Getting back together really does happen!

[shaikah]

no negative comments please.... + I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW I'M HOPING THAT WE GET BACK TO EACH OTHER

[shaikah]

And we are back together. Been an amazing weekend of rekindled flames, hours and hours of conversation, just amazing

 

I'm so happy for you!!!

can I ask u a question?

 

what makes an ex boyfriend wants his ex girlfriend again???

[Wolfshook]

I've got one, it's been going from around new years.

 

She broke up with a guy in spring last year. The way she talked about him before breakup was like she hated him from the depths of her soul (no cheating,but he didnt behave just the way she liked it and she lost feelings). On new years eve she says she has a bf,but was secretive about him so I didnt push really. Today I was told by our mutual friend that she's back with this guy that she dumped in spring. I dont really know the middle part,but I know for a fact that there was substantial amount of time that they didnt talk to each other (she blocked him on fb).

[Capttrae]

I'm so happy for you!!!

can I ask u a question?

 

what makes an ex boyfriend wants his ex girlfriend again???

 

There was always a lot of what ifs. Two small words that when put together have a lot of meaning. In our case, 2 ppl that have grown and matured over the years. There's allot that's happened over the past 9 years. When we had drinks back before bow season I think we both recognized there was still an attraction, at the end of duck season she was gettin her life back in order and started talking about gettin together sometime just to see. Nothin ventured nothin gained right, turns out there was still a lot there now that we've grown there's a good chance this will work

[Sadandhurt1]

Saw some good things on here recently and just needed to add some more stories!

 

1) An old friend of mine from hs was dumped by her bf a long time ago. I can still remember her being so devastated and was begging and pining for him back. He was so against it. She would do silly things like drive all the way by his house just to see if she can get a glimpse of him (no judgement). They were pretty NC as initiated by him. Pretty sure once we all got into college she became more focused and tried to move forward, realized it wasn't worth it anymore if he didn't care. He noticed and quickly realized he actually didn't want to lose her. Fast forward 7 years later, they're still together with a puppy baby and living with each other!

 

2) Know a girl who was kind of dating this guy when we were in hs. Never got too serious but I don't think she really liked him. She ended up getting pregnant and almost marrying another guy. They ended up breaking up. First guy showed up and they've been happy ever since!

 

3) Another old friend of mine from hs was devastated when her ex not only dumped her but cheated on her. You could always tell she was never really that happy afterwards. But regardless she tried to move on. Guess he realized grass was not greener and they're now back together and she looks ecstatic.

 

Side story: Was talking to a coworker of mine who's been with her husband for 16 years. Told her about my recent BU. She was telling me that relationships are not easy and regardless of what we see on the outside, we don't know what's going on behind closed doors. A lot of couples break up, whether it may be for a short amount of time or years. Sometimes it really does depend on the circumstances. May it be distance, stress, timing, etc. A relationship involves two people and if one person feels like they're no longer happy they have the right to leave. You don't want to be stuck in a relationship that you don't think would work. It's unfair for both people when one of them just aren't in it 100% anymore.

 

The other person in the relationship should also be able to let go if they care for their significant other deeply. Sometimes space needs to be created where people can find themselves. One day they might just come back, realizing they do, in fact, need you. Take that time to grow and succeed on your own. Also it's important to love yourself. If things don't work out with your ex, someone else will come around and they'll grow to love you as much as you'll grow to love them.

 

It's hard and after having your heart broken you oftentimes feel like you can't move forward. But it's possible. I'm currently learning that myself. I forgot how to do things on my own and how to enjoy my own company! I truly believe that if you're a good person regardless of what was said, done, etc during the breakup, with time people eventually start to remember all the good that happened in the relationship. Keep the faith people, everything will work out eventually!

[foofightingguy]

Saw some good things on here recently and just needed to add some more stories!

 

1) An old friend of mine from hs was dumped by her bf a long time ago. I can still remember her being so devastated and was begging and pining for him back. He was so against it. She would do silly things like drive all the way by his house just to see if she can get a glimpse of him (no judgement). They were pretty NC as initiated by him. Pretty sure once we all got into college she became more focused and tried to move forward, realized it wasn't worth it anymore if he didn't care. He noticed and quickly realized he actually didn't want to lose her. Fast forward 7 years later, they're still together with a puppy baby and living with each other!

 

2) Know a girl who was kind of dating this guy when we were in hs. Never got too serious but I don't think she really liked him. She ended up getting pregnant and almost marrying another guy. They ended up breaking up. First guy showed up and they've been happy ever since!

 

3) Another old friend of mine from hs was devastated when her ex not only dumped her but cheated on her. You could always tell she was never really that happy afterwards. But regardless she tried to move on. Guess he realized grass was not greener and they're now back together and she looks ecstatic.

 

Side story: Was talking to a coworker of mine who's been with her husband for 16 years. Told her about my recent BU. She was telling me that relationships are not easy and regardless of what we see on the outside, we don't know what's going on behind closed doors. A lot of couples break up, whether it may be for a short amount of time or years. Sometimes it really does depend on the circumstances. May it be distance, stress, timing, etc. A relationship involves two people and if one person feels like they're no longer happy they have the right to leave. You don't want to be stuck in a relationship that you don't think would work. It's unfair for both people when one of them just aren't in it 100% anymore.

 

The other person in the relationship should also be able to let go if they care for their significant other deeply. Sometimes space needs to be created where people can find themselves. One day they might just come back, realizing they do, in fact, need you. Take that time to grow and succeed on your own. Also it's important to love yourself. If things don't work out with your ex, someone else will come around and they'll grow to love you as much as you'll grow to love them.

 

It's hard and after having your heart broken you oftentimes feel like you can't move forward. But it's possible. I'm currently learning that myself. I forgot how to do things on my own and how to enjoy my own company! I truly believe that if you're a good person regardless of what was said, done, etc during the breakup, with time people eventually start to remember all the good that happened in the relationship. Keep the faith people, everything will work out eventually!

 

I am fighting too, about how to not think about my ex.

 

I am not perfect, but I would like to think (and my friends all agree) that I was a great bf to my ex, we had an amazing 2 years before meaningless little fights and her need to kick-start her career made her decide to call it quits.

 

I am not trying to get my hopes up (although I think most of us has this slight hope in the back of our heads), but I do hope she remembers everything I have done for her.

[206Hope]

Thank you for starting this forum. I would love to ask a few more details of the people who have success stories. When both were separated did any of them date others and then get back together. Also for some who didn't give up did you let go or did you never never let go? I dated a man on/off for 10 months. I was under a cloud of grief due to two major losses in my life, my son and my husband. He too had his own trauma. It was a difficult relationship but I am feeling so much more healed now. He now is in another relationship and I am devastated. I want to know of all the success stories, everyone is telling me to let go?? How does one do that?

[SnugglePuggle]

So, here's my update (I posted on page 211):

 

As of right now, my ex and I are back together! Just to make things short, I won't explain everything, but we broke up in October 2016 due to my (now) bf's issues dealing with his parents divorce. He took it out on me verbally and made up excuses to put some blame on me. After it happens, I went into such a deep emotional sadness, it hurt so bad. He unfriended me on all social media sites, blocked me from messenger and my phone number, etc. I went straight no contact for a week, then broke the NC rule and begged him through email to tell me why he did this, as I could tell something was wrong with him. He was cold and distant, and sent short answers that only made the heartbreak worse, and then blocked me on my email too. But since I had multiple addresses I used those, and I snapped at one point, saying something I regretted instantly, and he replied with a nasty comment and blocked me again.

 

After that, I went straight NC. Went to my best friend's house a few hours away and had a great time with her, went horseback riding like we used to do when we were younger, and had a great time. I slowly but surely blocked him from my mind and just focused on things I enjoyed doing. Then one day I was driving home and just felt really bad about how I had said those nasty words as our last communication between each other, so I decided I would just send him one email saying I was sorry for it, and that I forgave him for what he did, and that I wished him well and hope he finds happiness. He responds actually saying he was happy I sent him that, and we started talking slowly but surely. As we just sent short texts, they soon turned into long conversations and he asked for me back one day, and I said YES. Well the next day he broke it to his mother, and that evening I broke the news to my parents. WORST DECISION EVER! They went absolutely ballistic. I had never seen them so angry, especially my father. He went all out, saying "I want him out of your life NOW" and he even prayed to God to "make his soul feel unrest so that he would end things again" and he and mom basically threw out all the red flags they had about him, and brought up the break up too, etc. Well next day, Zach ends things again saying that he feared they would never come around and this would be permanent this time. That's when it really broke me. The pain was so much worse, I had suicidal thoughts at one point. I finally got through it after awhile, and went straight NC again. With the occasional short text, a "Merry Christmas" thing or whatever, we barely had any contact after that.

 

Fast forward til around February 10. I remember the day because a few days before, I actually had come to terms that I was over him and that I could look forward to possibly find someone else that would love me better. And then it was like all the other people said, once you are finally over them, they come back! And he did, cause I opened up my email and there was a long message from him saying he was wrong, apologizing for our break up and that it had nothing to do with me, and that he was still in love with me. That it took his parents finalized divorce to realize things, and after his joy of seeing his abusive ex stepfather leave, it was quickly replaced with dispair that I was gone. And that he still was in love with me, and that his rebound relationship didn't help him get over me.

 

Well I was shell shocked at first, and it took me a day and a half to think up a reply. At first I told him I appreciated him finally opening up to me, but that I couldn't take him back because I felt my parents would react the same way they did before. But after a few days, I kept thinking more and more about him, and my feelings just came out. I texted him and we started talking, and soon it came to where we were open about everything. We got through the issues of the break up, talked about what we wanted to happen in this relationship, everything. I told my parents with our therapist by my side that we were back, and they didn't react badly but still were a bit cautious and guarded, but they are not trying to ruin things. They are still having a hard time coming around, but Zach and I are both willing to work as long as it takes to get them to finally be happy with us. We are slowly working on rebuilding for now, and I can't wait to see what happens next! (Even if I feel a little nervous about my choice, and what the future holds, I know that I need to see this through, and if it turns out that we aren't meant to be oh well, I will be happy that I made the choice for my life, not my parents, and if it does turn out

with a happy marriage and kids, which is what I'm hoping for, then that is great too!)

[AisforBroken]

Well, I'm at the end of this thread for the second time. I just really like reading these stories. Plus, it's really great to gauge where I'm at emotionally. The first time I read through, I was only 2-3 months out from my breakup, and I can FEEL the emotions I was having reading through these -- almost like I CRAVED the stories, I NEEDED them... I was so desperate for hope. Now, almost 8 months out, I'm reading them again, and don't have those feelings at all... I just really enjoy the stories, but the desperate need for hope isn't there anymore... It's nice to see how far I've come actually. I may come back in a couple months and re-read to see where I'm at.

 

Thanks everyone for the stories.

 

I finally got to talking to my parents (mom and step dad) about their relationship...

They had been together for a few years, bought a house together and everything, then broke up because my mom found out he was chatting with his ex and wanted nothing to do with it. My mom moved out and thought it was over for good. This lasted about 6 months.

 

They got back together, got married a couple years later, and then divorced about 4 years into the marriage (due to my step dad cheating with his ex)... they were apart for 2 and a half years - both definitely thought it was over for good, I'd assume. But one Christmas, I went to visit him and he told me to ask my mom if she wanted to come, because she was alone. A few months later, we moved into his house and they ended up remarrying some time later (a year or so, maybe?). They've now been remarried for about 13 years and I don't see anything changing. They're in it till the end.... Although I know they love each other, they don't really seem very "IN LOVE" in my opinion. My mom doesn't seem very happy with him a lot of the time and is very critical of him, but they just work in a weird way, I guess. They seem much more like friends than lovers. (is this what marriage does to people?)

 

While they were divorced, my mom dated a few guys for a while - I remember them all - then she got pregnant (oops!), and had my little brother and we lived with his dad for a while, but that didn't work out (he was really immature, quite a bit younger than her, they didn't get along very well... it was doomed from the start). I'm not sure what my step dad was doing during the off time, but he would take me to dinner and pick me up after school sometimes. I know he was on anti-depressants and he always seemed really sad. I never saw him with any other women. My mom actually went a little crazy during their first breakup too... she ran off and MARRIED a guy from her past immediately, like within a month, and got his name tattooed on her... the marriage obviously didn't last, was a mistake, and is now annulled, but the tattoo remains. She's had a few laser treatments on it too... Must have been a serious heartbreak... crazy woman... but I feel for her. The tattoo is a constant reminder to my step dad though ha!

 

I told this story with fewer details a while back, but I totally forgot they had a breakup before they got married.

[Capttrae]

Thank you for starting this forum. I would love to ask a few more details of the people who have success stories. When both were separated did any of them date others and then get back together. Also for some who didn't give up did you let go or did you never never let go? I dated a man on/off for 10 months. I was under a cloud of grief due to two major losses in my life, my son and my husband. He too had his own trauma. It was a difficult relationship but I am feeling so much more healed now. He now is in another relationship and I am devastated. I want to know of all the success stories, everyone is telling me to let go?? How does one do that?

 

Just mine and the lady I'm dating now. Between the time of breaking up and getting back together, she's been marroed and divorced, dated several guys. I've dated God only knows how many women had one live with me, lived with another one 2 engagements, we have both moved across the country and back, raised kids and cane and have had a lifetime of experiences.

[WombatShadow]

Wow, it's been a wild couple of weeks reading through all of these! They really do brighten your mood

 

I do know one fun story to share:

 

A young woman had just graduated college and moved back home, two or so hours away. She'd been on one date with this guy before she graduated, but he was local to their college and still enrolled, so she figured that would be the end of that. Instead, to her utter bewilderment, he somehow tracked down her address the fall after she graduated, drove all the way down to see her, and then ended up tracking her down at a football game she was attending in another town. She was teaching, but still living with her parents, so he had to sleep on the couch that night (and her dad slept in the armchair beside him!).

 

They began dating regularly after that. She'd drive up to see him and her other friends, he'd occasionally come down to hang out with her. This lasted for a year or so before she began to get bored with it. They were so different: he was a sports nut, she was a reader; she was quiet and sarcastic, he was loud and happy. She ended up telling him that it wasn't working out and left him in the dust, maybe a year and a few months after they started going steady.

 

A few months after that, she began dating somebody different from the college that a friend set her up with. However, it seemed like everywhere she and her new man went...her ex happened to be there. They went out to eat, and he'd sit a few tables away from them. They'd go bowling, and he'd set up in the lane next to them. They'd go to the park on a nice spring afternoon, and he'd show up to play Frisbee. Eventually, she got tired of seeing him around every time she tried to hang out with her new man and so confronted him on the issue while they were sitting in an ice cream parlor. His response?

 

"Well, I figured that if you kept seeing me around, you'd eventually figure out that I'm your ideal man."

 

She, of course, snapped at him and told him to stop being ridiculous.

 

Then she walked back to her table, told her new man that it wasn't working out, and went to sit with her ex.

 

My parents got married a year or so after that, and have been together for over 35 years now.

 

So, you can do everything wrong, as dear old Dad did, but when there's true love...well, it wins out.

 

Post Script: I do not endorse stalking your ex as a means to get them back. I'm 99% sure my parents accidentally lived a couple of years in a B-romcom; it's the only explanation I have as to how that line actually worked for my dad.

[PLane1375]

Wow, it's been a wild couple of weeks reading through all of these! They really do brighten your mood

 

I do know one fun story to share:

 

A young woman had just graduated college and moved back home, two or so hours away. She'd been on one date with this guy before she graduated, but he was local to their college and still enrolled, so she figured that would be the end of that. Instead, to her utter bewilderment, he somehow tracked down her address the fall after she graduated, drove all the way down to see her, and then ended up tracking her down at a football game she was attending in another town. She was teaching, but still living with her parents, so he had to sleep on the couch that night (and her dad slept in the armchair beside him!).

 

They began dating regularly after that. She'd drive up to see him and her other friends, he'd occasionally come down to hang out with her. This lasted for a year or so before she began to get bored with it. They were so different: he was a sports nut, she was a reader; she was quiet and sarcastic, he was loud and happy. She ended up telling him that it wasn't working out and left him in the dust, maybe a year and a few months after they started going steady.

 

A few months after that, she began dating somebody different from the college that a friend set her up with. However, it seemed like everywhere she and her new man went...her ex happened to be there. They went out to eat, and he'd sit a few tables away from them. They'd go bowling, and he'd set up in the lane next to them. They'd go to the park on a nice spring afternoon, and he'd show up to play Frisbee. Eventually, she got tired of seeing him around every time she tried to hang out with her new man and so confronted him on the issue while they were sitting in an ice cream parlor. His response?

 

"Well, I figured that if you kept seeing me around, you'd eventually figure out that I'm your ideal man."

 

She, of course, snapped at him and told him to stop being ridiculous.

 

Then she walked back to her table, told her new man that it wasn't working out, and went to sit with her ex.

 

My parents got married a year or so after that, and have been together for over 35 years now.

 

So, you can do everything wrong, as dear old Dad did, but when there's true love...well, it wins out.

 

Post Script: I do not endorse stalking your ex as a means to get them back. I'm 99% sure my parents accidentally lived a couple of years in a B-romcom; it's the only explanation I have as to how that line actually worked for my dad.

 

Lol, that's pretty funny, but nice.

 

I'm slowly coming to the realization though that I can read all of the stories on the internet but it still wouldn't apply to my situation. You can find stories of every situation imaginable, where an Ex leaves for years, or comes back in a month, or never comes back, because you never know exactly what your ex is thinking.

 

But from reading all of these stories, it kind of goes to show that anything can happen.

[WombatShadow]

Lol, that's pretty funny, but nice.

 

I'm slowly coming to the realization though that I can read all of the stories on the internet but it still wouldn't apply to my situation. You can find stories of every situation imaginable, where an Ex leaves for years, or comes back in a month, or never comes back, because you never know exactly what your ex is thinking.

 

But from reading all of these stories, it kind of goes to show that anything can happen.

 

That's exactly it. I originally started on this thread with the thought of "Well, gosh, if these people have all gotten back together/know people who did, surely I can take their advice and apply it to my own situation!", but the farther in I got the more I realized that I was asking the impossible of this thread and these people. Some of them went NC, some of them stayed besties; some of them were apart for years, others were apart for just a few months; some of them left because of a fight, others broke it off because one or both parties just "fell out of love".

 

I continued reading these because it's fun and a day-brightener, but there are no magic answers buried in here or any other place on the Web.

 

Anyhow, to stay on topic, another (less happy) story:

 

My brother (John) had been dating his high school girlfriend (Alice) for nine months. They'd had their share of arguments, mostly because of a male friend of Alice's that she spent suspicious amounts of time with, but they seemed pretty happy. Then, one day, Alice and her "friend" were super late to musical rehearsal, and everyone including John believed that they'd been having sex. John confronted Alice, who broke it off with him because she didn't like being yelled at.

 

Things were ugly for a while. Most of their mutual friends sided with John, but Alice wasn't without allies in their little war. She ended up convincing their boss to fire John that summer, and so he suddenly became unemployed. He made sure she didn't get cast in the summer musical that they both auditioned for. However, the flipside of hatred is passion, and things were quite strong between the two of them. They ended up getting back together just before John left for college, and although they fought (mostly the distance this time), John really thought that they would be married.

 

Out of the blue, about a year after it happened the first time, Alice dumped John again to be with her "friend". However, he wasn't waiting for her anymore, and so Alice was left with one guy who hated/loved her and another guy who didn't care about her in the slightest. Alice came crawling back to John again that summer, and John thought that the third time was the charm. Unfortunately (so he thought at the time), it wasn't. Alice informed John in September that she had had a boyfriend for the whole length of their last reunion, but that she'd love to stay FWBs. He thought he was the boyfriend, and the revelation that it wasn't true made him break things off with her entirely.

 

This all went down nearly ten years ago. Alice has had several long-term relationships, but always sniffs around John when she's in between beaus just to see if there's any interest left. John, on the other hand, is now married to an amazing woman and has an adorable baby girl, and has completely spurned any advances made by Alice.

 

So, it is a happy ending for John, but not in a reconciliation sense. Nonetheless, it does show that the dumpers do come back (and back, and back, and back again at times).

[snr]

I had initially said to myself that I'd only post in here if I got back with my ex but I've decided I'm more than happy with him out of my life for good, so here are the stories I know of reconciliation/ returning lovers:

 

1) My great auntie and uncle are the most amazing couple I have ever met - they've been married over 55 years with 3 kids and they are still very much in love (if I could have a relationship half as beautiful as theirs, I would die happy). Anyway, my uncle said that as soon as he laid eyes on her, he knew he'd marry her. They started dating pretty soon after that, and had been going about ~1 year before my uncle had to do his national service over in Korea, I also think they were a little bit on the rocks. My auntie was only 17 and wasn't ready for marriage so they decided to split up as he was expected to be out there for up to 2 years. He went and served his time, I believe he may have dated someone over there and my auntie met someone else and came very close to marrying him from what I heard. Anyway, he returned from Korea a few months after my auntie had split from her ex and they quickly reunited and I doubt have spent more than a day or two apart ever since.

 

2) My parents aren't exactly the best example but I remember them splitting at least a good dozen times in my lifetime. From what I know, my parents split fairly early on in their relationship when my dad used to put football ahead of my mum, after only 2-3 months (I think) he decided he loved her about as much as he did football (which is saying something) and they reunited. I think they lasted for about another year or two before they split again because my mum wanted to experience other guys. Anyway, she dates a guy briefly, realised her mistake and crawls back not long after. Couple years later I was born and then my brother. After the birth of my brother my mum developed severe post-natal and frequently tried to kill herself, as a result my dad developed a very serious alcohol addiction to deal with it all - over the next 10 years my parents would split at least a dozen times (usually my mother ending things saying she couldn't cope with my dad, but also on rarer times, the reverse), sometimes it would last for no more than a week and I think the longest was about 9 months. Eventually when I was about 10/ 11, they reconciled having both dealt with their problems. They lasted another 8 years before my mum decided that she wanted to end things with my dad. He was heartbroken at the time and I think everyone assumed they'd be back together eventually but she's now remarried I think and he's been with his now live in girlfriend for nearly 2 years (and me and the brother are pushing for a wedding) - he has however always said he was glad they kept getting back together as it gave him us and made him a stronger person.

 

3) My best friend is in early reconciliation with her ex. They went out for only about 6 months before he had to go for a year long work experience at the other end of the country, they talked about doing LDR but both decided against it. Not long after they mutually broke up she made me vow never to let her go back to him and pointed to 3 sheets of A4 of reasons they were better off apart. They've both been with other people in a very casual capacity but I don't think any of them have dated/ been in an actual relationship. They had NC for a month, spoke briefly for a couple of weeks, then did 2 months NC. Then over the past 3-4 months they've gone to talking to each other almost 24 hours a day, they Skype, send each other pictures constantly and always find excuses to chat. When he came up for a visit last month, they shared a bed (not sure if she meant simply in a literal "we slept together" or erm ... "we slept together and it just so happened to be in my bed") and basically acted like they were already a couple without having a discussion first. Before he left they checked that they didn't want to do LDR (they didn't) and so went about life. Basically when he comes back in September we all know they'll be back together - they are at the moment, just they're both refusing the label because they don't like the idea of LDR. (Personally I don't think it will last as she's a devout Christian who wants marriage + kids, he's a very cynical atheist and also despises the idea of marriage/ kids but they're both adamant to make it work when he's back).

 

4) When telling a friend of mine about all the bullcrap my ex had done since we broke up, she said she'd had an almost identical situation. They'd been going out shy of a year, he'd become depressed and started to treat her poorly and eventually dumped her. During their break up he almost immediately started shagging anything with a pulse and would try and use their mutual friends to flaunt this, on the few occasions they spoke he would make hurtful comments and by the end of it she became convinced he had never loved her. Throughout most of it all, she said she would have done anything to have him back. By about 9 months she started dating people and a few months later she realised she much preferred to be with other people. A year after the break up, he turned up and explained that he was sorry for everything that he had done and that he had only acted the way he had because he was hurt and still in love with her but didn't know it - think they were NC for most of it, with only the odd meeting due to mutual friends in the meantime. He begged and pleaded for her to get back with him but she explained that she didn't want to get back with him but wanted to remain friends. He became a vision of the "typical dumpee" in begging, pleading, minor stalking and trying to use mutual friends to get her back. Since she moved to uni I believe they've become friends, but he still wants her back even now.

 

5) At least 2 of my ex's exes have tried to get back with him, one dumped him and the other cheated on him, then he dumped her. He's genuinely didn't seem to realise, but it was clear they wanted him back, only he was with me and once I pointed it out he made sure they knew where he stood. But in both their cases there was another guy involved (first only emotionally cheated and the second physically), but when it didn't work out they both tried crawling back. From what I know, I think if the first one had come back within the year after them breaking up, he'd have gone back within a heartbeat (first teenage love and all that).

 

6) When I told my counselor about my breakup he told me about one of his best friends, they'd been dating in sixth form and had ended it a few months before they left for uni as neither thought it was really working and didn't want to do LDR whilst they went to university. They went on, both dated and had serious relationships with other people, then by chance one happened to move to the same city the other was in and they had a happen chance meeting. Must have still had some feelings for each other, and they decided to give it another go. They've apparently been married over 35 years and are one of the best couples he knows.

 

7) Bit of a sad one. I recently found out one of my favourite couples had split (they'd been together 8 years, had bought a house and I had assumed would eventually marry and breed - she certainly wanted that). I did a bit of digging and by the sounds of it, he reconnected with an old girlfriend at the later stages of their relationship and realised he loved his ex more than he did his then girlfriend. He dumped her realising it was unfair that he keep her in a loveless relationship and after about 6 months decided to pursue his ex. They both seem massively in love (which is awful because his now-ex is clearly still heartbroken).

 

8) My best friend in the whole wide world has broken up with her ex about 3 times previously, through a 10 year relationship. The first time she discovered he'd cheated and got another girl pregnant, so she decided to bin him. Think they were apart about a year, where she only saw one guy (I think it was only actually one date they had) and he saw no-one else, the other woman unfortunately had a miscarriage and after a year he came back pleading with her saying he'd changed, she was thinking about trying to get him back at the time anyhow and they got back together. The other time, he'd just been sent to prison for drug offences and she'd only had their baby a few months beforehand and so she decided she didn't want that in her life and ended it again. He used to call her and say it'd been a mistake and how he was gonna change for him and his daughter and eventually got back with him. Anyway he's been awful to her (impressively whilst still being in prison) due to his insecurity and jealousy and she's ended it again. Gonna have to help her stay strong and not go back again, unfortunately it was a case of a super controlling and manipulative boyfriend.

 

9) I don't know the details but my grandma admitted to breaking up with my grandad at some point in their "early-ish courtship", didn't seem like something she wanted to talk about so didn't pry but they've been married 52 years now so they clearly worked past it.

 

10) There's a guy who is a friend of mine from a voluntary organisation (and who my ex used to work with on occasions), he and his girlfriend have broken up at least twice in the last 3 years. I think the first one was very minor, barely a few weeks and the latter one was over 6 months, possibly closer to a year. I think the latter time he broke up with her because he didn't think he loved her as much anymore - everyone assumed that was it for them because they never seemed happy in the first place (the ex also reckons there was a lot more minor breakups in betweenbut I can't confirm either way and he hated him so ...). Anyway, he was working with my ex and he mentions that he went on dates/ slept with quite a few people and realised she was the one and she fortunately took him back (after apparently sleeping with half the people in said voluntary organisation). They seem pretty happy together on facebook but I think they're too embarrassed to go public yet and are pretending to be friends until a longer time has gone (think they've been back together only about 3 months or so).

 

In all honesty there are still quite a lot of people I know who've got back with their exes at one point or another, but I don't know any other details other than what I can gleam from facebook.

 

For anyone going through those awful early days of a breakup, I know it's crap but it does get so much better. I'm only 2 and a half months post-BU and whilst I still miss being able to talk to him and do things with him, I'm perfectly happy knowing that I'll find someone much better with time. I know reading these things does help massively (for me it instilled the philosophy of "the right person will find their way to you, whether him or someone better" which meant I was able to heal far quicker than I ever thought I could) but don't let it be the only thing you do to cope.

 

Hope and obsessing about reconciliation will make things easy in the immediate aftermath of a break up but you eventually need to try and let go of that, otherwise you just drag out the suffering (writing this, a small 1% of me wants to think we'll be back together but I've had enough time now to simply ignore it and understand it'll probably be there until I find someone new rather than helping to fuel the flames like I used to). Honestly the people's advise here is brilliant so try and listen, even if at times it can sound harsh and judgmental. For example the friend in #3 probably hates me because when she asks for advise/ thoughts on her situation I'll tell her the truth and it hurts and she will make excuse after excuse so as to undermine my opinion/ not do what I recommended, and in doing so everyone who knows her is aware that she is making herself more miserable now and in the future. The truth will probably hurt and the best thing for you will likely seem like the most painful option. Try not to build your healing around reconciliation, for example do NC but for you, rather than just being like "I will NC them for 30 days and try and reconcile", try and do it until you reach a point where you can honestly say "I don't care if you are in or out of my life" - as it's likely the safest basis for a friendship/ retry. And in a weird way a lot of good can come from a break up, in order to get over the pain you have to do stuff in order to survive - see your friends, go on holiday, hit the gym, learn a language, pick up a new hobby. I've done more stuff in the past couple of months than in the entire time I was with my ex and whilst that hasn't completely negated the pain, it's meant I'm more excited about my future (compared to the couple of weeks crying in my bed). If you actually take the time to get better and get stronger, life has a way of making things work out like it should - them or someone else.

 

Also in pretty much all of my stories, the "dumpee" had moved on and started living and enjoying their life. I know of a fair few people who plotted to get their ex back and it seemed to blow up in their faces but once they stopped that and allowed room for someone else to enter their life, they found the right person (and in a couple of cases, it was their ex). I know with a fair few of them, they never stopped loving their ex, but they were at a point where they genuinely thought there was no chance and were happy enough to carry on without them. Another common thing is time - the ones that worked out were apart for longer because they had time to grow, heal and forgive each other for whatever hurt had been done before. Anyhow that's my 2 cents.

 

If I ever wander back and have more exciting stories, I shall post them.

[206Hope]

Hi WombatShadow,

 

What a lovely story and that it worked for your Dad. What does B-romcom mean? I know for me, he would be pissed if i showed up and I think I just can't handle seeing him with another. I want to keep sending my ex messages that I love him, by a card or something. I have also heard that its okay for men to chase but not the other way around?

[WombatShadow]

Hi WombatShadow,

 

What a lovely story and that it worked for your Dad. What does B-romcom mean? I know for me, he would be pissed if i showed up and I think I just can't handle seeing him with another. I want to keep sending my ex messages that I love him, by a card or something. I have also heard that its okay for men to chase but not the other way around?

 

Hi Hope,

 

I meant a B-movie romantic comedy (so not one that's great, but not super bad either). You know, the ones full of cheesy lines and stuff that would never happen in real life.

 

I don't know that it's not okay for women to chase men. That's how I got my (now ex) in the first place; he clearly had feelings for me, but was too afraid to act on them. I had to do all the leg work hahaha. That being said, I took a look through your profile and saw what you posted about No Contact. Honestly, NC is not meant to be used as a means of getting your man back; it's meant to allow you to heal, move on, and become yourself once again (we all tend to lose ourselves in our relationships to some extent). It sounds like you're still pretty wrapped up in your ex, which means you might want to throw yourself into hobbies, hanging out with friends, etc. before you break No Contact. If you chase your ex right now, it's going to come across as desperate (and that's exactly the opposite of what you want).

 

Also, don't just bombard your ex with love and showers of affection. That is rarely going to work. Instead, play it cool. When your ex fell for you in the first place, he didn't fall for you because you were constantly telling him how much you loved him, right? He fell in love with your laugh, your sense of humor, your rockin' bod, your brain...he fell in love with you. You need to find that person again before you try to get him back.

 

In my dad's case, I think it helped that a) my parents were long distance at the time (and phone calls were expensive back then!) and b) my dad had time to get back into his jocular, goofy self. According to my mom, it didn't hurt that he got ripped and really threw himself into his studies. He not only found himself again, he found/created the best version of himself. That's what you (and I, and everyone else looking for their ex to return) need to do.

 

EDIT: In keeping with the theme of this thread...my aunt recently moved back in with her ex-husband from 10+ years ago. She says it's just until her new place is ready, but she's been cooking dinner for him and watching TV with him every night since she moved into his basement, and she's accompanying him to doctor appointments and family commitments. When they divorced, they continued to live together for like six months before he finally moved out, and they have been in Low Contact since then (though she remained quite close to his entire family, even after moving 4 hours away). And now, they're living together again...I'm just waiting to see if this is really a temporary situation.

[Sadandhurt1]

Was talking to my cousin yesterday about my breakup and she reassured me that everything will be ok, then proceeded on telling me her story w her husband.

 

Basically they had dated in high school and things just didn't work out. She said it was bad timing. They ended up breaking up and not speaking to each other for some time. Then, slowly, they started talking again and became really good friends. They ended up getting into several relationships with other people and whenever they had some issues they would talk to each other about it and give each other advice.

 

She said that when they were younger she never really thought it would work out just because he pretended to be such a "tough guy" but everytime they were alone together he acted so differently and soon she fell for him while being close friends.

 

I'm pretty sure it was years that they were broken up because she was with several guys and they were mostly long term relationships. Now they're married w three kids. She told me that separating was probably the best thing for them because it allowed them to grow up and have separate experiences with other people. It also allowed them to really appreciate each other.

 

She said that breakups are ridiculously hard but the best thing to do is move on and just see what happens. Eventually one day things will work out regardless with who it's with.

[ninewhilenine]

Not really a reconciliation story, but I've seen similar posts here before, so here we go...

 

Long story short, I dated a girl six or seven years ago. We both were really young, in our early twenties. It wasn't too serious, mainly because of her, let's say, liberal attitude towards relationships in general. There were other people involved, all of whom most probably knew about the situation. Can't say that we ''clicked'' really well, but I didn't have too many friends at the time, she was smart and attractive, so we ended up sort of dating for about half a year. Then I got tired of her, she got tired of me and I felt a relief when everything was over. However, a few months later she started messaging me constantly, telling me how she missed me etc. It was annoying, I had no interest in her anymore. If I remember well, I was still getting the messages almost a year after the day I last saw that girl. It's worth mentioning that she was a self-confident, even arrogant person, not somebody who you would expect to be clingy. By the time I had met someone new, the messages and frequent invitations to meet were too annoying and I deleted her from my skype and facebook. So, as you might have read in this thread before, they DO come back.

[Sadandhurt1]

Needed to bump this thread cause it's another one of my down days.....

 

Gonna talk about my other cousin who got dumped a long time ago by this guy she was convinced was the one she was gonna marry. They went to college together and were together for quite some time when one day he just felt like the two of them were not compatible enough and just not going anywhere together.

 

She was absolutely devastated, crying all the time and my own mom told me that the whole family believed there was no chance they would ever get back together.

 

He initiated NC and she basically had to just go along with it. It was quite a long breakup from what I've heard from my family and such. Months to maybe even up to a year or so.

 

But now they're happily married with a son. I need to find out the full story from them! Will definitely update on here when I do.

[Rosey4]

This is not strictly a reconciliation story but need a little advice.

 

I started to date my ex after 2 years of friends with benefits us travelling having different adventures dating different people but we were always very happy when we were together. Initially i asked him for a serious relationship but he said no as he was seeing someone else and i was leaving for 6 months. 4 months later we met again but i was with someone. He pursued for 9months through this long distance relationship and then i finally broke up and said ill date him in 4months when we will finally be in the same country. We waited and finally it started but i was insecure about his ex and a few months i broke up with him. I didnt that broke his heart and no matter what i did he wouldn't take me back. Now almost 5 months later after chasing him begging crying nc maximum of 2 weeks. We still talk 2 weeks ago he thought long and hard but still said as we will now be in a long distance situation again he preferred to be single and see other women casually. Hes always been an adventurer with no savings. Im an adventurer too but i save and own a house. Now hes trying to do the same and working weeks on end at a mining town on the other side of the country. 2 days ago my mother told me to just go there and be with him and skip my thru hike. I wrote to him about it. We talked and he said the mining town has nothing and ill end up hating him. He told me to go hike for two months and if i still wanted to i could go hang out with him and see how things go.

 

Would you go?

[AisforBroken]

This is not strictly a reconciliation story but need a little advice.

 

I started to date my ex after 2 years of friends with benefits us travelling having different adventures dating different people but we were always very happy when we were together. Initially i asked him for a serious relationship but he said no as he was seeing someone else and i was leaving for 6 months. 4 months later we met again but i was with someone. He pursued for 9months through this long distance relationship and then i finally broke up and said ill date him in 4months when we will finally be in the same country. We waited and finally it started but i was insecure about his ex and a few months i broke up with him. I didnt that broke his heart and no matter what i did he wouldn't take me back. Now almost 5 months later after chasing him begging crying nc maximum of 2 weeks. We still talk 2 weeks ago he thought long and hard but still said as we will now be in a long distance situation again he preferred to be single and see other women casually. Hes always been an adventurer with no savings. Im an adventurer too but i save and own a house. Now hes trying to do the same and working weeks on end at a mining town on the other side of the country. 2 days ago my mother told me to just go there and be with him and skip my thru hike. I wrote to him about it. We talked and he said the mining town has nothing and ill end up hating him. He told me to go hike for two months and if i still wanted to i could go hang out with him and see how things go.

 

Would you go?

 

You probably would be better off starting your own thread, but for what it's worth... what's 2 months? It's nothing. Go hike then see how you feel. Don't put your plans on the back burner.

[WombatShadow]

Bumping because I'm seeing my ex tomorrow and could use the good vibes. In the meantime...have another story, ironically from a coworker of my ex's.

 

S, we'll call her, had been married to K for twenty years. They had at least one child together, but their relationship was beginning to wane. In the end, they had a big fight (there might have been cheating involved, but I don't think so) and divorced. They didn't speak to or about each other for about seven years, except when it came to their kid(s). Both of them had long-term relationships that didn't pan out.

 

Then their kid got married, and they were forced to be civil to one another in the lead up to the wedding. By the time of the wedding, they weren't being forced to be civil anymore, but were in fact enjoying spending time together, and ended up hooking up the night of their kid's wedding. Less than a year down the road, they had a "Take 2" ceremony and have been married for about two years now. My ex and I ended up eating dinner on Valentine's Day with them last year (long story), and they are so happy together.

[jj1418]

I'm almost 2 months post breakup. I'm in my early 30's, and my ex is in his late 30's. He broke it off very suddenly before we were supposed to get together for a date night in a fit of "I don't know, I don't know what it is, I don't know what I want...." and expressing fear over how he has no time to give a relationship the next few months due to a major project for his work. (Being more advanced in the same career as him -- I actually kinda sympathize with the latter though I'm still sad especially given we had discussed that I understood why he needed to give that a lot of attention). I did all my begging, attempted negotiating, etc during our very long breakup talk. (At one point he raised the idea of going on pause for the next few months, but at my age, I wasn't eager to do that--too much power in his camp). Have been completely no contact since then and even though it still stings, I found this was the first week I could talk to friends about the breakup and actually laugh a little about how ridiculous his reasoning was. And that I could console myself feeling assured I did everything possible to make our time together positive, fun, un-stressful, and free of incidents that would leave a bad memory of me.

 

 

So, on to the topic of this thread. This is not a reconciliation story per se, but it does lend credibility to the notion that if you treated someone well and with respect, it's hard to forget you:

Between the end of high school and all throughout college, I was in a messy on-again, off-again LDR--he'd pick arguments with me about all sorts of stuff like how much I studied, why I didn't have a different set of friends, why I didn't visit him more at his college. At one point he went so far as to say that he could visit me at my college but I prioritized school "too much." (fast-forward: doing great in my career. No regrets there.) We argued a ton, usually with me on defense for things no one should have to defend when they are truly loved and respected for who they are. I don't know how/why I put up with it except I was super young--between 17 and 21 years old as this all unfolded--and far more book-smart than I was socially-smart or dating-smart. I went NC on him my junior year, and of course it was after I'd stopped thinking about him that he crawled back and we got back together again. Well, during my senior year, I was visiting his campus for a grad school interview, and i had planned the trip so I could stay over through the weekend and see both him and one of my friends from high school. Well, thank goodness for my friend from high school, because he blew me off the whole weekend except for an hour for breakfast my last day there. I was shellshocked, and I soon learned that he had started dating someone else before I ever made that last visit. Of course, when he came clean about having a new gf, he had started dating her "after" my visit according to his version.

 

Tried to stay "friends" with him for about 2 years after this (and by this, I mean, intermittent IMs, etc -- we weren't in the same city) after that until I finally snapped. He was still with the new girl, and while I knew I no longer wanted him, I was sick of being angry and pretending I had forgiven him when he had never really apologized. I cut him off on FB and every other communication modality that existed in the era of 2007. This is what followed since...

 

-- 10 months after cutting him off, I got a text wishing me well for the holidays. I think this is when he realized I had cut him off. I didn't respond.

-- 5 years later, I got a FB friend request from him. I was suspicious and did some investigation. We were living in the same city at this point, and it turned out his fiancee (the one he had cheated on me with) had dumped him. I deleted his request.

-- Another year after that, I got an email. He had seen me on a friend's facebook album and was writing as if nothing bad had ever happened, and that he "looked forward to catching up." I ignored it.

-- Saw him out at a few parties in the months after that. Ignored him. He later purposefully came to a party where he knew I was and talked to me in a way that was clearly intended to needle me. I responded calmly and briefly without acknowledging the snark. (This was the first time we had said any words to each in person since college!) I was fuming mad but didn't show it to him.

-- Now, 3 years after the last time I saw him -- and a total of almost 12 years since college -- he reached out AGAIN trying to get my attention.

 

I don't wish him badly -- at this point, I'm indifferent because i know we are not compatible. I'd have been willing to give being friendly/friends a shot if he could have shown he was capable of being genuine, but that's not his character. In any case, it has been gratifying proof that I am not forgettable. That was my fear as a 21 year old girl (and I guess as a 30-something, that's my fear with the latest ex). I would love to travel back in time, give that heartsick 21-year-old-me a hug, and assure her that in the future he'll DEFINITELY feel sorry and feel the burn of his decisions.

[JustPeachy111]

I'm almost 2 months post breakup. I'm in my early 30's, and my ex is in his late 30's. He broke it off very suddenly before we were supposed to get together for a date night in a fit of "I don't know, I don't know what it is, I don't know what I want...." and expressing fear over how he has no time to give a relationship the next few months due to a major project for his work. (Being more advanced in the same career as him -- I actually kinda sympathize with the latter though I'm still sad especially given we had discussed that I understood why he needed to give that a lot of attention). I did all my begging, attempted negotiating, etc during our very long breakup talk. (At one point he raised the idea of going on pause for the next few months, but at my age, I wasn't eager to do that--too much power in his camp). Have been completely no contact since then and even though it still stings, I found this was the first week I could talk to friends about the breakup and actually laugh a little about how ridiculous his reasoning was. And that I could console myself feeling assured I did everything possible to make our time together positive, fun, un-stressful, and free of incidents that would leave a bad memory of me.

 

 

So, on to the topic of this thread. This is not a reconciliation story per se, but it does lend credibility to the notion that if you treated someone well and with respect, it's hard to forget you:

Between the end of high school and all throughout college, I was in a messy on-again, off-again LDR--he'd pick arguments with me about all sorts of stuff like how much I studied, why I didn't have a different set of friends, why I didn't visit him more at his college. At one point he went so far as to say that he could visit me at my college but I prioritized school "too much." (fast-forward: doing great in my career. No regrets there.) We argued a ton, usually with me on defense for things no one should have to defend when they are truly loved and respected for who they are. I don't know how/why I put up with it except I was super young--between 17 and 21 years old as this all unfolded--and far more book-smart than I was socially-smart or dating-smart. I went NC on him my junior year, and of course it was after I'd stopped thinking about him that he crawled back and we got back together again. Well, during my senior year, I was visiting his campus for a grad school interview, and i had planned the trip so I could stay over through the weekend and see both him and one of my friends from high school. Well, thank goodness for my friend from high school, because he blew me off the whole weekend except for an hour for breakfast my last day there. I was shellshocked, and I soon learned that he had started dating someone else before I ever made that last visit. Of course, when he came clean about having a new gf, he had started dating her "after" my visit according to his version.

 

Tried to stay "friends" with him for about 2 years after this (and by this, I mean, intermittent IMs, etc -- we weren't in the same city) after that until I finally snapped. He was still with the new girl, and while I knew I no longer wanted him, I was sick of being angry and pretending I had forgiven him when he had never really apologized. I cut him off on FB and every other communication modality that existed in the era of 2007. This is what followed since...

 

-- 10 months after cutting him off, I got a text wishing me well for the holidays. I think this is when he realized I had cut him off. I didn't respond.

-- 5 years later, I got a FB friend request from him. I was suspicious and did some investigation. We were living in the same city at this point, and it turned out his fiancee (the one he had cheated on me with) had dumped him. I deleted his request.

-- Another year after that, I got an email. He had seen me on a friend's facebook album and was writing as if nothing bad had ever happened, and that he "looked forward to catching up." I ignored it.

-- Saw him out at a few parties in the months after that. Ignored him. He later purposefully came to a party where he knew I was and talked to me in a way that was clearly intended to needle me. I responded calmly and briefly without acknowledging the snark. (This was the first time we had said any words to each in person since college!) I was fuming mad but didn't show it to him.

-- Now, 3 years after the last time I saw him -- and a total of almost 12 years since college -- he reached out AGAIN trying to get my attention.

 

I don't wish him badly -- at this point, I'm indifferent because i know we are not compatible. I'd have been willing to give being friendly/friends a shot if he could have shown he was capable of being genuine, but that's not his character. In any case, it has been gratifying proof that I am not forgettable. That was my fear as a 21 year old girl (and I guess as a 30-something, that's my fear with the latest ex). I would love to travel back in time, give that heartsick 21-year-old-me a hug, and assure her that in the future he'll DEFINITELY feel sorry and feel the burn of his decisions.

 

Haha! Even years later. Just goes to show how great you must've been.

 

I've had an ex break up with me multiple times over a 7 year period. He always came back after a few weeks or a few months of me doing NC. One time we were broken up for just over a year (he continued to text me the entire time though sporadically). Last time we broke up (I ended it for good) was 2 years ago...he has a new GF now, and stopped texting me when things got serious with her, but it took another year after our final break up 2 years ago for him to stop messaging me. And he had already been with his new gf for a few months while he continued to message me. However, he was a cheater (but I didn't find out till after) so I made the right decision. It is still somewhat of a reconciliation story because we did get back together several times. In this case he did not grow and change, so it didn't work.

 

I have seen many cases where people did change on a break up and get back together and it lasted.

 

Here is one: a couple I know of in their 40's: They were together 2 years, met online. He cheated on her, she found out and ended it. 8-10 months later they got back together (not something I'd recommend in this case). Not sure of the details or who contacted who. They've been together for the passed 6 months and going strong. They both seem happy.

[agromuffin]

Hi all,

 

My ex broke up with me because he was moving back home and got cold feet because he didn't want me to uproot for him if he wasn't sure he was 100% going to marry me. We were together for 2.5 years and it was a really good relationship. But I guess he didn't date much before me even though we're in our late 20s so GIGS is real in this scenario. I can't tell you guys just how much this thread has helped me heal and recover so I'm here to contribute some stories.

 

1. A gay colleague of mine has been with his partner for 15 years. He told me after a few years together, he cheated on him (he was significantly younger than his partner, probably didn't feel like he dated enough) and they broke up for more than a year. They reconciled after that and have been together ever since.

 

2. My uncle got my aunt pregnant at 18 and decided to dump her. My aunt found another guy and kept showing up at places where my uncle would frequent with her new guy. My uncle couldn't stand the idea of another man being with her, immediately went back to her and married her. They're still married after 40 years.

 

3. This is a partial success story - my friend broke up with her bf because she fell in love with someone else. This was after 1.5 years. Her bf was devastated but my friend soon found out that the other guy was attached and went crawling back to her bf. They lasted another 3 years before breaking up for good.