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Getting back together really does happen!


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My point was people on this thread are focused on getting back together when I'm fact nothing works except what everyone else tells you to do from experience. What people always tell you to do is to move on and if it works out it works out. Get to a point were you don't care anymore and it's possible you will get back together.

 

I am saying this because that's the best advice anyone can possibly give. I was focused on trying anything to get back with my ex and the only thing that worked was letting it go and going on with my life.

 

So I'm saying its a get back together story but it took over a year and a half for it to happen and the only reason it happened was I didn't try and make it happen in the end. It just kinda happened once I was happy and had let go of anything ever happening.

 

Can I ask a few questions?

 

How long were you guys split up for? Did she initiate contact? Was she single for awhile before you guys tried again? Just curious as to the timeline and how it transpired.

 

Congrats! I hope it works out for you!

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Not sure if its getting back together but I did meet a girl from the net around 6 years ago. I had one date with her but it didn't get a second date as she just saw me as a friend. We spoke to each other every day by text and met up once a year. She was in a relationship with 3 other men. Each of hem lasted for 2 years. They were bad breakups but one night her best friend messaged me on FB. I got asked out. Took her 6 years and 3 other people to get back.

 

So the moral of the story is don't wait around. Sometimes people don't come back at all. However 6 years was far too long and I had moved on. Now I saw her as a friend and couldn't get past it! LOL

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Not sure if its getting back together but I did meet a girl from the net around 6 years ago. I had one date with her but it didn't get a second date as she just saw me as a friend. We spoke to each other every day by text and met up once a year. She was in a relationship with 3 other men. Each of hem lasted for 2 years. They were bad breakups but one night her best friend messaged me on FB. I got asked out. Took her 6 years and 3 other people to get back.

 

So the moral of the story is don't wait around. Sometimes people don't come back at all. However 6 years was far too long and I had moved on. Now I saw her as a friend and couldn't get past it! LOL

 

Yup, too long! Especially because you didn't have a history together.

I have my first love I can still go back to, except he lives all the way across the US and I'd have to move

my daughter there, and I don't want to uproot her right now. Plus he comes back to visit, and while he was my

first love and first everything, I'm not feeling in love anymore. On paper though, he's perfect. I honestly

can't say anything negative, he's successful and a real sweetheart. The only thing is that damn wandering

eye of his, lol.

 

The funny part is I was on YouTube and watched this dumb video about what age you'd meet your soulmate,

according to your zodiac sign. I LMAO because boom!! 16! The age I met him lol

I don't put much weight into things like that, but when I watched another video on guys age to meet

soulmate according to zodiac sign, it was 18... His age when we met.

 

I often wonder if he still lived here if we would have been together. He did want to marry me.

I honestly believe that attraction could rekindle, but long distance....nope. Not happening.

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Does anyone know of anyone with situation similar to mine and managed to get back together? I really need the encouragement.

 

I'd call my ex-bf "Rabbit". He was actually my affair bf for 1 year 7 months. I was suffering from a sexless marriage and then out of depression and desperation I had a one night stand and then fell in love with the one night stand. However the one night stand had a gf. I confided to Rabbit (he at that time was my colleague, 26yrs old, while I was 34yrs old) and then ended up getting super drunk and having sex with him twice before he started to fall in love with me. He confessed his love for me and broke up with his gf of 6yrs who mistreated him and often threatened to break up with him.

 

We started our relationship in Oct 2015.

 

He knew what he was getting into (even though it was probably against his own principles, he still loved me a lot), and so did I, though I did feel guilty towards my clueless husband. But Rabbit and I were really deeply in love with each other. We treated each other very well and he put in almost 100% into our relationship. He promised to wait for me to divorce in 2017, while I promised to hold his hand officially by end of 2017. We had many happy and loving and passionate memories together and went overseas trips together several times.

 

He would often tell me that he wanted to marry me, have kids with me and have a home with me.

 

But often times he would remind me to divorce, which stressed me out, thus I sometimes would ask him not to remind me. But he had no one to confide to since it was an affair and said that I was the only person he could talk to thus he would remind me to divorce. I often felt guilty towards him for letting him wait for me and towards my husband for betraying him. At the same time I was having depression, anxiety and OCD (since 2014). But Rabbit was very supportive, caring and doting towards me. We also super compatible in terms of making love.

 

Sometimes I would worry about our 8yrs age gap (me being the older one) and me being a divorcee in future but he would always assure me that those did not matter to him at all.

He always thought that I loved the new house I owned with my husband and it impacted him quite a lot when I moved into it with my husband (But I had no choice).

 

Several months later, in March 2017 I was about to initiate the divorce to my husband but I felt so stressed out that I had panic attack and wanted to commit suicide. I got admitted into psychiatric ward for few days. This affected Rabbit a lot. He thought I was never going to leave my husband, because during that period my mind was so messed up that I gave him a lot of insecurities and uncertainties, telling him things like I might leave him or my husband or leave both etc, and I asked him many many repeated questions due to my OCD. I would even say nonsense like I did not want my partner to earn too much lesser than me (but I have never minded him earning lesser than me), and that family statuses (financial) that match each other would be good (he misunderstood that I felt our families did not match - He misunderstood that I thought his family was poor), but the most important thing was the partner that would sleep beside you.

 

He was not able to tell me how he felt because he was worried that it would stress me out again.

From mid May onwards I noticed him spending less attention and time on me, I started to have arguments with him. End of May I argued with him again and out of anger I mentioned breaking up but he refused. But in the end he told me "Let's be friends", he said he loved me a lot but had been unhappy every night thinking of me going back home to my husband and he felt that I would never leave my husband, and he felt very scared and stressed about it. So he left me.

 

I found out a while later that a new girl (his age) at his workplace was courting him and he actually got together with this new girl on the day we broke up! In other words, he kind of left me for her too. They have been in a serious relationship (for more than 6 months now) and he even has plans to marry her since few months ago. They seem to be very happy together. The girl often stays over at his place, and his parents like her. And they work at the same place too...Rabbit is in fact his supervisor.

 

After the breakup, I did limited contact with Rabbit for 3 weeks, but later we still text each other and meet each other from time to time. I also told him that I had left my husband and had applied for annulment of our marriage but it did not change Rabbit's mind at all. His heart is already with his current gf.

 

He dreamt of having sex with me and asked me out for sex twice in Sept and we did...But later I told him we should stop this since he wanted to be with his gf and I did not want him to feel bad about it and we shd respect each other. He agreed, though for a couple of times he did have the urge to have sex with me or sex text me while he DIY...and same for me...Recently I did say we could have sex again but he rejected me politely...

 

Recently he is drifting further and further away from me....and does not even "like" any of my FB posts anymore like he used to. Lesser contact from him, slower replies, shorter words, unanswered questions, and making it more difficult for me to meet him. He always knows that I still wish to get back with him, I asked him to promise me a few times - to come back to me if he ever leaves his current gf. He did promise but said that there's likely no chance for him to leave her because he loves her a lot, she treats him very well and his parents like her. He told me that he does not love me anymore and is slowly letting go of his feelings for me. He told me that I am like his sister/good friend now, which I feel is not true because I am like the last of his priorities now. He does not even bother to make a bit of time to meet me when I asked to meet.

 

I am still trying to maintain contact with him as a normal friend...hoping for us to get back together some day..

 

Does anyone know of anyone with situation similar to mine and managed to get back together? I really need the encouragement!!! I am so miserable...

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First thing you should do is just stop being in his life because you are only hurting yourself. Also, I know it hurts but you need to move on and stop with the "some day" talk. If it is meant to happen it will. You have put yourself in a situation to be used by him for only sex. sorry if I sound harsh but it's true. Respect yourself and stop. Please.

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I often wonder if he still lived here if we would have been together. He did want to marry me.

I honestly believe that attraction could rekindle, but long distance....nope. Not happening.

 

Depends on how long the distance is and how flexible one might be. I would move for my ex right away. For a childless online entrepeneur I would be a lot easier... Not that it matters because she probably doesn't want me back anyway haha.

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Got two new ones for you today

 

One of my friends has reconnected with his ex. This will be the third tine they have gotten back together. They where apart for around ten months. They where fwb for a while, my friend also had a 2 month rebound. He was the dumper.

 

Second one i have far less details. Just that one of my brotbers friends is trying to work it out with his ex. They have been apart for also around 10 months. He was a wreck through it all. Just gotta let life play out.

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Does anyone know of anyone with situation similar to mine and managed to get back together? I really need the encouragement.

 

I'd call my ex-bf "Rabbit". He was actually my affair bf for 1 year 7 months. I was suffering from a sexless marriage and then out of depression and desperation I had a one night stand and then fell in love with the one night stand. However the one night stand had a gf. I confided to Rabbit (he at that time was my colleague, 26yrs old, while I was 34yrs old) and then ended up getting super drunk and having sex with him twice before he started to fall in love with me. He confessed his love for me and broke up with his gf of 6yrs who mistreated him and often threatened to break up with him.

 

We started our relationship in Oct 2015.

 

He knew what he was getting into (even though it was probably against his own principles, he still loved me a lot), and so did I, though I did feel guilty towards my clueless husband. But Rabbit and I were really deeply in love with each other. We treated each other very well and he put in almost 100% into our relationship. He promised to wait for me to divorce in 2017, while I promised to hold his hand officially by end of 2017. We had many happy and loving and passionate memories together and went overseas trips together several times.

 

He would often tell me that he wanted to marry me, have kids with me and have a home with me.

 

But often times he would remind me to divorce, which stressed me out, thus I sometimes would ask him not to remind me. But he had no one to confide to since it was an affair and said that I was the only person he could talk to thus he would remind me to divorce. I often felt guilty towards him for letting him wait for me and towards my husband for betraying him. At the same time I was having depression, anxiety and OCD (since 2014). But Rabbit was very supportive, caring and doting towards me. We also super compatible in terms of making love.

 

Sometimes I would worry about our 8yrs age gap (me being the older one) and me being a divorcee in future but he would always assure me that those did not matter to him at all.

He always thought that I loved the new house I owned with my husband and it impacted him quite a lot when I moved into it with my husband (But I had no choice).

 

Several months later, in March 2017 I was about to initiate the divorce to my husband but I felt so stressed out that I had panic attack and wanted to commit suicide. I got admitted into psychiatric ward for few days. This affected Rabbit a lot. He thought I was never going to leave my husband, because during that period my mind was so messed up that I gave him a lot of insecurities and uncertainties, telling him things like I might leave him or my husband or leave both etc, and I asked him many many repeated questions due to my OCD. I would even say nonsense like I did not want my partner to earn too much lesser than me (but I have never minded him earning lesser than me), and that family statuses (financial) that match each other would be good (he misunderstood that I felt our families did not match - He misunderstood that I thought his family was poor), but the most important thing was the partner that would sleep beside you.

 

He was not able to tell me how he felt because he was worried that it would stress me out again.

From mid May onwards I noticed him spending less attention and time on me, I started to have arguments with him. End of May I argued with him again and out of anger I mentioned breaking up but he refused. But in the end he told me "Let's be friends", he said he loved me a lot but had been unhappy every night thinking of me going back home to my husband and he felt that I would never leave my husband, and he felt very scared and stressed about it. So he left me.

 

I found out a while later that a new girl (his age) at his workplace was courting him and he actually got together with this new girl on the day we broke up! In other words, he kind of left me for her too. They have been in a serious relationship (for more than 6 months now) and he even has plans to marry her since few months ago. They seem to be very happy together. The girl often stays over at his place, and his parents like her. And they work at the same place too...Rabbit is in fact his supervisor.

 

After the breakup, I did limited contact with Rabbit for 3 weeks, but later we still text each other and meet each other from time to time. I also told him that I had left my husband and had applied for annulment of our marriage but it did not change Rabbit's mind at all. His heart is already with his current gf.

 

He dreamt of having sex with me and asked me out for sex twice in Sept and we did...But later I told him we should stop this since he wanted to be with his gf and I did not want him to feel bad about it and we shd respect each other. He agreed, though for a couple of times he did have the urge to have sex with me or sex text me while he DIY...and same for me...Recently I did say we could have sex again but he rejected me politely...

 

Recently he is drifting further and further away from me....and does not even "like" any of my FB posts anymore like he used to. Lesser contact from him, slower replies, shorter words, unanswered questions, and making it more difficult for me to meet him. He always knows that I still wish to get back with him, I asked him to promise me a few times - to come back to me if he ever leaves his current gf. He did promise but said that there's likely no chance for him to leave her because he loves her a lot, she treats him very well and his parents like her. He told me that he does not love me anymore and is slowly letting go of his feelings for me. He told me that I am like his sister/good friend now, which I feel is not true because I am like the last of his priorities now. He does not even bother to make a bit of time to meet me when I asked to meet.

 

I am still trying to maintain contact with him as a normal friend...hoping for us to get back together some day..

 

Does anyone know of anyone with situation similar to mine and managed to get back together? I really need the encouragement!!! I am so miserable...

 

The bolded sentence answers all of your questions....

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  • 4 weeks later...
Got two new ones for you today

 

One of my friends has reconnected with his ex. This will be the third tine they have gotten back together. They where apart for around ten months. They where fwb for a while, my friend also had a 2 month rebound. He was the dumper.

 

Second one i have far less details. Just that one of my brotbers friends is trying to work it out with his ex. They have been apart for also around 10 months. He was a wreck through it all. Just gotta let life play out.

Grrr... Thanks buddy! lol

 

My fault really though for reading this bloody thread! :)

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I will say this though: We don't see many stories of people saying "My ex came back to me", but I do see quite a lot of stories that say "My partner left me and went back to THEIR ex"....

 

So I guess it does happen*

 

Carus*

 

Good point! As someone who has taken an exe's back, it's been after both of us were with someone else.

Maybe that's the key? Date others , break up, and return for round two? :tongue:

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Haha, Sweets never fails to put a smile on my face! ;P

 

Silly! Too bad you're sooooooo far away, I'd have you laughing every day, your cheeks

would hurt from smiling so much! I'd take you out, be your wing girl, shove you under

a chick to heal your broken heart(ya so it's a temporary fix, but hey, you'd be thanking meeeee) !!!!! :tongue:

 

Would you believe I've introduced three couples, who all ended up marrying the person I set them up with?

Why I can't pick better for myself, I'll never understand, lmaooooooo :nightmare:

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This is my first post ever on a forum and I actually read through all 227 pages and it has given me an amazing insight on how I should handle breakups, relationships, and life in general so I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has posted on this thread. I remember lurking around here a couple weeks ago and it has been three months since me and ex gf have broken up (would do a whole story but would feel like this specific thread isn't for it but will share one day). Used to feel devastated the first month wishing for everything to be just some bad dream but once I came across this website and grabbed a hold of my life and "moved on" properly, I feel like a way better person than I was during that terrible first month. Unfortunately I don't have any reconciliations to share because I don't know any personally but I PROMISE I'll come back here if I do end up with my ex or not. Thank you again all for helping me and everyone else that has read this thread. I am eternally grateful :)

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I appreciated this thread. Most people that were getting mad at posting only positives are mostly seasoned dating masters and they've experienced their fair share of breakups :D Us newbies don't really get false hope, just comfort that maybe someday it will rekindle, and while hope is a destroyer, faith that if it's meant to be, it will, actually helps to heal. I am struggling accepting a breakup but after spending more time on this forum I think I am closer to acceptance. Don't get me wrong, I'm not quitting yet, but I feel as if I am no longer "oh-my-gosh-there-is-no-other-option-than-getting-back-together" and I know I'll be able to move on someday, and maybe one day we will enter each other's lives again. This thread was helpful, honestly, and didn't give me false hope at all!

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I've read through half of this thread and couldn't resist to write my question now... so I am sorry if the answer is somewhere between the page 100 and the last page - I would be very gratefull if someone could post his/hers experience or give me a clue on how to think.

I also wanted to say that I haven't seen that much people that reconcile simply because everyone around me is somehow making things work. There is rarely a couple that breaks up. Those who broke up and didn't reconcile a final time (mostly girls in my experience) gave up after they fought hard for the relationship. In my case almost every guy that broke up with me came back and in all situations it was when I started getting to know someone new. By then I lost all my interest for the person. Back then I didn't really work on myself I just worked a lot or talked it out with my best friends.

AND here is something that I wanted to tell to guys who broke up and now are trying to win their girl back. Also I wanted to say that of course this isn't the rule for every girl but that is something that I saw a lot. Here it is: When YOU leave a girl/woman and she begs or cuts you off, it really doesn't matter, almost all of the people she is talking with about the failed RS and you are telling her to move on and are rooting against you because you broke it off. The whole internet is packed with information that tells that when a guy leaves that he has lost interest etc. and that is something that punches a girls heart quite hard. So a lot of us give up at that point and do all they can to move on. And we move on and we become the best version of ourself and then guys get scared and come back and start to beg. I am not judging but I beg you to try to express your emotions and TALK with your girl/woman. You will get so much more out of it. If you are trying to win her back, stop the no contact and give her a clear signal - go and talk and tell her what you have to say and what she needs to hear.

 

What I also wanted to say is that a break up can be a good reset button for all kinds of reasons :) This thread shows a few good examples!

 

My BF broke up with me 2 weeks ago after not talking for a week or two. At first I was sad and shocked but the last two days I started to accept it. BUT I still want him back. Things have been quite confusing the last year and I wanted to break up a lot of times but I never told him. I started to work on myself but he didn't and then the break up happened. I think that he loved me as much as I did love him but maybe all the arguing discouraged him... he wasn't ready to work on himelf and that is something I didn't want to force him to do.

He was in a very long RS before he met me. We have been together for 3 years and he was with her almost 5 years and I got the vibe that he never really wasn't over her. I was so jelous in our relationship that I would go nuts when I was alone. He was her first and that is something he valued and I was with two men before him and it made me feel unworthy and unspecial a lot of the time. Also he begged her when she broke up with him. He made a fool out of himself for months... and here I am after more then 3 years with him feeling like a rebound. He is not even bothering to contact me (but I don't want to contact him first since he broke it off.) Was I a rebound? Should I stop myself from hoping that we can get back together?

Everybody is writing stuff about going back together after YEARS of not seeing each other and dating other people. I am so scared that I am the girl inbetween. I really love him and after all the problems and the break up and the whole accepting of the break up I still think that he is the one for me.

 

Does anybody have some experiences like me? Did you get back together, did they get back together?

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I remebered a very good one.... a good friend of mine met this wonderfull woman in America after two years they engaged and they married. She moved to Europe for him. After a few months she went back and wanted a divorce. They fought a lot and didn't seem to get well along. After one and a half years appart she came back and now they are expecting twins. They love eachother and I think that with time they will get along better and better. They are a lovely couple :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've got one too.

 

One of my sister's friends dated her boyfriend for a little over 4 years. I don't have the details as to why they broke up, but they did. They tried to remain friends, but after 2 months they both agreed that that would just complicate things. They went into NC and started dating other people. All together, they were apart for 3 years. I'm still not sure who initiated the contact, but when they finally began talking again - the girl describes - it was like they were meeting each other again for the first time. They have been back together for over a year and are now planning their wedding.

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Me and my ex were together for 4 years. Broke up in April 2017, 5 months later we were back together, but not for long.

She broke up with me because she wanted space, meet new people and she just wanted to understand herself more. We always had ups and downs, many times she wanted to break up with me even though she still liked me but some things weren't working for her, like sexual attraction for me. So in April she couldn't handle it anymore and broke up with me and I accepted, but I was devastated. The next day after that, I got to know that she brought some guy home and had sex, like it was nothing. I was in hell, we didn't talk for 1 week, no contact at all. After that we slowly started talking, and talking and we were now talking everyday like friends we once were before. I even slept in her house (same bed) every week, because she wanted to or because I just asked since I couldn't handle my emotions.

Deep inside I knew since the day she broke up with me, that she eventually would come back, maybe the reasons she said, the way she talked, I don't know but I knew that we would get back. So we just kept talking with eachother everyday, I suffered because I knew she was talking and seeing other people but I was determined and knew that this was the way to get what I wanted, even though I saw everywhere and everyone told me to keep no contact, etc etc.

5 months after and we got back together, we had sex and was wonderful. She in the beggining wanted to be friends with benefits with me and I accepted, because I knew this was the way to get what I wanted, a serious relationship like before. The next day she told me she was testing me with the "friends with benefits" talk, because she really wanted was a serious relationship like me. I was in heaven.

Well long story short, we broke up again for the same reasons, she said the same things, the exact same way and she once again told that she likes me but has impulses that she can't control and doesn't want to cheat on me. The next day I saw that she was talking with a coworker, getting closer to him.

 

Since the beggining of our relationship she always said that my low self-esteem was a problem for her but especially for me. That I accepted everything, was too passive and didn't get angry with her when she was wrong. Now I know that I repeated the same mistakes as the first time we were together, I sacrificed too much for her, lost myself like I can't know who I am or what I like and don't like. This was a problem for her, and for me too but I was blind all the time.

She always had these mood swings, she could be so sad and talking about suicide but weeks later she was euforic, with so much energy and love.

Right now Im devastated but it's different now, I know that I need to get up for me, and not for both like first time.

 

It's not a happy story, can be our not, but I want to show you that everything is possible. Sometimes that doesn't happen the first, second or third time. We have to know what really matters for us and what I like to tell people is, always listen to your intuition.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Like what most people are saying I agree that this thread does not give false hope. It does make me feel better to read these but mainly they have taught me that the only solution is to move on. So back on topic.

 

First story: My dad met my mum whilst he was married, but his marriage was on the rocks, so he then got divorced. He then started to go out with my mum and after a while he broke things off as he was going to work abroad. Whilst he was working abroad he still thought about my mum and after a year he went back to her and they are still together now.

 

Second story: Not an ex exactly but a guy I used to have a crush on started messaging me on Facebook after 5 years, by this point I wasn't interested but I would've given him a chance if he wasn't so creepy in his messages which put me right off.

 

Third story: I was going out with my ex for about 3 months he then started to stop spending time with me. When I confronted him about it he blocked me. I went NC and about a week and he came back. The same problems soon came back and when I asked him to meet up he blocked me again. It has now been 6 months since I was blocked and I am in a really good place I've made new friends, I'm in a job that I love and I've been on a few dates. My ex hasn't come back but I'm now okay with that. I know that I deserve better and these stories have really helped me in my healing process.

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  • 3 weeks later...
My ex-fiancée broke up with me 14 years ago (see my first posts on ENA). 14 years later she contacted me, we are back together and getting married this coming October.

Wow! Well done!

 

Could you elaborate on the contact you had in that time or what happened for a hopeless romantic still hanging on to some sort of hope...?

 

Carus*

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