THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Lightning87]

Day 11...getting harder

[musicman85]

5 weeks and 2 days today... things get harder/easier but it's all so weird bc she's with the guy she left me for... I haven't heard from her since we last spoke and the day after she came to my concert... and telling me she still has feelings for me and that she wants to break up with her guy for her own reasons...

 

do i keep up NC? at this point I can't really imagine what I'd even say... like "oh hey i wasn't expecting not to hear from you after you told me you had feelings for me that you wanted to break up with your boyfriend and hang out with me, and you coming to my show showed me that you still care about me... what happened? you just decided to keep faking the rebound relationship you are in?" obviously not going to say that or anything but need to get that out

 

How does NC work when the person you love is in a relationship with someone else? When does it get easier?

[Berglynt]

when I went with my ex, she told me she didn't miss me at all!

After all these months, I mean nothing to her!

Or was she pretending? Cause I can't believe her.

 

I don't know. Was the break up bad? It is hard to say why she told you that. It is also hard to believe unless something went south really badly and she is holding a grudge over it. If not, she may be saying that to protect herself or both of you because she currently has no intentions of RC. I don't know your situation or your discussion that led to her response, so it difficult to offer an opinion on the matter.

[xmen777]

I don't know. Was the break up bad? It is hard to say why she told you that. It is also hard to believe unless something went south really badly and she is holding a grudge over it. If not, she may be saying that to protect herself or both of you because she currently has no intentions of RC. I don't know your situation or your discussion that led to her response, so it difficult to offer an opinion on the matter.

Nothing went really badly, we didn't have any argument at all. The BU was out of the blues. When it happened she told me it was nothing because of me. I didn't do anything wrong she said. It was just her. I think her fears for the future (eg having children, etc) got the worst of her.

[Confusedgirl2]

DAY #1

I'm ready, this is much needed! I promise not to respond to any emails, phone calls, text, emails or check his FB page or his friends FB Page. The only time I will is if it has to do with seperation of bills (BC we live together), getting his fridge (which should be done this week) and to meet face to face with my son to say bye and he loves him (which should be the week after next). This is going to be sooo hard; i might be in a different boat then others as I called off our wedding due to issues...ugh, very hard! I still love him just want him to stop the talk and walk the walk! Wish me luck!!!!

 

I failed, contacted him today...sent pictures of my sons first day of school....feel dumb now...ugh!!!!

[Berglynt]

Sorry that you still haven't heard from her. You can continue NC, or take a more pro-active approach to trying to get her back. I can't tell you which to take. When does it get easier? With time, and the decision for you to let her go for good. That should be when it starts getting easier. I don't think it ever will truly heal, unless the relationship was bad. Some people need more time than others, so consider that as well.

 

Sometimes NC is all it takes to get someone back, it makes them realize what you were to them, other times NC makes them think you do not care anymore and so forth. It really depends on your situation and the person involved. We all know that the main purpose for NC is not for getting an ex back, but it does play a part in it. Do what you need feel you need to do. Sometimes they need a little nudge, just don't over do it. Space out your contact attempts, at least a week apart, if you get no response. Make sure you leave a message; something friendly, vague, and will pique her interest enough to contact you, or something that brings back a good memory when you two were together. You should limit how many times you are really willing to try before giving up as well. If they never respond, then you have your answer. Just make sure you have the correct contact info.

[Berglynt]

Nothing went really badly, we didn't have any argument at all. The BU was out of the blues. When it happened she told me it was nothing because of me. I didn't do anything wrong she said. It was just her. I think her fears for the future (eg having children, etc) got the worst of her.

 

It is hard to say. It may have been that there was something that bother her or that she felt something was lacking in the relationship. It doesn't have to be something that you did, it could be something that you didn't do. Are you communicating with her now? Maybe it is time to have a friendly sit down chat with her and flesh everything out. It could also be that she is really protecting you, but I do not know your ex or your exact situation.

[Berglynt]

I failed, contacted him today...sent pictures of my sons first day of school....feel dumb now...ugh!!!!

 

Break ups are hard, NC can be very difficult depending on the situation. If NC is the best course of action for you, just get back to it and start again. Keep the negative thoughts away, especially the ones about your self. It is hard enough as is. Just work on yourself and try to heal during this time.

[musicman85]

Yeah I get what you mean. When i broke NC two weeks ago I called her, she didn't pick up the phone or respond, and I called again later that night, again no pick up or response. I felt like crap afterwards and didn't want to put myself through that again. I'm not sure what to do, part of me is saying reach out to her because when i did in the past that's when things started to change towards her coming back to me (ie her telling me she has feelings for me, wanting to break up with him, talking to me, seeing me, etc) but in the span of time of NC so far all that's happened is that she changed her profile picture to the two of them and that was two weeks ago. I'm not sure what my next steps are here, it's difficult to say what to do. Is me saying anything to her or reaching out really going to change anything? What am i hoping that I'll say something to her then she'll leave him? How would that even work.... 5 weeks and 2 days now. Is that enough time apart? Or does that even matter bc she's with someone else?

[xmen777]

It is hard to say. It may have been that there was something that bother her or that she felt something was lacking in the relationship. It doesn't have to be something that you did, it could be something that you didn't do. Are you communicating with her now? Maybe it is time to have a friendly sit down chat with her and flesh everything out. It could also be that she is really protecting you, but I do not know your ex or your exact situation.

Well she is not a very emotional person at all, not even with her parents.

No I haven't sent anything in around 9 days now. We already had the friendly chat and things were unchanged. She even didn't want me to talk about the past.

[Berglynt]

Is that enough time apart? That is hard to say. Some relationships come back after a few years, so do not wait for her.

 

I cannot see what you can possibly say to her that would make her come back. You have told her everything, yet she persists. Do not give up hope, but move on. Do this for yourself. I know it is easier said than done, but take your time and work toward it.

[Berglynt]

Well she is not a very emotional person at all, not even with her parents.

No I haven't sent anything in around 9 days now. We already had the friendly chat and things were unchanged. She even didn't want me to talk about the past.

 

Did you find out the root cause of the break up? She was the one who ended it? What reasons did she give you?

[xmen777]

Did you find out the root cause of the break up? She was the one who ended it? What reasons did she give you?

Yes she ended it.

 

at the breakup, she said there was NO REASON. After we met again as friends to have a coffee she said lack of butterfly feelings.

[Berglynt]

That means she lost the attraction she had for you. Have you changed a lot from the time you started dating? How long were you two together?

[crazyoflove]

Ok guys, this is urgent and I really need opinions. After setting that status last night, tonight she broke silence. She saw me again online and sent message 'I see you are online so just to say hello'. This was just minutes ago. Should I reply at all or just ignore it?

[Berglynt]

Ok guys, this is urgent and I really need opinions. After setting that status last night, tonight she broke silence. She saw me again online and sent message 'I see you are online so just to say hello'. This was just minutes ago. Should I reply at all or just ignore it?

 

I would just reply hello and leave it at that. Just reply if there is something to reply to. She said hello, so I see no harm in responding in kind. Think about what you need to do. I'm not familiar with your situation, but I believe in leaving a line of communication open if you want to reconcile.

[xmen777]

That means she lost the attraction she had for you. Have you changed a lot from the time you started dating? How long were you two together?

No I didn't change a lot. I lost some weight and started a new hobby. 9 months.

There were a couple of moments where she doubted her attraction and then after I kissed her etc she decided she had lots of attraction for me... also a previous breakup a couple of months before.

My doc told me she isn't a stable character. She's on prozac btw which does dampen feelings from what I read.

[g3m1nn1]

I havent posted in a while, but currently going on 3rd attempt day 16.

And its pretty good, i have to admit. I do have a question i need some advice on.

I was asked to return to my previous job position, where me and my ex worked in the same building, but at different companies. we do have some contact now, but its not initiated by me and we haven't met at work yet, since I took the position today and she didnt work today, as i know.

 

so my question would be should i tell her that i am back there working or not, since we do have some contact after the BU.

[Moonchill]

Júst broke up with my boyfriend this evening. It was a shared decision but that doesn't make it any easier. I feel like crap. I've been preparing myself for this because I saw it coming but.. it still hurts. And I feel like I was the one that was the most emotional evolved. To hear him say certain things without a lot of emotion just.. hurts.

I want him to be as hurt as I am because that would be the sign for me that the relationship was asa important to him as it was to me. That I was as important to him as he was to me. But I know his feelings will catch up to him. That's just how he is. First he has this shield of ratio and after a few weeks the emotions will hit him.

I care about him but honestly.. it might not be very mature but.. I want him to miss me. To regret he let go of me. I want him to suffer.

 

Ok well here we go.. Day..0

[Neil123]

I havent posted in a while, but currently going on 3rd attempt day 16.

And its pretty good, i have to admit. I do have a question i need some advice on.

I was asked to return to my previous job position, where me and my ex worked in the same building, but at different companies. we do have some contact now, but its not initiated by me and we haven't met at work yet, since I took the position today and she didnt work today, as i know.

 

so my question would be should i tell her that i am back there working or not, since we do have some contact after the BU.

 

Hmm what do you think? I think in this situation, it'd be common courtesy to let her know. Just make sure that it doesn't look like you've done it to be closer to her, especially if she's hoping to reconcile?

 

Maybe just a 'hey, just texting to let you know I was offered my previous position again and I decided to take it as I preferred that role. Hope you're well'

 

Maybe wait for other opinions as well, but that's what I'd do.

[crazyoflove]

Day 16

 

She broke silence yesterday with some small talk message. Decided to ignore it. It actually felt good. For first time in many weeks I felt like I have control. Maybe I should have responded but post break up memories of her saying 'I'll get back to you' in the middle of conversation and then dissapearing for 3-4 days were just too strong. It's immature and childish I know but it kinda boosted my ego and made me feel good for the first time since break up

[Neil123]

Day 4

 

Went to a day festival yesterday and then had an afterparty around mine until about 7am with about 30 people so I had a great day and night. A hot girl that I used to fancy, who's now single slept in my bed. I initiated her sleeping in my bed, but it didn't feel right so I didn't make a move. Some people say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone...hmm I'm not sure if that's right for me.

 

 

I really regret calling her the other day for the first time in 4 weeks. She sounded genuinely happy without me and i don't think it was a front. Though i'm not surprised, she's beautiful and cool and I think she's enjoying the excitement and freedom to date exciting guys and party all she wants to. She also dismissed reconciling quickly and sharply when I mentioned it.

Though she did say she still loves me and misses me, that "it just wasn't our time", that "we shouldn't get back together soon" which was quickly corrected to "she's not thinking about ever getting back together currently" and finally that she's overruling her heart with her head (she has a very stubborn head!!).

 

She tried to over rule her heart with her head before we got together but eventually she caved after a whole year of mutual heartbreak, said that the guys she was dating ''just weren't me'' and fell in love with me. I'm thinking once again, it's down to the luck of if she meets the dream guy that both her heart and head accept so she can move on.

 

She was nowhere near a perfect g/f, but part of me wants her back one day. My heart saw our break up as a wake up call to try harder and communicate more, her head says it has to be final. It doesn't help that her best friend was in a toxic relationship with her first love and they reconciled several times to amount to nothing either, which was referenced a lot when we broke up.

Not really sure how to approach it...I just need to let her spread her wings and hope her heart brings her back right? Hopefully her heart will come into play more when the summer excitement fades and those dark winter nights return...and in the mean time just keep focusing on myself?

 

I'd LOVE some opinions, haven't had any in ages. I feel neglected What's your experiences of heart vs head?

[Neil123]

I'm sure he will hurt. Supposedly guys typically bottle it up and then it hits them later. I couldn't tell you as my emotions are strangely very feminine.

 

It's also ok to want him to miss you. We all do. That's just your shattered ego talking. Every human longs to feel important and knowing they miss you gives you your fix. But just don't obsess over it. It's YOU time now, so do other things that make you feel better and more 'important'. Work out, get a hobby etc. I see my break up as at the very least a HUGE learning experience and a hump on the road to emotional maturity, so I quite enjoy scouring the forums to read other people's experience and solutions.

[Iceman93]

Day3 she texted me and asked hows school going. I was strong and didnt reply but now i feel bad

[g3m1nn1]

Hmm what do you think? I think in this situation, it'd be common courtesy to let her know. Just make sure that it doesn't look like you've done it to be closer to her, especially if she's hoping to reconcile?

 

Maybe just a 'hey, just texting to let you know I was offered my previous position again and I decided to take it as I preferred that role. Hope you're well'

 

Maybe wait for other opinions as well, but that's what I'd do.

 

I didnt do it to be close to her, the first thought was that I need a new job, so a decision to take it came from there.

 

As for telling her, I dont know.

 

On one hand i would let her know, since she also told me some stuff about her situation at work when we had contact a a month or so ago and when we do talk its good talks, but on the other hand, we are not together anymore so i dont think it concerns her, she probably already knows from a friend of hers who also works there.

 

I really dont know.