THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[brickheart]

I shouldn't have contacted because I've opened the can of worms again. Now I have more questions left unanswered, more worries. I've created more drama. I was doing so well, it's just that I was genuinely fearful of what he may do. I tried to cut the conversation short but he kept asking me how I was, what was new, etc. If I don't talk to him today I don't know the countless negative interpretations he will make of that. If I do agree to talk, I'm not sure if reconciliation is appropriate at this time.

 

Hey, don't rush into reconciliation for sure. You've just showed your love because you were genuinely concerned for his well-being. Try not to get drawn into a deep conversation with your ex about the relationship. Just focus on how he's doing and ascertain that he's well (the whole point of why you contacted him in the first place) and make sure he knows that you care about his health. Then think about whether maybe you want to stick with LC or NIC instead of NC. You're right, sometimes NC can be a little extreme in some situations, for some relationshipswhere two people still love each other.

[notahero]

Thank you guys, I'm going to avoid a lengthy conversation and definitely avoid bringing up sensitive issues in our relationship. I'm going into this with an open mind and with little expectations. I didn't plan on getting him back actually, but I was probably listening to my mind more so than my heart. I'm going with limited contact for a while and update you on progress. I'll be content if I know we can be healthy on our own.

[Confusedgirl2]

Ah I forgot to mention that they ARE my friends and have contacted me (texting) in the recent past to ask how I am. But they're her closer friends and I still feel like my agenda is obvious when I call them as it's not what I did before we broke up. I'm just gonna stop and act nonchalant when they contact me. No harm in that.

 

Anyways, welcome! You're in the right place. Just remember, before you do anything silly just come here and ask us first!

 

Thank you!!

[Confusedgirl2]

Day 2

 

Did not send that song. Strangely enough, I dont have need to contact her as I know I did all I can to try and make things right. I do miss her however and am curious whether she will contact me. Part of me wonders whether I scared her with saying that this is it for me in last conversation. However, this was after a month or more of her sending mixed signals... also I am wondering whether I did wrong with contacting her a lot during first week after break up...some strange thoughts...

 

Good for you! Try not to think when she will call it will just hurt if she's dosent. Life is too short...maybe everytime you think of her you have to do 10 pushups?

 

I'm on day #2 also....we can do this!

[Neil123]

Argh. Struggling again. Things would be so much easier if I could just remove her from my life entirely, but she's friends with my brother and my friends. He told me he saw her today when I asked where he'd been and then I just relapsed back to missing her and panic mode. Tempted to call her but what will it achieve? I rationally don't even want her back...SO WHY DO I WANT HER BACK SO BAD? Ha. If I can see she made a mistake by not taking me back after i ended it, then why can't she? But she was a rubbish g/f anyways...eugh.

[Neil123]

On top of that...i'm starting to think NC isn't the best idea as I just miss her. It's frustrating me that she hasn't tried to break it once. I suppose I wanted it to upset her (and it did) but she seems to be coping pretty well, although I don't actually know that obviously. What are the advantages and disadvantages of LC? Not sure I'll be able to handle that to be honest. ARGHHHH.

[xmen777]

Argh. Struggling again. Things would be so much easier if I could just remove her from my life entirely, but she's friends with my brother and my friends. He told me he saw her today when I asked where he'd been and then I just relapsed back to missing her and panic mode. Tempted to call her but what will it achieve? I rationally don't even want her back...SO WHY DO I WANT HER BACK SO BAD? Ha. If I can see she made a mistake by not taking me back after i ended it, then why can't she? But she was a rubbish g/f anyways...eugh.

I still want her back too even though I can tell she wasn't the best for me, I was giving more than I was getting.

 

Now I've got a "date" if you want to call it... with someone I can't believe it's true..

[Neil123]

Lol wow i've backtracked a hell of a lot over the past few days. Been posting on here farrr too much! Starting to wonder if it's good for me.

My acceptance is starting to unravel again and i'm hoping again. Need to stop. It's just killing me that she hasn't broken my NC rule to contact me even one.

 

Is she still hurting but just doing it to help me/us? Or is she moving on quicker? How can she go from being madly in love with me and saying that she would have preferred to be with me forever in a bad relationship than ever break up to not contacting me at all?This shouldn't even bother me but it just is.

 

Anyways, tomorrow needs to be a new start. Back to recovery.

[GrowingUp85]

End of day 11. Hard to believe that in just 2 months, we'll have been apart. I find myself thinking about the time we've been part, and the good times that we're missing out on. It's also hard to imagine the times coming up and the times that will never be. I'm slowly starting to accept that they won't happen, and will eventually move on. I admire her for not contacting me. It's not easy. She's trying to do what's best for her, and while it hurts me, good for her.

 

I hope we can talk again as friends one day, but who knows how long it'll be before that happens. If we don't, I honestly feel like it's her loss.

[crazyoflove]

Day 3

 

Been really busy today and did not think a lot about her. I would want her though to contact me just so I can ignore her. I know that this is not right approach but I cant help it. Going for holiday tomorrow and shifting my thoughts in that direction

[brickheart]

Day 25.

 

Survived his birthday (yesterday). I think I can survive anything.

 

After this challenge, I've decided to stop counting how many days it's been and just go by (approximate) weeks and months.

[NjoyStick]

Day 74 or something near that =P

 

I feel pretty awesome, she still comes up in my mind now and again but it doesn't hurt anymore, NC really works and like i said before it's a win/win situation cause you gt over your ex and move on being happy again or you make your ex interested again and want to get back with you.

 

And 95% of NC cases make you heal and get over your ex so you can be happy again.

Don't make the same mistakes most of us did by breaking NC, it seems like the best idea but you really really shouldn't, if you think your ex needs you then they will contact you so don't use any lame excuses to contact them, they won't forget about you ever ok?

 

You need to heal and get over it but so does your ex and even though some exes already started dating after dumping you and claiming to be over it like in my situation just use this time for you, our exes can go **** themselves!

 

The only chance you can ever get back with them is when you get over them, the biggest chance is that once you heal and get over them you won't even want them back, i know i can sound really hard sometimes but you don't need to hear about how much your ex misses you or still loves you cause if that's the case then they would have contacted you, and ofcourse some exes keep stringing you along but that's the worse kind of ex, they still love you and miss you but don't want to get back together.... You know what that means? They want your comfort and shoulder to cry on until someone they think is better comes along and they let you fall as hard as they needed you for the time being.

 

Go full NC, don't fall into the friendzone trap or the sad ex trap, they dumped you so they are clearly stating they don't need you, give them what they need, a life without you, sometimes it's for the best and you will find someone better and sometimes (very rarely) they find out for themselves that they do need you and want to be with you again but don't remind them you are there for them, don't be, it's easier for them to get over you and go to someone else when you are in contact with them so stop it!

 

It took me over 5 months to feel how i am feeling right now, i'm still not completely over her but i am at 90% and still going, one day sooner then later you will feel happy and good about this and you find out that you don't need them, why cry over someone who won't cry over you? And even if they are crying over you it's their fault, they dumped you and they really really really need to do this on their own.

 

Think about it, how annoying is it when you try to heal and get over seomthing if it keeps appearing right in front of you? I'd be annoyed and not happy so it's for the best to keep it as it is and heal the **** out of yourself, nobody is more important in this life then you!

Was your ex there when you were born? Were you happy before you started the relationship? Ofcourse they weren't there and yes you were perfectly happy before they were yours, so you can be it again, you don't need someone else to tell you how happy you are!

 

It hurts alot but it will fade in time and the longer you keep in contact the worse it get's to heal and the longer it will take!

 

The mighty NjoyStick has spoken =P

[Jayson4all]

Thanks Njoystick for this good advice. I am on Day 20 now with my ex. She broke up with me after 2yrs of relationship when i needed her the most cos we had a little fight and what is worse is that she broke up with me through SMS !!! I begged, sent text messages, called her non stop, promised to change & even cried and this lasted for over 2weeks after the break up but she wouldnt still accept me back. I was a total wreck, i couldnt concentrate on anythin at all. I still love her very much and its hard to gt over it. I''ll never contact her again cos am trying to get over her. If she misses me or wants to work out things she knows well how to contact me. I felt very bad knowing that after a relationshp of 2yrs & a girl i loved so could break up with me through SMS. Its a hard feeling tho, but av promised myself never to contact her. I'll just maintain NC . If she everly contacts me again and wants to get back i'll make sure she work hard for it. But its 20 Days without NC so i dont even think she's willin to contact. So be it.

[Neil123]

Great to hear. With me NC has never been broken so it's basically only 3 weeks since the break up and it's been so abrupt, so it's still so fresh. I'm on to day 20 now. The first 15 I made great progress but the last 5 I've gone back to square one. I even cried today for the first time as it all built up. They say you go through stages like denial, anger etc but I just seem to go back and forth the whole time.

 

At the moment I just miss her and want her back as MY girlfriend. I think it's just my ego and possessiveness talking more than actually missing her but even knowing that doesn't help. Just gonna get her birthday out the way on Monday (i'm going to message her, all my friends have said I should) and then hopefully have a new start. Admitting to myself that I do want her back, even though I can't have her, has sort of taken a weight of my shoulders.

[NjoyStick]

Jayson4all, i know what you are going through, my brother had a relationship of 3,5 years, she went on a ski-trip with her parents, met some dude there and dumped my brother also through a sms...

He was heartbroken for almost a year, he got through just fine, has a new girl for 4 years now and lives with her for over 2 years!

 

Neil, i know you miss her but don't forget she's not the same person that she was and will never be ever again, think about that my friend =)

 

And the swings from being fine to angry will keep re-occurring for a few months, i also have them still, just not as bad anymore =D

Think clearly if you really should send her a message, it's your call but think about it, if you don't you'll remain a mystery for her, she will think about you more and ask herself if you are over her or have someone new in your life, if she get's curious and i'm pretty sure she will then she will ask about you through your friends or even directly from you, so think about it ^^

 

It's a tough process but we will get through and one day you will look back and laugh, asking yourself why you've put so much energy in a person who is not worth your time!

[Neil123]

Thanks man. I look forward to that day

 

Seriously not sure whether to send a message to see how she's feeling now. She might not be contacting me because I said I needed NC, but I don't want to get shot down and end up at day 1 again regretting it. Just need to be strong.

 

Ahh she's in my friendship crowd so she knows I haven't moved on. So unfortunately NC for me isn't about being mysterious as she knows everything without having to contact me. It's more just about me actually moving on as I couldn't do that if I were in contact with her. Anyways, it's a process so I just need to ride it through! New start on Monday

[Chinafish]

Today......he initiated contact, like he does most mornings.....I was full of devilment and flirted away with him all day. This abruptly ceased at 6.30pm

 

It has left me feeling crapper than crap.

 

I just don't get what he gets from it. Surely his ego doesn't need stroking every day? he's got a girlfriend FFS.

 

oh why do I love this thoughtless, selfish *****?

[Neil123]

Today......he initiated contact, like he does most mornings.....I was full of devilment and flirted away with him all day. This abruptly ceased at 6.30pm

 

It has left me feeling crapper than crap.

 

I just don't get what he gets from it. Surely his ego doesn't need stroking every day? he's got a girlfriend FFS.

 

oh why do I love this thoughtless, selfish *****?

 

NOOOOOO. Pleaseeee block his number. Enough is seriously enough, do you not see what you're doing to yourself?

 

It's ridiculous and you don't deserve this but you're making it way too easy for him. He doesn't deserve you and now he's being insanely selfish by stringing you along even after the heartbreak. Seriously, i'd never dream of treating an ex like the way he treats you. This is not the man for you. You ARE better than him and you will find a man who is far better than him.

 

Block his number. Maybe don't even say goodbye so he thinks you're ignoring him and he gets the message. Seriously it will suck, but you need to look at the long term. Is this ever going to end and let you move on? It has to get worse to get better, but you need to take that step into the worse, or you'll be here forever. On top of that, i'm not sure this should matter but it always does with us...if his ego needs stroking every day, then you disappearing WILL affect him. It's strange that his g/f can't satisfy his ego on her own.

[Chinafish]

Aw Neil, Dyou know, when I'm texting him I think about YOU !! I think about how I'm letting you n my other hero's down. You can see it so clearly. Why can't I? I'm STILL half hoping for that elusive reconciliation, I still think he'll read one of my amazingly witty texts and think "wow, she really is the one"

 

My problem today was waking up seriously sexy. That part of our relationship was so Oscar-winning-amazing (excuse my brazen lack of modesty) I don't think I'll ever have a another physical relationship to match it.

 

If he said. "once a week, FWB" I'd take it at the moment.

 

I miss the sex, and I don't want to do it with anyone else *pouting*

[Chinafish]

OKay Neil, I'll make you a promise. Tomorrow I will not respond to him. I can't block yet, but I can get through a day if you hold my cyber hand x

[Neil123]

Aw Neil, Dyou know, when I'm texting him I think about YOU !! I think about how I'm letting you n my other hero's down. You can see it so clearly. Why can't I? I'm STILL half hoping for that elusive reconciliation, I still think he'll read one of my amazingly witty texts and think "wow, she really is the one"

 

My problem today was waking up seriously sexy. That part of our relationship was so Oscar-winning-amazing (excuse my brazen lack of modesty) I don't think I'll ever have a another physical relationship to match it.

 

If he said. "once a week, FWB" I'd take it at the moment.

 

I miss the sex, and I don't want to do it with anyone else *pouting*

 

Ha, I reckon me and my ex could have given you a run for your money. It was INCREDIBLE. Wow this totally isn't helping us! Also, i totally smiled when you called us heroes

 

Ok, just take it a day at a time for now. But keep the option of blocking in your mind and consider it. From where i'm standing, it's your best, and maybe only option. Try and prove me wrong.

[xmen777]

My problem today was waking up seriously sexy. That part of our relationship was so Oscar-winning-amazing (excuse my brazen lack of modesty) I don't think I'll ever have a another physical relationship to match it.

 

If he said. "once a week, FWB" I'd take it at the moment.

 

I miss the sex, and I don't want to do it with anyone else *pouting*

Yes I miss our physical moments too.. I've got the same feeling you have. Even though the moments weren't as often as I'd have liked.

[Chinafish]

Ug, it's horrible and rainy, I've only had a few hour sleep and I have a tequila hangover. I know I should go out for my run, just can't drag my sorry arse out of my pit.....

[Chinafish]

.....and to make matters worse ex just texted and I replied. It was a computer query so I just answered matter of factly. He's just sent me a cheeky funny thanks. It's his way of getting the ball rolling on another days back and forth. OMG!!! of course, there was no computer problem, how dumb am I???? told you I should have gone out for my run.....

[NjoyStick]

Chinafish, you should go running everytime he contacts you or when you think about him, running releases endorphins and that gives you more happy feeling ^^

Endorphin is a natural stress and pain releaver!