THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Hammerhead]

I like this one! I been on NC for two months (2-20-09).. heres the interesting part: I live with this person, we have two girls, the house and the dog. It is somewhat akward and possibly hard to comprehend for some, but it is my reality..the reasons i cannot leave is the sad state of this economy...i will explain if more details are needed...anyways, for me theres no way back, so i take the challenge.

[Siberia]

Oh, so he just called because he felt sorry for the poor girl... Seriously, I'd rather not have his pity.

Hey no...not just sorry for you, but care and nostalgia, and not wanting to burn bridges with you..although that says nothing about getting back just yet.

 

Since he called you, and even brought up in conversation your "birthday party", you may as well invite him. Just do consider the possibility that he may still be dating her. Then it will be very awkward for him. He will either1) refuse to come or 2) accept the invitation and come with his girlfriend 3) accept the invitation and come without his girlfriend? Think about all these 3 options (assuming he is still dating). Good luck

[brazilgirl21]

Siberia - thank you so much, I'm sorry I'm just so emotional today and feel weird, sad, mixed emotions.

 

Yeah, I know he's probably still with her, but at this point, I'm not 100% sure so when I invite him, I won't really mention anything like: you can bring her or don't bring her.

 

Like I said, I'll call him on Tuesday and try to have a good conversation with him and feel how things are. I'm having 50 people over in a really nice restaurant, etc... it just seems rude not to invite him you know? I mean, I want to be the bigger person and make him realize that I'm not dying without him and I simply want to gossip, laugh and have a good convo... you know?? Without the drama...

 

I think he will probably decline my invitation, but at least I'll feel like I did the right thing. I just really don't want to regret this later you know?

 

However, my number 1 focus is still getting him back, no matter how long it takes, so is calling him on tuesday really the best way to go? Would NOT inviting him impact him more? Make him miss me more?

 

I'm SO confused. Our conversation today felt distant and cold and horrible, but it was kind of my goal to make him see how I'm being nice to him and not bitter like he probably expected, but that I also treated him with indifference and didn't invite him to my party.

 

However, tuesday I call him up and invite him... and have a good conversation.

 

What do you think?? Should I do this or proceed with NC and not invite him?

[Siberia]

What was today's conversation like? Why do you say cold and horrible? Was the coldness from his side?

[brazilgirl21]

The coldness was from both sides. It was weird, we haven't spoken in 2 months.

 

First he called twice and left a voicemail saying:

 

"Hey M, I would like to wish you a happy bday, happyness, health... well, I, well I don't even know if this is still your phone line, but I guess it still is, so yeah, that's it, happy birthday".

 

I decided to call back so it didn't seem like it I was ignoring his call.

 

He picked up after the first ring.

 

"Hey you, happy birthday!! How are you? How are things"

"I'm good, thanks for calling, I'm at home with the family, what about you? In Sao Paulo?"

"Yeah, I'm here, I might work today... so, you are having a party?"

"Yeah...I am, how do you know"

"Oh, just a guess"

"Well, yeah, so, take care"

"Yeah, you too, hey, say hi to everyone for me ok? Your parents, the family..."

"Yeah sure, thanks for the bday wishes, bye"

 

that was it.

[FigureItOut]

Just about to go to bed after my second full day of NC, but I am nervous about dreaming of him over and over. This is really hard, and I seem like my thoughts are on a constant roller coaster. I hope it will get easier. I have so many fears.

 

I haven't heard from him, and fear I might never again. I also fear he has no clue how hurt I am, or that he's not even all that hurt either, despite it being over a year. I also play mind games with myself in wishing I had said how I truly felt, that I hope we can get back together someday and didn't want it to end, instead of being on the defense and saying that it was a good thing it was ending.

[ScorpiGal83]

Day 25

 

5 more days til the 30 day challenge is up. I still feel down because a lot of things I do and say, were like private jokes and funny things me and my ex came up with.

 

Oh well. Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone...

[melpa]

Day 8. So I lasted the first week. I know im doing the right thing thing because i feel better. Much less sad and confused. But, I wonder if he misses me.

[melanie6929]

Starting Day 1 of NC.

He broke up with me because we have been arguing too much. We have been in a long disance relationship for over a year now and it's finally getting the best of us. I would be moving there in June, so we wouldn't have been far off. Now he doesn't know if it will work out. Getting cold feet now, sucks. I'm hoping for the best.

 

I need to take control of the situation. I did my fair share of begging and pleading but it just got me the same response.. " we will see what happens." So i need to just work on myself and not talk to him. Its gonna be super hard for me. I"m always on Msn and so is he. Our town is going through a crisis, so i'm gonna be indoors a lot.

 

I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know i need to stay off the internet. Gonna be VERRRRRRRRY hard, because that is all i do. But if i go online, its just gonna make me wanna talk to him. I know NC will work. I don't necessarly want it to be over. I just need to give him space.

 

I'm just so worried that he's gonna forget about me and realize that he doesn't want me anymore. I know, i've done the NC thing before and he talked to me after 2 weeks, due to missing me. We got back together shortly after. I"m just hoping the same thing applies and its not too late. He said he still loves me, or he would have said goodbye by now. But our relationship is a "we will see how it goes" Ugh.

 

I can do this!!!

[Ixtapa]

Day 14

Feeling ok I guess. Im starting to feel like I really want to move on. Im not even sure I want him back at this point. Anyway, the best thing is probably not to think too much....

[Cat76]

Double figures....YAHOOOOOO

 

The sun is shining and I have a jobs to keep me busy. I hope today is a good day

[pace of ace]

Day 20

 

Struggling a bit today. Missing her alot and really miss just hanging out and joking about. We had so many great times together. But i have ALOT of work to do so at least i'm busy. Feel a bit down though.

[pace of ace]

p.s.....

 

my ex contacted me about 5 days ago to say hi and see how i am. I did respond briefly and kept it light. I'm not really going down the ignoring route 'cos i'm ok with keeping the lines of communication open, due to the fact that although i'm trying to move on, i'm still hopeing on some level reconcilliation could happen at some point, but i am making a concerted effort not to initiate, hense why i'm on day 20.

[ScorpiGal83]

Double figures....YAHOOOOOO

 

The sun is shining and I have a jobs to keep me busy. I hope today is a good day

 

Good for you Cat!! You can do it 1/3 of the way through!

[Cat76]

Good for you Cat!! You can do it 1/3 of the way through!

 

Thanks SG, how are you doing? I've read a couple of your posts today and it sounds like your having a couple of difficult days.

[hesnotworthit]

DAY 21

had a really good night last night with the girls, completely let go drinking haha.

didnt break NC for his birthday, yay.

im feeling today like i am really moving on.

i miss him.

but im seeing the reality, rather then the fantasy so much more often.

i remembered today, that i did think while i was dating him that our relationship was more a good time, then a long time thing, i always knew we were too different too last forever, i also remember thinking that something was always missing, and that i was never completely happy with him, as i am when im around my friends, i even remember being completely disgusted and like yelling "no way" when one of my friends asked me if id ever consider marrying him.

its really setting in stone that hes in the past for good, and im ok with that, i dont feel like im being stabbed in the stomich, or that im blissfully happy that hes gone, im just accepting it for what it is, i know this is the right path.

I must admit in my mind today i was considered breaking NC, for an instant, because my friend was making me jelious by texting her ex and being so happy from it...but i just reminded myself of all the negetives that would come from it, small effects can cause large disasters!

Some days i wish he'd call, just so id have the satisfaction of not answering, and knowing that he does still give a * * * * that im still alive, but i know that knowing that, would make it just that little bit harder to move on.

I also dont gag, whilest thinking about him moving on with new girls...i think im actually ok with it...i used to sob at the sight of him just talking to other girls on myspace...now im just not caring at the thought, and im not forcing myself to not care either...it just feels natural. Course that said, id probally feel the complete opposite if i saw him with other girls... still, its progress.

Id say ive moved up to 85% over him.

He's only a figure in the distance.

[FigureItOut]

I'm struggling a lot more today than I realized. I am already feeling anxious and a sense of panic. During the relationship, we e-mailed one another back and forth consistently throughout the day. Literally everyday for over a year, I had an e-mail in my inbox from him waiting for me when I got into the office. Of course, today is the first day since March of 2008 that there wasn't a good morning kiss, have a good day, and an I Love You note waiting for me (we were long-distance, and we almost made it, moving here in less than 2 months but says he's needs time to be single and that our connection has faded).

 

I am not sure what will help with this. A couple of things have happened this morning/weekend that we would normally talk about, and it is so hard to resist. On top of that, work is slow because of the economy, and I do not have a lot to distract myself with. I am researching gym memberships, as this might be a good way to feel better without him?

[melanie6929]

Day 1 has started.

I signed on MSN this morning and he was on. I didn't say a word, stayed on for about 15 minutes than logged off and haven't went back since. Is this okay for me to go on MSN with him on there? I don't plan on talking to him, but if he sees me on will the NC do the same effect?

[Dante09]

Week 3

 

Its been a great day. One where I've really seen things in a better light. Didn't have the urge to talk to her at all. Couple of fond memories, but I haven't felt sad!

 

Liking the fact I've started to tan up nicely these last few days, looking good! - I know she can't do that without a bottle of fake stuff, ha ha!!

 

Sweet, feeling peaceful and smiling.

[tujna]

Day 9 Day 21 since I haven't seen him...

 

Still very tough. I was away for the weekend and had nice time with friends and met some new people but noone I could be interested in. I don't think it will happen soon. I still love him as usual and would like to wait and see whether he would change his mind while in the meanwhile I will be trying to get stronger. It is getting easier not to call though. For, what can I tell him? That I love him? That he is the only one for me? That we have to be together because we love each other? I have done all this at least a thousand times. What is the point of he is not convinced in this. My last hope is that NC will do what I couldn't do.

[melpa]

Still day 8.

 

Really felt the urge to text him today, felt like I missed him so much, just hearing from him, general chit chat. I didnt cave in and i am glad now, as the moment passed and I feel strong again.

 

I wonder if he is missing me at all.

[LemonCheesecak]

Day 17

 

So-So. At least I have eyes for other girls now.

[FriendnorFoe]

she called me at work today, if you read my thread I posted you guys/gals know this. Came on here before I called her back and decieded not to, gonna wait until she leaves me a message or has something to say. At least I know she hasnt forgotten me, even if the call was about picking up her stuff from my house or somethin', glad I didnt cave.

[Cat76]

Cat *sheepishly* wanders into the thread and quietly announces that she is truly cursed by the number 5 (see my multiple of 5 thread). I got to day 5 and I broke NC, I got to day 10 and yes you guessed it, I broke NC.

 

Do I feel bad? Well I don't feel terrible, but I'm not expecting any response.

 

Anyway, I'm off to bed (need some good rest, I've got a job interview tomorrow).

 

And it's back to day 1 tomorrow

[LemonCheesecak]

Cat *sheepishly* wanders into the thread and quietly announces that she is truly cursed by the number 5 (see my multiple of 5 thread). I got to day 5 and I broke NC, I got to day 10 and yes you guessed it, I broke NC.

 

Do I feel bad? Well I don't feel terrible, but I'm not expecting any response.

 

Anyway, I'm off to bed (need some good rest, I've got a job interview tomorrow).

 

And it's back to day 1 tomorrow

 

Let's hope you can get to 15 this time! I notice I do better with every attempt