AE9876

If it is not about winning her back then the best thing is to stick with no contact especially if the alternative is letting her know on impulse and whim all the intense thoughts you are having ranging from undying love, missing her, anger at this or that. Best just to get those crazy thoughts out there in the ether in a safe anonymous environment. If you are like most of us who have gone down this road, when you read them back some time from now you will be quite alarmed at yourself. If it truly is about healing then the dignity you will salvage by no contact will serve you well in that process. Good luck

Breaking NC can be a blow because we often don't get what we want out of our contact and it makes you feel even worse - when you thought you couldn't possibly feel worse. If you are like me, no doubt you were checking your phone all day like crazy. Don't beat yourself up. You haven't done major damage. You only said good morning. Nothing mad or embarrassing from his point of view. He doesn't know what you are doing. He is probably wondering where you went. Ha. Just get straight back into it. It was a small blip and minimal damage.

You are very welcome. Don't ever put yourself down like that. And honestly get yourself on link removed (mainly cos it's free). Don't mention break ups and issues with how awful men are. Just the inevitable flurry to your inbox will do you the world of good I am sure. Grant you they won't all be your cup of tea (far from it) but it only takes one after all. It has done wonders for my esteem I can tell you. x

I know when I was doing no contact if I had sent a message over every random thought I had I would have looked like some crazy person (given that they ranged for undying love to total anger as ever). It is easy to say but believe me your restraint will be worth it. If he gets in touch with you especially AND if he doesn't. You send those messages, you don't get a reply right away. It sends you another kind of crazy. Then you sit on it and sit on it, checking your phone every minute. You regret sending it. You REALLY regret sending Then you lose the plot and send him yet another message to tell him how upset you are that he didn't reply.... OR he replies and it is not what you want to hear. OMG now you have set yourself back. You have to try and extract yourself from this mustering up as much dignity as you can. Pretend you are okay and you go back to day 1 of NC .... do not Pass Go, do not collect £200. You have undone the toughest bit of work you ever did. Stay strong and on track. Best wishes

Don't beat yourself up. You did your best here. NC should really work for you either way as being ever available has worked against you. You are certainly good enough for the RIGHT man. Please be strong and do this. And I know your heart won't be in it but I think you need to get on the dating sites and get yourself out there. It could be just the boost you need right now. Be strong. xxx

Well done. I love a happy 'ending'....though your journey continues. There is a success stories thread somewhere you should post this there. All the best

Thank you for that explanation. It is really interesting. I am starting to wonder if I might be the same. I reckon a lot of women are guilty of those traits though regardless if they have had it defined as such. It sounds like you have come a long way in understanding things about yourself and are in a much better place for ex #1. So let him do some of the work - is that it. Like I said, I have had some positive contact with my Ex2 and without getting ahead of myself, I will take note of this and I will take a step back and let him prove himself. The way he broke up with me (via text message then ran away and refused to deal with me face to face) I have put down to his not being in his right mind due to immense personal, family challenges that are going on but whilst I can bear that in mind I shouldn't make excuses for him and gloss over it all and pretend it is okay to treat me badly because I can cope and he can't. OMG what a revelation. Thank you. xx

Sounds promising for you with ex#1. Yes I have been divorced since 2005 so I am an old hand at the dating scene. POF is one you have to be careful with but being that it's free it will always prove popular though I met my ex#2 there and I think it is fair to say he is still reeling from his issues with his ex even though it has been four years (and the divorce had not gone through but I am inclined to think he was back onto that matter when he dumped me as you know these men they can't multi-task and something has to give if they are dealing with major stuff!). I like your quote about not taking residence in the past. In fact I like all the quotes in your signature. But you need to live by them. Don't stay there. You recognise the issues from your past that are or have affected you which is great. Who says you are co-dependant? You don't have to believe them. Decide you aren't and stick with it. What we tell ourselves or allow other to tell us can define use and that can then influence our decisions. Like the power of suggestion? You could choose to define yourself. How about saying I am not co-dependant and stick with it and live as a non co dependant person would live from this very minute. What is a co dependant anyhow. Sorry about the amateur psychology just my take on things. I do like reading about universal principles and the law of attraction but for a very earthly, grounded approach I also follow the emails and products of Mimi Tanner. Have done since 2006 and I can't thank her enough for the wisdom she has laid out to me over the years. I thoroughly recommend you sign up to her email newsletters. I reckon they would do you the world of good. As for the begging and pleading you mentioned earlier, I think most of us here have been guilty of that at some point. We all go a bit insane when we've been dumped. Look up Mimi you will love her and let me know. xx

Sometimes you have to lose someone to realise what they meant. Or is that really pathetic. I can certainly see that when I was seeing Ex2 I was still playing out issues I had with Ex1. The 12 weeks or so I have been apart from Ex2 have made me see that and allowed me to work on myself. Having spent sometime with Ex1 who I was with for five years, I no for sure it is really over and I need to let him know. I have had some positive contact with Ex2 today after I texted him on some general news item and he is going away for a week but said he would keep in touch when he gets back. This is quite a major turnaround but best not count my chickens just yet. I know for sure I would be a much better person this time round if I got back with Ex2 as I have realised my own part in this by now. I guess you are feeling the same? I hope it works out but I hope the guy #1's new gf is off the scene completely. Play it careful... you don't want to get caught up in some triangle or ping pong game! Best wishes

What a complicated life you lead with all the exes - hope you're having fun. It made me smile as yours seems as complicated as mine! What is it with these men, as soon as we are over them they want to know us!

My ex came back more than once... My ex (LDR) broke up with me after 3 years and (due to already owning great ebook for women by Bob Grant on this subject) I cut contact immediately with a view to doing so for 8 weeks. Just short of that time he got in touch with me and we got back together. 2 years later I broke up with him. And we parted on very bad terms. This was around October and we finally lost contact in early December and I had started dating someone else. 3-4 months later my ex was back in touch wanting to try again. I was seeing someone else but he stayed in touch. I am now not seeing the new person (but would like to be - hence why I came on here.) but my original ex is still pursuing me and I have agreed to see him some more. So not the traditional success story (yet) but proof that: EXES CAN AND DO COME BACK even when you think it is really over And this No Contact thing has stuff going for it. Good Luck! Female, 40s, divorced with kids