THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Loxxt]

Day 9. Days are going by way faster than last time. Yay!

 

1+1, I'd suggest blocking him on facebook. I have my ex and his new gf blocked. I couldn't take seeing those lovey dovey pictures anymore. She posted pics of them kissing in their new place days after he left. Yes, days!!

 

I know she's threatened and scared of me. My ex told me!! Her cousin (my ex's bro's gf) had told me she's very "all over him", it's like she won't leave him alone for a sec cuz then he might have time to digest and think. I'm almost 100% positive she's snooped thru his phone and probably saw those texts between us about his mail, thoughts about getting back together and him expressing fond thoughts of me being in his life. I'm just hoping she's not psychotic enough to try keying my car or something. I don't doubt it bothers her that we are on "friendly" terms. Although I am frustrated to hell and back with him, he's pushing mor for frienship and wants me in his life more than I am willing to and want at this time. She probably doesn't like that. Oh well, if she continues this way it will be her undoing.

 

Thanks for your responses guys, I can't explain how much you all have helped me in one way or another.

[11everything2-1nothing]

Day 2

 

I woke up this morning and I missed him. I think I actually missed him more than I did yesterday. First thing I did when I got out of bed this morning was look at my phone hoping he had called.

[blitzkrieged]

ok this time its for real!!

 

░Day 1░

 

He came over yesterday and was going for the hem of my dress within 10 minutes of being there. I am incredibly attracted to him but what a huge downgrade to go from most special girl in the world to him, to f-buddy. A part of me wants it because I DONT want a relationship right now.. but I also dont want to be wishing I had one with him. we have too much history for me to just see him like that. So I have made my descision. 1 month.

[bitebenot]

Aren't we all?

 

I do get my moments of insanity everyday,but its only for 5 minutes,lol !

[bitebenot]

Well allready month number 5 ! NC served me well,no more pain or expectations of any kind. I got my life back and enjoying it a lot more. I remember my first two weeks,i was a wreck..it was so horrible,i saw hell for the first time and i hope i never go there again ! Yes its true,i still think of her and sometimes i still feel a pinch in my heart. Never felt that way before and i wouldnt wish that on my worse ennemy.All my vital signs are back to normal,its awsome ! Takes a lot of guts to stay away but i knew there was no solutions,only reality and accepting the fact that i couldnt change the course it tooki.I was the back seat driver. I knew when i came here that NC would not be a miracle worker to bring my ex back,but i knew it was going to take me out of my misery. The help and support i got from everyone was enormous and constant.Thanks to eveyone,its well appreciated.I will stick around a bit longer to help others.That will be my gratitude towards those that are suffering like i did. Just believe that NC does work to heal and if the ex doesnt come back its not the end of the world. All it takes its time and some courage to get over it. Im the proof that anyone can achieve this.

[Anon333]

Its been almost 2 weeks now of no contact and today is really really difficult...I have to go to work and cant stop crying...I cant stop hoping I will hear from him, and yet I am so hurt and angry by him I want to tell him so. The hardest part is that there is just nothing from him...Not hearing from him, wondering if he even cares anymore, if I even come up in his thoughts or if he is in bliss with this new girl, thoughts wrapped up in her....Im in alot of pain today and have to go to work now..I really thought two weeks would heal me more, and that I might have heard from him too...neither have happened...

[kvb10]

Kudos to you!! Glad to see you stuck with it and came out on the other side. In a few months I hope to be standing on that side too.

[WhatSetsUs]

It's still crazy how much my ex dominates my mind. Everything reminds me of her and even when I'm busy doing things, she always there, on my mind. 10 more days and I will be at 30 days, but I just dont see how I will be feeling any differently than I am now. I'm still hoping that one day my ex will come back, and that all of this will have been worth something, cause this NC is really damn hard haha.

[bitebenot]

KVB10....thanks ! And dont worry you will reach that goal too !

[bitebenot]

It's still crazy how much my ex dominates my mind. Everything reminds me of her and even when I'm busy doing things, she always there, on my mind. 10 more days and I will be at 30 days, but I just dont see how I will be feeling any differently than I am now. I'm still hoping that one day my ex will come back, and that all of this will have been worth something, cause this NC is really damn hard haha.

 

I agree,its a living hell ! But time does heal..i know trust me. Just give yourself a chance and take a break. I still think of her after 5 months but aint the same anymore. Believe you will get better and what else would you do ?

Just stay busy and go out as often as you can. Do all its possible to be around friends or family,dont be alone too long. You will get there !

Hang on a bit longer and it will set you free !

[bitebenot]

Its been almost 2 weeks now of no contact and today is really really difficult...I have to go to work and cant stop crying...I cant stop hoping I will hear from him, and yet I am so hurt and angry by him I want to tell him so. The hardest part is that there is just nothing from him...Not hearing from him, wondering if he even cares anymore, if I even come up in his thoughts or if he is in bliss with this new girl, thoughts wrapped up in her....Im in alot of pain today and have to go to work now..I really thought two weeks would heal me more, and that I might have heard from him too...neither have happened...

 

I feel you. Just dont forget yourself here. Remember all his bad qualities ?

That didnt change..he is still the same.What hes thinking about you dont want to know.Its been 2 weeks NC,maybe your too hard on yourself.

I did cry after two weeks,that part for you is almost over.Hang on you will get stronger,i promiss ! *ps,he smokes and drinks coffee at the same time,i know u hate that !

[11everything2-1nothing]

Day 3 Kind of

 

Well he contacted me before the end of day 2 but i didn't respond. Thanks to the battery in my phone dying made it easier for me. I worked pretty much all night. He said he was sorry and we made a mistake. I am feeling vulnerable so I am tempted to accept his apology, but i doubt anything has changed. Especially in such a short amount of time. We broke up on Friday. He said on my answering machine that he has been thinking about me non-stop and won't complain about the same things anymore. At the same time there is also the possibility that he slept with someone else the day we broke up. He said he did in our fight on Sunday. If that is true I don't think I could ever forgive him I am almost tempted to break NC to talk about everything that happened. I don't know if I should?

[1guygirl]

his same break up patter....different breakup....dont fall for it....

[1guygirl]

day 11

 

spent time at friends having a spiritual day....but last time i was at mates i was with ex. jus looking at the kitchen floor *we were there chilled and chatting, kissing, cuddling, he healed my gallstone pain and everywhere was we went in there / he came and stood outside in the cold with me whilst i had a tab - jus to be with me / we were there / he bought me something from here / he made a funny comment about that / we had a laugh there

 

ARRRGH....

 

then i had my spirit guide cards telling me to move on let go we had done all we were meant to do, and ok i know that but reading it STUNG like HELL

 

anyways, did manage to have a laugh with friends but i longed to be back home in my solitude and own space. i guess i wanted to come home and take my mind and heart away from my memories that were killing me.

 

gunna be a sh*tter of a day....

[mwh67]

Round 2 Day 24

 

things are still going well. the ultimate test is going to be tonight thru sunday because i'll be home. if i dont try to contact her then i know that i'm good. i dont see a need to contact her so everything should be fine

[Loxxt]

I'm going to stop counting in days, it's depressing me.

 

So I'm between week 1 and 2.

 

Had a dream about him. I forget what it was but all I know is that it left me feeling overwhelmingly sad. Getting over that feeling now.

 

I'm going on a mini rant about my ex...

 

He's always been very emotional, into the arts. I loved this and accepted and encouraged this. A week after he left me, we got onto the topic of his career. I suggested he take music theory and become a drumming teacher since he has a love of it and has been drumming for almost 10 years. He said he'd love that but there's no money in it. Then I said okay why not go to school to be an architect because he's wanted to do that since he was young. He said he'd love that too but that it's a lot of school and hard to get into a good company. So he doesn't want to do anything he would love to do because .

 

After he lost his job a few weeks after leaving me he decided to join the army. But not just join the army to get free schooling as I'd considered doing. He wants to join the army to become a person who repairs and maintains communication equipment. A mutual friend told me that this seemed so out of left field and so do I. The friend said that he seemed to just pick it because he lost his job and thought it was something easy to pick.

 

When he was about 16,17 he joined a band and was with them for a few years. He met me when he was 21 and I was 18 and decided to leave the band because it they weren't recording, playing shows, it was stagnant, and because he wanted to be with me and knew that wouldn't happen if he spent 6 hrs a day with his band.

 

Anyways, I feel like he's hopeless. He has a pattern of giving up or just not trying. Picking the sure thing that he thinks is easy because it's right in front of him. But then he will give up on that for something that seems easier.

 

He admitted to me in his last txt that he was lost but happy. It's like this is his way of things. He's never "found" because he never sticks with and works towards what would really make him happy in terms of his career. And he's probably just happy because he's dating someone new (so everything's great) and he has a new life goal so he's happy with that too even though he always does this (has switched career ideas easily 4 times while we dated) but then when it comes down to committing time and money to working towards it, he quits and picks a new goal.

 

Something that he never was to me was a real man. I've mentioned how he was always very emotional and he admitted to me that he thought he might have been gay at one point and liked one of his bandmates when he was their drummer. Something disturbing was that over the course of our relationship he recorded videos of himself doing stuff with dildos. I don't want to get into it but I'll leave it at that. I cried when I found them and told him when I found them. After that I never found anymore and after that and to this day he's stressed that's not something that's part of him. I somehow don't believe that, because he did it before we met and while we dated but only after I found them and confronted him, he said that this wasn't what he was like anymore. Like he was working hard to hide it after that point.

 

Another thing was that he never stood up for me. People would walk over him or say rude things to himself or me and he wouldn't say or do anything. At one point we rented a house with a few other people. One of them was working out of town and didn't pay their rent and bills for 2 months so I paid them. He kept giving me the run around and when I said if he didn't give me some money that I'd throw his stuff outside he threatened to cut my cat's head off in front of me. I told my ex and he didn't seemed phased. He sent this guy a very polite message about how I didn't mean it and that I just needed money. I felt so betrayed. This general feeling like he didn't want conflict and wasn't truly "on my side" and "with me" was a constant feeling of unease to me throughout our relationship. Like he never wanted that responsibility (even though he's 3 years older than me). Another time he did something that unintentionally offended one of our roommates' gf's and this guy got in my ex's face so bad he had him pinned on the couch while he was threatening my ex and yelling at him. I came downstairs to see this and everyone else was standing up just watching this in shock, not saying anything. I was so taken aback. After watching for half a minute I went over to this guy that was yelling in my ex's face, grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pulled him off my ex (at this point I had no clue what was going on). So this guy got in my face and started yelling at me threatening me while my ex sat sunk into the couch staring straight ahead not looking in my direction at all. I tried to stay strong but this guy was acting psycho so I started to get teary eyed and cried but as soon as he turned away to go back to my ex I burst into tears. No one else was doing anything. There were about 4-5 people watching all this happen. I said out loud that this was f*cking ridiculous and that I was going upstairs. About a half hour later my ex came up to our room and was his normal happy self. He acted like nothing happened. Then I asked what happened and he said he did something stupid (even tho he did, that other guy over reacted VERY badly) and that he deserved it. Then he tacked this little bit on: that I shouldn't have stepped in and done anything. I was sooooo taken aback by that. Not only won't he stand up for me when he knows the situation and imo should, but when I step in and stand up for him without knowing the situation, he tells me I shouldn't have.

 

Anyways. Really long rant. I dunno why but I felt I had to write this.

[WhatSetsUs]

Today has been a decent day, all things considered. I think I'm riding the high that I got from last night. Yesterday ended amazingly as I got to be a part of the madness that ensued after we beat Duke in basketball. It was an crazy thing to be a part of, so many people pulling for one team and then having it all play out in epic fashion...well, it doesnt get any better than that haha. The campus has been buzzing since then, and I think its been a large reason why I'm feeling pretty good today.

 

Yesterday I had my weekly session with my counselor. She told me something that has kind of shifted my perspective for the better. In short, what she told me was that I was the one responsible for how I am currently feeling, and that while these feelings are absolutely normal, that it was going to take a conscious effort for me to focus back on myself and not my ex. She got me to admit that while I wanted to grow and learn to move on, that a large part of my still wanted to hold on to my ex. That part there is why I think many of us struggle to move on. Not cause we cant, but cause we dont want too. Its almost masochistic

 

She told me that instead of looking at each day as "times when I think about my ex", focus instead on "times when I am not thinking about my ex." That way the feeling and thoughts associated with that time can increase, since I'd be focusing solely on them. See what it boils down to is that for most of us new in this NC phase, thoughts about the ex are going to be the majority of what we think about daily. But if you can focus less on those times, and more on times when youre not thinking about the ex, and feeling ok, good, or at least functioning, then your mind will naturally learn to shift to those good times and thoughts. And I think getting into that mindset will help push the healing process along. I mean, lets face it, who wants to stay sad and depressed for weeks? I know I sure dont...

[blitzkrieged]

Ugh im not sure if it counts as day 3... he called me last night and I ignored it. Then he called me again today and I actually picked up. He just had to tell me my electricity deposit money had come in the mail, since he changed the light bill to his name. I dont feel so bad though. Im not sure how he feels about me, but im feeling a bit better anyway.. Not nearly as bad as a week ago. Yay! progress! It helps me to not contact him when i think "by this time hes probably at least asked a girl for her number." Ive suddenly got lots of things going on... so i think im doing pretty good

[bitebenot]

Wow ! Thats some story ! Love is blind isnt ? Once we are out of it we finally see that it wasnt all that golden ! It looks like hes a kind of invertebrate ! Not defending you was so cowardly sick...yuk ! Plus hes soooo unstable. Damn LOXXT, you know now you can do better. Seriously he wasnt for you. I think by breaking up with you was the best gift he could ever given you. Who needs that much drama.. and have to carry all the responsibilities. Your only option is to move on and forget this guy. You need a whole man, not half of one ! A negative turning into a positive. When i think of it, your a real lucky women now ! That was a close call ! Imagine if you had a child with him ! Thank God it didnt happen !

[1guygirl]

She got me to admit that while I wanted to grow and learn to move on, that a large part of my still wanted to hold on to my ex. That part there is why I think many of us struggle to move on. Not cause we cant, but cause we dont want too. Its almost masochistic

 

i think this is very true...its the difference between letting go and letting go

 

im struggling with it, as much as i wanna heal, its this finality of it all...like we didnt even get a proper chance. mabes thats my prob, STR with a deep connection and them BAM ...nothing. if we had been together for over a year with probs then mabes i could let go easier. the fact that he took a job abroad hasnt helped either with this.

 

i was doing alright until he texted few weeks back throwing me back into the hope washing machine...its that which did it *arrgh*

 

but i came out of it then and will do again in time, spent in NC which thankfully he is respecting me with as he moves on too

[bill9977]

This is such a great idea! Thanks for this thread!

 

I'm starting no contact with my ex as of now. We last had contact via text a few hours ago. She initiated it by texting to see if I was ok....obviously wanting to reduce her guilt. I texted back that I'm great, that I accept her decision to not be in a relationship with me and that I'm moving on to a life without her.

 

I actually think this is going to be easy (maybe I'm being over-confident). But knowing I'll have to come back here and confess any contact will help keep me straight.

 

So....it's no-contact from here on out.

[Loxxt]

Wow ! Thats some story ! Love is blind isnt ? Once we are out of it we finally see that it wasnt all that golden ! It looks like hes a kind of invertebrate ! Not defending you was so cowardly sick...yuk ! Plus hes soooo unstable. Damn LOXXT, you know now you can do better. Seriously he wasnt for you. I think by breaking up with you was the best gift he could ever given you. Who needs that much drama.. and have to carry all the responsibilities. Your only option is to move on and forget this guy. You need a whole man, not half of one ! A negative turning into a positive. When i think of it, your a real lucky women now ! That was a close call ! Imagine if you had a child with him ! Thank God it didnt happen !

 

Yeah, I blame being young and inexperienced. I put up with so much and until the day he left, I was always burdened with most of the responsibility. In fact, I organized that snowboarding trip that we went on when he left me. I paid for it in full ahead of time, bought groceries for the 7 of us and he of all people didn't really thank me. He acted kinda proud but that's about it. People throughout the trip and even after thanked me and said how nice I was to organize it and commented on how nice the place was that I rented. But nothing like that from my ex. Now that I look back on our relationship, I know he acted this way constantly, it was like he "expected" everything I did. I felt so unappreciated but tried to ignore it and make myself think it was in my head. I emotionally cheated a few times in our relationship and he found out but I never so much a kissed another guy. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

 

Funny thing about what you said about this being the best gift is that a couple hours ago I bumped into a mutual friend of ours who was also on that trip and said that he's been staying at my ex's bro's place cuz of a pipe burst in his house. He's been staying there since my ex left me. He said that whenever my ex and his new gf come over that he and my ex's bro just take off cuz she annoys them. Hehe. He also said that I was always way more laid back and naturally responsible and that I could do better and my ex is so indecisive. Like I mentioned he wants to join the army to become a communications equipment tech, but my friend kinda chuckled, said how odd it is that he's joining the army and then said that last time my ex was going on about the army he wanted to be a field medic! There's first hand proof of what I said!! Constantly changing his career plan... And now that I'm out of the picture he has no responsibilities (I guarantee you he doesn't feel tied down by his new girl) and nothing constant he's even more all over the place.

 

I do somewhat consider this a blessing in disguise. I know my emotional "affairs" were my doing but I know why I did them. I know it's easy for me to say it's his fault, but it really was him who made me feel disposable which pushed me to do it. So we're both at fault. The only difference is I know why and I accept that I did it and felt horrible about it every day as it happened and after too. The sad part is that in his mind he probably thinks he did nothing to deserve it because I never said anything to him negatively. I felt like there was something wrong with me. I was just too young and naive and couldn't put my finger on what was wrong and if I was wrong to feel that way.

 

Anyways, my friend told another friend of ours (who's close in our circle of friends and who we frequently go snowboarding with) about what happened and he said that it's a good thing that we didn't spend that trip at his folks' place (we use his place instead of renting a cabin sometimes) because his dad would have torn my ex a new one. Then he also said that he called my ex a douche to his face and kinda told him off about how he didn't like what he did. I stopped my friend and asked if my ex just stood there in shock then composed himself and looked fine again. My friend laughed and said that's exactly what he did. This is the general reaction my ex gives when he gets told something he doesn't want to hear.

 

I feel a lot better now. I feel less alone now that our mutual friends are gravitating towards me and away from him. But really what he did was so selfish and they know it and don't condone it and empathize with me. Even though they don't want to be on bad terms with him they can't seem to bring themselves to be on friendly terms. Just good terms, I suppose.

 

Okie well, gonna make some grub and relax. I always feel better after venting.

[11everything2-1nothing]

Day 0

 

I caved and contacted him after he contacted me yesterday. . We texted all day. Did not talk. I could have reconciled the relationship. He was all for getting back together. Conversation started out ok, but then it went to hell. He did sleep with someone else the day we broke up. He changed it to just getting oral sex but that is a cheap ploy to lessen his own actions. (which it doesn't anyway). He pretty much tried to blame me for his straying. He said i was too clingy and pushy (because I had a feeling something was going on), he said I didn't leave him alone so he did it. (awful excuse). Then he tried to blame her and said she begged him to? He never really took the blame except for once in the middle of the text conversation ( I don't even think this should have been a text conversation). At one point he said he thought he would never talk to me again so he did it. He didn't think he would miss me. Anyhow majority of the time he blamed me. I don't think I should be blamed for this. We went back and fourth. He said mean things..took them back and so on. Ended with him calling me annoying, and me saying how ashamed I felt of myself for talking to him. I felt like a desperate loser. Needless to say I am back to day 0. I am erasing him from my life. I think what he did was in-excusable regardless if we were broken up or not. He friended her on facebook the week i noticed a difference and felt something wrong, so it was pre-meditated to say the least.

 

The last text I sent when he was asleep around midnight...I told him I was erasing every trace of him from my phone, including my entire call history. I told him if he has any love for me at all he will not contact me because I have no idea what his phone number is. I know tomorrow I will probably be back to saying I hope he contacts me, but in all honesty the logical rational side of me really hopes he stays out of my life.

[FoundYet]

Week 7, it's crap.

This past week has been awful. When I caved and looked him up last week and saw pictures gone, I cried that night. it threw me back a month or more. frick, frick, frick. and I was doing soo good too. I had finally reached being indifferent and not caring about him or what he's doing, but then this comes. I hate this. The anger came back. arrg. go away!

[wontgiveup]

WEEK 4 of MOSTLY NC.

 

I feel kinda numb. Nothing. I miss him, and I think I did something real stupid,

 

I made a call to him, he didn't answer, and I kinda texted him saying something along the lines of,

 

Hey, wanna hang out

 

and

 

another saying

 

Guess you're not ready yet.

 

 

Well who am I kidding neither am I. I suck