ex may do something life threatening. So I was genuinely terrified and finally called. He was actually okay and we ended up having a good conversation. However, the conversation ended up too hard for him and he started crying after being reminded of something we shared. He said he still had feelings for me and I confessed I had the same. He wants to speak to me today when he's better. I feel guilty now.

 

What do I do. What does this mean. Any other opinions?

 

You didn't fail. Try to meet up. Take it easy. Don't rush a reconciliation as it may still fail. IMHO always.

[notahero]

You didn't fail. Try to meet up. Take it easy. Don't rush a reconciliation as it may still fail. IMHO always.

 

I shouldn't have contacted because I've opened the can of worms again. Now I have more questions left unanswered, more worries. I've created more drama. I was doing so well, it's just that I was genuinely fearful of what he may do. I tried to cut the conversation short but he kept asking me how I was, what was new, etc. If I don't talk to him today I don't know the countless negative interpretations he will make of that. If I do agree to talk, I'm not sure if reconciliation is appropriate at this time.

[Neil123]

Day 18

 

Doing ok. These 3 weeks have been really good for me. It's just frustrating as there's so much I want to say to her, but that boat has sailed. I just really hope she has the self-awareness and humility to take her share of the blame for the break up, even though I ended up taking it all. She was always stubborn but who knows. I really don't know why this particular point affects me so much.

 

I'm not taking the advice of talking to or sleeping with other girls yet because for some reason I want to face this break up head on with no distractions. I feel like it'll be harder in the short term, but hopefully old feelings won't come back to haunt me in the future.

Just been gyming a lot and reading in preparation for starting work/college in 3 and a half weeks. I've been working out for 5 years now and have always looked good, but after a few weeks of intense training and dieting i'm looking like a cover model Gonna try and keep this up!

[xmen777]

I shouldn't have contacted because I've opened the can of worms again. Now I have more questions left unanswered, more worries. I've created more drama. I was doing so well, it's just that I was genuinely fearful of what he may do. I tried to cut the conversation short but he kept asking me how I was, what was new, etc. If I don't talk to him today I don't know the countless negative interpretations he will make of that. If I do agree to talk, I'm not sure if reconciliation is appropriate at this time.

 

I understand.......... I really don't know what to say.

[SoulSilver]

Guys,

 

I have failed. Last night I read a post that suggested my ex may do something life threatening. I asked a friend and he said to go ahead and check up on him to make sure. I was genuinely terrified and finally called. He was actually okay and we initially was having a good conversation. However, after being reminded of something we shared, he started crying nonstop. He said he still had feelings for me and I confessed I had the same. He said he'll always be there for me. He wants to speak to me today when he's better. NC may be too harsh... I'm confused and I feel guilty.

 

What do I do. What does this mean. Any other opinions?

 

If you want him back then you did not fail . this was supposed to happen and you acted from your heart when you showed concern for him . I really hope opening the line of communication here will have a happy end for you no contact should not be to just "avoid the drama" it's to really take a step away from a person who doesn't want to be with you .