THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[transmit]

Day 29

Great weekend with friends. Suddenly it's summer and there's so much to do.

[tothecoast]

wow, transmit, i'm jealous of you. i feel like summer is lovers' season, and i suddenly don't have one. you're 12 days ahead of me...share some wisdom?

[martyfarty]

day 13.

 

today was sami hard to get over. i tried my best to do things differently from what her and i use to do. at the end of the night i met an old high school friend who's cousin was totally cute. i guess we'll see how it goes. as for yesterday, i went with a home girl to watch Russell peters here in vegas. it was fun. i also ran into another home girl which brought up her name....ehhhh..... fml

[trishlove]

Day 9

 

I'm in hell. Just when I thought I was breezing through this challenge, he texted AGAIN. This time asking stuff.

"Are you still awake?"

"Are you at your place?"

"When are you coming back in town?"

"I miss you."

 

And the final blow of the combo, an hour after he sent all the breadcrumbs: "I love you. I miss you. Good night."

 

Oh my dear what a pain in the gut. All those breadcrumbs while he's currently in a rebound relationship with the other woman. I don't know what he wants. I don't know what to say. I'm struggling not to reply. Oh dear, what am I supposed to do now...

[transmit]

wow, transmit, i'm jealous of you. i feel like summer is lovers' season, and i suddenly don't have one. you're 12 days ahead of me...share some wisdom?

 

I wrote a little about my experience earlier in the thread, if it helps..

 

 

Don't get discouraged. 12 days is a long time for someone who's struggling every day! You're going to feel better. Don't force it or adhere to a timeline of ways you're "supposed" to be. Just let yourself heal at your own pace.

[transmit]

trishlove: ugh that sounds horrible. At least you recognize it for what it is: a bunch of breadcrumbs. Stay strong.

[trishlove]

trasmit: Yes it's so horrible. I was going through this challenge like a breeze and he suddenly worms back into my life like the pest he is. Sometimes I don't know what to believe anymore.

 

Day 10

 

Felt horrible for a while. Been smoking more, but no drinking. Ugh. This sucks.

[itsjustSafi]

Starting today!

 

I had broke NC so many times. I need to stop. I'm not giving him a chance to miss me. We broke up exactly 16 days ago because he felt empty and needed to sort his life out and didn't want to keep me around "on hold". I felt devastated. I still feel devastated. Mainly because we had a wonderful relationship. We do not have one bad memory. We have unbelievably amazing chemistry, we had great dates together, and we were always there for each other. At a time we both questioned ourselves if we were ever in love before meeting, cause it just felt that great and true. Well its been 16 days since the break up and I have not stopped crying, mainly during the mornings. I just cant seem to let him go, something more powerful than me just keeps believing we are meant to be. During these 16 days I have been talking to other guys, going out to the movies with friends, I changed my look, I keep working, I have exercised, etc. I've tried everything to keep my mind of what has happened. But at the end of the day, I still feel that emptiness, since we were very close. Hopefully after joining this forum today, I will be able to keep up with the NC challenge. I have deactivated my Facebook yesterday, and I haven't posted in twitter since the breakup. I hope this works not only to hopefully get him back, but hopefully so I can focus fully on my life without feeling that emptiness I feel now.

[transmit]

back to Day 1. Ran into him in a cafe. No conversation, just pleasantries. It made my heart race and I didn't like it at all.

[ASHAN4U]

~ DAY 4...again :stupid:

 

Yep I had myself in a tizzy on Friday trying to pack for the beach and I couldnt find my carry bag...so the last place I could think was in HIS truck...so yeah (stupid me) text him and asked if he could look for me. Well it was a day later he responded that he did not have it. Ha...I ended up finding it...again stupid me. Well here is day 4 AND I'm doing phenomonal...in fact....he text me last night and I DID NOT RESPOND...yay me!!!!!

 

So here is a question...you're dating someone and they introduce you to some friends of his/hers and you become really good friends with them too over the time you dated. Not just seeing them once a month thing but seeing them like once a week if not more. So you break up and you remain friends with the people he/she introduced you too....what do you do? Because I hung out with the friends that he introduced me to all weekend and he caught wind of yesterday and flew off the handle via text saying "why you make sh*t weird, that's MY people * * * " and then said I look like a moron and told me to back away from his friends. I did not respond to any of it. So what would you do in this situation? Her andI have become really good friends and I don't want to lose that b/c he has his panties in wad.

 

Anyway...this just validates why I am not with him...thank goodness I don't feel like I want him back anymore!

[martyfarty]

day 15

 

i slept all day yesterday. not sure if it was the flu, or a hang over. i barely got my butt out of bed to come to work--although i got here 2 hours late. trucking forward.... a lot of hot flashes last night. but stayed strong

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 40

I seem to have about a 30 minute struggle with myself once a day or every other day but I am managing to talk myself out of it with very good reasons and I do feel the longer nc is the better I am getting I want to be happy and I'm really trying to move on with my life and knowing that I want to be happy and that he is not the one who is going to bring this to me is a really good step in the right direction I feel I'm not waiting for him any more I also think a lot of the reason why it's hard is because the ego is bruised and I start thinking 'how could he not be talking to me?' and that really hurts my ego...my sister and I decided to imagine that our ego was like a little ewok, cuddly teddy bear and whenever we felt like that we would imagine cuddling it up in a blanket and being really sweet to it...sounds weird but it actually really works haha!

[ClarityCoast]

I had an interesting "event" in my NC journey that I wanted to share...largely to get it off my chest...

 

30 Days came and went...and the anger intensified....how he just "discarded" me, invalidated our past, etc....

So on the morning of Day 32, last Friday, I commit with every fiber of my body that *I'M* going to block and erase every modality of contact because I know consciously and subconsciously I am keeping them open in hopes of his return...and it is only hindering my letting go.

 

Mobile, email, all...

 

I decide to start with Facebook. Block him.

I get to his page to block, fuming mad and determined...and I decide that for "one last time" I will scan through his page (we are not Friends, so its minimal information)....

And that's when I see that just 20 minutes earlier he had made a "public" post of a very little-known song/band that I had introduced him to months ago.

The song is called "Home" and I must have played it for him a dozen times when we were together. Its my favorite.

 

And there it was. On his page. Intentionally made public.

And then...all my defenses caved. I couldn't do it. I lost all my anger and determination. Crumbled.

 

A few hours later it was gone...replaced by another public post...this time a picture of the dog we got together as a last-ditch effort to "save" our relationship. It was a picture of the dog's "birthday party" and presents. Which meant it marked a year since we broke up. The "public" nature and subject of the post...to me...was obvious.

 

And my defenses crumbled further.

 

Largely, I'm very frustrated with myself for checking at all. I'm frustrated that my "determination" was so quickly defeated!!

I have NOT broken NC nor do I EVER intend to. If he has something to say, he will have to be the first to say it. I'm not getting on that rollercoaster again and even 35 days is not long enough to heal...

 

However, if his motive was to get my head spinning...boy did it work.....

[tothecoast]

25 days since BU, 19 days NC. This weekend was the worst I've had yet. I'm a mess these days. Feel like the road ahead is so long and hard. F-buddy cancelled on me, so that was an added blow to my ego. I just feel like crap. I don't dare to hope that it will get easier soon...but I do hope that some good things will come along in my life to counterbalance this incredible pain, because I feel like I'm crumbling. Dreading next weekend already.

[trishlove]

Day 11

 

Feeling like crap as of the moment.

 

I did feel better a while ago. I talked to a mutual friend of ours and he has been laughing his butt off at how pathetic he thinks my ex is. "The other woman looks like a horse! I wonder how he can make love to that!" I asked him if she really was THAT ugly, he said, "Hell yeah, she'd be pretty if the lights are turned off!"

 

Ah well...Way to go making himself look like a clown.

[clarkyyeah]

Day 13 or 14 im not sure i stopped coming on here for a little while, i did break the no contact rule yesterday by looking at his facebook profile, but i havent contacted him at all. I have been great the past few days, well since i went complete no contact but today im feeling a little emotional, and keep asking myself why? Thats all i really wanna know, why? Why did he do that to me and how did he do it without caring? All i want is to know why and for him to say sorry, then i could know he at least cared, he's never coming back and im never getting a sorry for what he did, like he said when he left for someone else ' Ive got nothing to be sorry for, what im only making myself happy for once'.

 

Im sorry we have our ups and downs after the break ups, this must be a down day

[transmit]

Day 2

Yesterday and today have been rough. Seeing him in public reawakened all kinds of anxiety. I'm not back at square one, though - far from it. Just gotta push through to the next week when I take my trip.

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 41 - longest nc today! I'm going to make it this time I joined an online dating site and although it's early days it's not all that encouraging. No one seems to really perk up my interest but I guess there are always going to be difficulties with online dating and in real life. I just have to keep reminding myself not to dwell in old memories and stay in the past. I'm moving on, I'm on my way

[tothecoast]

25 days since BU, 20 days NC. Felt awful today, but at least a tiny bit better than yesterday...so I guess that's all I can hope for. Starting to worry about what will happen to our many mutual friendships, as I'm realizing that any contact with someone who's in contact with her sends me reeling.

 

Am I crazy? Weak? Is this normal? I feel so stupid for being unable to deal...but literally, spending any time with people who are also spending time with her sets me back so bad...

[martyfarty]

day 16:

 

my body is starting to get use to this pain. i'm starting to see it as a bump that i have to get over. i find myself starting to get back into my grove every once in a while instead of slacking off all the time. i still do the whole sad songs, sad movies, self improvement books, but i'm starting to focus on my business again (60 slacking/40). i found myself re-organzing and cleaning today.

[transmit]

Day 3

Feeling better. I think I'm in kind of a funk because I injured myself (minorly) and can't work out. Keeping busy and having fun in other ways though.

[ASHAN4U]

~ DAY 6

 

I don't want him back anymore...

 

I think it's the whole "they don't want you, so you want them more" kinda thing. I'm over that and things are more clearer. Yes, I do miss things we did together BUT I don't miss the way he treated me. I could eventually be his friend at some point but right now it's him that is so hostile towards me and I really didnt do anything wrong except break up something that was already broken on his end. It didn't take him long to find someone else (2 days) AND he even said "I wasn't happy and hadn't been for awhile". Yeah so, I saved him from being the bad guy and ended the relationship so he didnt have to when all along he wasn't happy.

 

I start therapy tonight to help with some of my core issues and hopefully in time meet someone that is wholesome and worthy and not a train wreck like he was. What was I thinking!!! lol

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 42 - Stupidly looked at his profile...he'd posted two pictures of himself wearing what he will be wearing for Summer ball....although the hat and shoes looked utterly ridiculous the suit looked good, I wish I wasn't attracted to him!!! I do wonder if I'll ever meet anyone I find as attractive as him...it's his whole personality combined too, he's all wacky and different from everyone else but he doesn't care about me any more at all!!! I wish I'd never been with him in the first place...I really wish I'd never met him.

[trishlove]

Day 12

 

Been texting my new FWB a lot. I'm gonna meet him this Monday. Sweet! The novelty of it is so exciting.

 

Went out to party with some high school friends. While I was nodding my head to the music (in a drunken daze) I realized that life is good with or without my ex. I actually had a lot of fun and laughs. Drunk texting my FWB made it so much better!

 

Day 1 (UGH)

 

Just got back in town from my long vacation. Though I didn't text my ex about it, he already knew two months ago that I'd be back home by the first day of June. He showed up at my place unexpectedly, which surprised me. We had a long talk, and I made sure we had no sex at all.

 

He has no idea what to do with his life. He couldn't let go of me, but he feels "trapped" with his rebound. Yeah right, trapped. He said he still loves me, but he's confused. He told me he knows his situation isn't good at all, and that he's actually waiting for his own karma. I just kept nodding my head like an idiot. He offered to meet up with me again this Wednesday, and that by then he already has a decision. I didn't have any problem with it.

 

I told him that if he chose not to get back with me, then it's best we don't see each other anymore after that, and that we should cut all sorts of communication. He agreed, but he said, "Please be there for me." I told him that if he chose to let go of me, then I must let go of him as well.

 

I guess the next time I'll reenter this challenge is by Wednesday, if he chose to walk away. In the mean time, I'm gonna have some fun loving with my FWB this Monday.

[transmit]

Day 4

Dull hum of thoughts about him this week, all from running into him. I wonder if he had the same reaction. It's not upsetting me but I hope to get past it soon. My impulses to wonder flare up so easily.