THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[brickheart]

Day 30

 

Wow, I almost completed the challenge! Whoo. Today is definitely a lot easier than Day 1. Though I still woke up thinking about him - even had a sex dream (lame!) - I can tell I've made a lot of progress. I'm hoping to start counting in months after this, rather than days.

 

The other night, I was thinking about how I would feel if my ex contacted me, and honestly, I don't think I'm ready. And I probably won't be for a while. So really, I'm grateful for the total radio silence. Thanks, X.

[Chinafish]

Congrats Brickheart. It can only get easier and easier. You're an inspiration to us all

[crazyoflove]

Day 9

 

Life goes on, I laugh a lot and have fun but still something seems to be missing. I miss her. Miss her a lot. Yet, I have no need to contact her. Every time I think of her , first thing that crosses my mind is her behaviour after break up. It cools me down

[Lightning87]

Day 5

 

I felt happier today, like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I even have a couple of dates lined up!!! Life goes on, we will all go on to bigger and better things.

[GrowingUp85]

It's been 17 days since I've tried to contact her. This is by far the longest it's been in the 4+ months since BU. Not sure how I feel. I can still feel that there's hope there, but the hope is too soon. It's keeping me from moving on. I need to figure out the balance between moving on and hoping she'll contact me one day.

[Streetbob]

Anyone else??

 

It looks as though you did everything right and you are being pulled closer by her. Maybe she is testing the water or keeping you as an option.

 

How do you feel about it?

 

Would you be set back by meeting her to discuss? If the answer is yes, I would honestly stay away. Stick with the NC and let her make the next move.

Was it a messy breakup? Did she give you the "I just don't feel the same anymore" If that was the case, what has changed since then? If there were some tangible issues and they have been addressed - fair enough!

 

Good luck

 

SB

[Lightning87]

Day 6

 

Well we will see what today holds for me!

[1st Love]

Ex just broke up with me a month ago, and I was devastated. I wish I could participate, it's exactly what I need... but my ex and I are in the same residential hall and are in the same friends group so we kinda have to see each other and stuff every single day

 

Lesson learnt, don't go out with a friend living in the same college.

[tness]

Got two sms from her the past days about practical things.

Haven't replied. I know I should, but I just can't.

[crazyoflove]

Day 10

 

It seems as if I am going backward in my mind the longer I pursue NC. My life is full with friends and activities but every day I find myself thinking more and more about her. Still no word from her. Guess I was right when I said that I feel this is really the end for us. Last night I was wondering whether she thinks of me and our relationship at all. I still have no desire to contact her

[Streetbob]

Day 10

 

It seems as if I am going backward in my mind the longer I pursue NC. My life is full with friends and activities but every day I find myself thinking more and more about her. Still no word from her. Guess I was right when I said that I feel this is really the end for us. Last night I was wondering whether she thinks of me and our relationship at all. I still have no desire to contact her

 

The early stages are the worst.

Your mind starts to play tricks on you. It fills in the blanks - the bit's that you don't know or have no control over. I found that because of the emotional stress, I would put a negative spin on everything. As time passes it get's easier. Try some mindfulness meditation, it helps. Stick to your path - there are enough temptations along the way, but you will be glad that you did.

 

SB

[Chinafish]

Day 5 not so good today, don't know why. Spose it's the longest we've gone without contact. Makes me mad that he can just swan off on holiday and I don't cross his mind. Guess the only reason he contacts me at all is when he's bored at work.

 

I thought I'd feel more in control with NC, but to be honest, I just feel unwanted and forgotten.

[Chinafish]

It's been 17 days since I've tried to contact her. This is by far the longest it's been in the 4+ months since BU. Not sure how I feel. I can still feel that there's hope there, but the hope is too soon. It's keeping me from moving on. I need to figure out the balance between moving on and hoping she'll contact me one day.

Snap !!!!

I'm 4+ months but only 5 days NC. And I have wretched hope still swimming through me. Even though he's on holiday with gf I imagine him having a bad time and missing me. DUMB. No advice to offer, just feeling it too x

[Streetbob]

Snap !!!!

I'm 4+ months but only 5 days NC. And I have wretched hope still swimming through me. Even though he's on holiday with gf I imagine him having a bad time and missing me. DUMB. No advice to offer, just feeling it too x

 

 

I don't know how you can do that - knowing he is on hols with a new GF! That is terrible and I feel for you!

 

I couldn't do it!

 

But this is the point of NC - distance yourself so that you are not constantly being dragged into the cauldron of hurt.

 

Good luck with your NC. I hope you start to feel better soon.

 

SB

[Neil123]

Day 5 not so good today, don't know why. Spose it's the longest we've gone without contact. Makes me mad that he can just swan off on holiday and I don't cross his mind. Guess the only reason he contacts me at all is when he's bored at work.

 

I thought I'd feel more in control with NC, but to be honest, I just feel unwanted and forgotten.

 

Everybody feels that way when they go NC so you're not alone there. Even though it was best for me, I was almost angry that my ex hadn't contacted me ONCE since the breakup. Now I don't care so much.

 

He probably does think of you. In my opinion of course (although I can't be sure), if he's still in contact with you then that says something. When they move on and don't contact you, then that means they probably don't care. But don't get your hopes up, he's probably only in contact because of insecurities with himself and doesn't want you to move on rather than get back together.

 

Anyways, please promise me you won't break NC when he's back! Just give it 2 weeks and see what happens. My bet is he'll continuously try and contact you and being ignored will hit him hard. Whether that makes him come back one day I don't know, but either it will give him the kick up the arse, or you'll get some space to see he's a d*ck. Just believe in the NC. It does work as you can see from the success stories!

[Neil123]

Day 3

 

I seriously feel good. Haven't even felt the need to come on here since her birthday which is a good sign. I've realised she's massively selfish and I don't need that in my life.

 

Also started to realise that there are so many great girls out there. I was bored last night so signed up to a few dating sites (didn't subscribe) just to have a look at how bad my last resort would be...and it isn't actually so bad on there; there really are some great and hot girls on there. I'm still a couple of years away from online dating but it's good to know that it's a possibility if all else fails.

 

Anyways for some reason I do get a very weak urge to contact her for clear the air talks and to hopefully save some dignity after I lost it all when we broke up and i grovelled. I took the blame for everything and even made out I had some self esteem issues that I don't think I even had. But I'll wait until at least day 30 of NC, i'll be in a better position to know if it's a good idea then.

 

So yeah, i'm doing pretty well. Let's hope it's not just another false dawn!

[brickheart]

Honestly, online dating doesn't have to be a "last resort." It's just another social network.

 

Glad to hear you're feeling better after her birthday. Definitely don't contact her, though! You don't need to "clear the air." Your dignity is doing perfectly well!

[Neil123]

I know. Sorry if I came accross too good for it, suppose i'd just prefer to go the traditional route beforehand...but it does look great!

 

 

Also, another bit of advice for some people. Currently reading 'How to win friends and Influence people'. I decided to because I start work in 3 weeks but i've realised it'd be great for anybody! I'm generally very good with people but it's a great read and a very good way to focus on yourself and your mindset rather than just your body with for example the gym.

As I read it, I also realise things that I may have done wrong with my relationship and alot of things that she did wrong as well.

 

Seriously, i'd encourage you to read it or another book like this. I enjoy that this one isn't just mainly about relationships though as it allows me to focus on the other relationships in my life! Go get it, it's really helping me.

[Chinafish]

Neil (did you know my ex is called Neil? ) I've read HTWFAIP it really is an amazing book. It had a huge impact upon me when I read it ( about 15 years ago) I like to reread it every few years, as it's not behaviour that's in me - I need to keep learning those lessons.

 

Thank you for your encouraging words. You're right, the proof of the pudding will be when he returns on Sunday. I have invited him to the ODI at Southampton next tuesday, but I think he's forgotten. (£140 tickets..... What a waste!!!!)

 

I did go to his restaurant tonight to water the hanging baskets. Shouldn't really give a **** but I invested so much in winning the "in bloom" award this year( won gold) that I couldn't bear the thought of them withering and dying whilst he's in Menorca.

 

Hope tomorrow will be better. When we both make it to 30 days, celebratory drinks will be in order

[Chinafish]

I don't know how you can do that - knowing he is on hols with a new GF! That is terrible and I feel for you!

 

I couldn't do it!

 

But this is the point of NC - distance yourself so that you are not constantly being dragged into the cauldron of hurt.

 

Good luck with your NC. I hope you start to feel better soon.

 

SB

Thank you SB. It is hard, but the reality is I know he'll have a complete melt down row after a few days, and he'll drink too much. I know him so well and know they won't have a good time. I really have to thank my lucky stars cos being his gf is no picnic. One day I'll look back and realise what a lucky escape I had. My brain has always known it, but silly dumb heart will take a few years to catch up I think.

 

I hope to God I can keep the NC when hes back. I really know its my best bet. Just find it near on impossible to ignore his contact. F***ing hope. It's a nightmare......grrrrrrr.

[tujna]

Day 4, again... I have already done it so many times, I have to be able to do it again. Why does it feel so hard again? Ohhh, I wish it was day 400, maybe I would be better then.

[Emilyelle]

Hi All,

 

So this is my first time actually commenting but you have all helped me thorugh my break up the last two months with all you comments So i was on like a month and a bit after my ex bf of almost 4 years broke up with me 2 months ago. I had gone NC prior but when i didnt reply id get agreesive/abusive messages because his a N*b. So i got one after as i said over a month of NC two days ago as i had gone out with mutial friends (female) mutual friends dinner and a movie ppl not going out and getting plastered. It was abusive as app he doesnt need that sh** although i discuss nothing about 'us' with because it bores me lol and some over lovely words that is just to harsh for all your ears anyhoo i replied saying i am aloud to see who i wish and that we havent spoken in so long and i have not caused any drama by seeing them and for him to leave me alone ( it was his birthday 2 weeks ago and i didnt even messgae him youd think hed get the idea). But i shoudlnt have because i still bloo*y broke NC arggg lol. Anyhoo some advice DO NOT CHASE an ex its not worth it anyone who makes you cry as much as i am sure you all are is not worth it. NC gets easier it really does you can all do it although i am a slight hypacrit as i broke it but i will not again and one day youll wake up and realise that you are stronger than you ever thought u were. I did One day you will find someone who loves you as much as you love them so why waste tears on a bit** or basta** who doesnt think your worth a fight i say. Some people like playing games which is what a lot of exs do by contacting you not because they want u back but so their ego gets a kick by a nice reply from you. I really do hope you all follow through because you all seem like lovely people who deserve better and think of it this way we should all be going out and having fun not glued to our computer screens so lets show our exs we dont need them because WE DONT. Love love xoxoxox

[Streetbob]

Thank you SB. It is hard, but the reality is I know he'll have a complete melt down row after a few days, and he'll drink too much. I know him so well and know they won't have a good time. I really have to thank my lucky stars cos being his gf is no picnic. One day I'll look back and realise what a lucky escape I had. My brain has always known it, but silly dumb heart will take a few years to catch up I think.

 

I hope to God I can keep the NC when hes back. I really know its my best bet. Just find it near on impossible to ignore his contact. F***ing hope. It's a nightmare......grrrrrrr.

 

 

China: I don't really know your story....but do you hope to get back with this guy? You mention that you had a lucky escape.

I'm just wondering why NC would be such a struggle if you are happy to move on?? I know that the brain and heart are often not in Synch from personal experience.

 

Good luck

 

SB

[xmen777]

Still in NC. Had been waiting for this voucher we had for a local spa, when does it arrive now after we broke up of course. And I can't tell her now. And we wouldn't go together now obviously. Will have to go on my own.

[Lightning87]

Day 7

 

Missing him today...looking at his pictures and realising I still love him so much even after everything he's put me through...which is A LOT!

 

I also had sex with someone last night, I felt a bit sh*t afterwards because it's the first time I've had sex with someone else in 2 years...but hey, my ex has treated me like crap the past few months, why should I feel bad? And I also feel good knowing that this guy had a much bigger c**k than my ex...mwahahaha!