mickgriddle

I've failed to keep up no contact. I broke it on day 18. Here's the email I sent her yesterday after I found out she blocked me. Are all hopes for a future friendship blown because I sent this? I feel like a total bonehead for letting her know my feelings and how it was affecting me, making me look unhealed and weak. As expected, me putting this out there has left me looking for an email response for the past 24 hours, and I know she checks her email often. "Hey (name), My apologies for contacting you sooner than our agreed-upon time later this month, but I feel like I should clear any confusion about facebook, more specifically, being blocked. I actually mentioned that to (mutual friend) today and she told me how you had asked her yesterday if I had deleted you. I didn't, but I recently deactivated my page a few days ago because it was making it hard for me to heal from our break up. Yeah, maybe not the best move. Now, I may come accross as weak or slightly creeper-ish for saying this, but I found myself checking your profile, and the reminders of your activity on my news feed effectively kept me from healing on my own. Every time I saw your name come up I would feel paralyzed and have palpitations (nothing against you, it's just how my body deals with loss). I think staying friends on facebook up until now sort of contradicted our no-talk agreement because FB is a form of contact. But I didn't want to unfriend or block you because I thought it might hurt you, so I simply deactivated it. I hope you didn't take it personally, that's not what I want for you. I had to log back on yesterday to message a friend, but I had a weak moment and tried looking for you and that's when I noticed you weren't there. I just wanted to let you know about this, that I was never angry nor do I use something silly like facebook to get back at people. I think continuing no contact will be good for the time being. You can leave me blocked for now because honestly it's better for me. Maybe we can start over for this month and talk again the first week of September and see where we are. Does that sound alright to you? I'm glad we were able to leave things on a positive note, and I hope we can keep it that way. Hope you're doing well, (me)"

Well SoulSilver, you're right about fully cutting myself off from her. I couldn't control myself from looking at her profile, I didn't feel like defriending or blocking her because that seemed petty or spiteful. I found out just now that she took the initiative and blocked me from facebook (I asked my brother if he could still see her profile) and I immediately felt like ****. Maybe she has the best intentions in mind. She was definitely able to see my activity up till now, so she likely did it to keep the reminders from coming up, but I didn't interact with her at all. Now I feel resentful and the competitive side of me wished that I had done the blocking first, to keep my ego up or something. Jeez, I haven't felt the slightest bit of anger throughout this period of NC until now, I just want to ask her "why did you block me on facebook?!"

The mornings are the worst for me. Lately, I would go to bed with a feeling of contentment and acceptance over what happened (it's been almost 3 weeks) and I just look ahead to doing my own thing in the future. But then I have a dream or two about her and I wake up at 6 or 7 and I feel just as desperate and bereft as I did immediately after the break up. I know I'll have some backsliding during my healing, but I sure feel crummy this morning. I miss the good morning texts and asking about each other's dreams, and then wishing them a good day as I get ready. Does anyone else have a specific time of day/week that is particularly hard to get through?

I suppose you're right, but I haven't got the self-control to stop from wondering about facebook and other details, which is why I deactivated. I could cut clean and delete her altogether, but something keeps me from doing it. I'd feel as if I were making the whole situation negative and petty instead of just being indifferent, which is my end goal: to not care so much. She said she wants to be friends, and offered the period of NC, which I think is necessary. That way we have something quantifiable to work with, no guessing or pining. What happens at the end of that time period is up in the air, since I will try not to contact her. I don't think she entirely knows what she's doing considering this is the first time she has broken up with someone, but then again, I'm just as new to this too. I do want her friendship, like we were before dating. Am I still in love with her? Yes, but I can feel it fading day by day. I understand some people are deathly afraid of the "friend zone", but it sounds like a sense of false pride and black-and-white thinking to me. Take a look at my story here.

Hey Soul, thanks for the advice, I actually decided to temporarily deactivate my account since I've been spending too much time on FB anyway (cause I'm bored), and I will be starting grad school and work in a week and I think it's best if I leave the facebook factor out of the picture. We agreed on a set period of NC, after which either one of us can reinitiate contact, presumably without expectations of getting back together. If I still feel unhealed by that date, I was thinking of PM'ing her as well like you did, saying that I'll be blocking her to e able to move on and one day we can talk as friends. Does that seem necessary? I've learned in the past to never post ambiguous or accusatory status updates lol, so that shouldn't be a problem. It just bothered me to see her bounce right back and write on her status about how awesome her life is at the moment, what gives?

Hey Neil, thanks for the advice, but I don't think it's a question of who has power over the other. As far as I'm concerned, we're simply coexisting on social media with no conscious intent of making one feel more powerful over the other (the breakup was on friendly terms, and she doesn't play games). I almost want to update her and let her know that I'll be blocking her temporarily for myself, and opening it back up when I feel indifferent. I'm just involuntarily mulling over her effusive status updates, which might be unrelated to the breakup. I can't help but to feel bad about myself when she is somehow "so stoked about life" only three weeks since she decided to make the split.

So I've gotten some good advice from a few members on this thread. I know what I'm about to say will come accross as flagrant rejection of that advice, but here goes. I think it's a bit extreme or unnecessary to delete her from my FB friends list. If you're wondering, I'm slowly starting to lessen the urges to just check my ex's FB profile, but I still see a few updates here and there. No pictures with new guys, no spiteful or sad remarks on her statuses against me, but she's been saying innocuous positive statements like "I'm so stoked for life right now!" and "I'm on top of the world", etc. and her friends are liking it/being supportive. It hits me close to home to read those things, I don't know why, but in the past I have gotten annoyed when people (including her) are overtly happy and fawning. Its like she is utterly liberated from our old relationship and happy as can be despite there not being any serious problems (like abuse or infidelity) that would've caused her to run.

Does liking a single story on her facebook wall count as breaking contact? It's been 5 days post-break up, and I've been good with no texting/calling/messaging or whatever. Haven't even asked her close friends about her because I know that kind of stuff will come back to bite you. However, I got a sentimental moment and checked out her profile and "liked" a single update on how she changed her profile picture to one of a really cool photo from a past trip that she shared with me previously. I hope she doesn't take that as me reaching out to her. Eh, it'll probably serve me better to not even peep in the first place.