THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[TSandullo]

Day 3 - Sending her an email....that others will get too

 

Sunday morning, I'm meeting up with my best friend and others for a birthday getogether.

Really looking forward to it. Though cold, the sun is out and I am feeling quite upbeat.

 

I am sending her and others an email today about a group project we all have to do together. My interaction is strictly work related.

 

Today she is going on a day trip to some motor show, I was also invited considering it is somewhat related to the club we run in university. However, I decided not to go a long time back as 'he' will be there too.

 

I still know not the state of their 'relationship'

 

I know that at times together as I am spending time with my friends, thoughts of her will keep coming to me: If she is having fun with the other guy, bonding to him more.

 

I keep thinking of the things she might say to him that she once said to me:

"You make me feel so safe", "you make me feel like a little girl","I love you..."

 

Not that any of that should be of my concern.

 

So, I go on with work and my own fun without her. With myself.

 

I still do miss her and would love her to return to me.

 

I have to sort myself first.

 

TS

[kvb10]

5 weeks of NC.. there have been good days and bad days... it got really good for a while but the past few days have been a nightmare. I've kind of flashed back to just after the breakup and haven't been able to function very well. Pretty discouraging. I think a lot about her and just want her back in my arms again.

 

It sucks having no control over the situation and knowing there is absolutely nothing i can do about it. im a 'get things done' kind of person so usually there is at least something i can do to get something i want... but here it's like there's nothing i can do.

 

i just have to remain on NC for now and wait and see what the future holds.

[NsKrewtable]

Day 3 Today just has a feeling about it that sucks, prolly just a low point for me. Sent e-mail cutting any "friendship" ties and to tell her my friend will get my phone for me. More than likely, I'll be checking my e-mail(Checked daily anyways) just to see if she's replied or seen it. Hopefully this will pass eventually, as everytime I look it gets my spirits up, then smashes it when there's nothing there. 27 days to go...10% done, although I doubt all I'll need is a month to heal and all that swell stuff. F*** Sundays, never liked em' to begin with.

[bill9977]

Day 4.....stupid me, I broke NC by calling her. We had a vacation planned for later this month that I'm going to lose money on if I cancel and I used that as a pretense for calling. Was dumb of me.

 

She talked about how much she missed me and how she didn't understand why we couldn't just be friends. That I'm her best friend, that she loves me, but that she doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with anyone. I told her that just left me feeling like she was trying to hold onto me until someone else came along. Which is exactly how I feel.

 

Call ended with her saying to get in touch if I ever want to be just friends and with me saying for her to get in touch if she ever changes her mind about what she wants with me.

 

So....Day 1 of NC round 2 starts tomorrow.

[Rotxsen]

Day 38 (I think I lost count lol)

 

some days seem harder then the other I had a dream about her last night after coming home at 6 from my friends birthday had a blast, funny I seem to be the spirit of the party to the point I got asked my number from some chick lol still texting since last night haha power of confidence anyways yeah I had a dream about her was whack but ehh what can i do I still keep thinking about her today frequently since that dream but who know's the dream was me looking at her myspace profile and seeing her with another guy not the one she rebounded with tho I think who knows. anyways everything is been fine after that I just wish this constant thought of her to be gone.

[WhatSetsUs]

Havent posted on here for a couple days cause I've been pretty busy. I feel like this past week I've been more busy than I've been this entire semester. And its true what they say, keeping active can do wonders in preventing you from thinking about your ex...

 

This weekend I had to stay upbeat cause my cousin and his friend were visiting me here at school. I did a lot of partying this weekend and for the most part, I was more focused on what I was doing at the time than any thoughts about my ex. First time in a long time I can say I've been able to do that.

 

All that being said, I realize I still miss my ex so much, and I'm still very much in love with her. Its getting really close to the 30 day mark, but I know that some time in the near future I am going to reopen contact with my ex. Maybe it just in my personality, but I feel like I've got to take initiative for the things I want. I feel like I need to make an effort, one last time, to make things right. Maybe a fresh start is all my ex and I needed to make everything work out right. And maybe all it will take to get the ball rolling is for me to make a little move... So yeah, that's just how I've been feeling lately.

[bitebenot]

if you will contact her again just be ready for anything including rejection.

You have to do it when your not so vulnerable and be able to move on whitout to much pain.Personally i think its a bit risky.The timing could be off.

You know her better,just be ready and think twice before you do. Wouldnt it be better if shes reaches for you first ? Your choice,just be wise. Returning to square one wont be a funny ride as you already know.

[mwh67]

Round 2 Day 28

 

survived my vacation at home without being tempted to call her. each day keeps getting easier and easier even though my brain likes to play our memories in my head like a movie.

[bitebenot]

Now you know better.It happens,dont beat yourself for it.No friendship,forget that option for your own good. Seems nc will be full term for you unless shes willing to have you back otherwise move on and forget as much as you can. As i always say,you first her last. Its painful but nc is your best friend. Think of your next relationship instead and be ready for it. Being rejected twice is more then enough right ? By the way, she will or already has someone else. But who cares now.The less you know the better it is for you.Get rid of everything that reminds you of her and clean your computer from her inprint. Become a ghost and give her all the space she needs.Just dont have to much hope,it can be toxic for you. Go and enjoy yourself as much as you can even if your not in the mood,it does work ! Lots of pretty women out there,make a pick and move on.

[bitebenot]

Round 2 Day 28

 

survived my vacation at home without being tempted to call her. each day keeps getting easier and easier even though my brain likes to play our memories in my head like a movie.

 

Excellent ! I know our brain is acting strangely sometimes and against our own will. I still do sometimes after 5 months but easyer to deal with.

The worse for you is done,you can start to relax a bit now,all will be fine.

You will find yourself at the same point before you met her,just a bit more to go ! Dont give up, you worked hard to get there. 5 ***** to you !

[ex sweatheart]

Day 2 again after try to sort out the mess that became of a good relationship in whicship, im constantly doubting my choice end it,the only thing keeping me strong are my reasons for ending it, my reasons are as follows -

nearly 9 mth relationship to which i was not a priority

when asked no sort of commitment or foreseeable commitment even in a yr could not be discussed

no inclusion into his life at all, no get together with friends or family gatherings etc

no effort to change lifestyle to be more compatible with my own

 

the list could go on, im doing the right thing for me and staying true to what i want .... so why does it suck so much

[1guygirl]

Day 15 NC

 

was gunna wait til tmoz to post as it would be 6 weeks split but nahh...cant keep this in

 

figured out why i am so emotionally tied up in my live in care job, i would be all excited as i knew that when i got home, he would be on his way to see me. Also less positively, he would have pulled an emotional game on me jus as i was going to work before he was due up, and i would be deep in reflection/thought about that whilst trying to work, trying to understand and work it out and be hurt over it as it brought up many other triggers from my painful past..

 

Figured out!!! yay

 

so, I walked the dog as part of my job in beautiful surroundings, and went into some woods and jus prayed to universe..."I WANT TO HEAL AND MOVE ON, I DONT WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS OVER HIM ANYMORE"

 

I wanted peace, i wanted that strength i had at the beginning of my previous NC attempts before he'd contact me with crumbs, confusing me, toying with me and setting me back. This time I had laid the foundation to heal without him interuppting me (by telling him im going NC) but that strength and positivity had left me, and i was jus unhappy about it, and no matter how much i relayed his sh*t he played back to myself, i still pined for him as much as i was jus plodding on (not really feeling like i was) getting over him.

 

Then this morning I woke up. BAM. My backbone had returned and all was crystal clear again, all his stunts and I was like YESSS!!! that feeling of "i wouldnt have him back if he was threw at me" returned, and i knew that cos i intiated NC, he wouldnt contact me and set me back this time. I knew I was just gunna grow from this and he will know I have gone.

 

today is a very good day, and i hope it continues...

 

stay strong, these past two weeks have been hard but i feel the next two weeks will be better.

 

this forum and its support and advice has been immensely important to me...i thank you xxx

[TSandullo]

Day 4 - Back to uni after weekend - keeping the distance

 

Had a lecture an hour ago, she was a few rows behind me sitting with some friends of ours.

I left immediately after the lecture to get on with work.

 

Yesterday she went to that motor show (I think) with some other friends and 'him'.

Glad I never went.

 

I am fighting the urge to check out her and his fb profile. Last week when I last went on it, she didnt upload some photos from the karting event (possibly because they look intimate in them) ? I dunno...and it shouldnt matter.

 

I feel quite good today, I am accepting the entire scenario rather than going against it.

Obviously, I am making the necessary changes in myself for a better relationship with her or anyone else...especially with myself.

 

I didn't get an email response from her (for the project details I mailed out to her and others). My mind made up stories of her not having the time since getting back from the motor show, she went round to his place for a nocturnal session. Well, she has all the right too. My mind makes up all these things, true or not, it should be none of my business.

 

Then again, of the group I sent the work mail to, only one replied, so I guess everyone has their reasons, even her.

 

I am getting on with me work.

 

I am beginning to slowly realise that I am a damn good catch and that she will find it increasingly difficult to find a man like me (considering what I know and have experienced with her as well as being very understanding of her issues and tolerating them well) and well as a guy who wholeheartedly loved her daughter like his own.

 

This has given me some comfort knowing that what I offered was tenfold more than what she could. Based on this, I do now believe she must make the effort if she is to reconcile.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

akh! So close yet so apart!

 

Saw her in lecture. With smiles. Genuine or not I know not.

Do we both put on faces to show that we are getting along fine without one another?

 

I miss her...so much. Knowing that we are simply walls apart and yet can not be together hurts.

 

But I know I will get through this. I have to leap out of limbo land.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Shortly after my last post, I left the computer lab to head to the uni gym.

As I left, the elevator door opened and she popped out, looking quite startled.

 

I was polite:

Our conversation:

 

Me: Hey, how you doing?

Her: Shrug...yeah...I'm fine, how are you?

Me: ...I'm good....yeah! I'm good! Hows your trip yesterday*

Her yeah it was good.

Me: cool and your work going good? Hows your case study

Her: *furrowed brow* mmm..not so good

Me: Hah! I know, I can see it on yer face...plus I spoke to (her group member) too. Anyways, take care and keep up the good work

 

I walked away first, heading down the stairs (cos I am fit and sexy and developing a six pack and don't use no elevators no more )

 

I hear a faint 'See you...' in the background.

 

don't know what purpose it served posting this here. I guess it has become habit documenting this part of my life online now.

 

It is interesting, whenever we 'bump' into one another around campus, her eyes begin to slightly redden and the top of her brow slowly creases. After almost two years of noticing and touching every feature, I notice such movements. If only I knew how she was feeling now or what she was thinking. But I can not ask.

 

I will let time take its course as I surf on it! Wooooo.....

 

TS

 

 

 

*Yesterday she went to that motor show (I think) with some other friends and 'him'.

[1guygirl]

good to see you upbeat ...what you said about two years of noticing and touching every feature was actually quite moving!

 

i hope she sees you as "woah he is looking very good.." ...i say as im about to do my workout good for the soul...even better for the body huh lol

[ackerman]

7 months + NC yesterday was my bday, i saw it as my last chance of her possibly contacting me. after not hearing anything curiosity got the better of me and I ended up finding out that she has found someone else. i have cried today, you would think after 7 months you would have moved on but i just dont seem to be able to let go of the happiness i felt with her. my advice to others, dont rely on hope.. she told me it would be the end of us for now but not the end of us, but the truth is it is and i know it now which is why im still hurting so badly. im not ready for a relationship really does mean i dont want a relationship with you. everyday more or less i have held her hairband so close to me for 7 months, i have now put it away in a drawer.

[NsKrewtable]

Day 4Broke down and checked her FB......seems like sh'es having the time of her life now i'm gone.....I must have been the worst bf ever in her eyes, to be so relieved it's over....Should have just stuck to my guns.....How can someone just break-off a relationship and be that happy if they really loved you? My guess is they didn't....

[Loxxt]

Day 4Broke down and checked her FB......seems like sh'es having the time of her life now i'm gone.....I must have been the worst bf ever in her eyes, to be so relieved it's over....Should have just stuck to my guns.....How can someone just break-off a relationship and be that happy if they really loved you? My guess is they didn't....

 

From experince... I felt I had nothing to lose. It had nothing to do with loving or not loving him. That's why when people go NC it's a kick in the nuts to the dumper because they realize the sure thing isn't around. I felt like my ex would take me back, like I was 100% in control. I thought that going out would make me happier, forget what I'd done and feel free. It did the opposite. I felt more lost and sad and made me just wish he was there with me.

 

^ Is my experince as a dumper on the rebound, when I was 17.

[klafeoj]

day 60 or so... ex texted asking what i want her to do with some random things that she has (bathing suit, pin, cuff links, really random stuff). I am pretty sure i talked to her mother about that already. I didn't respond but its nice because i didn't care lol

[WhatSetsUs]

After all this time, when I think about this breakup, the only thing I can come to is the fact that I want my ex back more than anything. The strange thing is with each day I am getting stronger and smarter. Its a weird thing because I am beginning to feel a lot better about myself and about life in general. Usually people on here hold onto their ex and that hope of getting them back that they seem to hinder their healing and recovery. Yet I feel like in my case I am improving and maturing greatly, learning to have fun and enjoy things on my own, and just getting by quite nicely. I know now that I am past that stage where emotions are controlling my actions as I am able to look at this whole situation rationally and logically. It just shows that NC can really help with all the psychological mind games people tend to play with themselves after a breakup. I am going to continue on with NC for now, but I am determined to give this relationship at least one more attempt by me. I mean, what do I really have to lose...

[bitebenot]

Good logic ! Some are still attached yes but some relationships were longer than some others..thats the difference. So for some the healing process will take a longer time than you. Glad you're ok,keep up the good work.

[TryingVeryHard]

this sounds really great... And sometimes I feel like I'm going through the same kind of things, as I am on day 25 of NC, myself. I feel like I'm thinking rationally about the situation... Sometimes I definitely feel better than others... But I would just be careful that you aren't fooling yourself.. I find it somewhat easy to convince myself that I'm doing better when I'm feelin good.. But, I haven't seen her in over a month, and I have never seen her holding another man's hand... So I have to remind myself that even though I might be realizing what it means to let go, I'm still not anywhere near where I need to be, because I know that seeing her with some one else in real life would still devastate me... Even though she has told me it's nothing serious... But that was over a month ago.. Could be more serious by now.. I'm rambling now, but I think I got my point accross..

[TSandullo]

Day 5 - Walls apart

 

I'm feeling pretty good today. If only the weather could match my mood (fellow Londoners, you get me? )

 

Whenever I sit by a computer, the fb peeking urge comes over me. I fight it.

I try to sit near mutual friends when doing work, so it can curb the urge to pry on her and 'his' profile.

 

That aside, I am once again able to get back to doing work as opposed to the depressed feeling and clouded mind plus tunnel vision I was experiencing months back.

 

I got an email reply from her regarding our group project work. And I got hurt slightly.

The formal tone she uses, the real names (as opposed to the affectionate pet names we gave one another) and the lack of x's she once used to give. I guess over time, I have become accustomed to such...and miss them dearly.

 

Evidence of me not having moved on from her yet. I still have plenty of healing to do.

That means that right now, whenever I see her I am simply putting on a face.

 

I can imagine, how would I have felt had I seen her fb.

 

I have a long way to go still. As Zorba says, this is a journey after all.

 

Her face, yesterday, when I saw it....I was left wondering: If she is with another guy, and she has feelings for him....and he returns it, shouldn't she be happy...? I guess, perhaps she has other things in her life too stressing her out. None of my business now.

 

Then again, when we were together, everyone could see the joy on our faces. Never mind. I reminisce.

 

I still love and miss her daughter a lot. When we broke up, I lost two special ladies.

 

I do hope we can reconcile. This will be our third shot.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Still Day 5...

 

Ha! Just like yesterday, shortly after posting, I 'bump' into her again.

I head to our afternoon lecture and sit near the front, shortly afterwards she comes in and ask me if it is ok to sit next to me.

 

Since I am civil, polite and emotionally capable of handling her presence, I allow her to do so.

 

She asks me about our tutorial for some class, and I notice her again, looking at my eyes. Is she gauging me for something? I dunno.

 

so we sit through the lecture, I am relaxed, confident in posture etc blah blah laadidaa.

No convo or interaction throughout.

 

I remember the days years ago when we used to pass notes and lil drawings to one another...oh, those were the days. I reminisce like an old maid

 

At the end of the lecture, I stand to leave.

I gather my stuff and say "Take care _________")

 

Her face: That furrowed dissapointed brow appears again. She says nothing. But her face acknowledges my departure.

 

I leave.

 

What does she want from me.

 

I want to ask you folks. By allowing her to sit beside me like that, am I jeapordising the possibility or reconciliation? I mean, is my availability like that a boner killer for her?

 

TC all. Happy day/night to you all.

 

TS