Getting back together really does happen!

[AE9876]

What a complicated life you lead with all the exes - hope you're having fun.

 

It made me smile as yours seems as complicated as mine! What is it with these men, as soon as we are over them they want to know us!

[t1lersm0m1]

Is this in response to me? LOL yes it is complicated.

 

Dated Guy #1 June - August 2012. Pushed him away because I hated myself and didn't feel I deserved the happiness he was brining me. After pushing him away went INSANE (didn't know I have abandonment issues) begging and pleading and texting. He finally began ignoring me in mid-September. He only texted me in January because I texted him from a different #. In February he said he was seeing someone.

 

The very NEXT day, Guy #2 contacted me on a dating site (link removed). We met the day after that, and dated from February to early June. Broke up because he was fighting with his oldest son and we didnt' speak for four days. I told him I deserved better. We spoke later that day and I said "Are you ready for all of this?" He said "I don't think so." So we broke up and cried.

 

Later that week I texted Guy #1, and it was very innocent. Then he texted me five days later asking if we got flooded (he moved 1.25 hours away, so no longer from my area). I said no. We texted, then I asked if he was happy with his gf. He said he didn't know. A couple days later I said if you're not happy you should give me another shot. We began texting daily. I was still in contact with Guy #2 on friendly terms. I went away on vacation mid-July and was supposed to see Guy #1 when I got back, but instead Guy #2 started wanting to see me again. So I kinda blew off Guy #1.

 

Then early September Guy #2 and I broke up again, this time I fear for good. That's what brought me to this site. Guy #1 and I are texting again (which I'm surprised, because I kept blowing him off in July when I got back from vacation) and are talking about seeing each other. Guy #2 is a better fit for me emotionally, but he is not over his wife (separated) and has horrible sense of self-worth. I tried helping him, but he didn't want to be helped.

 

So I'm going to try Guy #1 again.....our relationship was healthy until I pushed him away. I think he balances me more. My relationship with Guy #2 was not healthy, and he doesn't seem interested in growing emotionally (I'm really hoping this changes for his sake, he is very broken).

 

What a complicated life you lead with all the exes - hope you're having fun.

 

It made me smile as yours seems as complicated as mine! What is it with these men, as soon as we are over them they want to know us!

[AE9876]

Sometimes you have to lose someone to realise what they meant. Or is that really pathetic. I can certainly see that when I was seeing Ex2 I was still playing out issues I had with Ex1. The 12 weeks or so I have been apart from Ex2 have made me see that and allowed me to work on myself. Having spent sometime with Ex1 who I was with for five years, I no for sure it is really over and I need to let him know. I have had some positive contact with Ex2 today after I texted him on some general news item and he is going away for a week but said he would keep in touch when he gets back. This is quite a major turnaround but best not count my chickens just yet.

 

I know for sure I would be a much better person this time round if I got back with Ex2 as I have realised my own part in this by now. I guess you are feeling the same? I hope it works out but I hope the guy #1's new gf is off the scene completely. Play it careful... you don't want to get caught up in some triangle or ping pong game!

 

Best wishes

[t1lersm0m1]

No, I agree, sometimes you do have to lose someone, and it has to be a wake up call. Ex#1 broke up with his gf in July. He said she really wasn't into the relationship, she was really focused on her career and kids (which is good) but had very little time for him. They would go weeks without seeing each other, and he wasn't happy.

 

Your story is similar to mine, only your dating timeline is a lot longer. I have been separated since April 2009 and divorced since October 2010. After my separation/divorce, I dated all users and manipulators (the whole self-hatred thing and not realizing what I deserved). Ex #1 was the FIRST good guy I dated, but like I said, I pushed him away.

 

Ex #2 was a more significant relationship than ex #1 because of the emotional aspect as well as how long it lasted. I really miss Ex #2 and hope to hear from him again. The last he told me, it's over forever. I know that people should never say forever, or never, because those are absolutes and unless you're dead, nothing is never or forever.

 

But, I'm learning to move on. I don't feel the pain I felt, 7 weeks into the break up today. And I learned valuable lessons. There were red flags with Ex #2 that he wasn't over his wife. And he had horrible self-esteem, but apparently I'm co-dependant (this is a new revelation). I'm the daughter of an alcoholic. My Mom has been sober 10+ years, but her drinking in my childhood and teens really affected me more than I ever knew.

 

So, I'm healing and learning the lessons. I learned to love myself last year. This year I discovered the abandonment issue (common in children of alcoholics) and co-dependancy, so I am working on those issues. And I know that no matter who ends up in my life, I will be a better person because of this all.

 

I know that for all of us here, the universe will decide which outcome is best for us. I know each guy I date sets the bar for future men. And if the universe thinks Ex #2 and I should be together, he'll come back. If not, then the universe will bring someone even better into my life, and I'll look back and be thankful things with Ex #2 didn't work.

[AE9876]

Sounds promising for you with ex#1. Yes I have been divorced since 2005 so I am an old hand at the dating scene. POF is one you have to be careful with but being that it's free it will always prove popular though I met my ex#2 there and I think it is fair to say he is still reeling from his issues with his ex even though it has been four years (and the divorce had not gone through but I am inclined to think he was back onto that matter when he dumped me as you know these men they can't multi-task and something has to give if they are dealing with major stuff!).

 

I like your quote about not taking residence in the past. In fact I like all the quotes in your signature. But you need to live by them. Don't stay there. You recognise the issues from your past that are or have affected you which is great. Who says you are co-dependant? You don't have to believe them. Decide you aren't and stick with it. What we tell ourselves or allow other to tell us can define use and that can then influence our decisions. Like the power of suggestion? You could choose to define yourself. How about saying I am not co-dependant and stick with it and live as a non co dependant person would live from this very minute. What is a co dependant anyhow. Sorry about the amateur psychology just my take on things.

 

I do like reading about universal principles and the law of attraction but for a very earthly, grounded approach I also follow the emails and products of Mimi Tanner. Have done since 2006 and I can't thank her enough for the wisdom she has laid out to me over the years. I thoroughly recommend you sign up to her email newsletters. I reckon they would do you the world of good.

 

As for the begging and pleading you mentioned earlier, I think most of us here have been guilty of that at some point. We all go a bit insane when we've been dumped.

 

Look up Mimi you will love her and let me know. xx

[t1lersm0m1]

Here's two paragraphs from WebMD that describe it:

 

"Codependency, by definition, means making the relationship more important to you than you are to yourself," Tessina says. "It's kind of a weird phrase, and it doesn't sound like it means a one-sided relationship. But that's what it is. It means you're trying to make the relationship work with someone else who's not."

 

But other issues in a couple's lives can foster codependence too. One partner may have trouble controlling other impulses or simply not show much interest in the partnership. Then the other partner -- who is the codependent one -- goes all-out to try to "fix" the problem.

 

He says the partner who is codependent can be "the better person, the smarter person, the person who's recognized as having it all together. They're defining themselves as strong enough to deal with it when actually they need to realize that maybe they should be taking care of themselves instead of proving their strength."

 

The bottom line is, I loved Ex #2 (wasn't with ex#1 long enough to really know him and love him), but Ex #2 didn't make me happy. He was always complaining about his wife, and very self-absorbed. I did my best to try and "fix" his problems, his self-esteem, the fact he wasn't over his wife.

 

I lost myself for a while. I'm getting her back. I tell myself in the back of my mind if Ex#2 can find his self-confidence and get over his wife he would be PERFECT for me. We had a great connection. But the fact that I said "If he did this, and if he did that", is wrong. He was either perfect for me as he is, or he wasn't perfect for me. And the things we went through hurt me, and broke my heart, because he wasn't in love with me.

 

No one is perfect. But I think when you preface something with "If he did this, or if he did that, I could be so happy" , then i really wasn't happy, and I deserve happiness now, not the potential for happiness if he HAPPENS to become confident 5 years from now, or gets over his wife 2 years from now.

 

I have read stuff about the Law of Attraction, so I will check out Mimi. Thanks!

[AE9876]

Thank you for that explanation. It is really interesting. I am starting to wonder if I might be the same. I reckon a lot of women are guilty of those traits though regardless if they have had it defined as such.

 

It sounds like you have come a long way in understanding things about yourself and are in a much better place for ex #1. So let him do some of the work - is that it.

 

Like I said, I have had some positive contact with my Ex2 and without getting ahead of myself, I will take note of this and I will take a step back and let him prove himself. The way he broke up with me (via text message then ran away and refused to deal with me face to face) I have put down to his not being in his right mind due to immense personal, family challenges that are going on but whilst I can bear that in mind I shouldn't make excuses for him and gloss over it all and pretend it is okay to treat me badly because I can cope and he can't. OMG what a revelation.

 

Thank you.

xx

[bobowe]

Please see my thread I have posted on this thread before, things looked up for a bit, then all went south... Has anyone gone through something similar as me, and have they managed to pul things back together? Would love to hera at least one positive story of similar situation...

[BeYourself]

If you haven't read this by boomshine then I suggest you do, if you're currently dealing with a breakup (read all the comments)

/forum/showthread.php?t=440115

 

Some getting back together stories for you:

1.) My friend I work with he just told me this about his relationship now after I told him what's going on in my breakup. Anyways, he dated his gf for a few years, she one day wanted to leave the relationship and she moved to GA from FL. She told him this (as my gf told me, and other girls who broke up with their bfs told me, early 20s for the age of these women) so she wanted to "find herself" she didn't know what she wanted in life, and wanted to concentrate of school, work, etc. read this whol thread and you'll understand even more why girls do if there was no cheating. Well, she moved to GA got engaged for 9 months. He didn't contact for months but still heard about her from his friends back home in GA. She eventually broke up with that guy and got back in contact with my friend. She moved back they got married and the rest is history. He forgave her and he grew as a man as well, working on himself. Even thou he told me it was living hell for 9 months, but he kept living and bettering himself. I'm glad to have heard that story and him giving me advice to help with my pain.

 

*also spent 3 days reading this entire thread! Amazingly it has helped me so much as well as the boomshine thread.

 

2.) My Aunt told me her story once I talked to her about my situation. Her and her husband now were dating for years, they broke up for 3 months... Got back together and have 2 great kids and loving life to the fullest.

 

3.) My sister as well broke up with her bf and got back together a few weeks later. She has been married since 2009 and 2 kids. Who I love more than anything. Family is everything people!

 

I want to start a family too with my ex if she comes back, but if not I will eventually someday. Our breakup was the best thing that has happened for us. Taught me so much and most importantly it was a WAKE UP CALL! she's already seen how much I've matured, I'm still doing no contact, only time will tell. But, I'm not going to wait around, got to keep on keeping on wih myself!

 

4.) Last one for now.. My father told me his story after he saw me pretty down and sad about the break up. Him and my mom were engaged. She got mad at his and threw the ring at him. He took the ring and left. No contact and he thought to himself if she's going to treat me like this it's not worth it. Of course she came back and realized everything. Got married and had 3 kids including me

 

 

But if you're reading this post and haven't gone and read all of this thread I suggest you do. You'll learn a lot and if you want something bad enough don't give up on it. (Your ex) but No Contact is must not only for them but for yourself to learn and better yourself. I can explain more but as I said go read this:

 

/forum/showthread.php?t=440115

 

It will clear up a lot of your thoughts and give you clarity.

 

P.S. I'm not going to re-read what I wrote or fix errors (using iPhone) so sorry about any mistakes lol

 

Best of luck to you and at the end of the day. You're the only one that matters still. Be smart and learn from your mistakes and past. The future and right now are a blessing.

 

Keep your chin up and hopes going. Anything can happen!!

[BeYourself]

It's me again. I just posted that last message. But anyways tonight my ex and her mom texted me. I've been doing no contact for a month and 1 week, but every 2 weeks my ex texted me about a girl we were friends with that she thought I was getting with. I assured her I wasn't in those contacts but now I can say she knows 100% about that situation.

Anyways tonight she texted me and asked about going for a walk we live in the same neighborhood. Quick summary we dated for 4 1/2 years and she broke up with me. So we went on a walk and it went pretty good. She really misses me a lot and I told her a lot of things what's been up with me. She can see the changes and I can sense she wants to maybe get back with me but she still needs her time as she said. She was seeing a guy but she kind of likes him but still only friends. She said he doesn't want a relationship and doesn't believe u should be with 1 person. She hates that and I'm glad she can see how other guys are. All in all the walk went good we had great conversations about everything. I just need to give her more time and I believe she will come around eventually but still too soon for her to really start anything with me and if we did I assured her to take it slow and don't want to jump into anything. I can sense and see how sad she was and still misses me so much. I can ramble on and on cause I'm excited but have to keep it real and sill work on myself cause in the end that's all that matters. She's said who is this new person to me, I can sense she wants to see more of me. It's a better possibility that we will get back together down the line that she has seen how much I've matured and living my life. She even asked if I was seeing anyone and so forth. She started to make fun about some of the girls I've talked too or have given me their number. Cause she's worries she might lose me for good.

 

Anyways still a work in progress and I'm not tying to think so much about it, just goes to show that being a big part of someone's life they will eventually contact you. She was hesitant on going on a walk and texting me but she was feeling extremely sad tonight.

 

I'm back to no contact and I know this is a great way for myself to grow as a person. I'll keep ENA updated down the line.

 

Also a song I heard today that I've been listening to a lot now is by Paramore and called Ankle Biters. Check it out great up beat tune with a good message about concentrating on yourself cause you're the only one that matters.

 

Stay strong my friends!! This thread has shown me a new light and kept me moving forward with my life.

[Xanda]

Well I just asked my gf if she wanted to try things again last night and she said yes...we broke up 6 months ago..went through NC Fwb then NC...she came back to me..and was the one to reach out to me..things have been good for a month so she has been asking lately about trying again..i was a little nervous but i decided last night that i would give it a try...

 

ps: she was the one that broke up with me...

 

if you have any questions..you can ask me here or through PM..i will be willing to answer anything if you want ....( for everyone)

 

I would love to ask you some questions!! Tho i have no idea how to PM you??

Help haha

[Boomshine]

I would love to ask you some questions!! Tho i have no idea how to PM you??

Help haha

 

You can only PM after you've made 5 posts, I believe. Also, you're quoting a post from over a year ago. Chances are, he won't see it.

[Teri008]

I don't know. Most people I've known got their heartbroken and moved on. Least in my experience. Most stories like these I guess fall under true love from both parties. Lots of times in relationships 1 party cares more than the other thus a break up. I've known alot of people that won't dare give love another chance because their hearts were wrong once. It's good to hear stories like these and beautiful actually..but can be dangerous to folks that jus need to suck it up and move forward to better their lives.

[Xanda]

Ok, so one post more, and i can PM I would like any advice, dealing with a break up right now

[Xanda]

I agree....moving on is the best thing to do right now... if it's meant to be it will be..

[Boomshine]

I agree....moving on is the best thing to do right now... if it's meant to be it will be..

 

I would be MORE than glad to help you out! Send me a PM, and I'll get you on the right path toward coping with your breakup and reclaiming your life for yourself once again.

 

Seems I can't PM you yet though. The magic number may be 10 posts. Sorry for my misinformation earlier! Go post around a bit, and when you can, PM me right away. I'll give you my email and help you in any way I possibly can.

[Xanda]

Ok, great will do!!

[Xanda]

If you wanna read my situation its called: Any advice and thoughts please..

[milkystars]

I have a few getting back together stories!

 

1: My grandparents met when they were 15 and fell in love immediately. Apparently, my grandmother was a bit of a social butterfly and at 19, after a 6 month engagement, she left my granddad for an older, richer man! They had a fling for 4 months where my grandmother was also engaged to him, and at the time, she said she thought she was having the time of her life and genuinely thought she was in love. Weeks before the wedding, my grandmother said she woke up one morning and thought: "What am I doing?". She spent that day packing up her things and she arrived on my granddad's doorstep with a plead for him to take her back. The rest is history. They were married for 72 years until my granddads death 8 years ago. They shared over half a century of amazing years together, had 6 children and 19 grandchildren!

 

2: My uncle started dating his now-wife when they were 20. They had 2 children together when it came to fruition that he'd been seeing another woman. Instead of fighting for his girlfriend and mother of his children, he chose the other woman. My aunt was distraught and she did not adhere to any rules: she called him almost everyday bad-mouthing his new girlfriend and crying for him back. She refused any contact between her ex and their children, and all-rounded ended up exerting behavior that would most likely push him away. I'm not sure how long they were separated exactly (around 8 months, I think) when she stopped. She dated other men and grew to accept her ex's choice. He came to his senses and turned up on Christmas Eve 5 years ago with an engagement ring. They've been married for 4 years and are currently expecting a baby boy!

 

3: My manager at work had a relationship with his partner when they were younger. They split amicably and mutually after his ex-ex accepted a university place halfway accross the country, and they both agreed that a LDR would not work for them. They remained friends but the time apart was mostly NC due to circumstance, not choice. After a 3 year degree, and a number of serious relationships in between, they bumped into eachother at a pub in the summer. My manager was, at the time, living with his then-boyfriend, but he said as soon as he saw his ex-ex, the feelings all came rushing back. They spent the rest of the week catching up before my manager moved out with his then-boyfriend and started up a new relationship with his ex-ex! They are incredibly in love and very, very happy

[LaRock]

My Best Friend Was With His Girlfriend For Three years, They Broke Up For 9 Months, Got Back Together After Dating Around, They Were Together Almost Two Years Then ended Again But Recently They Slept Together And She cheated On Her Boyfriend With Her Ex.

 

My Other Best Friend Dated His Girlfriend For About Six Months, They Broke Up For A Year And A Half And Have Been Together Three Years, They'll Probably Get Married

 

keep Your Head Up, Good Things Will Come To You.

[Wacky]

My Story

 

>My gf and I have been together for 7yrs and 6 months(45 days together then 1 yr in long distance.. most of the time) and suddenly break up because of my insecurities. Right after our break up she commit a relationship to the another guy for just 1 week(I don't know the reason why they broke up and I'm not interested to know). After there break up she started LC with me and of course i replied to all her text and msgs(FB).. By that time my heart want Her back but in my mind I'm not ready yet(because I want to change a little bit of my attitude i want to be in control of the situation and i want to be new on her eyes) and i waited enough time(2 months ) to make sure im ready and accept her apology and to accept her again and we are still in long distance and we haven't meet yet for 2yrs and 6 months because of our work. We are trying to work things out even in long distance(We are back together for almost a month now). Communications, kindness, honesty, faithfulness, and patience are the keys for both of us right now and still working. And I'm looking forward to our big meet up(10 months from now) and proposed again.

 

NOTE: In my situation guys, I always expect for worst..

 

Sorry for my bad English...

[Ladybug2502]

Hi all,

 

I was on ENA a few years ago after a break-up that devastated me (however, I cannot remember my username, for the life of me!). Since then, that same guy and I have been through some pretty crazy things -- no cheating or anything, but he developed depression and it affected our relationship pretty badly. I stuck by his side as best as I could, despite him leaving a few times, and lived my life as I knew best. After much talking and communicating that wasn't present previously, and after he acknowledged his depression and made a promise to himself to get better, we are now more solid than ever and really enjoying our time together! We've been "back together" for about a year and a half now. It took work, it TAKES work, but we are both very happy and discussing our future together,

[milkystars]

ANother story!

 

One of my close friend's parents are slowly starting to reconcile after 12 years apart! My friend's dad left when she was 6 after arguments in the family home, and her parents have dated, been engaged, and her father even married and divorced in this time. They've slowly found a way back to eachother after years of distress and hate towards eachother.

[MMT]

I am really glad for you...Thank you for sharing your story and brst wishes

 

Hi all,

 

I was on ENA a few years ago after a break-up that devastated me (however, I cannot remember my username, for the life of me!). Since then, that same guy and I have been through some pretty crazy things -- no cheating or anything, but he developed depression and it affected our relationship pretty badly. I stuck by his side as best as I could, despite him leaving a few times, and lived my life as I knew best. After much talking and communicating that wasn't present previously, and after he acknowledged his depression and made a promise to himself to get better, we are now more solid than ever and really enjoying our time together! We've been "back together" for about a year and a half now. It took work, it TAKES work, but we are both very happy and discussing our future together,

[Ladybug2502]

You're very sweet, and thank you! We actually got engaged this weekend, so I am pretty happy about how everything turned out!

 

I am really glad for you...Thank you for sharing your story and brst wishes