THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[crazyoflove]

Aaaargh!!!!! day 3, so I've ignored saturdays text, Sunday's text and now I'm trying to ignore an email I just received. I can't do it. I'm going to have to reply. I will be brief, polite, and dismissing......

 

TRouble is I know I'll feel Crap after I do and ill feel crap if I don't.

 

Just as I was typing here she texts me with her usual "do you have a moment" opening line. She uses this one every time after long periods of silence. I nearly replied like I usually do but I think I will not this time. As much as I want to, the thought of having hope and then getting dissapointed again kills me.

[notahero]

Aaaargh!!!!! day 3, so I've ignored saturdays text, Sunday's text and now I'm trying to ignore an email I just received. I can't do it. I'm going to have to reply. I will be brief, polite, and dismissing......

 

TRouble is I know I'll feel Crap after I do and ill feel crap if I don't.

 

Don't do it! You give them an inch, they will take a mile.

 

Keep strong, don't log at all, and turn off that phone!

[Chinafish]

SO I replied, he now knows what I'm doing, where, with whom. BOLLOCKS. and now I'm back to getting silence. Mad with myself for submitting - I'm about as mysterious as a cup of tea. NOT THAT I WANT HIM BACK you understand.....lol...

 

Sorry NaH, feel as if I've let us both down

[Neil123]

SO I replied, he now knows what I'm doing, where, with whom. BOLLOCKS. and now I'm back to getting silence. Mad with myself for submitting - I'm about as mysterious as a cup of tea. NOT THAT I WANT HIM BACK you understand.....lol...

 

Sorry NaH, feel as if I've let us both down

 

Please please PLEASE block his number and email address. PLEASE.

 

It's obviously annoying when you want to message him or hear from him, but that's the point...YOU CAN'T.

 

IF he does decide that he wants you back and he's serious about it, he will come and find you. He seems like the selfish type to not care about your healing anyway...so he will just turn up for his own benefit.

 

Besides, what are you actually achieving? The more you give in and reply, the more he knows you're there. Once again, IF he does come running back, which seems unlikely, then what will the relationship be like? He will hold all the cards and power because of how you're giving in. I pleaded with my ex to take me back and wow i'm happy she didn't. I would have been her b*tch until once again I couldn't take anymore.

 

Please just block him, and move on. Take it one day at a time. It will be so hard at first but it get's easier. I'm on day 16 and I feel 10000x better and it's really given me the space to look back on everything wrong with my relationship. Even after hearing she's ready to start dating, i'm ok about it and i thought it'd tear me apart. Please just block him, we're all here to help you along the way!

[notahero]

Show him you are independent and strong, that you don't need him to live. Prove this to him and he'll understand he made a mistake over time and that you were the one that "got away". It's okay this is hard for both of us, but we have to stand by our choices in order to show how strong we are. I'm sick of being the doormat.

[SoulSilver]

Day 8

 

I don't think I ever changed my mood so many times in 1 day ...

 

It started out with thinking about us together . then I let that thought go and was really calm all day long , I'm not tempted to contact her in any way as there is nothing I can say to change her mind and peaking at her life isn't going to make me feel well . I really decided that all I can do is be myself and live my life , and either she comes back , and we rebuild something new . or I will meet someone better it has always been this way . and I'm a great guy and dealt with this situation nicely so everything is possible . so things will be o.k

 

Later on this day I realized that I'm going to get a package from ebay soon . a friend of mine needed my help to buy a few stuff online , one of them being a necklass. and I agreed with the condition that I will buy another one for my gf , who would definitely like it . we were already in a bad period then and all i said was "fact I'm buying it , means that things will work out " and now , it's not that clear ...and I don'thave any idea what to do with it when I get it ... and the thought kinda broke me down for the first time since the breakup .

 

Then , bam , another mood shift . aperantly some convention I planned going to (that she is going to attend as well) is not next week as I thought ...but this one! I am really nervous now , in a good way . I planned on hanging out there , having fun , staying cool if I see her , just telling her Hi and move on without giving to much attention to her , and maybe be seen hanging around with some girls . I know it's "wrong" and could blow up on my face but I can't help it I know that if she still has any feelings for me , then a bit jelaousy could really bring them out , and since we are LDR this might be the only chance . besides it will show her that I am moving on . which , I really do . as there is a high possibility that I could meet someone else there

[Neil123]

Day 16

 

Still feeling a bit down after last night. Like I said, it really is a rollercoaster. I'm not too bad though, just a bit solemn.

 

The human mind astounds me. I've accepted that we wouldn't work at the moment and that she'd have to change as well for it to work, but I still feel sad about it. The thought of another man making her laugh and her flirting back absolutely destroys me. Why is the human ego just so needy and insecure that even if we accept it won't work, it still hurts that they may not love us one day?

 

I don't get it. My needy side wants her back, but my rational side knows it won't work and that i have work to do on myself before I have another meaningful relationship. Today i'm just a bit sad and wondering if she's thinking of me, but fortunately i'm a million miles away from wanting to contact her. I will not give in. 16 days have passed and I feel sooo much better than Day 1!

[Chinafish]

Brilliant Neil, well done and thank you for giving me a stern talking to

I'll start all over again tomorrow

[notahero]

Day 2: Ending

 

There were times when I wanted to turn on my messenger in hopes of my ex contacting me. I didn't give in. There were times when I cried just thinking about the future that we could have had together. I still didn't give in. This is really a hell of a roller coaster to ride on and I'm trying to keep it up. It just hurts that something so beautiful we've made together is now completely destroyed because of insecurities and fears.

 

I am definitely thinking of my ex less and less and now these are just memories that haunt me. I'll keep on going on this new path.

 

Keep it up everyone...

[Chinafish]

NaH, do I really look weak by replying? I can't help thinking blocking him makes it look like I care more. I'm just answering his questions - not immediately however. It does bug me but I don't want to turn around after 4 months and tell him it's too hard for me to deal with, I'd rather he thought I couldn't give a damn.

 

And yes, I do know no contact is for my benefit. He's part of my social circle, it's a small town, and as long as I live here, I'm gonna run into him. I'd just rather maintain a loose friendship so that running into him isn't a big deal.

 

Maybe I don't express myself well enough, or maybe I'm just giving myself excuses. Maybe I need a slap, OneDay owes me I good kicking

 

PS, Soul....I'll have the necklace, that's one problem solved x

[xmen777]

After yesterday's message recalling old times between us, I didn't get an answer back before today.. Answer was quite jolly and positive. I'm not sure but I keep hoping. Today I started to think a bit less about her. I hope I manage.

I'm starting NC again today but might interrupt for an email tomorrow... not sure.

[notahero]

NaH, do I really look weak by replying? I can't help thinking blocking him makes it look like I care more. I'm just answering his questions - not immediately however. It does bug me but I don't want to turn around after 4 months and tell him it's too hard for me to deal with, I'd rather he thought I couldn't give a damn.

 

And yes, I do know no contact is for my benefit. He's part of my social circle, it's a small town, and as long as I live here, I'm gonna run into him. I'd just rather maintain a loose friendship so that running into him isn't a big deal.

 

Maybe I don't express myself well enough, or maybe I'm just giving myself excuses. Maybe I need a slap, OneDay owes me I good kicking

 

PS, Soul....I'll have the necklace, that's one problem solved x

 

Well it depends on what you want out of this, as Neil has already said. For example, I want to actually move on from this mess so I'm taking NC as seriously as possible. I just don't want to meet someone new and still have feelings for my ex because it wouldn't be fair having that extra baggage. My ex had that sort of baggage that I just completely ignored. Just to give you an idea, we dated immediately after they had broken up, I'm saying within a week. Big mistake, right? Now I'm in that exact situation...

 

If you want to get him out of your life completely then doing NC is really a strong message. Even if it's a small town you can live your own independent life. Allowing him to just come in and out of your life like this is totally unacceptable, in my view, because he can just come and go as he pleases, to check up on you from time to time, while you sit there waiting. He knows you still have feelings for him and it gives him an ego boost whenever you reply.

 

It's still up to you, just my two cents.

[Neil123]

NaH, do I really look weak by replying? I can't help thinking blocking him makes it look like I care more. I'm just answering his questions - not immediately however. It does bug me but I don't want to turn around after 4 months and tell him it's too hard for me to deal with, I'd rather he thought I couldn't give a damn.

 

And yes, I do know no contact is for my benefit. He's part of my social circle, it's a small town, and as long as I live here, I'm gonna run into him. I'd just rather maintain a loose friendship so that running into him isn't a big deal.

 

Maybe I don't express myself well enough, or maybe I'm just giving myself excuses. Maybe I need a slap, OneDay owes me I good kicking

 

PS, Soul....I'll have the necklace, that's one problem solved x

 

It certainly doesn't look weak. It will only look weak if you block him and then unblock him, so that's just not an option. At times I want to unblock and contact my ex, but i know it'd be shameful so I don't. As the feeling passes I am so relieved that I just couldn't and didn't make that mistake.

 

Think about if the shoe was on the other foot. If you knew he still wanted you, you'd think he was stronger if he just blocked you out of his life, rather than responding to all your messages. Nonchalance only works if they don't know you're still into them! So blocking him and acting nonchalant at social events is the best way to go. My ex lives local and is in the same circle as well and that's the route i'm taking.

[kam]

Day 5 + 6

 

Good morning guys, I didn't reply the past couple of days because I spent the week playing Batman: Arkham City, Game of the Year Edition.

 

Video games are good resources to distract your mind from reality.

 

Stay strong guys.

[SoulSilver]

PS, Soul....I'll have the necklace, that's one problem solved x

 

Haha forget about it it's a panda one btw , and I still think that it's gonna prove as useful some day ...

 

Anyway quick update . another mood shift... now , angry , dunno why . but things are unfolding in a very good way . some girl (whos kinda cute) just asked me to hang out with her at the convention . so my plan is working out naturally without me needing to really "act" or force anything

 

And I just find it amazing how people come t your life to do a certain role . and how every day since the breakup , I wrote in a journal for myself how I should deal with things , a kind of ...self guidance . and so far , everything I wrote is becoming a reality . and everytime it becomes part of me , I rip out those pages and throw them away .

[Berglynt]

NaH, do I really look weak by replying? I can't help thinking blocking him makes it look like I care more. I'm just answering his questions - not immediately however. It does bug me but I don't want to turn around after 4 months and tell him it's too hard for me to deal with, I'd rather he thought I couldn't give a damn.

 

And yes, I do know no contact is for my benefit. He's part of my social circle, it's a small town, and as long as I live here, I'm gonna run into him. I'd just rather maintain a loose friendship so that running into him isn't a big deal.

 

Maybe I don't express myself well enough, or maybe I'm just giving myself excuses. Maybe I need a slap, OneDay owes me I good kicking

 

PS, Soul....I'll have the necklace, that's one problem solved x

 

Depending on what you are trying to do exactly. Since you are in this forum, you should definitely reply. Do not immediately reply to his text,take a few hours, or a day. Keep your answers short and direct. If he is not actually asking you a question, you have no need to reply.

[notahero]

Haha forget about it it's a panda one btw , and I still think that it's gonna prove as useful some day ...

 

Anyway quick update . another mood shift... now , angry , dunno why . but things are unfolding in a very good way . some girl (whos kinda cute) just asked me to hang out with her at the convention . so my plan is working out naturally without me needing to really "act" or force anything

 

And I just find it amazing how people come t your life to do a certain role . and how every day since the breakup , I wrote in a journal for myself how I should deal with things , a kind of ...self guidance . and so far , everything I wrote is becoming a reality . and everytime it becomes part of me , I rip out those pages and throw them away .

 

Thanks for the idea SoulSilver. I too started a journal but it still focuses on the negative things that has happened. Now, I think it's time I should start writing about what good things can come out and hopefully be part of my life in the future.

[SoulSilver]

Thanks for the idea SoulSilver. I too started a journal but it still focuses on the negative things that has happened. Now, I think it's time I should start writing about what good things can come out and hopefully be part of my life in the future.

 

This is exactly what you should have been doing going round and roung in the nergative things is not very productive ...

[Neil123]

Ah bloody hell...still on a downer. Seriously what the hell is going on. I made a huge realisation yesterday but today i've really been missing her.

 

If I hadn't deleted her contact details, I'd definitely message her right now! But i know as soon as i'm feeling better, i'd regret it so it's lucky I don't. So those who haven't deleted yet please take note of how it's better this way!

 

I miss her and I know she misses me. But I also know that she has boys pursuing her and they're probably very good looking 'cool' models. She always said that all the models she met were d*cks and weren't her type but maybe it's different now. Obviously she doesn't love them like me, but she may fancy them. She's probably talking to them regularly while she's lonely and enjoying it. I'm scared she's gonna get over me alot quicker because of this! Hopefully she's thinking they're not so great compared to me rather than than being better!

 

I understand she was ready to move on and start dating, but it's a completely different think to then start dating, see that the grass can be greener and actually move on. Once she makes this step, it's going to destroy me.

Is it better to talk to other girls/guys and date quickly after a break up or not? Is it going to help her move on quicker or not?

 

It's mad, i was so positive and accepting yesterday but today i'm a bit panicky and needy again. This really is a rollercoaster!

[Roundabout]

Falling down the same path, but making some progress

 

I've come to realize I need NC to move on, before I thought the daily texting might bring her back, but its just satisfying her needs and not mine. After 6 weeks she said "I love you" and "still feel connected to you" which gave me far too much hope. So yesterday I took the plunge and said that she has two options, either start over and make the effort to see if things can work or stop contacting me. It felt terrible typing that, still does, but I've now got the upperhand and will get whats best as time unfolds. If its meant to be she will take the time, if not I will be able to move on easier.

 

So tough

[GrowingUp85]

Is it better to talk to other girls/guys and date quickly after a break up or not? Is it going to help her move on quicker or not?

 

I think it's good to start talking/flirting with other guys/girls after a breakup. It's good to know that there are other people out there who are single, attractive, and can make you happy. It will definitely help both you (and her) move on quicker. Whether or not you're ready to date is up to that person. So people grow quicker than others, so they're able to date quicker than those of us who have a fixed mindset.

 

Today is the end of day 9. Today was super tough for some reason. I thought about her alot and really wanted to contact her. To those of you who have been in contact with your ex'es, I can't help but say I'm somewhat jealous. My ex dumped me, then went NC immediately. I haven't been in contact with her at all since. I got her to reply to one, desperate, needy email, but that was it. I even went crazy one night and called her 20 times, only to have her friend answer and ask if everything was alright and tell me to stop calling. She obviously didn't appreciate that, and now I'm scared about how far I've pushed her away.

 

I really wish I could have the opportunity to talk to her, tell her what I've learned, and find out how she's doing. But I'm not sure I'll ever get that opportunity. In the 4 months since BU, I haven't been able to make it more than 2 weeks without contacting her. I hope that this time I can make it much longer. Talking about my issues here helps alot.

[notahero]

Day 3: Starting

 

Ex sending signals to re-open lines of communication. Probably realizing I am going for good or needs my attention. This is really getting harder. I was so close to breaking contact last night, but I held on to the little strength I had. It takes more effort to get me to talk after this mess. I'm worth more than that.

 

Update:

 

Panic mode. Wow this is gonna be a long day.

[crazyoflove]

Day 1

 

I broke no contact yesterday as she said she wanted to talk about us. It turned out she is still confused and wants us to be apart so I regretted. Feel that it is really over this time and I really miss her. On top of it a personalised song which I ordered to be written for her as a gift for our anniversary was delivered to me today. I am really tempted to send it to her.

[notahero]

Update Day 3

 

Was so close to contacting ex again. I stopped myself and instead wrote it on a piece of paper. Mood swings today. I kind of feel sorry for my ex.

[Neil123]

Day 17

 

Sigh. No idea what happened yesterday but i'm back on course today.

 

Once again for those that aren't doing too well with NC (Chinafish, NaH) please look at how it's worked out for me. I had a baddddd day yesterday and wanted to message her. I wake up this morning alot better and I'm soooo relieved I didn't because I COULDN'T....and I'm now on Day 17 Delete, delete, delete!

 

Anyways, I just wrote a short essay note on my iphone of my thoughts about her so I can read it when I feel weak. It basically just says what i feel her faults were and that i deserve better. She essentially did nothing for me. Rarely did anything thoughtful and never went the extra mile for me whereas I always did for her. I never shyed away from meeting her friends/family whereas she never did that for me. For some reason I thought her being in love with me was enough, but it isn't. The fact that that was enough for a year shows that i was obviously quite insecure and needed it. I need to get over that need to be loved because I deserve more than just being loved in return.