Getting back together really does happen!

[karpeezy]

Heard a few recently and thought I'd come and share

 

Friends of friends .. dated about a year, and she broke up with him because he was not 'going anywhere' and not even trying. She was motivated and knew what she wanted, he was content in a dead end job, sitting around at home all the time. I think they were NC pretty much the whole time. He really took this time to improve himself and get a better job .. she heard through friends that he had changed, and they began talking again, eventually got back together .. and now they are engaged!

 

A good friend of mine met a guy on POF last October (2012). She kept saying she was cool with it not being a relationship, it was just FWB, whatever .. but she got feelings and he kept making excuses (I might be going back to school, I want to go biking this summer and won't be around, etc). She finally had it and said Good luck with things but I'm not wasting my time anymore (6 months after they met). About 4 months later, he randomly texted her, they started talking ... she played it mad cool and kept her life going and he basically came back begging. They just moved accross the country together, after getting back together in August.

 

My co-worker was telling me last night .. she dated her now hubby for 6 years (around age 18-24ish). He wanted to keep hanging out with the boys, not making commitments, etc. so she broke up with him. Dated someone else for about 2 years, and he broke up with her. She said she was devastated, thought this was the man she was going to marry. Few years later, her and the first guy started talking again, and got married within 6 months and then she was pregnant. They have now been together 14 years and have 2 kids. She admitted that she 'settled' for him because she was lonely and had just found out that the guy who broke her heart had gotten married ... but that in the end, it worked out as she has a great life now and he is a wonderful husband.

[jphcbpa]

met a couple recently who were married, had kids, got divorced, dated other people, had a bad divorce and ended up getting remarried.

[Moe96]

Any stories of highschool sweethears getting back together? I just broke up with mine (we're 17) and i'm not trying to get my hopes up but I like reading these stories.

[TheGreatPotato]

You know, I really don't think that this thread creates false hope, as some people have said. Firstly because I don't think false hope actually exists. The very idea of hope does not indicate any form of certainty, so I don't understand how it could ever be false. More importantly however, reading these stories has, at least for me (although I'm sure many others would say the same), helped me to get through the harder moments. Whenever I feel down about everything, I find myself coming to this thread and reading a few of the stories. It helps me get back on track with my life, cheers me up, and stops me from doing anything stupid (like calling my ex).

[bison67]

I wanna have one of these successful stories one day so badly! But i know me and her arent ready for it yet, been 2 months since the BU and 18 days NC for me and its been hard. There is still hope in my heart it may work out down the road 6 months- 1 year or whatever. Just really hoping that NC doesnt have her forget about me completely and move on! I know its for me to heal and get my head on straight but i would be lying if i said part of me isnt wishing she will contact me ever again!

[jphcbpa]

I wanna have one of these successful stories one day so badly! But i know me and her arent ready for it yet, been 2 months since the BU and 18 days NC for me and its been hard. There is still hope in my heart it may work out down the road 6 months- 1 year or whatever. Just really hoping that NC doesnt have her forget about me completely and move on! I know its for me to heal and get my head on straight but i would be lying if i said part of me isnt wishing she will contact me ever again!

 

NC is for your healing and that is what you need right now. Most recon happen, or so it seems, after you have moved on/accepted/let go/grew and learn. You come to a place of getting yourself back/new you and being happy.

[bison67]

I know that once i get my head back and emotions in check and grow and move on as a person that is the only time it will happen. Once i become indifferent to the outcome.... Funny how that works, just dont know how i let go of the hope of reconciliation, or do i more get used to just letting fate take over?

[mbee]

You know, I really don't think that this thread creates false hope, as some people have said. Firstly because I don't think false hope actually exists. The very idea of hope does not indicate any form of certainty, so I don't understand how it could ever be false. More importantly however, reading these stories has, at least for me (although I'm sure many others would say the same), helped me to get through the harder moments. Whenever I feel down about everything, I find myself coming to this thread and reading a few of the stories. It helps me get back on track with my life, cheers me up, and stops me from doing anything stupid (like calling my ex).

 

I loved reading through this thread. But for a different reason. My ex cheated on me and became abusive during the breakup. Reading through these stories showed me that there's a pattern to people who do get back together and are meant to be together... and that includes a lack of a highly toxic relationship. A relationship could be ready for it's end but once it hits toxic proportions that involve cheating and abuse... it's best to just walk away.

 

I also love the advice of this forum but this thread reminds us that everyone's relationship is different. Some people will get back together and some wont. Some went NC, others went LC, some people moved halfway accross the world, others held on to that person in a friendship and still got back together. Just a reminder that we really can't predict what will happen.

[franceska]

I need advice,

I am currently in a relationship of 2 and a half years, and all of a sudden out of nowhere, my ex bf from 5-6 years ago has contacted me and added me back on FB and told me that he still have feelings for me..

This dug up old memories and I tried to remember why we broke up. We broke up in good terms and that we didnt have any major issues as a couple. Now I am finding faults with my current BF because I am thinking about getting back together with my ex bf.

Though, I am in a different country and so is he. we both ahve great jobs and neither was willing to give this up.

From our discussion, he expects me to make the effort this time since i was the one who decided to end it the first time.

 

is there something wrong with me? lol

[J_Rocc]

Story of my friend - his gf broke up with him because she didn't see how things could work as she has a child and he didn't seem like he wanted to settle. He chased her for a few weeks got nothing but crushed hopes. Went NC for 2 months. She contacted him to get back together! 2 months down the track, he was treating her like a Queen and she took him for granted. Even started talking to other guys. He broke it off, told her he didn't wanna be friends. Now 5 months down the track she contacts him! They are currently on the path to reconciliation.

[Boomshine]

Hey all, wanted to give an update on my situation. About a week after I posted the message I quoted, my lady went and talked to the guy she was seeing. I have NO information on the details of what they talked about, BUT I do know they are no longer sleeping together. As far as I know, they haven't even spoken since that night almost a month ago now. Well, since then, she'd talked to me about how she'd been contemplating hooking up with me again, and sure enough, we became friends with benefits again the day before Valentine's Day. I've finally learned everything I've needed to in order to live a successful and attractive lifestyle, and it's clearly working, because her attraction is back and stronger than it ever was in 2013. She's talking to me almost daily (with her initiating 70-80% of the conversations) and we're seeing each other around once a week.

 

Neither of us are in a position where we'd be okay being in a relationship with ANYBODY though. She's still working on resolving her depressions and GIGS, and I'm currently 30 miles away from her, living with my parents for the time being and without my license for the next 37 days. We still love each other, though neither of us is IN LOVE with the other, and yes there IS a difference which I can gladly explain.

 

But for right now, things are fun, easy, carefree, and just how they should be. We're not exclusive, so I'm continuing to see what's out there and available, and she's focusing on figuring out what her purpose in life is. And we're actually ENJOYING each other's company again as opposed to feeling obligated to spend time together. Reconciliation is definitely possible in almost every situation. The key factor is how much the involved parties WANT to change and be better.

 

And personally, I'm ALWAYS trying to better myself to become the best I possibly can be.

[sharky988]

Friends with benefits -- just like last time!

 

In other words, if you're willing to settle for scraps, your ex is fine with using you as a Plan B every time she's between REAL boyfriends.

[pettypink]

Reading these stories always makes me a little happier even if I've kinda moved on. I have one possible one that I thought would NEVERRR happen.

 

My friend's roommate was with his girlfriend for maybe...a year? Possibly a bit more and then they broke up in 2011 because she was kind of dramatic and according to everyone, "crazy" (...rude term, but that's what they said). I didn't know her at all, but I knew him and while he did like other girls, he never was in any other relationships during their time apart. Well just two weeks ago they started talking and added each other back on facebook. Not sure if they're together, but it shows that anything can happen haha.

[maysan]

Friends with benefits -- just like last time!

 

In other words, if you're willing to settle for scraps, your ex is fine with using you as a Plan B every time she's between REAL boyfriends.

 

I have read so many of your comments throughout this forum and I feel that at the end of the day, you're just someone who promotes resentment and hatred instead of forgiveness and love. You judge others' without knowing the full story and without any sort of consideration to the dumper. I don't know what happened to you in your life to make you this way; so cynical and full of hate but I pity you in a way. I strongly believe if everyone thought like you, the world would never change for the better. A truly remarkable person is one who learns, unlearns and relearns, that means changing himself, growing and improving. And to do so, that person has to reflect on what he may have done to contribute to his break up instead of building resentment. It takes TWO to make a break up, not one.

 

Unlike you, Boomshine has helped others in the forum by advocating understanding and forgiveness. He is on a healthy path, and may even be on his path to reconciliation. Bear in mind him and his ex have been together for four years, that is a lot of love accumulated, and cannot be easily disregarded, including the love his ex had for him. You don't even know if she has real boyfriends. You don't even know her at all. You don't know her name, what she does and what she's like so you're not in the best position to make such sweeping statements and accusations. If anything, Boomshine is the only person who can make statements like these, NOT YOU.

 

It is through Boomshine's story and advice that I learnt to improve myself and talk to my ex about our problems and what we should improve on. Because of this, BOTH my ex and I are growing and improving ourselves as individuals while we are apart. Isn't it better to just get along and be cordial toward each other? I have also learnt that dumpers do have their hearts broken too when they break up with you. At the start, I only focused on my hurt but my ex reminded me that whatever I was feeling, he was feeling too, and we supported each other through the breakup. Despite what you think, there are sometimes legitimate reasons for being apart from the person you love. While I have no intention of reconciliation in the near future nor do we have any plans to reconcile, we exchange ideas and learn from one another. We remain truly honest about how we felt during the awful times that led to our breakup and that's how we reflect and learn from each other, so that we can become better people and have healthier relationships in future whether it's with each other or not. Advocating NC and hate and pride isn't the best solution most of the time. I have learnt to love and I have learnt that love is more often than not a much better feeling than hate, resentment and doubt.

[sharky988]

This is a public forum and as such, you're welcome to your opinion -- as am I.

[maysan]

But your comments aren't opinions, they are snide and sarcastic remarks that don't even help. It is possible to voice your opinions in a way that actually sounds mature, caring and sensitive. You should reflect and think about this. This is a forum where people help and support each other; people with broken hearts and problems. As such, it is important that posters take note of the way they voice their opinions. How would you like it if you posted something personal and someone shoots it down with a snide remark? I'm sure you wouldn't like it. It's like you jump at every chance you get to mock someone and post something that you think makes you sound wise, but doesn't. The forum is FULL of such comments from you.

[sharky988]

Thanks -- I'll definitely strive to better meet your standards in the future!

[maysan]

Thanks -- I'll definitely strive to better meet your standards in the future!

 

That's great! I'm really glad no hard feelings right? We all learn from each other

[Brotherhood67]

Just my two cents about this even if it doesn't concern me.

Sometimes, hard truth is a good thing in order to process our emotions better.

Not all break-up are done in respectful ways (see my story...) and sometimes, being faced with different opinions about our situations is pretty useful.

 

See, I never talked about my couple's problems with anyone before my break-up because I thought that it was nobody's business and that everything could be solved and explained IN our couple and not AROUND. This was obviously wrong.

 

I think that Sharky's experience is valuable and her opinions evenly so. Hard truth is just that, "hard" to face, "hard" to process and "hard" to get over.

 

One cannot fully understand a situation when one is knee-deep in it. And just like Caesar said : Si vis Pacem, para bellum. Prepare for the worst, this applies to relationship also, alas.

[Boomshine]

Wow, apparently you miss quite a bit when you put someone on ignore. Maysan, thank you so much for the kind words. Reading all that made my day.

 

I think that Sharky's experience is valuable and her opinions evenly so. Hard truth is just that, "hard" to face, "hard" to process and "hard" to get over.

 

BH, that would be great if what was said had any truth to it. Though I've chosen not to post entirely about my goings-on here lately, other than small updates on this thread, that does not mean I'm lacking any understanding in my situation.

 

My lady didn't have and "real boyfriends" in the period where we weren't sleeping together. She had an exclusive FWB (exactly like she and I had been last year), which wound up not working out. She got past the Honeymoon Phase and realized what she was seeing in the beginning wasn't lasting. And I will gladly appreciate anyone's opinions when they are presented so in such a manner; but attempting to deliver them as if they're cold, hard fact, and everything I'm saying can only be absolutely wrong isn't helpful or constructive in the slightest.

 

I no longer have any confusion or drama in my situation. And unlike last time around for us, I'm no longer trying to pull strings and manipulate the situation so that she becomes my girlfriend again. Last time, I had asked for exclusivity before we'd even started anything, I told her I didn't want to be secretive around our friends, and I had even changed my FB status to "In a Relationship," though we were only supposed to be FWB. I was trying to lock her down, and completely disregarding the Golden Rule of Love: "Always love in a manner in which the other person feels free." I was still needy, weak, and insecure. Better than I had been first time around, but they were still prevalent. Now, I've been going to therapy, have a much GREATER grasp on everything, and have even eliminated my anxiety.

 

I know not everyone is going to support my decisions, and that's perfectly fine. But I'm not going to stop what I'm doing because someone with little idea to the particulars of my situation as it currently stands (as MUCH has changed in the past couple months) tries to convince me otherwise. You guys are just going to have to have faith in me. Especially because the whole reason I'm posting here is simply to give faith to others.

 

The whole reason of this thread is to let others know that ANYTHING is possible. That's what I'm trying to help do. But if I'm to be berated for it because of my past behavior and previous posts (you know, when I was much less healthier), well I don't HAVE to post here. I'm not sharing my story to validate myself: Living happily and achieving what I want is vindication enough. I'm posting for the community. And I don't deserve this level of harassment for it.

[professorplum]

I for one have enjoyed reading your posts and appreciate the time you spend explaining your situation and highlighting your viewpoint. I hope you will continue to do so.

[Brotherhood67]

I agree with you on all of this : no one knows your story better than yourself and this forum is not meant, in my opinion, to judge anyone or anything.

 

I was simply implying that all opinions are valid, especially when they are backed-up by experience. One need to consider them for what they are - opinions. Rest of the work is to be done by yourself, of course !

 

You see, I learned so much about my situation when I finally decided to share my story with others. Some had it wrong, some had it right. It was for me to decide with my heart and my knowledge of my relationship. And, to be fair, hard truths were sometimes the ones I was willingly ignoring. So, in this grand scheme of life, I value all of them ;-)

[sharky988]

The whole reason of this thread is to let others know that ANYTHING is possible. That's what I'm trying to help do. But if I'm to be berated for it because of my past behavior and previous posts (you know, when I was much less healthier), well I don't HAVE to post here. I'm not sharing my story to validate myself: Living happily and achieving what I want is vindication enough. I'm posting for the community. And I don't deserve this level of harassment for it.

 

If you choose to settle again for FWB with the woman you love and call that a victory -- that's your business. My point is, don't encourage others who are freshly broken up and vulnerable to settle for so little because "anything is possible."

 

FWB is FWB -- to you, that might be a step toward reconciliation. But I'd do my best to stop anyone from following your example.

[Twidom]

The point of this thread is to let others know that getting back with your ex is possible. Chances are very, very slim, but it happens. However I can't but agree with Sharky. FWB is not getting back with your ex.

 

If you settle for less then congrats. Let's see how you feel when she finds a real guy to settle down. It will happen eventually.

[bison67]

I believe couples get back together more then people say on here. Literally all my friends in relationships now have broken up for months at one point and all got back together. Will it last though is the real question! I believe most will not last and end in happy marriage, but maybe a few will. I guess the key is to not expect it to happen, give it months to work on yourself, then reconnect at some point. A close girlfriend of mine was dumped by her bf (nhl hockey player) when he moved to his city, 2 months went by and they both saw and dated, slept with, other people. Then she sent him a long letter after 2 months NC and they got back togehter, they are doing better then ever now and are engaged! So proud of them.