Getting back together really does happen!

[Taji]

We are not yet back together but after a year of break up- he left me for another chic-now he wants me back. they fought a lot with new girl and he finally ended it. Now he regrets because I have someone else in my life. He says he learnt the hard way and wishes we could give it another go. I had cried and begged when he left me until I decided to let go. My RS can't be compared to what we had but am not ready to leave new guy because I got traumatized by our break up. So for everyone thinking they don't come back, they do. But long after you have moved on. I don't know how it will go now.At least he knows that good girls don't grow on trees

[jonnygrunter]

I have a couple of stories. A girl that I know split with her boyfriend (of five years) for a year, he got another girlfriend, they got back together,got married and know they have a child.

 

Another one is the same scenario but their baby hasn't popped out yet. I don't think my ex will ever want me back but reconciliation does happen. I think knowing its over is the key, still to meet the one yet but I will thank my ex for dumping me when I do. Me and her were just not meant to be.

[maron]

I feel like when reading these stories if a woman ends a LTR (IMO 1.5 years or longer) she tends to be more definite in her decisions and not give it a second chance. Does anyone feel like women come back less often or are more certain with their decision?

 

do your best to not adhere to stereotypes. the only constant in life is change. if these questions are about your ex, your ex may change her mind or she may not. see all of these reconciliations? the common theme with them is they took the steps to move on with their lives. some kept feelings for their ex but accepted that they will never see/be them again and committed themselves to loving the one they're with, or committed to living their life whatever that meant for them. others sincerely got over the ex and moved on. others still felt angry, but moved on too.

 

keep moving and growing and see where life will take you.

 

here's one from an eNA user AnnaN: . i hope you're doing well, AnnaN!

[Boomshine]

I feel like when reading these stories if a woman ends a LTR (IMO 1.5 years or longer) she tends to be more definite in her decisions and not give it a second chance. Does anyone feel like women come back less often or are more certain with their decision?

 

I would say if it were a LTR, and the woman broke it off, and stood concrete in her decision, it's because the guy didn't see that his behavior had changed over the relationship, and stayed in his same crummy behavior long after the breakup. With no change in his behavior, it shouldn't come as no surprise that her behavior won't change much either.

 

Exes only come back wanting another relationship if you move on. Moving on isn't a guarantee, but it's the only way to get a chance. Begging, pleading, moping, staying hung up on her, etc. only shows her more of the same. More of the same behaviors she witnessed you adapt during the relationship that caused her to fall out of love with you. It's definitely possible to get things to turn around (I'm doing so in the rubble of my 4.5 year relationship fallout) after a LTR. It's just about knowing how to be attractive again.

[Hennie]

I don't have anything to contribute to these stories of getting back together but I didn't want to start a new thread just to say that I want my "wife" and life back. This has been so unreal for me but reading some of the posts here sort of give me hope even though I'm trying to make myself face the real possibility that it truly is over.

[tiger1644]

My ex broke up with me two months ago after a 3 year relationship. I didn't really understand the reason until after 6 weeks of no contact. He replied to an email of mine and said we were headed different directions. The breakup was hard for him but it was the only option. The email ended with "I love you more, I'll never forget you." I don't understand his logic or see how we're going different directions - I asked for clarification and got nothing in response. Perhaps we're just too young (20).

 

I really hope we can get back together like this story. I realize I have to live my life and be open to new experiences and people. I love my ex and I always will - and hopefully we can reunite someday. I miss him

[Iamstruggling]

I love some of the stories on this thread, but at the same time it is gut wrenching as 'hope' is what keeps the pain coming back over and over. Hate and Love cycle that doesn't end til I move on with my life and give up hope. She left me for another man, even if we got back together she betrayed my trust and love how could i ever get back with someone i love but hurt me and turned her back on me once already? I struggle with my conflicting feelings at the moment.

[matti]

I love some of the stories on this thread, but at the same time it is gut wrenching as 'hope' is what keeps the pain coming back over and over. Hate and Love cycle that doesn't end til I move on with my life and give up hope. She left me for another man, even if we got back together she betrayed my trust and love how could i ever get back with someone i love but hurt me and turned her back on me once already? I struggle with my conflicting feelings at the moment.

 

I totally feel for you on this. Even if my ex didn't leave for another (That I know of. We haven't talked in several weeks and I've blocked her as far as all forms on communication are concerned). I feel absolutely and utterly betrayed and abandoned. Even if I wasn't betrayed for another person, I put an extraordinary amount of time, emotion, effort and resources into the relationship for her to just throw it all away and move on as if none of it really mattered in the least. Now I have no choice but to spend an extraordinary amount of energy (as well as all of the above) letting go and moving on. If she were to come back and attempt to reconcile, There's a good chance that I'd have to go through the entire cycle all over again, since history tends to repeat. If it happens once, the odds are that much greater that it can happen again.

 

I suppose that if it comes down to that point, we all would have to take this into consideration, when the time comes to choose whether it's worth the risk or not.

 

I wish everyone the best of luck, when it comes to reconciling or letting go and moving on. I would love to hear that each and every one of us obtained what we had so desperately wished and hoped for. Regardless, we all will obtain genuine happiness via some means or another. Just keep on working on yourselves and don't let anything deter you.

[Phatb618]

I totally feel the same way! My didn't leave me for another man but she did betray and turn her back on an almost 6 year relationship. But I disagree that it will repeat itself. I think that with time and understanding things can work out the 2nd time. We the dumpee, need time to heal and move on from break up and then we need to understand how we contributed to it. Then the dumper needs time to move on from the bad feelings we brought up and led to the break up and then they too also need to understand how they contributed to the break up.

 

Once that happens, if both people have moved on and then work on oneself, then it can work the 2nd time around. Just look at all the "getting back" success stories!

 

What do you guys think?

[Vinny85]

The first time you start a relationship you are also not sure the other person will not hurt or leave you. Ofcourse, if someone does something once, it's more likely for them to do it again than when they have never done so before. However, instead of the question "they left me before, will they do it again?" the more important question should always be: "I took the risk before, would I do it again, looking at the CURRENT situation". What they did before is simply not part of the current situation in my opinion. Your trust at this moment is. Yes, that might be also based on what happened in the past, but also on things that happened after and/or are still happening at this very moment.

[Monkey ai]

Please write getting back together stories only, thanks!

[TOLad]

People break up because something wasn't working at some level. If either of them decides to get back together without anything having changed, it is likely to fail again. The "dumpee" (and/or the dumper) must realize pleading to get back together is a reaction to the rejection, the loss, and as boomshine pointed out... the addiction. (breaking up cold turkey is like trying to break an addiction). I think that people getting back together and the relationship failing again is often due to the fact that nothing had changed. Its hard to put aside those emotions of loss, rejection, etc but look at the break up as a wake up call of sorts, that things aren't working and look for the opportunity to grow. And you have to understand the reason for breaking up in the first place. When you come together as new people, you can start fresh, and the chances are much better for it to work out.

[maysan]

Here is one:

 

My "ex" (I added the quotation marks because we are in a complicated situation now that might go either way) and I broke up after 6 months because of many reasons. It was my first relationship so I was afraid to voice out my displeasure and worries a was not being myself. It put a lot of strain, tension, and friction in our relationship so we ended things. Broke my heart. But we only practically broke up for a day because although I initiated no NC, he still contacted me the next day and we hung out for awhile. Over the next few days he kept coming to see me and we were just like before but happier. He was very conflicted about being with me though because he said I had changed and I became colder (which i did). About a month later, he asked me to be his gf again!

We were so so happy for the next few months. Now we have been together for about a year in total and we have hit a road block again. Not sure if we can make it through this time. I'm hurting so bad I don't know what to do and he is on exchange for 4 and a half months. He is hurting really bad too. I don't know if I should initiate no NC now or wait for him to decide what to do. I have told him my decision but this waiting is really killing me!!!

[mochi8]

My boyfriend of 7.5 years broke up with me due to loss of feelings. This was my longest relationship, so of course I took it pretty hard. I did NC for two months, and after 1.5 months, he started texting me and asking about our dogs (we have two dogs). A few weeks ago, we decided to meet up at a house I just purchased. I didn't beg or cry. We talked and laughed a bit. I could sense he still had feelings. He would kept saying, he will leave now, but he would wonder back into kitchen. He told me he was scared, because he broke my heart. He grabbed my hands, and then hugged and kissed me. He told me he missed me and we were back together.

[Phatb618]

My boyfriend of 7.5 years broke up with me due to loss of feelings. This was my longest relationship, so of course I took it pretty hard. I did NC for two months, and after 1.5 months, he started texting me and asking about our dogs (we have two dogs). A few weeks ago, we decided to meet up at a house I just purchased. I didn't beg or cry. We talked and laughed a bit. I could sense he still had feelings. He would kept saying, he will leave now, but he would wonder back into kitchen. He told me he was scared, because he broke my heart. He grabbed my hands, and then hugged and kissed me. He told me he missed me and we were back together.

 

So in total, how long were you guys broken up Mochi?

[mochi8]

We were broken up for two months. Again I read his body language when we met up. I am still taking it slow and doing my own things.

[jemoeder]

We tried getting back together after 5 months BU. I shouldve seen she wasnt ready for it and only longued for what we had instead of for something better, stronger.

 

Our reconciliation was about 5/6 months. She dumped me again, the issues were not resolved and i was left once again with a broken heart. Talking about being a heavy " one down" .

 

Anyway, we got back together for a while.

[mochi8]

I agree. There is no time frame of how long the NC should be. Both parties need to grow and want to start over. Holding on to the past will only lead to another BU.

[rosasnyder811]

There is nothing wrong with holding out hope, especially if there are good reasons for having it. You never know what can happen tomorrow that will change feelings. Sometimes relationships that seemed the most doomed spring back successfully.

 

Having hope is good, but so is being realistic. I think its good to mix some reality in with the hope. People spend months holding onto hope because they are too afraid to face the reality that their relationship is over. Threads like this are great, no doubt, but I think they sometimes do a disservice, especially to the newbies.

[fentiger]

This forum really helped me back in late 2009... and this thread in particular helped me and gave me hope.

 

I think that 3 years later it's time to give something back to the ENA community after getting so much back when I was hurt.

 

So EVERYBODY who is hurt - LISTEN UP:

 

IT REALLY CAN HAPPEN. I have been back with my 'ex' (feels very weird referring to him as that now) for around 2 and a half years!

 

You may be able to read some of my story - but may not as I know I deleted quite a lot when I was scared that the information was too obviously me!

 

So a bit of a history:

 

January 2006 - Started our relationship

October 2009 - He broke up with me stating that he didn't love me anymore

November 2009 - Told him as I still love him I couldn't be friends and wouldn't be contacting him and would appreciate it if he didn't contact me either. No contact. Broke it in December to wish him a happy birthday. No contact for 2 months.

Feb 2010 - He calls. We talk. He seems very cut up whereas I'm moving on. Back to NC

March 2010: He texts to wish me happy birthday, I ignore him. We're NC most of the time, I think maybe speak to each other once or twice. I am moving on, dating and although I still love him, I am largely over him.

End of April 2010: We speak, I was going to his city for work and we arrange to meet up (but had decided that after this if he still didn't realise what he was missing, I would never speak to him ever again). We kiss, he tells me he wants me back but he also tells me that he had a one night stand back in 2008. He continues to tell me he wants me back and what a mistake he made etc etc. I tell him I need 2 weeks of NC, tell him he needs to think about whether it is what he really wants or if he's just saying it.

May 2010: He texts me during NC to tell me he loves me, I tell him to respect my wishes. NC Finishes - he calls me at midnight (as soon as NC finishes). I don't agree to go back out to him but agree to see him etc.

June - August 2010: He makes every effort to show me how much he loves me, to see me, to get me back. He asks me to go back out with him numerous times and I decline, saying I'm still not ready.

September 2010: We go on holiday together and I agree to go back out with him and we have been together ever since.

 

It has not been a smooth ride! I found it very hard to forgive his infidelity (it will never stop hurting) and I ended up cheating on him (which I regret so much now!) because I was so hurt and thought it might help or would be worth it as it was unlikely our reconciled relationship would last, but we have managed to get over both of our infidelities. It has been really hard work - but if both people want to make it work it can! But both people need to, it cannot be one sided. Our relationship is now very strong. He shows me how much he loves all the time and how committed he is to our relationship. We are even able to survive long distance which sometimes happens for months at a time due to our jobs. We are very much looking to the future and although I was so hurt and wish we hadn't broken up - I believe the break up made me who I am, it made me stronger and more sure about what I wanted in life and taught me to never lose myself.

 

So don't give up hope - but equally don't hope! you'll see from previous posts that I really didn't think it would be possible and as such I worked on myself, did what made myself happy and largely got over him! whilst he was unable to get over me and was filled with regret. But now, I have an even better version of the love of my life back (as he realised what he could have lost), and he has a better version of me, and I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.

[maron]

thanks for coming back to update, fentiger. how refreshingly positive.

 

got another story. a friend of mine dated a guy for four months, then they stopped. didn't talk for 5 months, until someone called the other (i forgot who), and they actually ended up dating for a year. he moved away to pursue a job opportunity and they decided not to stay together. she has a boyfriend now, but doesn't hate and isn't bitter to her ex.

[Minx2012]

Just found out this story tonight from a guy friend :

 

He was married to this woman for around 6 years. Although they had a tumultous relationship, he loved her dearly but she didn't appreciate him. He eventually dumped her last year. In the last year, he started dating around, finding himself, having a good time. He is now in a loving, happy 4-month relationship. Just a few nights ago, his ex called him. She wants him back. She has been crying on the phone, talking about how much she loves him, how horrible her mistake has been and has learned over the past year that he is the most awesome one. He is currently confused.

 

Why do people do this to themselves?

[maron]

Minx2012: i think it's because sometimes, some lessons are learned the hard way. i hope your friend finds happiness and in the spirit of this thread, getting back together can happen in spite of the most unexpected circumstances. if he wants her back it can be done. my uncle and his partner who i do call aunt, got back together 10+ years, 2 children, and intermittent relationships, including his long-term one w/ a different woman, later.

 

on this note, a few users have looked for post-divorce reconciliations. link removed from a unique perspective. i do not like to post off-topic responses without honoring the topic of the thread.

[Angellheart]

Hi everybody..this is my first post here..

 

My ex broke up with me on the first of january..(well..happy new year..T_T)Cuz he didn't love me (enough) anymore.. and that he saw me more as a good friend.. BUT he wanted to remain friends..cuz he still had a bond with me..I said i didnt knew if i could be just friends with him..

but anyway.. i did the NC.. but i didnt unfriend him on FB.. instead of that..i used fb that i was moving on with my life.. but i didnt act to happy or something cuz afterall he knew me.. but oke.. after a week.. he just asked me on fb how i was doing.. i said i was fine.. and then we chatted a bit.. i guess i broke no contact but i just couldnt ignore him..cuz he was always respectfull to me even when he BU..

So..after about 9 days he contacted me again..seeing how i was doing.. and then a week later he talked to me again with a excuse about a intership to start a conversation with me.. i didnt IC.. he was always the one who's initated Contact.. then.. i wrote something on FB.. and he asked.. Troubles girl? then i explaind him what it was about.. so again he contacted me.. and then i wrote something on fb again i wrote..'I really don't want to see or talk to some people anymore..' and he asked.. if what i wrote goes about a friend of mine..or if that is allright again? ( sorry for my bad english..i cant really explain but ill try my best) i replied 3 hours later.. and i just said..yea its about her..(my 'friend') then he just said;oooohh.. then got back to NC

 

But 8 days later i called him.. i thougt we didnt see eachother for a month and few days.. and..yea..i bought a ex back book..and now i know i shouldnt contacted him at all..

but..I asked him if he thought it was fun to drink something together.. but he was at the gym and he would call me later.. so ok..(it was so painfull..cuz i already feels that he gonna say no..

Then a few hours later he called me and said;i dont think its a good idea..you still have feelings for me...

I said i accepted it..and im doing good so..

he: yea but what if u see me again..no i think its not a good idea..maybe in the future

i said; ohh ok..to bad (i shouldnt said to bad!!..)

Than i asked him about some stuff we have from eachother..and he said; we'll see about that..or i can send them..

I said ok..and we chatted a minute.. he read on fb that i was going to the gym..and stuff and we hung up..

 

I felt really devasted..i actually thought he would say yes.. especially cuz he really wanted to remain friends..!

I was really confused..

 

But i dont go on fb anymore..or any social media.. and i really have to work on myself!..

 

The last day i was on fb... i saw a video he posted.. A sad love song! it was from.. Nelly just a dream..

I listend to it.. i just couldnt help myself.. and the lyrics where things like; 'I think about US..think about me..think about where we gonne be..'

'i opened my eyes..it was only just a dream.' 'I wish u come back know one knows..' My love..my life..my baby my wife' and stuff like that

I am so confused!.. when i listened to that it gaves me hope..but also pain.. Cuz i dont want false hope.. but..if i dont have hope..i feel like am falling apart..'

 

Does anyone knows why he listend to such a song... and even post it...

 

im sorry this isnt a get back together story..

 

P.S i do have 1 get back together story from a friend of mine..(he's a guy)

My friend had a relationship with a girl.. for i guess.. 8 months.. but this girl was..needy..insecure and jalouse..

and then he break up with here.. even had some other short relationships in the mean time..

But 1 year later they became friends again.. they where friends for..idk..months... and now there together again for 2 months!

And there happy now

[Ne Moe]

I know of a number of people who split and got back together.

 

One sister was at a point where she had to move to be with her long distance boyfriend. He is military and had to go away for 6 months so she decided to go travelling while he was gone. When she was on her travels she ended it with him. A year later she came home, they met up and in time she moved to be with him and they are married with a child.

 

Another sister was always off and on again with her partner of 10 years. They eventually got married but it didn't work out.

 

My last sister was in a "friends with benefits" type scenario with a guy who didn't want a relationship. Eventually she got fed up and stopped seeing him. After some time he came back and was making an effort to get her to be his girlfriend. She was unsure as she had moved on and he really had to go all out to win her over. He did and they got married soon after.

 

Another friends boyfriend got cold feet after about a year together. They broke up and 6 months later he saw her somewhere and it hit him how much he still loved her. He talked about it at their wedding and they've two kids now too.

 

I think a lot of couples hit that stage where commitment scares them and they pull away. But if the person who ends it still has feelings for you and the person who is dumped goes about their lives without being clingy and needy, I think it can work out.