THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[elephants]

hey, love1336

 

i know using no contact is for us to find ourselves, but is it okay to use NC for a 'break' reason? that way we can have time to heal and to miss each-other?

 

 

Hi marty, I think most dumpees do NC for both reasons at first. It's not humanly possible to just let go of hope. I'm keeping my fingers crossed though that, over time, I will be able to shed hope little by little.

[elephants]

Day 9 of NC

 

Hi Ex,

 

When we broke up, you assured me that there was no other girl involved. I used to believe you with my whole heart, but lately I've been paranoid. Were you telling the truth? Or was that just one of the lies you were guarding yourself with?

 

I miss you, and I want to believe that one day soon you will realize that you miss me, too. I want to start a new relationship with you, a healthier one. But I fear that it may be easier for you to find and fall for someone else. I fear that while I'm here distancing myself from you, someone else is inching ever closer to you and your heart.

 

Will it be possible for you to give out your heart to someone so soon after our break up? For my selfish reasons, I hope you're not. I love you and want you back. Please don't give yourself to someone else. Give us another chance. Miss me. Love me. Want me again.

[Love1336]

Ugh. So nobody wants me to break NC. lol.

I keep making the letter shorter, and shorter. I guess i'll have to deleted everything by the time I am done.

[Divine010]

16 days, OMG - I lost count. I still think about you and how could you be seeing someone so soon. But I feel sorry for the new person you are about to bring into your deranged and crazy life. Oh well, things will eventually surface and it will be a matter of time that you realize that no body can help you feel happy or feel good about yourself, that comes from within. Can you really fall in and out of love like that? Will you take her to the same places we went to. Will you spend weeks with her like you did with me. I hate to think that you can never create the same memories that you had with me, with her. Impossible! Are you close to her now and opening your heart up to her so soon? ARe you falling for her? Who know's I can't sit here and imagine these foolish things. You are no longer apart of my life and if you can move on like that, then I will never give you the satisfaction of ever caring about you again! Because of what you did, you don't deserve a person like me to ever be apart of your life!

[danzman]

Day 16 - Spent most of my day at work fantasising that she would call me and beg me forgiveness - sad I know. Unfortunately I feel like I am having a bit of a relapse at the moment but I'm still keeping to NC regardless.

[IAmPerfection]

Day 5

 

Just read a post of yours on tumblr and had my heart broken. You've apparently been kissing another guy, doing illegal things, etc. I'm so disappointed. I thought you were better than that. I really did. I at least thought I meant enough to you to wait. I guess not. You were promiscuous before and I thought I got you out of that phase. From what I read, you've gone back to being a * * * * . I hate myself for falling in love with you. I wish I would have just left you alone, because the hurt I feel right now is not worth the few good months we had. Today is going to be hard, I don't feel like living.

[martyfarty]

Day 0 of no contact.

 

I saw you today. I woke up missing you. I realized that i am IN love with you and i wanted to tell you before you left to TX for a few days. I went over to bring you breakfast because i wanted to see how you would react like how u came to see me last Monday. I saw your eyes tear up. I told you that I was IN love with you when I saw you. You told me that this wasn't the place. So i left it like that and walked out.

 

I'm sorry for causing you stress and all the pain that i put you threw. I'm trying to move on so you can have what you want - for you to miss me. What i did today was out of my heart. I felt like it was the right thing to do.

 

I feel like crap, weak, and sad. Lets see how far I can last with out breaking.

[flatplane]

Err, day 0 again. From tomorrow I'm back on it properly.

[lovebre]

Day 41/42

I haven't had much to say lately. I have three more weeks left in the semester so I've been focusing on school and less on my ex. I haven't been sad over it for a while, and I haven't been angry for a few days...

[Lightning87]

Well I ended up sending him a birthday card yesterday...so back to day 1 of NC today.

 

I'm not expecting a response from it, I just wanted you to know that I wanted you to have a good birthday. You should have got it today though. Meh...

[martyfarty]

Well I ended up sending him a birthday card yesterday...so back to day 1 of NC today.

 

I'm not expecting a response from it, I just wanted you to know that I wanted you to have a good birthday. You should have got it today though. Meh...

 

\lightning, why did u send the card? is it because u want him to come back?

[Lightning87]

I have replied to your PM marty x

[HopefulNessie]

Day 13

 

Trying to stay strong. Trying to stay positive. Tryin to have a good day.

I'm very busy so my mind has has little time to be distracted te last few days but he still sneaks into my thoughts.

I miss him and hope he's enjoying the nice wether.

[Dystophia]

Bah, nvm. I'll wait till I can go real NC.

[elephants]

Day 10 of NC

 

You blocked me on Facebook. I know I never should have tried to look for your profile. I unfriended you the other day, you probably decided to take the next step and block me. I knew it was a probability. But suddenly I felt scared that you might be getting attracted to another girl, so I searched both your profiles. You blocked me. I feel like all the logic I've built in my system for the past 10 days has flown out the window. I want to see you so badly. But what will that accomplish? I'll just break NC and show you how crappy my life is without you. I must not show you I care. But what if you also deleted my cell number? God, I'm scared. What if you never come back? Right now, I'd really rather just die already than face the thought of forever without you.

[Love1336]

Day 40. To be EXACT. I know my counting been off. But whatever. I don't like numbers. Haha.

Everyone on this board today have been lovely!

I posted my letter, and got the response I wanting.

Don't know if I'll break NC. I'm nervous.... I'm afraid, I'm... shaking... Yes, shaking. The thought of breaking NC, and letting you have the upper hand scares me.

Why should I care about you anymore?

 

I know the results of breaking NC. I dealt with it before. I remember the nights of crying myself to sleep. I remember stalking my ex page, and him flirting with other girls. I remember the pain.

 

What would you say? I mean if i sent out a, "I miss you. I want to see you."

Or whatever shorten version there is.

 

What would we talk about? Us? The sky? WHAT?

ugh. I feel... hopeful. I feel... blah. I feel all types of emotions.

[jeepman41]

It does seem daunting that someone you were so close with can turn so cold. They appear to be a stranger. That is how some people cope with the end of a relationship. It is natural to feel the way you do. The relationship is still a source of contentment in your mind. You are romanticizing the good feelings that you had. You might feel like dying but you need to remember that you made it without this person in your life and you can make it after they are gone. Do not let them be the reason for your existence. You have it within yourself to change things. You must put yourself first, that is what the person you are broken up with is doing. Healing does take time as it will not be accomplished overnight.

[elephants]

It does seem daunting that someone you were so close with can turn so cold. They appear to be a stranger. That is how some people cope with the end of a relationship. It is natural to feel the way you do. The relationship is still a source of contentment in your mind. You are romanticizing the good feelings that you had. You might feel like dying but you need to remember that you made it without this person in your life and you can make it after they are gone. Do not let them be the reason for your existence. You have it within yourself to change things. You must put yourself first, that is what the person you are broken up with is doing. Healing does take time as it will not be accomplished overnight.

 

Scary thing is, everything in my past that has made me happy before my ex came along is now gone. Seriously. I'm like a robot now- get up in the morning, go to work, do work I don't like, go home, sleep. Add a little eating in between. I have no friends. Well, I do, but I find little joy in going out with friends. I am by nature a homebody and not very sociable. I have no hobbies that do not remind me of my ex. This is the life I dreaded. I loved life with my ex. He did, too. Now I'm miserable. He is, too. I don't know why this is happening. Oh, and I don't like my family situation either.

[zii]

Week three. Blocked from fb, chat, shared calendar. I don't think I feel any better. I suppose I don't feel worse.

[tily]

I'm not even sure what day of NC I'm on anymore. All I know is that I started it much too late. I no longer get the urge to check his Facebook anymore (his profile is public, so I can still see it even though I de-friended him...) and I avoid going on his friends' walls. This was really hard for me to do just last week.

 

I still think about him every day, though. I've deleted his number, our text records, moved his pictures into a hidden folder, etc. But I still think about him all the time. It hurts because the last time I was on his Facebook, I saw he was keeping himself busy. I feel like he really has moved on with his life, and so easily, too. Although, it has been about two months since we've talked in person. Two weeks since I saw him and he pretended not to see me. It was like a punch in the stomach to see him; I literally felt nauseous. It makes me sad that I'm still holding onto something that's part of the past. And I don't have the heart to block him...I don't think I'd be accomplishing anything by doing that. I almost wish he'd block ME. He hasn't blocked me on the texting app either. It's like he doesn't care.

 

I don't know why he feels the need to avoid me. If anything, I should be the one avoiding him. And I wish my friends would stop telling me they ran into him here and there and how they chatted a bit. I don't even know why he starts chats with them; they only saw each other once. I wish he could've been less of a coward and told me exactly why we broke up. We broke up too easily. My feelings are strange right now...I want to see him, but at the same time, I don't. I really hope this means I'm further along in the healing process.

[lonelyheart2]

So I have a problem...my feelings for him are definitely not dying...if anything they seem to be growing???? what?! I mean I've accepted that I can't be with him and I'm loving him from afar BUT I know that I don't want to open myself to new relationships with other people...I'm happy being single on my own...I've had enough. I'm not sad about it I'm really happy that I could have such a love but...I don't want any more...that's unhealthy right?? How do you learn to love from afar but completely let go at the same time? It's apparent that I'm incapable of hating him which I think is really annoying because hate seems to be the only thing that gets me to properly move on from someone. Sucky, really comfy right now though sat here with my puppy on my lap whilst I attempt (key word!) my philosophy revision with some nice music in the background Hope you guys are doing well today!

[danzman]

It does seem daunting that someone you were so close with can turn so cold. They appear to be a stranger. That is how some people cope with the end of a relationship. It is natural to feel the way you do. The relationship is still a source of contentment in your mind. You are romanticizing the good feelings that you had. You might feel like dying but you need to remember that you made it without this person in your life and you can make it after they are gone. Do not let them be the reason for your existence. You have it within yourself to change things. You must put yourself first, that is what the person you are broken up with is doing. Healing does take time as it will not be accomplished overnight.

 

Excellent advice - I think in many ways I am in love with a memory and a perception of my ex as opposed to the real person - will have to keep reminding myself of this everytime I feel nostalgic and lonely

[Dystophia]

Scary thing is, everything in my past that has made me happy before my ex came along is now gone. Seriously. I'm like a robot now- get up in the morning, go to work, do work I don't like, go home, sleep. Add a little eating in between. I have no friends. Well, I do, but I find little joy in going out with friends. I am by nature a homebody and not very sociable. I have no hobbies that do not remind me of my ex. This is the life I dreaded. I loved life with my ex. He did, too. Now I'm miserable. He is, too. I don't know why this is happening. Oh, and I don't like my family situation either.

 

 

I'd hate to bring this up, but please. If you ever feel like it, call the crisis hotline. Don't just lay down and feel like dying. They're there to help, talk you through it and just generally be there for you in your time of crisis. You don't have to call them if you just feel suicidal, I've called them in my time of crisis. The lady I got was extremely intelligent, funny, and helped me get to sleep that night when I couldn't get my mind to stop running. It is hard. Jeepman does have great advice though. Put yourself first. If they come back, they come back. If they don't, move on. There's other people out there for you. There are a lot of good people out there.

[HopefulNessie]

Day 14

 

It feels like a century. Also haven't posted on FB since the 18th. I set a challenge for myself to stay off FB until may.

I wonder if he ever thinks of me? Does he have those moments when something happens and he's reminded of me like i am of him?

I wonder how his business is doing. Is he enjoying the nice weather? How is the puppy doing? I bet she's gotten so big over the last two months

I hope he's sleeping well and not suffering from insomnia like he often does. I think about that before going to bed quite often.

[chrisbuilder]

Well, here I am, doing probably one of the weirdest things I've ever done.

 

We were in a long distance relationship, me in Spain and her in Germany. Tomorrow is her birthday, and I had bought the round trip many months ago, so I faced the choice: use them or lose the money. Well, I booked a hotel in a major city nearby, and here I am. Asking myself what the hell I'm doing here. I know she isn't even at home tomorrow, because we called two days ago (I broke NC). She had blocked me on skype, and I called her, saying that I didn't want to seem rude if I didn't wish her, but that I got the sense that she didn't want to have contact with me anymore because she had blocked me. She stammered and said she thought it would be better for me. Anyway, here I am, thousands of miles from home, in a nondescript hotel. Many memories came back. I haven't seen her since about two and a half months, and I haven't been to her town in almost four months. The memories are bitter-sweet, but I realize I've come a long way since we broke up. Back then, I had to go to my friends place at five in the morning, because I honestly was feeling suicidal. I'm doing better now, have done a lot of self-reflecting, and she was right to break up with me. Basically I didn't have a clue why she fell in love with me in the first place, and how my actions (neediness, basically) was turning her off, making her fall out of love with me. Wish I could turn back time and go back!!!

 

So tomorrow morning, I'll travel the 30 minutes to her town, see all the places one last time, the supermarket where we did groceries, her house, the river along which we walked, the places we used to hang out, the rose garden, the place under the tree where we had an amazing picknick, the church where we lit candles, the theatre where she worked. All the little corners and streets, filled with memories. Say good bye, one last time, for good.

 

Wish me strength!