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FigureItOut

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  1. FigureItOut
    I completely agree with this analysis. Coming from my situation (which is a bit complicated due to us being in an LDR during the breakup but now in the same city), I would not have felt comfortable coming out of NC and starting any sort of LC until he did. He was the one who walked out with little explanation, and he has my number, IM, e-mail, etc. If he wanted to talk to me, he would. Then after two months, I got a random e-mail from him. We've been in light contact ever since. However, I've since learned NC is the easy part. I don't think randomly e-mailing after 4-8 weeks or establishing some form of contact will do much good, but that's just my two cents. Especially in a break-up where the dumper says they need space, need to be single, are having doubts, etc, or there is another party involved (mine was the former).
  2. FigureItOut
    Cat76, I know how that can be a bit of a setback! However, it really frustrates me, because he has been commenting on MY (not mutual by any means) friend's statuses and pictures! One of my friends got so annoyed by it that she told me she defriended him. I went on a weekend getaway to the beach this past weekend with a good friend of mine, and I signed her wall saying how much I was looking forward to the trip. Then, while we were there, I opened my FB to see see him showing up on my newsfeed, commenting on a status she wrote about the trip with nothing more than a smiley face. * * * ? vent> Maybe I should just completely block him (I defriended), but I don't know if I am ready for that.
  3. FigureItOut
    I wonder how long it is going to take before dreaming of him stops, or at least stops happening on a daily basis. I've literally gotten back together with him in my dreams every single night since the break up (i'm at around 35 days of NC). It's so hard to wake up and know it's not true, and not only that, but I can't even talk to him... At least it is getting a lot easier to handle the pain during the day
  4. FigureItOut
    So close Cat76... congrats!!
  5. FigureItOut
    Thank you for the support DaveTrump and imjgh!! It has definitely been a roller coaster ride of emotions the last 30 days. I am going to continue to post on my progress on a regular basis. I've noticed though that it does help for me to not count and post on each individual day, but rather when I feel I am making progress or need support. Good luck to everyone, and it DOES get easier.
  6. FigureItOut
    I'm trying not to count the days, but I have completed thirty days of no contact!! I am very proud of myself, as this was VERY difficult. Even harder than I imagined. I know I am doing better, but still have a long way to go. During my time of NC, I joined a gym, started a workout routine, and am already seeing results. I also caught up with old friends, took a trip to the beach, went on a date, and had some serious time to reflect on the relationship. I still miss him like crazy and have times when I want to get back together. I still get nervous that he's not made any effort to contact me. I get afraid he never will again. I'm really starting to see that we weren't working now, but I think we have potential to reconcile after his life settles down. I feel that it has been a positive 30 days overall. Here's shooting for 60 days!
  7. FigureItOut
  8. FigureItOut
    Also, I am really starting to see results from working out! Clothes are much loser and I am starting to notice a lot more definition in the muscle areas I have been working on. Yay for that at least!!!
  9. FigureItOut
    Not sure what day of NC it is (I think around 17?). I've been doing everything (and I mean everything) I can think of to distract myself from how much I miss him. A good friend from college flew to visit me this weekend and just left, and now I am heading out of town for several days again for my brother's college graduation. I also planned 2 three day weekends at the beach after that. Still no contact, still fearful, with a bit more self pity thrown in there as time passes. and boy, is time passing SLOWLY. These last two and a half weeks have felt like an enternity. It feels like it has been ages since I've spoken to him. Is this normal? I really miss him, a lot.
  10. FigureItOut
    Congrats Coldheart!! I am so happy and envious of you at the same time. Also Lost Solace, congrats on your friends finding each other again. T his is so hard. Especially because two important things happened at work today, and both times I reached for my phone to call him. But, I was strong, and hung it back up before I dailed, as hard as it was to do. I've still not heard a peep from him since he left. I posted a short version of my story here - I'd appreciate any input anyone has
  11. FigureItOut
    Had a really rough night last night.... but i'm trucking along OKAY today. A friend from college is coming to visit this weekend, so I am excited for that.
  12. FigureItOut
    I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest
  13. FigureItOut
    The dreams are still very strong, and still no word from him. I'm okay today. Still miss him, am worried about never hearing from him again, and somewhat blame myself, but it's not overpowering me. I went for a good run last night, and planned two trips to the beach yesterday for May!
  14. FigureItOut
    Nights are the worst part, by far. Was up from about 230-5 am. I'm still worried about never hearing from him again, but i'm in a better mood this morning. I' still confused about everything too.
  15. FigureItOut
    I had another dream about him last night, and I woke up as usual in a little bit of a panic. Gonna try to shake off the rough start and go about the day. It is beautiful outside, and I'll probably go to the gym as well. Here's hoping today is better than yesterday.
  16. FigureItOut
    I crashed.... day isn't going along as well as it started. Right now, I still have this irrational fear that is overcoming me that I handled the breakup so wrong. When he broke up with me, I got so defensive and shut down. All I knew how to do was to tell him that I wanted it too and was okay with it. Now I'm so nervous that if he changes his mind or wants to talk, he won't call (he has self-esteem issues). But I still have not broken NC.
  17. FigureItOut
    Had a GREAT workout at the gym last night. I also had a really good talk with a friend of mine about some of the many "not so good" things about him and the relationship, and it really helped put things into perspective. I demonstrated a bit of anger, which I haven't before. Apparently, he is BLOWING up facebook by joining groups, updating his status, etc., every hour during the week. He never used to do this. He used to go weeks without updating his status, and now he frequently updates it with happy phrases and tons of exclamation points. Seems like he actually is, or is trying to appear, very happy to his friends and distract himself from the fact that we no longer e-mail a million times a day at work. Fortunately, I defriended him when I initiated NC so I don't have to see any of this. It's a beautiful day outside, and I'm feeling good this morning... so I'm going to run with it and enjoy the day. Still haven't heard a peep from him...
  18. FigureItOut
    CONGRATS ScorpiGal!!
  19. FigureItOut
    Still isn't getting much easier... but I know I still have a long way to go. Also, still haven't heard from him. That's starting to scare me. Is that normal?
  20. FigureItOut
    It's beginning to get a bit easier to distract myself and focus on things that make me happy. Yesterday, I went to the gym and had an awesome workout with a friend. This will be continuing. Last night though, I had a meltdown. I questioned everything and myself and how hard it was being in NC. I dreamed about him yet again and us getting back together, which resulted in me waking up in panic and not being able to fall back to sleep (this has been happening every night). Still wonder when and if I'll hear from him. I think that's still my biggest fear. At least yesterday I truly did enjoy myself for some of the dya, and I think that's the first time I've been able to say that since he left. Taking things one day at a time
  21. FigureItOut
    I did it!! Day 4 is over. I'm actually proud of myself today. I have a bit of a situation that I could use some advice on. While starting this NC challenge, I am joining a gym and eating healthy. This will hopefully make me feel better and allow me to divert some attention. The relationship was long distance (driving, visits were around every 3 weeks or so). The ex knows only one person in the city (I live in a large city) outside of myself and my friends. As I am pulling into the parking lot of the gym I am about to sign up for, I see this ONE person, out of the who knows how many people in this big city, that my ex knows walking into the gym I am signing up for. He didn't see me signing up (thankfully). However, I guess I have to prepare myself to run into him, as when he was working out today is a time that I'll normally work out at, starting tomorrow. I'm going to just appear as happy and healthy as I can and not mention the ex if we run into each other. Any suggestions? I mean clearly he's going to contact my ex and say he'd run into me, so I have to take this situation pretty seriously?
  22. FigureItOut
    Melpa, not that it helps much, but just know you aren't alone. I feel the EXACT same way, and I am only in the 4th day of NC. I think these fears are pretty common before you have reached a point where you can do any personal healing.
  23. FigureItOut
    I'm really afraid I might break it today. My feelings of wanting to contact are even stronger than yesterday this morning. I so desperately want to say how I really feel. When he ended it because he's "not happy and doesn't know why" and "needs to be single," I pretended that I wanted to also. I think it was a defense mechanism and not wanting to appear like the weak one. But we talked about some arguments we had, and I told him several times i was thinking about breaking up with him. I even said that I wanted this too and that "today was a good day". I can't believe I said that. I guess my whole attitude was, I have a better chance of getting him back one day if I don't appear to want him or be needy. I'm kind of regretting that now, and really wish I could tell him that this isn't what I want, I miss him, and hope we can work it out someday. Yikes!
  24. FigureItOut
    I made it through Day 3!!!!!!! Today was not any easier for me than the first two, because I had the new challenge of getting through the workday without our usual contact and hourly e-mails. Plus, work is slow (damn economy), so not much is there to distract me. Everytime I saw the e-mail icon pop up on my computer, my heart would skip a beat (we used to e-mail at least 20 times a day back and forth, every work day for over a year). Today, the count was zero as I expected. I had two random breakdowns in the evening from missing him and being sad. My fears tonight are: 1. He's not even hurt or misses me 2. Because I tried to play it so cool and pretend like I wanted to break up too, he has no clue how I feel. I just did it for Pride and to be strong. 3. I'll never hear from him again
  25. FigureItOut
    I'm struggling a lot more today than I realized. I am already feeling anxious and a sense of panic. During the relationship, we e-mailed one another back and forth consistently throughout the day. Literally everyday for over a year, I had an e-mail in my inbox from him waiting for me when I got into the office. Of course, today is the first day since March of 2008 that there wasn't a good morning kiss, have a good day, and an I Love You note waiting for me (we were long-distance, and we almost made it, moving here in less than 2 months but says he's needs time to be single and that our connection has faded). I am not sure what will help with this. A couple of things have happened this morning/weekend that we would normally talk about, and it is so hard to resist. On top of that, work is slow because of the economy, and I do not have a lot to distract myself with. I am researching gym memberships, as this might be a good way to feel better without him?
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